I like eating Ice Cream, making drawings and writing stuff ocasionally.
When a suspicious interdimensional portal opens up right in the Royal Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia quickly invokes the Elements of Harmony to help her, only to find nothing more and nothing less than a 16 year-old male human with a mysterious technologic device on his wrist , which allows him to transform into a huge variety of powerful, extraterrestrial beings.
But that human is not the only thing that has arrived to Equestria...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting premise. I've seen MLPXBen 10 crossovers before, but those were always Displaced stories, and I don't particularly enjoy those types of stories. In this one, though, it seems you brought the actual Ben to Equestria. I'm definitely interested to see where you take this.
As for as critique goes, Celestia and Luna seem to be uncomfortably out of character with how quick to violence they were and Celestia's contempt for Ben, especially given the fact that he hadn't actually done anything, yet. I'm not sure if that was your intention or not, but if it'd been me, I'd likely have let cooler heads prevail and had Ben and the ponies reach a relatively peaceful conclusion and had Ben willingly change back to human before ending the chapter. Alongside this, Ben also seemed overly aggressive and violent, especially when considering that Twilight was trying to parlay with him.
Something else I noted when going back over the chapter was that Celestia and Luna attacked him following statements by Twilight and the rest of the mane 6 instead of any action on Ben's part. What I mean to say is that instead of attacking him after Ben does something(such as making another threat), Celestia and Luna waited until the conversation switched back to Ben(where he would've presumably told them who he was looking for). To put itin layman's terms, it'd be like asking someone a question and attaking them before they can answer. In that situation, you might attack them AFTER they said something(such as if they threatened you), but you wouldn't do it before. If you need me to clarify anything, just ask. I like where this story could potentially be going and look forward to reading more. =)
8537051
Thanks for the constructive criticism, and I'm glad you liked the first chapter of this story.
About Celestia and Luna being out of character: Don't worry, there's actually a reason behind this attitude coming from them, and it will be explained in later chapters. Let's just say it has something to do with humans.
8537541
I figured there would be some reason Celestia and Luna after like that. The only flaw is that Celestia didn't know Ben was human until after she attacked.
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Indeed. Like I said, there is an explanation for her behaviour, but I don't want to spoil it for you.
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Please upload more chapters for this story as u can I'll be waiting my friend
8537051
Several thing to say to you my friend.
1. I completely agree with you on the "Displaced Character" thing, I mean if I'm looking up crossovers I want the actual characters meeting each other not someone who got turned into the character and is now doing what ever they want with the character's powers but not acting like the character.
2. A similar situation happened to Ben before where he followed through a portal and ended up on an alternate earth (Generator Rex/Ben 10 Heroes United if you were wondering), but Ben acted pretty aggressively due to Ben thinking that Rex opened the portal since Rex was standing right outside it and having similar powers to the enemy Ben was just chasing, and that Rex may have been a threat to his world. So in this situation where we can assume Ben was chasing someone who has a high threat level, and when he emerged on the other side of the portal he saw that whoever he was chasing had disappeared and that the ponies were right there, for all Ben knows they could have helped the person he is after without knowing the danger or they could be willingly working with them. So knowing how Ben is quick to act and how the universe seems to be at stake I can understand why he might be a little stressed out and not being the friendliest of visitors.
3. I agree that Celestia jumped into attack mode a bit early (Luna not so much because the show did show her wanting to get involved in certain events but Celestia stopped her or that she was too busy with other tasks to get involved, ie when the Crystal Empire returned and the Canterlot Wedding), but remember we don't know who Ben was after and we don't know what actually happened when the portal first opened. For all we know whoever "Him" is, he could be manipulating Celestia and Luna, and nobody would know yet.
4. Here is a list of Villains Ben could be referring to when he says "He". Anyone can respond to this part I'm just shooting out ideas as to the identity of the story's villain (unless the villain is someone new that the Author has created fro this story specifically).
So first we can rule out any of Ben's female Villains as it is implied that we are dealing with a male villain, and I think that given Ben's reaction it is safe to say that joke villains are off the list.
Eon: Has the ability to open portals to other worlds/timelines so he could have been involved in creating the portal, but doesn't really have anyway to control the princesses.
Billy Billions: Definitely ha the tech to create the portal, but has zero chance against the princesses or really threatening the universe.
Hex: Definitely has the power and knowledge to pull this off, but he is a good guy working at a collage now so he is more likely to help people then harm them.
Vilgax: I don't think so since it doesn't seem his style (Trying to conquer a world that Ben isn't aware of yes sending Ben to the same world not so much).
Diagon: Dead.
Malware: recently resurrected (end of Omniverse) but has little to no motive going to such a technologically weak world.
Maltruant: Powerful enough yes but is currently stuck in a time loop.
Adwaita: Has the power but no motivation.
Dr. Psychobos: has the tech to get there but not the power to be a major threat.
Zs'Skayr: Seems likely as he has both the magic and knowledge and could be possessing Celestia.
Michael Morningstar: He has the magic knowledge to open a portal, and he has one of the greatest motivations to go to Equestria since he could absorb all of its magic and not only regain his lost powers, but become even stronger.
Albedo: I don't know maybe he is after equestrian DNA so he can Hyper Evolve the forms and overpower Ben.
Honestly I think Eon, Michael, and Zs'Skayr are the most likely cannonades for the villain or some combination of them plus someone else.