The day is almost over and Rainbow dash is on her way back home from hanging out with the Wonderbolts. She comes across an old playground she used to love as a filly and finds a pony all by his lonesome.
This is just a fragment of the story that I am working on. I am uploading this, as it is, to see what the reaction would be like. Once I finish the first chapter, I think it will be a lot longer than this.
One final thing I should mention, this is my first Fim-fic so please go easy, but don't be push overs.
Chapters (1)
No "First post!"
Or "Second!"
927048
Third!
fair cop
Tis actually rather interesting :) But the part where RainbowDash faints or gets hit with the wing and faints could do with a little more description.
But yeah, very interesting and cdn.styleforum.net/3/31/31e871cd_Go_On.jpeg
Thanks. And.....she doesn't get hit by Ash's wing........he uses it to gently close her gaping mouth.....
Just so you know, my editor gets access to this in roughly two days
I hope I get to write this out properly
OK the way to spell (sapphire) is with two P’s not one.
When Fluttershy appears you have her say “ Oh! I'm sorry, I did see you there”
I think you meant.( I didn't see you there.)
then Dash says “ One of my closest friend in Equesteria” (Closest friends in Equesteria) maybe
Also check your alinement some of your sentences are
broken
up. Just like that .
wouldn't it be aquward if he got a wing boner
942677
"Yes. Very much so."
And thanks for the comments, and critique on the fic.