I am Shade Grimm, I used to live under the rule of the royal alicorn family, my twin sister Salina and I, we were average alicorns. We were guards for the sisters Celestia and Luna. We loved our work, but a war began, against Discord, and Alicorns soon began to became scarce. Eventually there was just the two Princesses, their older sisters newborn filly, and Salina and I. We sent them into hiding. Salina and I stayed behind, then discord struck. Now i am in the Everfree Forest planning my revenge against.....Myself......................... well i won't say anymore just read..................
here is the inspiration for this story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muPwUfYWrVM&list=FLsmkrG_f_MYoyORbkZP9TFA&index=1&feature=plpp_video
I didn't write this on my own i had help from my 4 best friends.... enjoy!
Well then. Let's see if I can give you some kind of half-ways decent review.
So....how long exactly was he electrocuted for? First you say 24 seconds, but then longer than a minute. I pretty much understand what you mean (first you're at about 30 seconds, THEN at a minute). Still pretty confusing.
Ponies don't have hands.
Initially, your cutie mark was supposed to change. Yet here you seem to have completely expected to have become something that wasn't a pony. Considering that, this thought process makes little to no sense.
*subconscious
Also, why if you intend to use "adult" language, would you censor it? Honestly, just use fuck or change the word all together. My personal opinion on the matter.
I'm sure there is a better name for a farmer. There just has to be. It doesn't really sound pony-ish.
*portion
When you said the spell had worked, I honestly thought that Scythe had gotten a new cutie mark. That's what the spell does, right? Wrong. The spell didn't work. You didn't get a new cutie mark, you became a werewolf.
I think I'm gonna switch focus here. I'm done with the actual story. Your formatting is sporadic and confusing. Sometimes you've got a whole line in between paragraphs, sometimes you don't. Personally I think there should be a full empty line in between each new paragraph. I write on MS Word, and have to go and format it so it looks like it would (or at least similar) on here, so I can tell if it is easy to read (from a format perspective).
The chapter name looks odd to me. "Chapter One", "The Wolf", or "Chapter One: The Wolf" all look better.
The description doesn't at all match the chapter, outside of the Everfree Forest part. I am not sure if Scythe or any of the characters mentioned are supposed to be alicorns because I don't know who Scythe is in relation to the story. I would like to assume he is the alicorn from the description, but the events that transpired lead me to believe otherwise.
Uh...yeah. That's it. I'm done. Don't quit writing though. The only way to get better is to keep going at it.
-Brian
1310761 i Am sorry for this chapter, i Let my friend (who this character is based off of) write this chapter.... he has a hard time with the concept of pony fiction
..... the next chapter that i have to upload, will explain every thing... me and my friend have discussed getting rid of this chapter altogether..... 
the next chapter u meet Shade Grimm otherwise no..... not here 
now are we clear? any more questions? 
