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oh, wonderful...

luna goes into the everfree, and finds a mysterious pony, but she is not quite what she seems. she is put under the care of twilight, and new mysteries about this strange creature appear. she is definetly not what she seems. as twilight and luna search for clues about this strange creature while keeping it from celestia, they discover some horrifying things.

Chapters (2)

chapter 1: oh, great. · 28th May 2017 · 832 words
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chapter 2: twilight. · 30th May 2017 · 725 words
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Comments ( 2 )

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moviemaster8510

moviemaster8510 #1 · May 30th, 2017 · · · chapter 2: twilight. ·

I'm going to hazard a guess that English isn't your first language?

obake

obake #2 · Jun 1st, 2017 · · · chapter 1: oh, great. ·

This is an intriguing start.

There are some minor spelling errors, such as

Witch meant that it was a better place

should be

Which meant that it was a better place

and

She came apoun a clearing in the forest-well, as clear as a clearing can get in the everfree- and sat down on a large rock in a sliver of sun.

could be something along the lines of

She came upon a clearing (well, as much of a clearing there can be in the Everfree forest) and sat down on a large rock lit by a sliver of sun.

as a few examples.

Overall, you have the setting and details of the story spot on, and you do a great job creating atmosphere and character. All it needs is a bit of clean up, fixing a few errors here and there.