Give me a lever long enough and a place to write, and I'll definitely break something.
One dark night, Dame Trixie Lulamoon finds herself abducted by a mysterious group of ponies. But things don't go as planned, and soon there's more problems to deal with, as Trixie finds herself dealing with what appears to be a reborn version of a pony who once tried to kill her.
But in this tale of miracle foals, old friends, secrets, lies, revenge and betrayal, all is not as it seems.
A Lunaverse fan-fiction.
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Ehhh.... I quickly realized this was a Lunaverse version of Past Sins but how will that work here? I mean Corona has not been removed from Celestia and so far it doesn't even seem Corona is a separate entity like Nightmare Moon was for Luna. Corona is more a Celestia that went mad through all the suffering in the past.
Also I should if I was you rewrite this chapter. Namely the part where kinda repeat yourself.
The joke on their wardrobe and how a certain pony would react to it is funny, but you should never ever repeat the same joke twice. ^^;
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Well, for one, the ones here aren't affiliated with Celestia.
And they weren't trying to recreate / resurrect / empower any alicorns, mad or otherwise.
(And kicking myself for the repetition. Two years and I didn't notice that? Hate repeating myself. I hate repeating myself.)
Hmmmm. Somepony really has it in for Rarity, doesn't she?
Huh... sort of interested to see where this goes now. Have a like!
Ooooooooooh, boy. Time to start screaming, ain't it?
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Not necessarily.
Oh, goody. I'd wondered where and how Cloud Kicker would be injected into the 'verse......
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Cloud Kicker's been there a while (well, since a few chapters into Longest Night, Longest Day).
She works with Raindrops on Ponyville's weather service and is a nervous, frazzled sort.
No evil whatsoever.
Pumping these out pretty fast. Wow.
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... Not really.
I'd just written the first five chapters over the last two-and-a-bit years. I didn't feel confident actually putting the fic up until I'd done that. (Actually writing chapter 5 took pretty much all of 2016. But that's down to a mix of writer's block and real life problems).
After chapter 5, things are probably going to slow down by a lot.
Okay, Anti-thesis or Thesis as she currently called. Well gotta to say that was one character I never thought would make another appearance in the Luna Verse. I just wonder how the cultist could possible know about Antithesis from the beginning. For they actually chose the right ponies namely Twilight and Trixie to even create her.
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Oh. Still a good read.
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You assume they weren't after something else from those two...
So with Midnight, what exactly did she do since she got her job that accumulated to the point that this was the last straw and she got fired? And what was it she did that Luna fired her over, the last straw?
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Some little things, a few big things, not telling Luna about certain things...
Then arranging things so she was Thesis' guardian in a way that would take a few months to undo, and refusing to take it back.
Luna is a temperamental sort, even when there's not a dozen and one problems to deal with, and having one of her employees do something like that a few months after she told the entire Night Court not to misbehave (which for an immortal is basically like telling someone to behave, only to turn around and see someone else do the exact same thing.)
7918920 Ah I see.
Why did you make chapter five so long?
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Entirely by accident, believe it or not.
Something tells me that Mystery Filly would be a tough nut to crack even for Corona.
Interesting. I've never read Past Sins-nor intend to.
Hmm, not fond of Midnight when she was brusque towards Trixie, but I warmed up to her when she was brusque towards Twilight. I think my bias is showing. :p
Eh, Thesis isn't 'too' bad.
Hmm... not fond of Trixie not getting Thesis. She'd be a hell of a lot warmer than Midnight.
Great. I don't know if I wanna punch Luna first, or Midnight. Choices, choices...
Ooh, could Greengrass die, here? It's not even my birthday! :D
Also, hatred of Midnight, increasing.
Okay, finished. Liking it... probably more than I'd like Past Sins. Am looking forward to more.
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Death?
How reductive. How small an idea.
No... his fate is far crueller...
And funnier.
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Death?
How reductive. How small an idea.
No... his fate is far crueller...
And funnier.
8538404
Excellent.
Cast Magic ---> Pizza
Nothing interesting happens.
A very nice Smoke and Corona scene, everypony likes cake now and then.
Midnight, hmmmm I think she's Luna in disguise.
Good chapter. Not much more to say overall. Just great character interaction and insight into the characters.
Puscience is dead? Or presumed dead. Who replaced her?
I don't entirely buy that Trixie didn't know anything about it given that at that point in time her likely response to Luna would have been to ask if she could have the position.
Nice to see Thesis getting along with the foals in her own way, and poor long suffering Cheerilee.
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I figure thanks to Puissance's unique "parenting style" her kids are still wrapped up in a bitter dispute over who actually gets to inherit what, if anything.
Or more accurately, their lawyers are wrapped up in a bitter dispute for them.
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Maybe, although you'd think Luna would put her hoof down eventually and just appoint somepony.
I'm calling it, considering the glowing green eyes and lack of memory. There is only one MLP villain who does such things and it's not Tirek.
Technically there's no particular reason why Trixie should be bad at teleporting herself, but on a meta level I want to keep her repetoire very different from Twilight's, an so she favors invisibility and other illusioncraft instead of the conjuration and transmutation that Twilight seems to favor. But I still want an in-universe explenation for why Trixie doesn't learn such an obviously useful skill, and "she just sucks at it" leaves open plenty of comedic opportunities.
"That's a lie! I was terribly scathed in most of them!"
"That is not a word."
"Not my fault Equestrian is the drunken product of Erdling, Unicorne, and Pigasa!"
Paretheticals are kind of weird to see in dialogue. Just a note, I don't think it's wrong, per se, just kind of weird.
[[[Sweeny Todd Intensifies]]]
Wait, was she serious about the time travel stuff from last chapter?
Well, technically he'd be fine with leaving, he just knows that right now he's badly outclassed by Luna or, really, any sufficiently powerful being (if Trixie played her cards right she might be able to take him).
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Scathed is actually a word, according to the Old Father's Wiktionary.
"Past participle of scathe."
"Where'd you come from?"
"... I don't know. I was just in my bedroom, minding my own business and then all of a sudden I was here..."
Whatever gave you that impression?
<shifty glances>
She might've just been being presumptive about Lyra and BonBon.
<more shifty glances>
She said she was making it up in a panic. And if we can't take somepony like that at her word...
8538135
we have two hands for a reason
Yay! It's back! :)
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It hadn't really gone anywhere. I just write real slow most days...
(And kind thanks for the yay.)
My main thought on this chapter is wondering how many false starts the Mysterious Pony is going to have with those traps. Maybe around the time he catches, like, Grogar’s ghost or something, he’ll realize he needs a new plan