Always Remember

When a dark force comes back for revenge , Twilight must make a choice. A choice that could kill a pony, or five.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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LoneUnicornWriter

LoneUnicornWriter #1 · Jan 18th, 2017 · 1 · ·

This was a dark and sad story. Clearly it was intended to go that way. I definitely got the moral of the story through the title and the chapter. Which is pretty good. Though if I may make a few pointers. One is not to give the moral of the story in the story title and chapter titles because it kills the point in reading onward. Two is that message flows smoothly which what could really get at an adequate level. I could understand it, but grammar, punctuation, and style are key factors in a reader reading through your story without possible struggle or confusion. And three, always make sure that your short and long description are done very good because they the face to your story, your work, and you want to show the best impression possible for a reader to decide whether or not s/he should read further.

So I think before publishing future stories, that should have an editor and a proofreader check your story and story descriptions. Besides those pointers, I think it can be a better story than it already it is.

Rainedash

Rainedash #2 · Jan 18th, 2017 · 1 · ·

First and foremost, you badly need someone to proofread your stuff before posting it. Even the description has a missing word. Aside from that, there's really nothing to this story other than an attempt at shock value. However, blood, torture, and death at this point just aren't shocking in an MLP story anymore. That ship sailed a long time ago.

MyLittlePony296