• Member Since 19th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 31st, 2018

DJSaltine


Just an amateur author practicing his skills.

T

Upon her being shown up by Twilight with that Ursa Minor and the Alicorn Amulet, The Great and Powerful Trixie has fallen into a depression that seems to be only worsening. Her confidence has been shaken, her wagon has been vandalized, and she has nopony to go to for help. Who can the Greatest and Most Powerful go to for help?

Coming back to the town she once ruled, she knows how she will end it all.


The final chapter is very violent and the reason that this is rated 'Teen' for 'Gore'.

Thanks to the following for finding errors:
Astral Moon

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 45 )

Well, this certainly has been an interesting story so far. :twilightsmile:
Looking forward to more.

This got my attention for having two of my top three favorite characters in it. I crave interaction between Spike and Trixie like it's the nectar of the gods, and was looking forward to seeing them have a moment together, perhaps even Spike convincing Trixie not to end her life...and then Spike just randomly started acting like a heartless bastard. That was certainly a wtf? moment. I might favorite this just to see what happens next, but I sure as hell can't love it with Spike behaving like the monster we know he isn't.

“To bed,” Spike replied without looking back. “Trixie isn’t worth this much worry.”

I don't usually say things so vulgar, but in this case, fuck this version of Spike.

2641543
I know, it's weird, right?
I have nothing wrong with Spike, in fact, I rather like him, I just always interpreted him hating Trixie.


Don't worry, I've got some redeeming factors for all characters coming up soon!

2640969

Thank you, I hope I don't disappoint!

A little mistake was made.

Trixie looked sat on the edge of a cliff overlooking Ponyville.

You should take look out of that sentence.

2643616

Thanks for letting me know.:heart:

I have edited it just now, :yay: so no need to worry!

If you feel you rushed it you probably did.

Though now that the story is over I can give you a full review.

The beginning chapter started out perfectly, giving the reader the setting of the story in a proper manor to the rest of the story. This chapter alone would have made a good one-shot story, yet you chose to flesh it out to the end. Now weather or not that was a good choice, would be up to the readers who read it.
In the last two chapters I ended reading them with the feeling that they were rushed, this takes the reader away from the story. The last thing you want in a story, is for the reader to feel detached from the story. Keep them interested yes, but also keep the pacing you had in the first chapter.
I'm glad that Trixie got a happy ending, but I would rather have seen her spiral deeper and deeper into depression before Luna made an appearance in her dreams. Maybe had her so depressed that she became afraid to sleep because of the nightmares.

2649158

Well buck, you're right.

I want to thank you for giving me your review, it really means something to me to think that someone else would take the time to help me understand my flaws.

You are a scholar and a gentlecolt! (:facehoof:)

2649442
That's what I'm here for.

Not too bad. I was worried after chapter two that Trixie wanted the box to put Spike's head in, because of the Dark tag. Glad to see it was only for the suicide element in the fist chapter, and nothing else. Although it's a little bothersome that Spike wasn't part of this game Pinkie had going at the end, especially since he gets left out in the show so often and was pretty concerned about Trixie in his story.

Also, this may have been accidental awesomeness on your part, but

a giant ball of a hug

is an awesome way to describe Pinkie Pie.

2655410

Yeah, leaving him out unfortunately just seemed like the way it would be in the show, but I hoped the little P.S. of his would straighten any doubts up.

I had intended this to end similar to the show, with a message of friendship, but decided to make it more of an adult or adolescent type of problem. :derpytongue2:

Also, I did intend that part to be of the group as a whole, but, yeah, Pinkie sure does have a way of just piling everypony in...:pinkiehappy:

2655844 They don't exclude Spike as much as they used to: in Crystal Empire, Magic Duel, Keep Calm, Magical Mystery Cure, and even the group cameo in One Bad Apple, Spike is included in everything the rest of his friends do. The ponies even showed regret for leaving him behind in Just for Sidekicks.

2655892
True. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned (:facehoof:)

Nevertheless, I think he is a pretty awesome character, despite how much I appeared to despise him. (seriously: :moustache: 1 year old and sporting a 'stache!)

I normally stay away from stories that have a gore rating. However, I saw the title of the last chapter and got curious. I'm glad I read it. I'm happy to see that Trixie got her happy ending, and not a tragic one.

2658645

That's the thing about redemption, you'll never know how it will come.

You can either interpret it as getting your just desserts,(:raritycry:) or as an apology and forgiveness. (:twilightblush:)

I've always been one for giving the elusive second chance, so you can see where I got that part into the story. (:scootangel:)


Also, the gore rating (:pinkiesick:) was merely for the 'demonic Twilight's face melting.' I wasn't sure how readers would react, (:pinkiecrazy:) so I just played it safe, buckling myself in as the coaster left the station. (:unsuresweetie:)

“I think you’d like this game!”

All I could think of was-

2713626

I actually never heard that song before, (:pinkiegasp:) but dang is that good! :pinkiecrazy: (Well, The Doors are good in general, but that is probably one of the best I've heard yet. Thanks! :raritywink:)



Man, I should get out of the house once in a while, huh? :derpytongue2:

2713771

My favorite version comes from Celebration of the Lizard#

3:32 minutes in.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/m2kkaJWeFWo?t=3m32s]

2713965

Hehe, I like the whole 17 minutes! :twilightsmile:

I'm so thankful that you've sent this video, I'm actually looking into the rest of their songs as I type. :raritywink:

You've given me some more great songs to listen to. :pinkiesad2:

:yay:

Thanks again!

2714220

No prob. I love the Doors and Celebration of the Lizard is my favorite. back in high school I actually did a lyrical analysis on this song for an assignment.

2714250
Really? How did that turn out?

I know I've done something like that, but the songs I did weren't exactly what the teacher was looking for...

(I was like: :scootangel: and she was like: :trixieshiftright: Then I was like::twilightblush: and she was like: :duck: and I was like: :fluttershysad: and she was like: :unsuresweetie: and I was like::raritycry: ... I ended up with a C-)

2714272

I pretty much bullshit my whole way through it. But the teacher was just as eccentric as I am and a fan of the Doors so I got like a B I think.

2714283:

:yay:That's good to hear.

2714298

Since you liked the fact I got you more music I'll throw a few videos here for you to take a look at should you want to.

I think that's enough for now. Tell me what ya think.

2714342

Amazing songs (Even though I've heard most already).

It's great to see someone with such good taste in music! :twilightsmile:

2715269

Huzzah for good taste!

2717845

To good tastes! :heart: (Chugs Apple Cider)

No. I was not let down by the lack of gore. This was actually too much for me. I mean yeah you could have said it was gruesome but then you went into so much detail I just skipped it.

This was the ending I was afraid of.
This is why I avoid the gore rating. The detail used you in this chapter should have made this story 'Mature'.
I am so glad this wasn't the real ending.

2875438

Don't worry, I'm not offended in any way when you said you skimmed.
I'm aware that everypony has their own tolerance for things like gore:heart::heart:, hard cider:heart:, and clopping:applejackunsure: (the later of the three is my weak suite :pinkiesick:).

Comment posted by DJSaltine deleted Jul 26th, 2013

4248305

Oh, me too! It's just that other people don't like the good stuff! :pinkiecrazy:

In fact, it's the original ending I had in mind! :raritywink:

Is it wrong that I completely ignored the true story and settled on this as the canon?

5542034
I'm not the one to ask! :pinkiehappy:
Thanks for the comment!:scootangel:

5545742 You're welcome! :raritywink:
Oh, and I love your touch of gore in the alternate choice :pinkiecrazy:

So... heartwarming...
*sheds a tear*

Excellent read! ^^

I likey.
Now off to read more of this very interesting story!
:yay:

Even though i love Trixie, my love for Grimdark actually overpowered that so basically, i like this end. :twilightsmile:
Nice work.
Hope to read more from you in the future.
:pinkiehappy:

6429524

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed! :pinkiehappy:
I hope I can give you other stories to enjoy in the future! :twilightsmile:

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