The walk out to the common room was awkward. Mrs. Cake led the way and - I don't know if I've mentioned this but - everything is out for the world to see. Everything. I've adapted though! I kept my gaze fixed on the ground. That's how I didn't notice the lack of crowds, the lack of party music, or lack of staring eyes. Mrs. Cake's sudden stop - and me plowing into her back end - knocked me from my isolation. That's when the quiet hit.
"Uh, where is everyon-pony?" I looked around at the devasta- HOW?! The entire place was so clean it sparkled! The tables that once held all the refreshments were no where to be seen - much to the dismay of my stomach - and even the confetti and balloons were all cleaned up. Not a thing was out of place. If I hadn't just been in here I would have never known there had been a party. My mouth slumped open and I sat down pretty heavily.
"I sent them all home." Spring Meadows smiled at me from across the room. She and a purple-greyish Earth Pony mare I've never seen before stood with Diamond Tiara between them. Other than those - and our little group of three - there was nopony else around. Diamond Tiara had her head-wear back but she was still looking pretty roughed up. I bet I didn't look any better but I still grinned at her. She glared slightly before dropping her gaze to the floor. Bruce: 1, DT: 0, Tie: 1. "I should have guessed a party was an inappropriate way of introducing you to everypony, Bruce."
"Uh, is Pinkie ok?" I grimaced at Pinkie's name. Poor thing, probably drowning her sorrows with ice cream.
"She's a tough mare. She'll be fine." Spring's smile was not as convincing as she probably wanted it to be. Her eyes flicked toward the stairway slightly and her ears drooped slightly. Yup, worst pony. "But this is Mrs. Rich," she motioned with her head toward the purple-greyish mare, "and there is somepony here that has something to say."
She and Mrs. Rich both looked at Diamond Tiara who was staring at the ground with a very big and unhappy frown. Mrs. Rich nudged her with a hoof and a frown of her own.
"Diamond Tiara?" Her voice was very ... cold. Almost harsh. Yeek, with a mother like that, I'd have turned to bullying myself. Diamond Tiara winced at her mother's voice, glancing up at me with both anger and a little trepidation. She cleared her throat and let loose something I can only describe as 'Flutter-like.'
"I'm sorry for hitting you."
"Huh?" I tilted my head in response. If there had been any other sound in the world just then, I don't think I would have noticed her speaking at all.
"I'm sorry for hitting you."
"Diiiidn't quite catch that." I think she said something about 'he-yah' or something. I leaned forward, trying to catch her words. My ears swiveled towards her, trying to pick up the faintest of sounds.
"I said 'I'm sorry for hitting you'!" Wow, there's the volume! With a wince, I jerked my head back a little and flattened my ears. I rubbed them gently, scowling at Diamond's smirk. Mrs. Rich bopped her daughter on the head with a frown causing Diamond's smirk to disappear.
"Hmmph." That's my ten cents.
"Bruce?" Mrs. Cake looked down at me with a frown and I was suddenly very aware of being next to a tank. I gulped and grinned up at her. She nodded towards the other threesome and quirked an eyebrow.
"Ah, yes, eh, I mean." For a moment I wanted to try the same trick Diamond pulled and mumble my way into shouting in her ear but I didn't think that very wise. Mrs. Rich seemed kinda cushy compared to Mrs. Cake and I didn't want anymore knocks to my head if I could help it. I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry for pushing you."
"Hmmph."
We sat there for a few seconds, neither side willing to break the silence. The tension was beginning to grow and even the adults seemed at a loss as to what exactly to say. Two sides, met in battle first in form and then in will, seeking to dominate by any means neces-
My stomach rumbled very loudly in the pregnant silence. Everypony looked at me and I looked down at my suddenly very hungry belly. With a nervous chuckle, I addressed the gathered warriors.
"Uh, can I get breakfast? I haven't had anything to eat at all today and I feel famished."
I was led into the kitchen by Spring as Mrs. Cake saw the others out. Again, sparkling clean everything. Mr. Cake was sitting at the table, his back to the door and his head in his hooves. He seemed ... sad. Awwww crap, I was feeling absolutely awful. And hungry. But mostly awful. At our entrance, he perked up and looked over his shoulder, giving me a weak grin.
"Hey Bruce, how're you doing?" I walked over to him, Spring watching my progress with her ever-present smile.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Cake." It took an effort of will to look up at him. He had tears in his eyes, the poor fellow. With my new-found knowledge of gender roles, it was like looking up at a mother trying to make the best for her children. Just awful. "I'm sorry I'm so much trouble."
"Oh Bruce, you - you're not trouble." I winced at the stutter in his voice. It's hard to say something you don't believe. He noticed and his face grew pained. "You're not trouble, you've just had a lot of things happen and you don't know how to deal with them." I opened my mouth to say something but my stomach reminded me why we were in the kitchen in the first place. Mr. Cake and I both looked down, him in surprise and me in embarrassment. "Hungry?"
"Uhm, if it's not too much trouble." He chuckled and shook his head, getting up to move into the kitchen-proper.
"So what would you like?"
"Right now?" My stomach growled like an angry beast. "Anything."
One salad later - with the Cakes and Ms. Meadows looking on in surprise at my voracious appetite - I was left alone with Spring while the Cakes discussed something. Probably about me and how horrible a little colt I've been so far. Her bench squeaked as she shifted.
"So, Bruce, how do you like it?"
"Mmmmf?" I grunted a question-sound around the last mouthful of delicious salad. FINALLY, I had a full belly. It does wonders for your attitude when you have something in your stomach.
"The Cakes." She waved her hooves around to indicate everything. "How do you like it here?" With effort, I swallowed the gigantic bite I had taken and looked around with a careful eye.
"A runaway attempt, the crying and gnashing of teeth of stallions and foals, a fight to the death with a filly ... it's ok I guess." I grinned at Spring's smirk. She was trying to look irritated but I knew she found it just slightly funny. She rolled her eyes.
"Yes, well, aside from all that excitement, it seems you and the Cakes are beginning to get along fine." Her smile faded somewhat as a look of concern crept slowly into her face. Ew, get it off! "But, I do worry if this is right for you and their foals. If you need anything - anything at all - I'm going to be checking up on you regularly and you don't need to be afraid to ask me for anything. Or tell me anything, ok?" She reached across the table and gripped my hoof. "Think of me as a really 'cool' friend, ok?"
Ugggh, I could hear the quotes around the word 'cool.' I fought the urge to facehoof. I lost. Spring giggled slightly.
"Yeah, it's fine for now. I'm still devoted to finding a way home though." She winced. Still didn't believe me but at least she didn't say anything. We sat in silence until Mr. Cake came clopping back into the room. He nodded at Spring and, with a sigh of relief, they exchanged places.
"Remember Bruce, I'm here if you need me." With that, she trotted out of the room, leaving me with a slightly nervous Mr. Cake.
"So, Bruce. How are you feeling?" He was trying very hard to hide his unease. His eyes shifted constantly and his grin was a little too forced. I tilted my head at him from across the table. He was going to make me nervous.
"Eh, better. Not so hungry now."
"Good! Good." He cleared his throat. I stared at him with my giant, creepy eyes. He probably didn't think they were all that creepy but, well, just me staring at him with a rather blank expression probably wasn't doing him any favors. "Well, the missus and Pinkie have to open shop and they felt it would be a good idea for you and I to, well, have a bit of time off from that so to speak."
"Oooohkay." Aw crap, I could see where this was going. At least I wasn't going to be enslaved to an oven immediately.
"Yeah, so, well, us and the twins of course."
"...lovely." Yup. Leave the stallion to do 'stallions work' with the kids I guess.
"So! What, uhm, what do you want to do today?"
"Honestly?" I raised my eyebrows. With all the craziness that had been going on, I hadn't had time to think. Much less plan. Uhm, what do kids do? "I have no idea."
"Oh!" He scratched the back of his neck. "Oh, yeah, you are new in town. So, uh, why don't we go to the park?"
"Is that a normal thing for, ergh, colts my age to do?" I lowered my head into my hooves, grimacing at my unfortunate choice of words.
"Sure is bucko!" He was way too excited about this whole thing already. His smile seemed more genuine and his ears perked up. Poor dear. Trying so hard. I shrugged and flicked a wrist offhan-offhoofedly?
"...sure. Why not? What could poss-" My eyes shot open and I clamped both hooves over my muzzle, trying to both stop myself from finishing what I had just tried to say as well as hold in a scream of fright.
"What was that?" Mr. Cake looked at me curiously, his head tilted to one side. I removed my hooves gently and began to look around the room, panicked.
"I didn't finish that sentence! IT DOESN'T COUNT!"
Murphy....Murphy's Law doesn't take that as a question, It take it as a CHALLENGE!
I would cliam first but I'm pretty sure I won't be when I refresh.
This is quickly becoming my most favorite fic. Good job!
I get the feeling it's going to count.
OH GOD BRUCE
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL
I hope he at least finds some way to prove he's an adult.
Great chapter!
oh no Bruce why did you have to ask that? Something is going to happen now and no take backs
*finished reading last chapter*
This chapter posts.
Oh stop it you.
LOL the ending
Oh Celestia he didn't! EVEN IF HE NOT FINISHED THE SENTENCE THE THOUGHT COUNTS!!
Unless the author dosn't want it to count but that would be silly, wouldn't it?
1163533 Oh, it begins~
That totally got me!
Oh but it's the thought that counts Bruce.
YES MOAR UPDATES
Wonderus as always.
That doesn't make sense, I posted twenty seconds before the first comment,
I CALL HACKS.1163533
Oh but it does little Brucie, it does
Bruce, you go apologize to Pinkie right now! <- look how sad she is
Lord we gather here today to lay rest to a dear friend of ours.. Though he was a fool and challenged the universe to one on one combat. We will always remember him. Rest in peace our beloved Bruce...
Bruce in somewhat control of his situation, this can not stand!
If I ended up in a society in which technology is at an all time low by human standards and it was incredibly sexist against boys/men/stallions/colts, I would go on a murderous rampage...
Must say that i really like how spot on you were with Diamon Tiara's personality in this fic.
I really enjoy this guy's social structure. The polygami thing would explain the (at least as seen on show)offballanced mare/stallion ratio, and how it is able to work out. Though I must say, that combined with switched gender roles. I fail to see the logic of the two combined.
whats the worst that could happen?
how hard could it be?
what could possibly go wrong?
Watch This!
massive ammounts of pain/humiliation/schadenfreude is brought into the universe everytime someone says one of these phrases
>sees first comment
>sees second comment
Haaaaa- oh, wait. Nevermind, he's time lord.
Oh, come on! Did you have to? "Nothing could possibly go wrong", that's almost as bad as "No turning back!"
1163602
Shes Smiling
The misadventures of Bruce... maybe not so adventurous.
The misscommon days in the life of Bruce. Yeah that works.
Eitherway this is just too great.
I don't think I need to read the story anymore to comment about greatness.
When I am wrong I will retract my statement but that will probably never happen at this rate.
...and then the universe imploded because of Bruce and his last line.
Muahhahahahahahahahahahaha! EVERYTHING SHALL GO WRONG! Bring on the awkward meeting with Lyra sitting on a park bench!
What could possibly go wrong with posting this comment? This is amazing!
Oh, Poor Bruce!
You are soooooo Boned +
I hope Bruce runs into the CMC at the park. I really like to see him interacting with them.
Great way to end the chapter. I'm going make a guess and say that Bruce is somehow separated from his group and runs into Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
Doesn't count eh?
1163684
Famous last words
"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing."
well he's met the little fillies, now it's time to see what the colts are like
Oh dear, to the part with two colts and a little filly?
I very much suspect that bringing a colt to the park is very much like bring a cute dog. Bringing two? The mares cooing and petting and pinching cheeks will be without count!
Sweet I really like this story and it's always a riot to read, I eagerly anticipate reading the next chapter. Poor Pinkie.
Oh yes Bruce, you are doomed!
Doomed, I say!
i19.photobucket.com/albums/b157/anarch_/doomed.jpg
Silly Bruce. It only doesn't count if you don't acknowledge it. Now that you have, everything is going to go wrong. Spring Meadows is going to get it into her head that the one who molested and abused you the most was a filly your own age, somehow. That you expect to walk into the Cake's store/house one day and find Mrs. Cake abusing and raping Mr. Cake. And that you find such behavior normal.
1163544 Eh. The way I figure it he's doomed (doomed, doomed) any which way.
Admittedly, saying (or even almost saying) that adds a lovely touch of irony and/or foreshadowing.
Smooth Bruce, real smooth. Good chapter, looking forward to more!
1163942 You had that scenario to well thought out.........
1164097 ???
What do you mean?
Excellent chapter! I've written a blog article about this story, you might see a couple more readers heading this way soon. I hope so!
The game
A good chapter with a mix of humor combined with a rather solemn atmosphere. It's been said, but I agree with the whole Taira's payback thing. Also, I enjoyed the touch of her having a stern mother which then paints Filthy as the doting Father figure that spoils his daughter incessantly. Adds dynamic to the family.
When Spring asked "So, Bruce, how do you like it?" while Bruce was almost done with the salad, I was almost expecting Bruce to say something like, "It's good but could use Bacon Bits."
1163533
That's awesome, well put!
1163894
The whole "like a cute dog being brought to the park" is a hilarious concept! There was a different idea bouncing around in my head by the end of this chapter though: Since it's a work day, and watching the kids is "stallions work", I'm having visions of Bruce getting an eyeful of how his fellow "men" spend their day with kids. He knows about the gender role switch, but that doesn't mean he 'KNOW's about it yet. I'm envisioning a park of stallions and colts with lots of frills and tea with little cakes. Oh, screaming and crying too after Bruce arrives and sees it all.
1163786 Watch out for cats/cars.
1163989 This is disturbing me. Your picture says 0% cool. That bugs me somehow.
as always
1164186
OH MY GOD, who are these people?! Why are they on my lawn? But thanks a ton. Uh, I uh ... does this mean I have to actually start trying to write well now so I don't make you look bad?
1163676
I've been struggling with this for a while and ... I think this story kinda deserves an 'AU' tag now. I thought my head canon about gender roles and the ratio of male-to-female worked out but, well, it's been pointed out by several readers that is just not the case at all. Though when I do add that tag, I'll stick an A/N at the end (since I'll want to do it on chapter update to inform everyone about it) about my initial thoughts, concepts and perceptions so that you don't have to dig through the comments to get a better feel about where I went wrong, where I went right, and where all of this is coming from.
1163894
... don't you mean stallions cooing and petting him?