The Doctor's Arrival

ZZZZZZZZZ!!

A red laser beam zoomed straight by his head as the Doctor sprinted down the hallway. At the end of it was his Tardis, where he would make his great escape. Turning his head for just a moment, he saw the group of mini spaceship-like aliens gaining on him. Not noticing that he'd reached the Tardis, he slammed into it full force and recoiled backwards, falling right on his bottom.

The mechanical sounds of the aliens growing ever so close as he struggled his way up and opened the door to the Tardis. Just then, the Tardis rumbled due to the oncoming attackers, lights flashed and fumes leaked everywhere. Making his way to the core, the Doctor began mashing buttons and pulling levers.

This was one of the few times he'd put the Tardis in danger, but this time he was without a partner. No assistance whatsoever. And just as the Tardis began its departure, he heard a bang. Then, everything went blank....

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With a groan, the Doctor opened his eyes. He was on the floor of the Tardis. Yawning, he slowly got up to his...what were they? Looking down at where his feet used to be, the Doctor whispered quietly.

"Well, what have we here?" Waving his...hoof, was it, in front of his face. Soon, after a minute or two of playing with his new body parts he departed through the door.

He was suddenly endorsed in faded sunshine as he took a step out of his Tardis. The next second he was met face to face with two crossed, yellow, eyes.

"Hi there!" A voice greeted all of a sudden, causing the Doctor to jump back cautiously.

"Wh-What are you?" He asked as he studied the creature's body. It looked like a horse, a small horse, though he'd never seen one with wings, much less one that could talk.

"I'm a pony. Just like you." The gray coated pony pointed out. "Well, actually to be exact I'm a Pegasus."

"Right, and just a quick question but, how exactly are you talking? Ponies don't talk from where I come from."

"Then where to you come from?" The cross eyed pony tilted her head sideways and gave him a funny look.

"Well, that's not important." The Doctor stated. "Well, at least not right now. And before I go on, may I ask you for your name?" He asked in the most gentle of manners.

"Why of course! My name is Ditzy Doo, though my friends call me Derpy. Not sure why though..."

"Well Ditzy, it's nice to meet you. I'm the Doctor."

"Well Doctor, since your new here by the looks of it, want me to give you the grand tour?"

"Okay, that would be great!"

"Okay then, just follow me. First stop, Ponyville!" Just then, the Doctor trotted ahead of Ditzy.

"Alrighty then. Allons-y!!" Shortly after he stumbled to the ground. "Hehe, I haven't exactly figured how to use these hooves yet, haven't I?"

"Uh huh. Well then Doctor, I'm sorry to say, but Ponyville is that way." Ditzy said, pointing her hoof in the opposite direction.

Giggling, the Doctor replied. "Oops, well then, I guess I'll just be heading that way instead. Allons-y!!" Galloping ahead once more, then stumbling again, just the same. This time he was met by a gray hoof. Looking up he saw Ditzy holding out her left hoof with a slight grin.

"And I thought I was crazy. Need a hoof?" Just then the Doctor thought for a moment, then fell back laughing.

"'Need a hoof?' Ahahahahaha! Hoof!" Then fell back once more laughing madly. Pulling her hoof back, Ditzy frowned and went on ahead. "Wait! I'm done, really, I am." Getting to his hooves, the Doctor trotted after Ditzy at a mild pace to keep his balance.

Once he caught up, Ditzy turned her head to him, her smile was back. "You know Doctor, you're a very strange pony." Right then, the Doctor couldn't tell how to react to that remark. "Well, I guess that's what i like about you. That makes the two of us, right?" She said, pointing her hoof to her crossed eyes, a grim smile appeared across her face.

"Yeah, I've been wondering about that lately. Could you fill me in?"

"Well, that's not important right now, like you said before. But, if you don't mind me asking, what does, 'Allons-y' mean?"

"Oh, it means 'let's go' in french."

"Don't you mean prench?" Once again, the Doctor fell back in a fit of laughter. This time Ditzy just stood by his side with a warm smile. Though she was still confused about what was so funny, she remained, patient the entire time. And when the Doctor finished, the two departed for Ponyville. The moon had begun to fade by the time they arrived and the town empty .

"Where is everybody?"

"You mean everypony, right?"

Barely resisting his urge to laugh, the Doctor choked. "Yeah, everypony, that's what I meant."

"Oh, they're having this huge party over at the town library, wanna join me?"

With a grin, the Doctor replied. "Sure, and I was just wondering, is there any special event occurring in this period of time."

"Well, the Summer Sun Celebration will begin in an hour or two. Other than that, I don't think there's anything else."

"Thanks Ditzy, for helping me get here and for explaining how it goes around here. Usually I have an assistant with me, but the last assistant I had, well, she..." The Doctor gave a sigh, then started once more. "They all have to leave sooner or later."

Dashing to his side, Ditzy said in a cheery voice. "Don't worry Doctor, I'll never leave!" The Doctor replied with a grim smile, but in his mind he knew that wasn't the truth. They always leave, always...

A few seconds passed and all was still quiet as the Doctor looked at the moon. There was a certain shape, like a shadow or a figure, was engraved into it. Just then, Ditzy tugged on him, pulling him along through the roads of Ponyville.

"Hurry up Doctor! We're gonna miss the party. Maybe they have muffins at the dessert table!"

"You like muffins?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"Oh nothing, just out of curiosity.

To Be Continued

Listen to this

Next time on Doctor Whooves:
The Doctor: So what is this Summer Sun Celebration?
Ditzy Doo: Well, it's the day that Princess Celestia raises the sun to mark the beginning of Summer!
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Nighmare Moon: From this moment forward, the night, will last, forever Ahahahahahaha!
The Doctor: That can't be good.
Ditzy Doo: Nuh Uh.
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The Doctor: Hurry Ditzy, inside quickly!
Ditzy: Wow! It's so big in here! What is it?
The Doctor: It's a Tardis, and I'm a timelord.
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______: It's been a long time, Doctor.
The Doctor: No...it can't be..you can't be the...Master?

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Nazkan

Nazkan #1 · Jul 8th, 2012 · · ·

CAPN' Ah can't hold er together! We're approachin' WARP SPEED! Wa need ta slow down capn'
Screw pacing! I have literature!
Capn' noooooooo.

Seriously though, you need to slow down a bit. Usually, I would give you a big fresh review, because I'm kind like that, but today lets skip all that and I'll just point out the things that annoyed me about your chapter, along with several things you can do to improve that.

I've already mentioned pacing. Everything happens much to fast in your story, there's no build up because everything in answered almost instantly and when it isn't the next scene is already playing.
"What are you?" A pony.
"How are you talking?" Everyone talks here.
"Where is everyone?" At the party.
"What historical event is happening?" Summer Celebration.
Now don't take this as you shouldn't answer questions. If you raise a question then you need to answer it sooner or later. All I'm saying is, in my opinion, tone back a bit on how quickly things happen. Leave a little to the imagination.

Which brings me to the next point, you need to describe things more. While you seem to be doing a...a job at it, it still seems lacklustre. The descriptions you do have seem bland and dull. Try to describe things in a little more depth, just a little.
What does Derpy look like? Grey and cross eyed. /sarcasm, brilliant description, surely it tells us everything we need to know about Derpy. It's not like we would be interested in her...mane colour, amount of confusion at materializing blue boxes, physical tiredness, cutie mark, state of dress (I.E. Is she dirty or sweaty?), clothing or lack of clothing and voice. While I'm here let's add smell. I always liked smells. But yea, coat and eyes, all we need to know about what Derpy was doing standing in a field in the first place. /sarcasm off.

You seem to have the characters under good control, so I won't lecture you there.

From one writer to another, I would remove the ending bit. I can understand trying to make it more like Doctor Who by adding the episode summery things at the end, but here's the thing. Those are EPISODE summaries. Inserting them between chapters not only makes no logical sense, but also destroys any tension that may come in future chapters, as well as severely cripple yourself in terms of viable foreshadowing.

All in all, pretty good job, could be better. Spend a little more time on this and make sure that everything flows as well as you want it to, and we may make a good fiction out of this yet. Which I want, because we need more good Doctor Whooves around here.
Aww look, you made me review anyway.
Nazkan

rainbow_shy

rainbow_shy #2 · Jul 8th, 2012 · · ·

I don't think the Doctor would ever release to anyone (or anypony in this case) about the Timelords that calmly. Besides that, this is a pretty good piece you have here. I will continue to go press this little star thingy here, and this little icon of a thump pointing up.

The Random Lord