I love them details and worldbuilding and also writing whatever the fuck gets written cause I have no self control.
Equestria, a rich, beautiful country defined as being full of harmony and friendship.
However, beneath the surface of the cities and small towns, rainbows, and the many celebrations of the country’s rich history, you would find something much more interesting.
A world of magic.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Your discription is weird there is a human tag and it says "ponies" just what are they
please have all the pets get involved too I have a feeling gummy is not a toad
Is this a crossover or a mixed universe
Please explaine this universe in authors note
For now I'm putting this on my read later list
I wish you good luck and maybe this will be good
7734058 Thank you for the advice!
I agree with the prior note in regards to the description, though you've fixed it and that's much clearer now. There's not enough to say anything about the storyline yet, but the characters presented so far, when they talk and interact, are enjoyable enough.
I will say that you should follow through on whatever you think you would most enjoy writing in regards to the sorting, but it would be interesting to see Rainbow Dash having to put up with the idea that ambition landed her in slytherin. Still, you haven't established a wonderbolt equivalent which she's aiming for yet, it could make the inclusion of Scootaloo later harder if you wanted to bring the CMC in, and it isn't a perfect fit given the tendencies to self-preservation. It could still be amusing given how vehemently she despises the house so far though. I'd only consider it if you weren't going to aim for a story long enough to have those sorts of issues crop up. Hufflepuff for the element of loyalty would would be an obvious alternate if not going for Gryffindor or Slytherin. All the same, elements might not even be a thing at all in your story.
Nothing here was egregious, the description felt like it was an old revision compared to the story before, but that's been fixed. I'd have liked to see more of Rarity and Pinkie interacting with the others on the train than a general action note and transition, but it wasn't an unacceptable move. Things for the most part seem fine. I'll be tracking this one.
7734306 THANK YOU!
So you made rarity a slytherin how clichéd I would think there would be someone like applejack or rainbow dash in that house but we'll see
I just hope we don't see evil rarity
Can't wait too see how your going to fit the elements of harmony in this universe, if you ever
7737301 Just because Rarity was sorted into Slytherin, doesn't mean that she'll be evil. Not all Slytherins are bad, despite the stereotype.
Also, I was unaware that making Rarity a Slytherin was cliched.
7737668 in the show rarity can sometimes act like a jerk towards other ponies and it's mostly towards spike and her personality dose match up what a slytherin is I just do not want her to be bad
Please show us good characters in slytherin so we can believe not all of them are bad it's Better to show us then tell us
Do not fall into what power rangers: operation overdrive , Samurai ,and megaforce has done
(See linkara's reviews)
7737683 I can assure you, Rarity will not become a villain in this story.
Why isn't there a crossover tag?
Uhm, the story looks nice, and as a big fan of the Harry Potter saga I say that you'r e doing a good work.
Rarity in Slytherin is a perfect choice. I' ve already seen this distribuition in other similar works (Twilight is usually a Ravenclaw for her eggheadness, but whatever). But getting back to Rarity, the choice is perfect because Slytherin is the house of the ambitious, the ones that know what they want and they want it big, even resourcing to any means to obtain it, just watch at "sweet and elite" and "sonic rainboom" episodes in the show. Even Dash could be a Slytherin (look at "Fall weather friends" and "Rainbow falls" episodes and then tell me about it).
Well, the professors' roles are spot on! Discord for Trasfiguration will be hilarious and Luna, with her dark past, could be a perfect substitute Snape!
Rainbow is totally the Ron Weasley of the story, and Twilight could use a bit more spotlight: so far, she looks just like simply following Applejack around and giving simple comments.
For Zecora's rhyming, I suggest to either not doing it or using only simple rhymes.
7751583 Thank you! I'll try and give Twilight more spotlight, since the book is supposed to be from her perspective. I'm also glad that you took time to let me know this!
7751542 I do agree that Rainbow could also fit in Slytherin, but I see her as a Gryffindor for multiple other traits that she possesses.