I'm not Insane, I'm Crazy!

by frayboy15

4 — In which I Need to Clear Something Up

Author's Note:

Yay! A wild Chapter 4 has appeared. Time to capture that evasive rascal.

Does anybody know how to indent paragraphs? I've been trying different stuff, but it never works.

Chapter 4 — In which I Need to Clear Something Up

The silence was broken by Twilight Sparkle as she reentered the room accompanied by Spike. The young dragon had left immediately to bring his boss/sister back once Jason's story was done. The two had obviously caught the end of the exchange between Jason and the mayor.

"You're not an ambassador?" she asked, confusion clear in her expression.

Jason turned his attention to the pony that he had become familiar with over the week.

"No," was the response he gave. "I'm not even old enough to vote back home, let alone hold a government position. What gave you the impression that I was?"

"Bu- but," Twilight sputtered, "you wanted to go to Canterlot! You wear high-quality clothes! You act formal all the time! I've collected all this information on past contacts!" Twilight looked like she was about to panic… or cry. "I even told Princess Celestia that you were."

"Yah," cried Rainbow Dash, the sky blue pegasus whose name Jason had unwittingly guessed. "Ever since me and Fluttershy found you, you've been acting all polite and diplomat-y and stuff… well, that's what Twilight said you were doing when I told her how you reacted after I… ya' know… kicked your head and stuff. Again, it was totally an accident. I thought you were something else."

Jason lifted his arms in a placating motion. "Seriously, it's water under the bridge. I don't blame you. As for being 'diplomat-y': I couldn't speak the language, I didn't know anything about your culture, and I had no idea whether or not you had any contact with humans before.

"I'm still completely out of my element here and I didn't want to take any chances with offending someone who was powerful or petty. Why was ambassador the first thing you thought of anyway?"

Twilight was still sputtering as she worked to reconcile what she was hearing with what her observations had told her. The other unicorn in the room, a white coated and purple maned mare named Rarity, decided to help by fishing for more information.

"As you have no doubt guessed," she began, "clothing in our society is worn for formal occasions, personal choice, or out of necessity. The amount of clothes on your person naturally lent itself to the notion of you being in a government position. Though if you aren't a diplomat, what do you do, if you don't mind my asking? You didn't impart that information during your… story."

Jason perked up at the inquiry. He had been preparing answers to the questions he thought ponies would be likely to ask. Mutual understanding had come much sooner than he thought it would, but he had gone through and formalized most of his personal information already. Twilight had gotten the 'who' and the 'what' routines earlier, but now someone had asked the 'occupation.'

Jason cleared his throat and began his recitation with a lecturing tone he had decided to adopt from Twilight's verbose introduction. "*ahem* Well ma'am, as a typical law-abiding citizen of the United States of America nearing his majority, I am a third-year student enrolled at the local 'center-of-secondary-education,' also known as a junior high-school student.

Rainbow Dash groaned, "great, another egghead. You and Twilight can have competitions."

"Hey…" Twilight's and Jason's respective rebuttals trailed off as the two looked at each other. The silence was broken by the unicorn as she turned to Jason and spoke.

"To be honest, I don't really mind it much; it's just her usual teasing." Jason nodded in agreement.

"I don't doubt it." The boy smirked slightly, "It doesn't bother me either, but I have a counter and I am going to use it." Jason redirected his attention back to snickering pegasus.

"Having been required to attend school for thirteen years doesn't make me an egghead anymore than attending daily PE classes for most of those years makes me an athlete." Rainbow stopped laughing and furrowed her muzzle in confusion while Twilight took on a similar expression, thought her's was less confused and more puzzled.

"Hold on!" Rainbow Dash's shout signaled the end of her confusion. "You've been going to school for thirteen years?!" All eyes turned to the pegasus who was now hovering near Jason's seat. The disbelief in her voice was mixed with traces of skepticism.

"Well, not year-round. It's more like, two-thirds or something; less if you take off weekends and holidays."

"But… thirteen! How old are you?"

"Rainbow Dash, it's not polite to ask a pony's age." Rainbow's tail seemed to pull her away from Jason, despite her objections, as Rarity continued. "I do apologize for our friend here. She's a bit more… blunt than the rest of us."

"Hey! What about Applejack? She's plenty blunt."

"That may be true," said Rarity with a prim expression, "but at least she knows to exercise tact when the situation requires." Jason interjected before the argument could progress any farther.

"Now hold on, I don't mind her asking questions. Goodness knows I have plenty of my own. I'm going on eighteen years. Actually, my birthday is just the far side of sixty days distant." Pinkie Pie's ears perked at that, though nobody seemed to notice; they were all busy listening to Rainbow.

"You've been in school since you were five?! That's crazy!"

"Why do you say that?" Twilight looked confused again, "five years is the age most foals start school at."

"But that only lasts seven years, tops. And you can get out early. I did!" Twilight apparently couldn't believe her ears because she spoke up.

"Wait, you tested out early!? How?" Rainbow smirked as she delivered her response.

"What's that supposed to mean? You don't think I could be awesome at flying and school?" Rainbow suddenly found herself brought back to earth by Applejack. Gripping the pegasus' tail tightly between her teeth, she scolded her friend.

"Knock it off, Rainbow. The only one yer foolin' here is Twilight."

After the two apologized and Twilight explained her cause for confusion, Jason took the opportunity to get some of his more pressing concerns addressed.

"Now, before we get distracted again," the human teen said quickly as he turned towards Silver Scroll, "that room I've been staying in was given to me under the assumption that I was an ambassador, correct?"

The bespectacled earth pony, off balance from all the sudden changes in topic, took a couple seconds to respond.

"Well… yes. The room is usually reserved for use by the Princesses or other VIPs."

"Then would I be correct in assuming that it might not be available now since I don't really," at this point, Jason raised his hands up to shoulder level and made a strange gesture. The first two fingers on each hand flexed quickly on the first and last syllable of his next word, "qualify?"

The mayor of Ponyville thought for a moment before replying. She had been expecting to greet an ambassador, and had prepared accordingly by looking up the proper protocols and forms. It was certainly a rare event for the mare to be caught by surprise, though it did seem to be happening more often lately, what with the occasional monsters and magical mishaps. However she wasn't about to refuse the young stallion… human… male a place to sleep.

"I don't see any harm in you staying," she began. "The room has only been used twice in our town's history and I haven't been given any notice to prepare it for anypony, so until we get an official answer from Canterlot, you are welcome to it."

A sigh escaped Jason's mouth as his posture and expression relaxed slightly.

"That's a relief, I don't know nearly enough about this place to go around looking for housing."

Twilight's smiled brightly as she opened her mouth to speak. However, she was beaten to it by her friends, who were quick to offer their own sympathies, all at once.

"Oh, it's nothing to feel embarrassed about, dear. Why, I was absolutely overwhelmed when I first entered into the world of property ownership with my boutique."

"I know exactly what you mean! Well, not really since I've been renting from the Cakes for forever… but I would totally not ever be able to move out on my own.

"I mean, really, move out? Voluntarily putting myself in a situation where I can't hop downstairs and bake unreasonably large quantities of pastries every morning for everypony? That's just crazy! Am I right!?"

"Yeah, don't even let me get started. You wouldn't believe the number of rings I had to fly through when I moved here. If I hadn't promised myself as a filly that I would have my own house the way I wanted, I would've bunked with Fluttershy."

Jason was glancing nervously at Pinkie Pie, but none of the room's other occupants noticed because they were all looking at Rainbow Dash, who was, in turn, looking around at the various expressions turned in her direction.

"What?"

"Rainbow," began Twilight, who was first among the confused ponies to recover, "there are dozens of regulations concerning cloud houses. I've read through some of them, and they're more complicated than most of the spells that I've learned."

"That's why she came to town hall when she moved here," said Silver Scroll, wishing to keep the discussion moving forward so she could get back to her office to fix her schedule. "Every year we survey the township and mark where new properties can be developed and where to put new roads. We also have a pegasus from Cloudsdale come in and list the sites where cloud structures can be placed. She picked a spot that was suitably removed from the town to avoid noise, but still close enough to be reached by a short walk."

"It also gives me plenty of room to practice my moves."

The elderly mare continued to speak after Rainbow's brief interruption, "we spent some time going over the survey results and the map of the town before she made her decision. Miss Dash even asked for a copy of the air survey in case she didn't like the spot and wanted to move her house. In fact, she comes in every year to get the most-current copy."

Everyone turned back to Rainbow; for some reason, Twilight was smirking. "Oh really," said the purple pony.

Rainbow was quick to clarify. "Hey, I can't just leave my napping clouds wherever I want. What if I shaded somepony's garden by accident? I'd have to fix it by myself, not that it'd be hard or anything. I mean, co'mon, I'm awesome and all, but it would totally mess up the weather schedule."

"So that's why yer always nappin' in my trees: you can't have clouds over my orchards when it's s'posed to be sunny."

Applejack's epiphany incited another defense from Rainbow Dash, but Twilight had approached Jason to talk so he wasn't focused on the two athletic rivals and their banter.

"If you'd like," she began. "I'd be happy to take you on an actual tour of Ponyville. I planned it out yesterday and I was going to ask you after I got the translation spell working, but the mayor said that getting the paperwork out of the way would be more important."

Jason smiled and stood up on his long legs, stretching the stiffness out of his body as he did so.

"A tour sounds great. Especially since I'll be able to understand what you're saying this time 'round." Jason finished stretching with a few torso twists and relaxed his posture. Twilight, meanwhile, hurried to separate Rainbow Dash and Applejack. The two were nose-to-nose and seemed to be arguing, but they didn't look particularly angry and the other ponies in the room weren't concerned so Jason decided that it wasn't important.

"This town is pretty interesting," Jason thought to himself as he was led around Ponyville by Twilight and the other ponies who had come to hear his tale. Most of the buildings looked like they came straight out of a Disney film; they were made from wood, plaster, and roofs of thatch or wooden shingles.

A few of the buildings he'd seen were done in styles that didn't match the rest of the town, though. In fact, most of the ponies he had met in Twilight's library either lived in or worked at most of these architectural oddities.

Their first stop was at the town hall, the circular, red roofed building that Jason had been staying in, to drop the mayor off at her office. She wanted to schedule a town meeting to formally introduce Jason to the populous and kill any lingering rumors. Jason took the opportunity to grab a few of his possessions that the ponies, mostly Twilight, had asked him about. Once he had loaded up his backpack. He rejoined the group in the reception hall and they set out.

As they passed through the market, Applejack stopped at one of the stalls to speak with the proprietor. He was large, red earth pony with a peach colored mane that was cut pretty short. He was also wearing what looked like a pretty heavy work collar. The two talked sales for a minute before Applejack came back and said she needed to run home.

"Somepony came in and placed a bulk order. Ah need to head home and get it ready. I'll see y'all later t'night."

The group gave their goodbyes while Applejack trotted off and then continued on their way to Rarity's residence and place of business, the Carousel Boutique. She had said that she had a gift to give to the human and that she "simply couldn't wait" to get his opinion on it.

According to the unicorn proprietress, her lifelong dream was to bring the product of her craft to all corners of the land. Twilight gave glowing reviews of her friend's work, citing a collection of gowns she had made them for some "Grand something-or-other party-thing" they had attended a couple months prior.

Pinkie Pie's emphatic denouncement of the event and Rarity's own furious muttering was the proverbial LOx on the fires of Jason's curiosity and he kept pestering the group until he was give the whole story.

"And after that, Spike took us all on his own tour of Canterlot. It was much more fun than the Gala, especially since Princess Celestia accompanied us." Twilight turned her head and nuzzled the dragon riding on her back.

"Aw," Spike was blushing… somehow, "it wasn't a big deal, Twilight."

"Nonsense," Spike's blush intensified under Rarity's praise, "you are our hero, Spikie Wikie. If it weren't for you, we would have forever remembered that day with nothing but revulsion and disappointment."

"Aw, well… heh." Spike abruptly stopped stammering and straightened his posture before he spoke with a tone that struck Jason as being 'vapid adventurer' or maybe 'stereotypical superhero'. "I couldn't let the night get ruined for you girls. Especially not after you worked so hard to make those dresses, Rarity."

"Oh, you the most thoughtful little dragon," Rarity gushed.

Jason watched the exchange while he did his best to keep a neutral expression. Past his desperately maintained poker face, he was torn between laughing at Spike's intense embarrassment and the steadily mounting emotions that had been creeping up on him. Spike, in the meantime, had found a distraction he could use to get the attention off of himself.

"Oh, what do you know?" He began, speaking quickly enough to rival Pinkie, "we're here. C'mon everypony, let's get this show on the road." And with that, he vaulted to the ground and ran ahead to open the door to their first stop.

In Jason's eyes, the Carousel Boutique looked like someone had stacked a merry-go-round on top of another, larger one and filled the centers with living space. The group waited in Rarity's showroom as she ducked into her work-slash-fitting room to grab her gift to the human. Twilight had brought him here on his second day in the town with his suitcase to trade words on clothing, which was probably when the seamstress unicorn had gotten his measurements.

They did not wait for long before Rarity rejoined them, bringing a gayly wrapped package with her. Her serious air was broken by her playful tone.

"While I had planned to give this to the ambassador of a newly discovered race, I think that I can settle for giving it to Equestria's first alien visitor." As the box was passed to him, Jason knew he couldn't let the opportunity pass him by.

"Well, little pony, I thank you for this tribute. If it pleases me, I shall notify the fleet that the invasion is postponed." He followed up his statement with a healthy dose of nasal laughter as he began to meticulously pull the wrapping off so as not to tear it.

Rarity tittered at Jason's speech while and Pinkie giggled and snorted. Everyone else's confusion quickly evaporated into mirth as they too realized the human was joking.

Under the wrapper was a mass of fabric, which Jason unfolded into a vest, and a rather well-made one at that. He looked it over, marveling at how closely the main body matched the color of his brown hair and how the strong blue trim and accents set off the cut of the piece. It even had a set of five pockets: one inside the right lapel and the other four making a near square on the front once it was fastened. It was quickly apparent to the boy that Rarity's skill was everything her friends claimed it was.

Emotion once again welled inside him but again he ignored it, opting to bury the feels underneath a bevy of questions about the vest's construction as he tried the thing on.

It fit perfectly, which Rarity said was only natural when Jason commented on it. It had enough give to comfortably contain the light sweater he had donned that morning without budging it up or sagging itself, though the arm holes were cut larger than he thought necessary.

After he removed and refolded the gift, thanking its creator more sincerely as he did so, Twilight ushered the group back onto the street. Rarity excused herself from the rest of the tour, citing a project she wished to finish as she gave her goodbyes.

The rest of Twilight's tour was pretty comprehensive, familiarizing the boy with many points of interest within the town, like the most popular places to eat and the best spots to relax. Their final destination was a gingerbread-house themed building named Sugarcube Corner. Twilight had brought Jason here several days earlier as part of her translation work and he still marveled at the intricate details present both inside and out.

As it turned out, the confectionery was Pinkie Pie's residence and place of employment, and she wasted no time inviting the human inside to properly meet the owners. Carrot Cake was a lanky earth pony with a bright yellow coat and orange hair. The soda jerk hat that the stallion wore gave Jason no small amount of amusement. The other owner was Carrot's wife, Cupcake. She was also an earth pony and possessed a coat that was a few shades darker than Rainbow Dash. Her mane and tail were two-tone pink and styled to resemble swirled frosting.

Both of the Cakes, as the others called them, spoke cordially to Jason, even after he dispelled their notions of him being ambassador. They even gave him a box of six strawberry-cinnamon cupcakes as a "Welcome to Ponyville" gift.

Soon enough, Twilight said she wanted to get back to the library so she could ask Jason the questions she and Spike had written down to ask him. Pinkie said she had baking to get to and wished the human "a most splendifferous rest of the day and I'll see you all later!" as she bounded into the kitchen behind the counter with a final 'yippee!'

The reduced group of five began to make their way back to Twilight's library… tree… home thing. Jason wasn't sure what to call it, but it was definitely all three of those nouns. It was a hollowed tree(still alive and healthy as unbelievable as that was), with a library taking up most of the ground floor(he could appreciate the irony and really respected the mind behind it) and had living quarters on the top two floors(barring the kitchen, which was on the ground floor with the library).

Fluttershy, Twilight, and Spike were discussing what to ask him while Rainbow flew lazily overhead. She soon grew bored and dropped down to talk to Jason.

"So, thirteen years of school huh?" Jason raised an eyebrow.

"You're still not over that?"

"No way! It's school! There's nothing that could take that long to learn." Rainbow looked over at her unicorn friend, "C'mon Twilight, back me up here."

"Hm? What's that Rainbow?" Twilight's head came up as she turned away from her conversation.

"There's no way school could take thirteen years, right? Not unless the teaching is really slow. There isn't enough stuff to teach!"

"Rainbow, I've been a student for longer than thirteen years."

"That's different! It's, like, your job or something. And you're not in school for it." After some thought, Twilight realized what her friend meant.

"Alright, Rainbow, fair point. You aren't counting learning for hobbies or jobs, just the classwork."

"If that means the stuff everypony has to go to school to learn, then yes." Twilight scowled and opened her mouth to respond, but another voice cut her off.

"Rainbow," Fluttershy's voice was hard. Jason figured it to be about sand level, as opposed to the talcum tone she usually took. "You don't need to be rude; she was just asking."

"It's fine, Fluttershy. I wasn't paying attention to her question." Fluttershy relaxed as the tension between the other two ponies dissipated.

"Oh, um… alright then. I'm sorry for interrupting." And with that, she turned back to continue her conversation with Spike, though she kept an ear cocked towards them.

Twilight and Rainbow began discussing the best way to figure out how much schooling it would take to match minds against graduates from schools across Equestria. Twilight took the lead, scribbling down what looked like calculations, while Rainbow seemed to fall into the roll of devil's advocate, pointing out things Twilight missed and adding her experiences in a pegasus-exclusive school. After a few minutes of this, Twilight, looking giddy for some reason, declared that she was going to make a pet project out of it and vanished her notes.

"*Ahem* Well," Twilight and Rainbow looked up at Jason, who felt that he wouldn't have a better opportunity to unleash his wit. "Not that this isn't an interesting topic, but I'm still having trouble believing that you thought I was an ambassador." He was working hard to keep as straight a face as he could, "clothes plus manners does not equal diplomat. I want to have a few words with your mathematics teacher if that's what you've been told."

"What?" was Twilight's intelligent response. Rainbow settled for looking confused.

"The proper equation is 'fancy clothes plus drafted treaties plus subtle insults plus obvious fawning equals diplomat.' It's a fairly obvious set of traits when you apply the requirements of the position with the most effective means of meeting those requirements."

"What?" Twilight's eyes lost their focus as she slowly came to a stop.

Jason, with a smirk on his face, turned to Rainbow, who now seemed to understand what Jason was doing, and gestured to the now-perplexed purple pony. "Is she usually this articulate when asked about math, or have I caught her on an off day?"

Comments

[frayboy15]

7792724
Looks like it hit your favorites list. Nice to see that I met your standards.

[unknowncape7377]

8664570
Keep this story going!!!

[frayboy15]

8983091
It goes. In a direction. At a speed. For a time.

Seriously though, I'm stuck! I started this project and my other works to polish my writing and to get better at true conversation and fluid exposition. I have four characters in a room and I can't get Jason or Twilight to shut up so the others can get a word in; and we still don't know how that translation spell was made!(I know how it works. So, there's that.)

In other news, I've put together a Discord server for those who want to talk story.^{(and maybe help me out of a jam?)}
FiMFic Frayboy is the name and I would really appreciate any help you people would care to give.