Applejack's Favorite Candy

by PromKing2010

A Farmer's Sweet Tooth

It was a serene, pleasant day in the little town of Ponyville. An orange mare with blonde hair and 3 apples as her cutie mark walked down the street. This mare's name was Applejack, and on this particular day, she had developed a bit of a sweet tooth. Now she bucked apples for a living, which was hard work, and nothing beats hard work like a nice, sweet treat as a a reward She walked happily into the local bakery, where Mrs. Cake, co-owner of said bakery, was just pulling a chocolate cake out of the sweltering oven.

"Well howdy Mrs. Cake! I was hopin to pick up some of those famous cupcakes Pinkie Pie's been telling me so much about" she said with a smile.

"Well, it just so happens that I have a fresh batch from the oven right here" she says with a chuckle. She grabbed the tray in her mouth and placed it on the counter. "How many would you like? I made a lot of them so there will be plenty for the other customers."

Just as she finished her sentence, Pinkie Pie came trotting down the stairs, an empty plate with what seemed to be the remnants of a strawberry cheesecake, well, the crumbs at least, and the very top half of a fresh strawberry rolling around.

"I tried your strawberry cheesecake, Mrs. Cake! It was super-duper yummy! Oh hey Applejack!" She ran over and gave her friend a tight hug. "Needed a pick-me-up after working so hard?" she asked. Applejack grinned and said,

"Yeah, Ah think Ah kinda deserve a treat every once in a while. Say, you got any candy around here, Pinkie?" Pinkie looked at Applejack with what could only be described as an ecstatic face.

"Candy? CANDY?! Of course I have candy!!!!!" She grabbed Applejack by the arm and hauled her upstairs to her room. When they entered, Applejack saw something that would make a diabetic have 3 heart attacks at once. Mountains and mountains of candy, all shapes, sizes, colors, and the smell, the smell was delightful, but not overpowering, as one would've thought. "Lets see, I have lollipops, hard candies, soft candies, caramels, taffy, everything" Pinkie said, beaming. Applejack wondered how ants were not overtaking her room.

She looked around, spotted a package called "Rainbow Drops" and picked that one out. "Are you sure you don't wanna try a cherry-changa?" Pinkie asked, pointing to a crepe with cherries and whipped cream oozing out both sides.

"Nah, thanks Pinkie. Ah think these here rainbow drops will do fine" she said. Rainbow drops were kind of like Skittles, but not as small. They were mildly sweet with a bit of a tangy flavor and they were about the size of a quarter.

"OOOOOOH!!! Those ones are always good" Pinkie said excitedly. With that, Applejack reached into her bag to pull out some bits, but Pinkie stopped her. "Its okay! I have plenty of candy" she giggled. "Ah can see that," Applejack chuckled to herself.

She made her way out of the bakery and back towards Sweet Apple Acres. Just then, a bright blue blur whizzed by her and stopped in front of her.

"Hey AJ, whatcha doin?" This blue blur was known as Rainbow Dash, and she was one of Applejack's best friends.

"Howdy Rainbow! Ah just stopped by the bakery for some cupcakes. Pinkie gave me these things called Rainbow Drops. They're good, you want one?" she asked, holding the half open package in front of Rainbow's face.

"Sure!" Rainbow happily accepted the sweet treat from her friend. "Mmm, these are good. But I have an idea. How about I show you what the Rainbow really tastes like?" Rainbow said with seductive eyes. Applejack laughed and said

"No thanks. After seeing what happened to Pinkie Pie in the Cloudsdale Rainbow Factory, Ah'd like to be able to keep my taste buds. Thanks for the offer though. Ah better head on back. Want one for the road?" Rainbow looked at Applejack with a weird look.

"Um, that's not what I meant." When Rainbow said this, Applejack raised an eyebrow.

"Well then what did ya mean, sugarcube? I don't follow." Looking deeply into her best friend's eyes, Rainbow said,

"Lets head to the barn and I'll show you what I'm talking about, cowgirl." Applejack followed as Rainbow slowly flapped her wings, letting herself drift over to Applejack's barn, with Applejack trotting happily behind her.

When they got there, Rainbow looked around, and then said

"Okay AJ, set up a pile of straw. I'll show you what I'm really talking about." Applejack obliged, undoing a straw bail and letting soft straw fall neatly into a pile. Rainbow flapped over to the pile, laid down and looked at AJ seductively.

"Now come on over here, cowgirl" Rainbow said, motioning with a hoof. Applejack complied and laid down on the make-shift bed. Instantly, Rainbow rolled over and started kissing her best friend. Applejack moved a little.

"Rainbow, what're you doin?"

Rainbow looked into Applejack's eyes and said "I've wanted to do this for a long time. Too fast?" Applejack smirked and said

"Ah didn't say stop."

Rainbow moaned a little and said "AJ, you've always been so beautiful." She reached down and grabbed the back of her friend's head and they passionately kissed for what seemed like an eternity. Flavors danced around in both of their mouths. And it wasn't because of the Rainbow Drops Pinkie had given AJ earlier, which, along with the cupcakes, were sitting over on the floor, not too far from the makeshift bed. They continued to kiss, cuddle, and hold each other for the next few hours. Applejack looked up at Rainbow and said

"Y'know what?"

Rainbow Dash looked content and asked "Whats up cowgirl?" Applejack looked lovingly at her marefriend and said

"Now, Ah can really say Ah've tasted the rainbow." The two mares smiled at each other, while the package of Rainbow Drops lay open on the ground.

Author's Note:

This was my first attempt at writing. I hope you all like it! Comments are appreciated, Thanks!

Comments

[Azure Drache]

Hey nice story, some fresh spirit. It gaves me a little smile thanks for that. If I allowed to make an advice, I suggest you should take care a bit more about finishing actions bevore going into another.

[Dark Nightshade]

This was good!

[andrizzi]

I liked the style, very calm and detailed. Your descriptions are quite precise and yet not too much pedantic. I also liked the story, very short and simple. I suggest for you to work on another couple of short stories before you try something more challenging.
Anyhow, I'll just point out one thing that bugged me:

Applejack grinned and said,

"Yeah, Ah think Ah kinda deserve a treat every once in a while.

The first line is a 'said tag', or a short sentence that ends with a comma and requires a dialogue to follow up. You shouldn't leave an empty line between the 'said tag' and the dialogue, it should all be in the same phrase.

Take my advice and read this: Writing guide.
It's a very useful guide to writing fanfiction, and you should really check the parts 'Paragraphing' and 'Dialogue'.

Besides that, I really liked it. The 'taste the rainbow' part took me off guard, in a good way.

[PromKing2010]

7589127 So are you saying that the line you pointed out should all be on the same line? Or...I'm not really following...If you could explain that part to me that would be much appreciated. Oh and thanks for the critique!

[Blast]

Applejack and Rainbow Dash getting some nookie?

[andrizzi]

7589289 If you are confused I recommend you again to read this: http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
It's explained way better than I could possibly do.

That much for the theory, now for the practice I'll give you an example.

She ran over and gave her friend a tight hug. "Needed a pick-me-up after working so hard?" she asked. Applejack grinned and said,

"Yeah, Ah think Ah kinda deserve a treat every once in a while. Say, you got any candy around here, Pinkie?"

That's how you wrote it. I would write it more like this...

She ran over and gave her friend a tight hug. "Needed a pick-me-up after working so hard?" she asked.

Applejack grinned and said, "Yeah, Ah think Ah kinda deserve a treat every once in a while. Say, you got any candy around here, Pinkie?"

That's an example taken from your story. I found similar bricks several times during the dialogue between AJ and RD.

That's, however, is just how I'm used to writing. Remember that the writing guide is not gospel and writing is an art. If you like it, no one has the right to force you into changing it. Besides, finding a common ground and keeping a unique style is what most artists aim to.

[PromKing2010]

7590419 Alright! Thanks so much for the tips! It means a lot.

[Rose Quill]

Nice Appledash. Have a fave.