Chapter One - A Pony who Lost his Way.
Chapter One: A Pony who Lost his Way.
The day had begun ordinarily enough in Alamos Town. The sun was shining and Starly chirped happily. A young Ponyta by the name of Flare Blitz had awoken, eaten some breakfast and now casually walked around town. His hooves clicked steadily against the cobblestone path as he made his way to the gardens where his friends would be waiting.
***
It was another perfect day as Twilight Sparkle ticked off her checklist as her number one assistant, Spike, packed a picnic basket full of delicious treats that he had prepared earlier.
“Seriously Twilight, you don’t need a checklist for a picnic… it’s just a simple get-together.”
“But it’s our turn to bring the food and I want to make sure that we don’t forget anything!” The meticulous unicorn replied, checking off two more items.
“Well as long as we’re not late.” Spike mentioned as he glanced at a clock on the wall. This comment however, also caused the unicorn to panic. Lateness was not acceptable and in a flash of magenta light, Spike found himself along with Twilight at the park.
The dragon gave her a stare and shook his head. “Seriously?”
Twilight gave the dragon a sheepish grin as the two of them set up the picnic blanket and awaited the arrival of their friends, something high above them went unnoticed as the sky shimmered, like a faint ripple along the surface of a still lake.
***
When Flare arrived at the gardens, three Pokémon were already waiting. The first was a female Pikachu who tapped her foot impatiently. The second was an Espeon, who rather than noticing the appearance of the Ponyta, he was busy admiring his own appearance in the water. The third was a large Garchomp, whose body was covered in scars and wore a fierce expression, though it softened somewhat when Flare trotted over to them.
“It’s about time!” The Pikachu said. “Do you know how long we’ve waited here?”
“It’s been about five minutes Lucy!” The Garchomp replied curtly. “Do try and stress less… you’ll live longer.” Lucy responded by poking out her tongue. The Garchomp looked over to the Espeon and called out. “Hey Velvet! Flare’s here!”
Velvet looked up as a wide smile spread across his face. “Flare darling! How wonderful!”
“Hey Vel, how are you today?” Flare said, the Espeon’s personality was a little odd, but Flare didn’t mind.
“I’m super! Thanks for asking!” Velvet replied and then with his paw, smoothed out a patch of fur sticking up on Lucy’s head.
“Argh, dammit!” The Pikachu said, flailing her arms. “Quit fussing over me already!”
“Well seeing as how you care so little to your own appearance, someone must.” Velvet replied indignantly. “So Flare darling, where are we headed today?”
That was a good question, Flare hadn’t actually thought about it yet. “Hmm… I’m not really sure. You guys have any ideas?”
The tall Garchomp, Sapphira, stepped forward. “We could go to the courtyard and wipe out a few trainers?” she suggested, flexing her sharp claws.
“That’s always your idea,” Lucy said. “It seems to be all that you and Flare do lately. I'm not one for battling much and Velvet couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag.”
“Well that’s harsh,” Velvet pouted, but she was right. Battling was for those who didn't want to be fabulous.
“Lucy does have a point." Flare said. He thought for a moment and came up with an idea. " How about we battle a trainer and then we'll take Lucy and Velvet out for ice-cream?” This caused the Espeon and the Pikachu to put on wide grins.
Sapphira deflated a little, but the prospect of making humans cry after she trounced their Pokémon cheered her right back up again. “Well I suppose," Sapphira muttered and turned to the little Pikachu. "But you better cheer for me or no ice-cream."
Lucy nodded and the four friends headed towards the central courtyard… or they would have if the entire town hadn't suddenly gone right to hell in a handbasket.
***
It was just an ordinary day, that’s what today had started out like… now Flare Blitz was running for his life as Dialga and Palkia tore the town apart.
Literally.
Flare had no idea what was going on. The sky that had once been a clear, crystal blue was now a swirling sea of chaos. It was as if the town itself was floating in the swirling, black clouds…
Soon, he was almost there. Every human and Pokémon in the town was gathering at the gardens in the middle of town and he was almost there… and then he tripped. A loose cobblestone slid out from under his hooves and the Fire Horse Pokemon went face first into the pavement. He barely had time to register the pain when the purple energies caught up with him and he was sucked into the void.
***
It was dark, cold... Really cold.
Flare’s breaths became shallow and laboured as he struggled to take in what little oxygen he could. It was like trying to breathe while under a thick blanket and combined with the pain he was in and the fear that he might die... it was not a good combination.
His vision began to fade as only one thought crossed his mind.
“Someone, anyone... help me!”
Something filled his dimming vision with a brilliant light, it felt warm and somehow familiar. He didn’t know what to do, since he was dazed and in pain, but the shimmering light in front of him was so warm, so gentle. He slowly raised a hoof and reached out for it.
“Are you lost?” A soothing voice asked him. “Do you want help finding your way?”
Flare could not respond, but ever so slightly he moved his head as he continued to reach for the light.
“Alright then, I will help you...”
The words barely registered to him as the light shone brighter and he could feel it’s warmth spreading as he lost consciousness.
***
“Would you like some more cake?” Twilight asked her friends as they sat on the large blanket, enjoying the warm sun and each others company.
“Well there’s always room for more cake!” Pinkie said and rather than going for the slice that Twilight was offering, she nabbed the rest of the cake and downed it in a single gulp.
“Mmm!” Pinkie licked her lips and then looked at the five ponies and one dragon that were all giving her an odd look. “What?” She said innocently. “Twilight offered.”
Twilight shook her head and decided to consume the one remaining piece when a loud crack shook all six ponies, along with the sense of peace around them. It was like someone had broken a window and then amplified the sound by a thousand. Twilight looked around, trying to find the source of the noise when she noticed several ponies all looking up at the sky and pointing. Twilight glanced upwards and then let out a gasp of surprise.
The sky was broken.
“W-what’s happening?” Fluttershy whispered as dozens of ponies ran screaming or simply stared at the tear, wondering what caused it.
“The horror! The HORROR!” One pony yelled as she ran for the nearest building to hide in.
“Pinkie... did you do this?” Rainbow Dash suddenly asked.
“Nope!” Pinkie bubbled happily, seemingly unfazed. “Not this time Dashie.”
Twilight’s mind stalled for a second, before kicking back into gear and getting organised. “Okay, we don’t know what that thing is, but we need to keep everypony safe.” She turned to her friends and began to direct them. “Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, can you two keep any curious pegasi from going near it?”
Rainbow saluted and grabbed her timid friend before soaring off into the sky.
“Pinkie. I need you to head back to town and keep everypony from panicking. Think you can handle it?”
“Okie doki loki,” Pinkie giggled and bounced back to town, humming happily.
“What about us darling?” Rarity said. “What can we do to help?”
Twilight thought for a moment, she turned to Spike and handed him a quill and parchment. “Spike, send word to Princess Celestia and tell her what’s going on...” Twilight looked at the huge tear. It seemed to stretch on for several miles. “Though I don’t see how anypony in Equestria could miss that.” She turned her attention back to Rarity and AJ. “Applejack, I’m still not certain, but just in case, can you get any able-bodied ponies ready to defend against an attack... just in case?”
“Ah dunno whut you might be thinkin’ there Twahlight!” The farm pony replied. “But if y’all are thinkin’ that the thing is dangerous... Should we really be gettin’ the townsponies involved?”
“I’m sure that the Princess will send the Guard soon, so we only need them until they arrive.”
“If y’all say so, then ah’ll do whut ah can!” Applejack said and headed off to get anypony she could.
“And me?” Rarity said, “Where do I fit in to your brilliant plans?”
“The best part!” Twilight smiled, “You get to come and help me research on what this anomaly might be.”
“Oh Joy...” Rarity sighed as she started to follow the other unicorn back to the library.
All the plans were coming together, but before Twilight could reach her home, a second crack resounded and a large bolt of what appeared to be lightning, fell from the tear and struck the large fountain in the center of the park, not too far from Twilight and Rarity. The resulting explosion threw both unicorns off of their hooves. There was a third crack and the tear vanished, leaving the serene blue sky intact, just as had been moments ago.
Twilight was the first to get up, shaking her head to try and clear her ringing ears. Helping Rarity up, she looked towards where the fountain had once stood, now a smoldering crater of rubble and smoke.
“Are you okay?” She asked her friend.
“I’ve been better,” Rarity replied and sighed as she noticed that one of her hooves had a slight chip in it. “Though I do hope the spa is open today.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, it seemed that Rarity was just fine. She looked back to the crater and then her eyes widened, something had moved in there!
“I think your hooficure will have to wait,” Twilight said wearily. “There’s something in there!”
Twilight ignited her horn and called up a small breeze to clear the slowly dissipating smoke. What it revealed made her heart skip a beat. There was a figure lying in the centre of the crater... and it was on fire! Her horn lit up once more as she grabbed the picnic blanket and began to try and smother the flames with it, but after a minute or two, it still seemed to have no effect. The flames just wouldn’t go out.
Twilight was sure that would have worked. It made no sense. She panicked slightly, wondering what to do next when Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy joined them. “Hey Twi, I thought I saw something land-” Her sentence was cut short as she noticed the flaming creature. “Whoa! one sec!”
She dashed off, only to return a moment later with a small raincloud to douse the flames with. She positioned to cloud above the creature and prepared to douse it with the water held within it, only to buck thin air as Twilight moved the cloud with her magic. “What the hay Twilight!?” Dash yelled. Was she trying to let it burn to death?
“J-just give me a second,” Twilight half-heartedly responded as she walked closer to the creature. It appeared to be similar to a pony in terms of appearance, only larger and more thinly built. She inspected the flames running along it neck, back and hindquarters, noting several things. One, she couldn’t smell the acrid scent of burning hair and flesh. (She’d set herself on fire enough times to know what that smelled like!)
Two, the flames seemed to be in the same place as where a ponies mane and tail should be. Were its mane and tail actually supposed to be like that?
Three, as she placed a hoof near it, she could feel no heat from it at all. Deciding to take a risk and against the outbursts of her friends, she touched the flames, only to jerk her hoof back in surprise.
“Its... not hot?” She said and to confirm it, she touched the flames once more. The feeling was similar to the Princesses’ mane, it had a an ethereal feel to it.
“This is incredible!” She exclaimed. “I think it’s actually supposed to be like this.”
Fluttershy stepped up next to her and tried it, “It really isn’t hot at all.” She confirmed. But then the pegasus noticed the injuries covering the pony-like creatures body. “Oh my, I think he might be hurt.”
“Then do we take it to the hospital? Or the vet?” Rainbow asked.
“It might be best not to cause any more panic for the time being.” Twilight said, taking charge once more. “Fluttershy, Rarity and I will take it back to Fluttershy’s cottage. Can you, AJ and Pinkie try and calm to townsfolk again?”
“You sure?” Rainbow said dubiously, making a quick glance at the strange creature. “What if that thing wakes up?”
Applejack nodded. “I gotta agree with Rainbow on this one Sugarcube. That critter might be dangerous.”
Twilight sighed, but her friends did have a point. “Alright then, we’ll all go.” Twilight and Rarity’s horns lit up and they gently lifted the equine off of the ground and began to walk to Fluttershy’s cottage.
***
“So uh, what do we do now?” Rainbow asked her friends as Fluttershy wrapped the last bandage and snipped the excess off.
Twilight had teleported off and returned a few moments later with several books in tow. “I found all the books on Equestria’s wildlife I could find as well as lost pony tribes and mythical beasts.” She opened one and began to read as Fluttershy and Applejack took the other two. Rarity decided to go and make some tea while Rainbow just continued to alternate between grumbling about being bored and sending shooting glances at the unconscious Pokémon.
After a while, Twilight threw her hooves up in defeat and groaned. “How can this be? It’s not in any of these books.” Her brain hurt and this rant only made the headache worse. “Just what in Equestria is this thing?”
No sooner had she said that, the blanket covering it shifted, causing the six mares to flinch and take a step back as the creature tumbled off of the couch and onto the floor with a loud thump.
As Flare tried to open his eyes, as he felt a weight on his body, like something was covering him. He shook and it fell off as the sudden exposure to light caused him to wince and close his eyes again. He slowly opened them and once his vision came back, the sight that greeted him was startling…
***
“I think it’s staring at us.” Pinkie whispered.
“Well that much is obvious,” Rarity replied.
“Do y’all think it can talk?” Applejack asked.
“Well Fluttershy can talk to animals, why doesn’t she try with this one?” Rainbow Dash suggested, eliciting a surprised squeak from the demure pegasus.
“That’s not a bad idea Rainbow.” Twilight agreed. “What do you say Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy squeaked again and then nodded her head slightly. She took an uneasy step towards the creature, her eyes never leaving his. Dash and AJ stood ready in case it tried to attack their friend.
***
Flare was a tad confused to say the least. He remembered that he was running for his life in Alamos Town, then something happened, he got hurt and then he felt really cold. He then remembered a warm light and then the next thing he knew, he awoke in a strange place with Pokémon he had never seen before all looking at him and speaking some strange language he didn’t understand.
“What the heck is going on here? Where am I?” He looked around and noticed that his body was covered in bandages. Did those weird Pokémon do that? Oh, wait, one of them was walking closer.
***
Fluttershy stepped closer and began to try and talk to it. “It’s okay.” She said in a calming tone. “We’re not going to hurt you.”
Flare cocked his head to one side. They had been talking gibberish before, but this one… he felt like he could understand her. Not completely like he talked with his friends and other Pokémon, but like when a human spoke to him. He could feel the emotion behind the words and it gave him an understanding of what this odd Pokémon was trying to say. Maybe it worked both ways?
“Where am I?” He asked. “Who are you?”
Fluttershy listened to the whinnies and neighs coming from the creature. They were noises that an equine would make, but it seemed more like it was trying to talk.
“I think it might be confused.” Fluttershy informed her friends. “But I don’t think it will hurt us.”
Rainbow Dash walked up to it and glared at it. “Well it had better not if it knows what’s good for it!”
Flare took a step back as the blue one appeared to be using Leer on him, though it didn’t have any effect so he assumed that it was just really weak. But he didn’t like being threatened and he opened his mouth and blew a weak flame at it, causing the winged Pokémon to jump back with a surprised yelp.
“Didja all see that!?” RD exclaimed. “That thing just tried to cook me alive!”
“Well you did threaten it,” Fluttershy scolded and went back to soothing the startled Pokémon. “Shh, there there. Rainbow didn’t mean it.”
Flare snorted indignantly but had a smug look on his face. Maybe next time the blue one would choose her battles more wisely. But without a way to communicate, this wouldn’t get very far. He looked around his surroundings some more and saw that the place he was in looked like a humans’ home. Were these human-trained Pokémon? Did he get caught too!?
After a bit of searching, he didn’t see any humans around and wondered if they might be out. This might be his only chance and with a burst of energy, he bolted out of the front door.
“Uh, Twi?” Rainbow said. “I think that this might be a bad thing.”
The unicorn hadn’t heard her though. She was already out the door and chasing after it.
***
Flare bolted out of the cottage and headed down a long dirt road until he reached what appeared to be a small town or village, but something seemed off.
One, there were more of those cute, pony-looking Pokémon.
And two, there were no humans to be seen. Anywhere.
Just where in the name of Arceus was he? As he walked through the streets, the odd Pokémon began shouting and running from him. Were they that scared of him? Had they just never seen a Ponyta before?
As Twilight and her friends ran towards town, they saw a large group of ponies running in the opposite direction, screaming about a pony from Tartarus.
“I think we may have found it,” Twilight said, as they got closer to the centre of town and saw the fire pony looking at Town Hall.
“I don’t know where I am, I have no idea what these Pokémon are and they all seem terrified of me.” Needless to say, Flare Blitz was not having a good day. Another yell caught his attention and he turned to expect another of Pokémon yelling at him. Instead, he saw a blue one with a mane that looked like ice cream running after a carriage. He recognised the carriage; it was similar to the one that humans used to transport their young. Did that runaway cart have infants in it?
Without a second thought, he bolted after the cart, racing past the mare running after it. Cup Cake let out a surprised yelp as a tall equine ran past her at blazing speed. At a second look, the pony appeared to actually be on fire! Rainbow Dash also flew past, barely looking back as she flew to catch the Cake twins.
Flare glanced to his left as he saw the blue one with the rainbow-coloured mane flying after him. Was it trying to help too? He focused his gaze back on the cart as he drew closer and just as he was about to grab the handle with his teeth, the cart disappeared from view as it raced down a steep hill.
Rainbow cursed as the cart careened down a familiar hill. As she adjusted her flight path and shifted her wings to enter a quick dive, she saw something that nearly made her fall from the sky. The fire pony blitzed past her at incredible speed, a white light in its wake.
Flare had caught sight of the cliff at the end of the hill and kicked his Quick Attack into gear. It wasn’t the first time he had used this ability to rescue someone and in a few seconds, he caught the carriage with his teeth and dug his hooves into the ground as he skidded to a halt.
When Rainbow Dash finally caught up, though her body was there, her brain was still out to lunch. Just how in the hay was his thing so freakin fast!? But he had saved the twins so that was the most important thing. Getting behind the carriage, she helped him push it back up the hill where a crowd of cheering ponies were waiting.
“Oh thank you so much!” Cup Cake said, her eyes brimming with tears as she hugged the startled flame Pokémon. “I don’t know who or what you are, but thank you!”
Flare had no clue what she was saying, but he got the feeling that this was the mother of the infants in the cart. He simply bowed his head understandingly.
Twilight approached him, looking at him inquisitively. This creature had chased after the carriage and saved the Cake foals. That sort of thinking clearly showed that he was at the very least, semi-sentient. He made equine like sounds when he communicated, like ponies did thousands of years ago before the introduction of the modern Equestrian language. Wait a minute!
“Girls, I have an idea!” Twilight suddenly said. She turned her attention back to Flare and beckoned for him to follow her.
The purple one with the horn seemed to want him to follow her. The crowd of Pokémon seemed to disperse and he still had no idea where he was. “I guess I have little choice at the moment,” he thought. “And I still haven’t seen any humans either…” He nodded once more and followed Twilight through town to her library.
“Um, this might sound stupid,” Rainbow said as they approached Twilight’s home. “But is it a good idea to bring a pony that’s on fire to a place made of wood and filled with paper?”
Twilight paused for a second. One, because Rainbow Dash actually made a valid point and two… Rainbow Dash actually made a valid point. “Well, we’ve seen that the fire isn’t actually hot, so I think it’ll be okay.”
Rainbow just shrugged and decided that Twilight probably knew best. By the time they got there, Spike was waiting for them.
“Where have you guys been?” He asked them. “I heard a rumour about a demon pony running around town and-” His sentence was cut short when he noticed the tall pony walking next to Twilight and his eyes went as wide as dinner plates. “AHHH! DEMON PONY!” he shrieked and ran inside, causing Flare to raise an eye at the dragons odd behaviour and Twilight chuckled.
“Don’t worry Spike,” She called out as they walked inside. “It’s not a demon pony and put that baseball bat away!”
Flare looked around the library, taking in the sights. He had snuck into the library in Alamos Town once with the help of Lucy, but it turns out that a place filled with books had a strict no fire-type policy. Twilight lit up her horn and levitated several books over, reading them simultaneously.
Watching her levitate books around, Flare figured that she was a psychic-type, but her moves seemed to be different than Velvet’s. Looking at the other ones he figured that the two with wings were at least part flying type. The other white one with the horn must be another psychic type and the ones that had neither, well he had no idea. Maybe they were normal types? Possibly ground?
There was a shout from the purple one again as she showed a book to the others and chattered excitedly. Just what the heck was going on?
“I found it!” Twilight exclaimed. “Starswirl the Bearded’s ‘All for One’ translation spell.”
“Are you sure this will work?” Rarity asked, looking at the complex spell. She didn’t even understand half of it.
“Well I’m not one hundred percent certain, but from the observations I’ve made, it seems to be an intelligent creature-”
“It’s a he,” Fluttershy interrupted.
“Huh? What was that?” Twilight asked.
“I said that this creature is male,” Fluttershy repeated. “I just thought that you’d like to know…”
“Well then, as I was saying. I’m fairly certain that he is a sentient creature and this spell should allow him to understand and speak Equestrian like the rest of us.”
Twilight turned her attention back to Flare. “Now don’t be scared,” she said. “I’m going to try something that will allow us to communicate. Do you understand?”
Flare just stood there, returned her gaze with his dark eyes. She seemed to be trying to communicate with him, but he didn’t understand a word she was saying. And they didn’t seem to understand him either. Perhaps she was asking if he was feeling better or something? He nodded once to confirm that he was feeling much better.
Twilight smiled and her horn lit up with a bright glow, her arcane prowess tapping into magic around her and focusing it on the spell she was attempting cast. A tendril of magenta light began to snake its way out of her horn and then suddenly connected with Flare’s head. Both his and Twilight’s eyes began to glow with a bright light as the knowledge began to copy itself into Flare’s mind. The Pokémon blacked out for a second as his mind filled with images and words, none of it making sense to him. It was kind of like watching a television show on fast forward, as memories belonging to somepony else forced their way into his mind.
There was suddenly a loud crackle as the tendril of light connecting them broke and the two ponies collapsed to the ground. Twilight panted heavily as she wiped some sweat from her brow and rubbed her aching horn. Flare on the other hoof was once again unconscious.
“Seriously?” Rainbow Dash said as she poked the stallion on the floor. “He faints more than Rarity.” The alabaster unicorn in question huffed indignantly in response.
“So did it work?” Pinkie asked as she helped Twilight up. “Can I throw a ‘Glad you can Talk and Welcome to Ponyville Party’ yet?”
Twilight shook her head to clear her now jumbled thoughts and looked at the pink pony. “I don’t know… I felt something, like we were connected for a moment. And I think I may have gotten some of his memories somehow… but I can’t remember any details, like something on the tip of your tongue.”
There was a soft groan from the Pokémon as he got to his hooves and shook his head. It felt like a swarm of pissed off Beedrill were living in his brain.
“Urgh, what the heck did you do to me?” He said, causing the six mares to gasp in surprise.
“Did y’all jus’ hear that?” Applejack said. “Ah think he jus’ spoke!”
Flare blinked for a second as he heard the orange one speak… and he understood it. “Did you just say something?” He asked, hearing his voice coming out of his mouth… it sounded a little different.
“It did work,” Twilight said, a little in awe over the fact that it actually worked, and the fact that her brain was overloading with questions that all wanted to be asked at the same time. She decided that there was one that was more important than the others.
“Welcome to Ponyville!” She said with a warm smile. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, what’s yours?”
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!tsriF
.. Er, sorry. At least it's backwards, right?
Aaaaaaaaanyway, great story! I'm enjoying it so far. The only thing that I think could use with some fixing is the pacing. Seems a little too fast in my opinion.
*Reads discription*
Looks like you chose a good spot to get him there. That battle was hard.
I have some good expectations about the writing. Even if this is your first fiction I hope it has its recertch done. Pokémon is something I have followed in 12 years so I am serius when it comes to taking Pokémon in. Again, I hope this will be good.
Wel, well, well, this looks very interesting, I wonder how this will play out. Good beginning by the way, just pace it, it went kinda fast there.
Please, do go on.
Pokemon AND Ponies?
Instant fav
Oooh, mesa likes! Mesa likes! Ehehe, can't wait for the next awesome chapter of APOP!(A pony out of place) :D Keep up the good work, mate!
860484 - Trust me, I have been a Pokemon fan since the release of Red and Blue version and love them to this day.
860462 - Thanks for the great comment. I still writing chapter one and I think I've slowed it down a tad.
i like ponytas they can be soooooooo cute, but when one becomes a rapidash it gets 20% cooler
864393 - Indeed they do!
863195
Good, also this will be interesting. Never seen a fiction where it is just a Pokémon that is moved to Equestria. Have found different Pokémon crossovers but never something in this style. But I have many fictions to read throuh. I hope I soon get to read this. Around 2k unread chapers and many read laters is hell to go throuh, especialy when it always comes in more...
I'll follow it. For now.
You definitely have a valid way of bringing a pokemon to Equestria, and so far, nothing seems to crazy or far-fetched. I'm interested in seeing if this plays out well, or just winds up being a crack-fic.
Interesting!
I'd like to see how Flare Blitz would react if Twilight got angry and evolved into Rapidash.
866860 - Crack-fic? No... my comedy is nowhere near good enough, though there will be some funny moments through out the fic. I actually thought about how to get him to Equestria for a while and the whole "Twilight screwed up a spell" is waaaaaaay overused.
870052 - That just might actually happen!
I'm almost done with the next chapter, just need to re-read it and make sure it's not too fast paced or whatnot. plus...
Ill keep this in the fridge and see how it looks later.
This is good. This is very good. I heartily approve.
Not that I really want to be that guy, but, you at least need line spaces, like a symbol or something to show the transition from worlds and long periods of time.
IE: (ஜ۩۞۩ஜ)
I use these in my stories. I love 'em, anyway, that is about all I can think of except it progressed a little fast. Good morning/day/night to you all.
(Or you could use this ლ(ಠ益ಠლ , hehe.)
It all goes to fast.
I'll read it, but it goes way too fast. I hope the pacing is better later on.
This is a brilliant idea, but the execution is a little lacking.
I thought flare would be more surprised that he can talk...
Also, I dont think he could have gotten out of the farm that easily...
*Hey, dude, Flare is acting strange...*
*I guess he must want to leave*
*But he is a pedigree pokemon, he is worth a fortune*
*Meh, we have more of them...*
Fire Pony
This is interesting, but as others have said, it needs to be slowed down a little. Still, looking forward to reading the next chapters.
wait im confused flare blitz can use 5 moves. quick attack, tackle, wild charge, double kick, and morning sun. its only supposed to have 4 moves...
UR WRONG
2311203
I'd assume this goes by the rules of the show, not the games.
Since, ya know, in the game, Pokemon can't "dodge" attacks until they use Double Team a few times.
The formatting is inconsistent, it seems odd that the pokemon character knows five moves instead of four, scene transitions really need symbols, and the story leaps over things leaving them feeling ill-explained.
In spite of all that, I find myself enjoying it so far, and will be continuing.
Eh, the grammar for quotations could use work, but since I figure you probably fixed that in later chapters, once you had access to pre-readers, sure, I'll give this a go. Seems to be a bit of a Gary Stu at first glance, but it's not like we've had much of a chance to see his bad qualities, so I'll do my best to stay neutral for now.
2312126
Actually, I remember an episode where it was addressed by Meowth, that he could only learn 4 moves.
I am guessing that the pacing improves, seeing that the sequel is featured...
I knew I should've started this when it first appeared, instead of letting it linger on my read later list................oh well, let's go!!
Wow, this rewrite is already better, and I've not even read the first "page" of it. I love that you have both of their sides going on at the same time, rather than doing a chapter on each of them.
i read the first version. i hope the re-write is better
LOL!
The first scene in this rewrite, you never mention that it's in Alamos town. And I really liked the story of how he came to live in Alamos town in the first version. Also, the fact that he "doesn't like to battle" in this new version kinda bugs me. Could you re-rewrite this to merge Flare's backstory from the first version of this fic into the new one? I really liked that part, it fleshed out the character more. That's just my opinion, but hey, I'm not saying this is bad, I'm just saying I liked certain parts of the old version better than the new one.
I wan't more
2718469 - I had a think about what you said and made a slight edit to the first part.
2727684 that's all I ask
so you are rewriting this ... okay, but could you somehow make the old version aviable? Since, without it, it wouldn't make much sense reading the sequel now.
2736812 - Give me a while and I'll post it up on Google Docs. I'll make a blog post with a link once it's done.
2727503 Yeah!
Ugh, i can't bare waiting
2751874 You said it!
Yah, sorry bout this guys. I have been working on the next chapter, but I don't like what I've done so far so it's taking me a tad longer.
Plus I had inspiration for a new story out of the blue and I just had to write the first chapter... all 6500 words of it....
2753777 Yeah yeah whatever MOAR!!!
Do you think you could put up the original version? While I'm sure this version will be better, the original was bloody amazing.
2753777 Oh! Well then take you time.
ok, but now are you going to finish it? or are you just going to sit here twiddling your thumbs?
.........okay, this is one rewrite where I can actually notice the difference!
Flare Blitz? That's eleven letters, silly, you can only use ten.
Seriously, though, this seems really promising. Good idea, great delivery.