• Published 28th Aug 2016
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The Boopening - MaxBeezy



I get caught booping Queen Chrysalis.

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Booping Dragon Lord Ember

OW! Couldn’t you have dropped me onto something softer? Don’t you dragons have beds or something?

Here I am, in a rocky canyon full of dragons who are looking down and staring at me. I must be in the Dragon Lands that I heard about through my trips to the library in Ponyville. I was flown here by a big dragon, who is now perched on a rock and scraping his claws against it. I never thought I would ever be carried around by a dragon, but so many other surprising things have happened this past week, that I really shouldn’t be surprised about anything at this point.

I look all around at the various types of dragons watching. Big dragons. Small dragons. Ones as big as your head. Ones as big as a car. A very diverse set, if I do say so myself. One thing that is catching my attention, is that they are all quiet. Not a growl or a whisper, just pure silence.

Suddenly, flames begin to shoot up from the ground, forming into a line of fire that goes past me, all the way to a throne that I didn’t even notice was there. The flames travel to the top of the throne, illuminating the subject sitting on it.

It’s a small blue dragon, staring at me with her legs crossed, her chin resting on her left hand, and holding a large scepter with a red jewel at the end of it. The dragons cheer in celebration at her appearance. She stands, and slowly flies over to me. When she gets closer, her eyes scan me up and down, and starts to descend. When her feet hit the ground, she then looks up, noticing that I am taller than her.

“Ahem.” she feigns coughing to a larger dragon off to the side. The Dragon comes over with a rock and sets it down. “Thank you.” She hops onto the rock, and is now at eye level with me. “Greetings, human. I…am Dragon Lord Ember.” The second she says her title, the dragons roar loudly. “Do you know why I have brought you here?”

“To boop you, and help you relax?”

“I…” She looks at me like she’s caught off guard by what I said. I’m right on the money. Dragon Lord Ember scoffs and rolls her eyes. “You really have no tact at all, do you?”

“Believe me, it’s an honor to meet you, but there’s no reason to beat around the bush.”

“Idiot…” she says under her breath. Man, that’s a little harsh. She snaps her fingers, and the dragons then take off to the skies to parts unknown. Except for that one on the rock, he's still scratching away. “Follow me.” Dragon Lord Ember floats off to a nearby set of stone stairs, and I follow her. “I had no idea what to expect, when I was sent a letter detailing your exploits, but I thought you would be more…regal.”

“A guy who boops ponies to help them relax is hardly what I call regal.”

“Not just any ponies. You have found yourself satisfying royalty. Twilight, Celestia, and even Queen Chrysalis have all apparently succumbed to your…what’s the word…charms.”

“The last few have been normal ponies.”

“So, you don’t discriminate.”

“I have no reason to. I’m not objecting to booping you, am I?”

“I don’t know. Are you?” she turns to me with a raised eyebrow. I shake my head, letting her know that her wish will become fulfilled. “Is this what you expected to see, when you were being taken to the Dragon Lord?”

“No. I wasn’t.”

“Were you surprised to see a female ruling over such a large army of dragons?”

“Equestria is under the rule of female alicorns, I would have been surprised if you were male.” Dragon Lord Ember smirks slightly. “Though, I am surprised of your…um…size…”

“That’s fair.” she shrugs, not offended at my words. “My father used to be Dragon Lord. He was massive. Probably bigger than your house.”

“Oh, is he…”

“No, he’s alive and well. He’s off seeing the world, like he always wanted, but couldn’t until now. After an event called the Gauntlet of Fire, which I passed, I became Dragon Lord.”

“Must be a cushy job.”

“It’s more stressful than you think.”

“You rule over an army of dragons. I can assume it would be pretty stressful.”

“You may be okay with a small female being Dragon Lord, but some haven’t taken well to it.”

“Well, they’re jerks. Have you considered biting their heads off?”

“I try to avoid violence, idiot.” she snaps at my attempt at dark humor. “Being Dragon Lord isn’t and shouldn’t be about acting like a bloodthirsty tyrant. Maybe in your world, but most certainly not mine.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to offend.”

“I…” she sighs, rubbing her closed eyelids. “It’s fine, but you need to watch your tongue from here on out. Your sense of humor isn’t exactly welcome.”

I am tempted to be cute and tell her that I noticed, but she might not find it as cute as I think it is. Instead, I nod in understanding. Dragon Lord Ember looks as if she’s in enough stress as it is, so I best not do anything to potentially get on her bad side.

Things become quiet between us, and she leads me to a fancy stone door with rather beautiful carvings in the rock. They depict images of battle, and a dragon in an awesome suit of armor cutting down his or her foes. It’s hard to tell what the gender is, but I suppose that’s the point. If male and female dragons are able to become Dragon Lord, then it shouldn’t matter.

My admiration at the picture ends fairly quickly, as the doors open to reveal a large pile of gold. Now, my admiration turns to pure and unadulterated awe. So much gold; if I had such treasure, I would never have to work again! Actually, I’m not working right now. My study of the different species of Equestria is something I’m pretty much doing out of curiosity, as I’m not currently being paid for it.

Eventually, those bits Princess Celestia gave to me will run out, and I’ll have to get a job. Maybe I could get a job at Canterlot Castle, or maybe with Princess Twilight. I wonder if Queen Chrysalis has any positions open?

Dragon Lord Ember throws her scepter on the pile of gold and jumps in, herself. She smiles and splashes some gold around, stretching herself out in relaxation. I watch as she writhes and coos on the pile of riches, and I’m taking note of her body structure. It’s fascinating, really. Though she’s a dragon, and has obvious signs of such; the claws, the scales, the wings, the snout, there is something quite feminine about her appearance. I’m almost tempted to take my notebook out and write down the similarities between her and human females, but Dragon Lord Ember quickly sits up after her series of stretches.

“Have a seat.” Dragon Lord Ember palms the gold.

“You want me to sit in the gold pile?”

“This is my bed.”

“What…are we going to do on the bed, Dragon Lord Ember?” I become hesitant.

“You’re going to boop me, idiot.” she rolls her eyes at me. “Get down here.”

“I-WAH!” I try to say, but Dragon Lord Ember forcefully pulls me onto the gold pile. The speed of the action made the contact with the gold hurt. I suppose that dragon scales can make such a pile seem soft, but my fragile human skin isn’t taking kindly to it. “This is your bed?”

“Of course it is. I’m not a fan of your soft and fluffy mattresses. Laying on a pile of gold and diamonds is much more comfortable.”

“Diamond-OW!” I yelp. My hand has been poked by a sharp diamond. No bleeding, but it still hurts. I rub my palm as Dragon Lord Ember watches me in annoyance.

“Your species must be a fragile bunch.”

“Not too fragile. I think being vulnerable to stabbing is a universal thing.”

“It’s hard to penetrate dragon skin. Our scales provide protection against most harm. Thinking about that, it makes me wonder if this booping thing is a waste of time. In all likelihood, I won’t feel what you are doing.”

“Oh, well…if that’s how you feel…” I start to get up, but she brings me back down. “Okay…never mind.”

“I didn’t say no.” Dragon Lord Ember scoffs. “I’m sensing hesitation. What’s the matter? Afraid that I’ll eat you?”

“No.”

“Then, what’s wrong with you?”

“Because you’re probably very stressed, and I’m scared of your reaction.”

“My reaction?” Dragon Lord Ember’s eyes widen in surprise. “What does my stress have to do with the reaction?”

“Everything. I’ve come to realize that the higher the stress, the bigger the reaction.”

“What’s the most extreme reaction you’ve gotten?”

“One pony tried to have her way with me, while the other jammed her tongue down my throat.”

“I…uh…ah…” Dragon Lord Ember is at a loss for words. That’s surprising, I figure she would scoff and… “If that’s what you think is going to happen with me, then you better keep your expectations in check.” she scoffs. Ah, there we go. It was a delayed reaction. “I wouldn’t lower myself by attempting relations with a creature like you, no matter what reaction this…booping…may cause.”

“Uh-huh.” I say with trepidation “Well, I guess we better get this over with, then.”

“Fine.” she sighs “Let’s get on with it.”

Dragon Lord Ember moves into a position facing me, and I do the same. I’m actually hesitant about this; booping a dragon. Booping a pony and a changeling was simple, due to their similarities, but this is a different species entirely. The worst part is, Dragon Lord Ember looks a lot more aggressive than any of the other subjects. With her claws, she could rip me to shreds if I do the wrong thing.

It’s now or never. I can’t delay this any further.

Boop.

I feel the scaly nose of Dragon Lord Ember. It’s not soft like a ponies; it’s even harder than Maud Pie’s strong nose. Dragon Lord Ember looks unimpressed. I boop her again, but the slick nature of her nose makes my finger slide upwards and across her bridge. Dragon Lord Ember lets out a surprised “hmm?”

Did I do something wrong? Uh-oh.

“I’m sorry!” I say quickly “Your nose is a bit slippery.”

“Do that again.” she says.

“Huh? Do what again?”

“What you just did. Slide your finger up the bridge of my snout.”

“Ummm…okay…” I respond. Well, she doesn’t look mad. That’s a plus.

I do as she asks. When I press on her nose, I slide my finger up her bridge, and stop between her eyes. I slide my finger back, and I see a smile creep up on her face. Dragon Lord Ember doesn’t tell me to stop, so I do the action again. And again. And again. I hear her chuckle and see her sharp teeth as she grins. She…she actually likes this.

“Go further.” she says.

“What do you mean?”

“Move your finger up to the top of my head.”

I once again do as she asks. I slide my finger up her bridge, and the slide upwards to the top of her head. She coos at the touch. I am about to go again, when her head moves on its own, rubbing against my finger and forcing it up her head. I’m not moving at all any more, as Dragon Lord Ember proceeds to do all the moving herself. She grazes her head against my finger, moving it to the top, and sliding it back down. She then grabs my hand, and positions it to behind her right horn.

“Scratch.” she demands.

“What?”

“Scratch.” she repeats “I’m itchy.”

I scratch the back of her horn like it's an ear. Scratching at scales is a strange thing. I remember petting reptiles back on earth, such as snakes and blue tongued skinks, but I was always careful, as I had a fear that my finger tips would somehow damage their scales. I should do the same thing with Dragon Lord Ember.

“Scratch me harder!” she yells, dissatisfied by my carefulness.

I obey her order, scratching her harder. Her mouth opens into a smile, and her back left leg starts kicking at the gold, like a dog who has found their sweet spot. The sight is…actually…kind of adorable, but also a little weird. Dragons having a commonality with dogs is something I’m did not expect.

Dragon Lord Ember then grabs my hand, and moves it to the bottom of her chin.

“Scratch here, now!” she demands again.

I shouldn’t be one to argue, even though this has no longer become a booping session. I scratch as hard as I did behind her horn. Dragon Lord Ember lifts her head upwards, with loud moans and laughs leaving her mouth, and her back leg kicking wildly again. This is moving away from what I said earlier. This isn’t adorable, it’s just plain weird. I don’t know how long she wants me to scratch, but I’m not stopping until she tells me to.

Suddenly, Dragon Lord Ember grabs my hand, and starts dragging it down to her chest, rubbing it up and down again and again, and making me feel the various muscles around the area, moaning as she does it.

Again, I cannot help but take back what I said earlier. This isn’t just plain weird…it’s just plain…strange. Wait, isn’t that another version of weird? Okay. It’s awkward. Hold on, that feel less than weird. Uncomfortable? Yeah. Yeah, that one is better.

This is just plain uncomfortable.

Dragon Lord Ember’s eyes snap open, bringing my hand to a full stop. She looks down, seeing my hand on her chest, then looking back at me. Gradually, she gives me my hand back, allowing me to rest my hand down on my lap. There’s an awkward silence between us. A really awkward silence. I just had my hands all over the Dragon Lord, and she knows it.

“That was fine.” she says drolly.

That’s just crap, right there. Plain and simple. She loved it. But…I can see why she isn’t saying so. She has an image to maintain. She wouldn’t want to tell her dragon kin that a human made her kick wildly like a dog. The shame would be astronomical. Or, maybe it would be fine. Dragon Lord Ember doesn’t look like she wants to take that chance, though.

“Glad to hear it.” I say, confused, but with a nod.

“T-That doesn’t mean I want any repeat business!” she stammers a little “I-I am only saying that you did well.”

“Well or fine?” There is a bit of difference between the two words.

“Quiet!” she waves off my question. I don’t press further. “I…um…I can see why ponies like this. Not saying that I did, but I can see why PONIES do.”

“Still, I’m glad to see that you’re…uh…satisfied?”

“Satisfied? I…” she thinks for a couple of seconds “…sure, let’s go with that.”

“Good.” Another awkward silence falls between us. I glance around the room, looking for something to talk about. I find nothing. I suppose… “You want me to go?” I ask.

“Huh?” Dragon Lord Ember ponders “Hmmm…yes. I don’t have any further use for you, so that makes sense.”

“Alright.” I get up and head for the stone door, when I realize…I’m in the Dragon Lands! There’s so much potential research that could be done here! “Hey, Dragon Lord Ember, can I come back to see you again at some point?”

“What?!” I can see a little bit of blush on those scaly cheeks. I have no idea why, unless she’s taking my question the wrong way. “I-I told you! No repeat business!” Yeah, she mistook my question.

“No, not that. I’m a zoologist. I study animals, and I was wondering if I could come back at some point to study you and the dragons. I’ll be sure to stay out of your way.”

“O-Oh.” she understands “Yeah, that would be fine. If you want to come back here, send a letter, and I’ll send a dragon over if I agree to it.”

“Great.”

“Oh, by the way. If you tell anyone what happened in this room, I will find you and kidnap you.”

“What? Kidnap me?”

“Yeah.”

“Not kill me or hurt me?”

“Nope, just kidnap you.”

“For ransom?”

“No. I don’t need gold.”

“I…” her threat doesn’t make any sense. Why would she kidnap me instead of just clawing at my face or something? That would be much more threatening. I’m not going to question this any more than I already have. “Fine. But, Princess Celestia DID send you a letter about the booping. Can I tell her that I booped you and you were fine with it, and nothing else?”

“ESPECIALLY nothing else.”

“Good to know. Umm…who do I look for to give me a ride home?”

“You can find Rocky by the rock he landed on when he dropped you off. He’s always there.”

“So, the same dragon who picked me up?”

“That dragon.”

“Okay. Well…see you later.”

“Yes, go on.”

I leave her chambers and go on my way back to the outside, where I see Rocky on his rock. I ask him for a ride back, and he rolled his eyes before snatching me up like he did when he took me to the Dragon Lands.


Getting home was not as scary and being picked up away from it. That’s because I didn’t feel like I was being taken against my will, so the ride was a bit more pleasant. I’m not the greatest fan of heights, but I get the feeling that if I made a stupid mistake and fell off, Rocky would catch me. Well…I THINK he would catch me. That eye roll he did could have been him being annoyed at this task, and if I fell, he wouldn’t care.

I would care. Falling to my death would suck.

Luckily, he sets me down at the entrance of Ponyville. Before I can say thanks, he flies back up into the sky. I guess that much be a comfortable rock, if Dragon Lord Ember says that he’s always there. Oh well, I should get home and write some notes down about my experience with the Dragon Lord. The booping session was odd, but at least it didn’t go any further than it did earlier today with Ms. Harshwhinny.

Hey…is that Spike by my house?

Hey…is Spike holding gasoline?

Hey…IS SPIKE TRYING TO BURN DOWN MY HOUSE?!

“Hey!” I run up to Spike and grab his gasoline canister “Give me that! Why are you trying to burn my house down?!”

“I saw you going into Carousel Boutique! You were booping Rarity, weren’t you?!”

“Booping Rarity? No! No, I was booping Ms. Harshwinny! Didn’t you see her walking out of Carousel Boutique? Did you even look in the windows?”

“Booping Ms. Harshwhinny in front of Rarity? Does Rarity like that sort of stuff?”

“Hold on. I was with them a couple of hours ago. How long did it take you to get this gasoline?”

“Gasoline is hard to find in Ponyville. The hardware store was sold out, so I had to go to Canterlot to get it.”

“Okay, that opens up a bunch of different questions, like how many ponies need gasoline for reasons…” I shake my head of any thoughts that ponies might be more devious than I thought. “Never mind that. Spike, do you even know what booping is?”

“Of course I do!”

“What is it?”

“It’s…you know…” Spike blushes at having to say it “It’s…sex.”

Boop. I boop him on the nose. He slaps my hand away.

“That’s booping.” I say.

“THAT’S Booping?” Spike’s eyes widen “What…why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Because the last time I tried, you wouldn't listen and threatened to burn my house down! Where are your matches? I’m taking those, too.”

“I’m a dragon. I breathe fire.”

“Oh. I can't just take you, then. Well…I’m keeping the gasoline.” I go to the front door. I’ve had enough of this conversation.

“Hey! That’s expensive!”

“BILL ME!” I shout, and slam the door. I may be a little harsh on him, but he did try to burn my house down.

I set the gasoline container down in the kitchen, and go to my living room couch. Ah, my wonderful soft couch. Much better than sitting on a pile of gold and diamonds. I can see why it would be comfortable for a scaly dragon, but for me, nothing beats a nice fluffy mattress.

I close my eyes and sigh in relaxation. Maybe I should rest here for a little while, and clear my head of all the craziness that has happened to me today. With Ms. Harshwhinny’s sudden make out attack, and Dragon Lord Ember dragging my hand all over her, I think a quick rest is well deserved for…

Umm…my pants feel like they’re being tampered with.

I open my eyes to see…Ms. Harshwhinny fiddling with my belt buckle. How did she get in the house? Did she even know that Spike was planning on burning it? I would have hated to see her become a casualty, or at least injured, if Spike made due on his plan.

Wait a second…

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” I shout. I have no time to feel sympathy, she’s trying to get at me, again.

Ms. Harshwhinny looks up at me, seeing that I have caught her, and she jumps off the couch and towards the open window by the front door. Ah, that’s how she managed to sneak in. How did I not notice the open window until now? Oh right, the gasoline.

I watch Ms. Harshwhinny jump out the open window, and run off into the distance to parts unknown. I shut the window quickly.

I really need to invest in window locks.

Author's Note:

Credit to shoutingisfun for the pic. I found it on derpibooru, and it was too good not to reference in the fic.