Booping Princess Twilight Sparkle
I never thought I had to do this. Going to the house of a purple pony princess to explain that booping didn’t mean something lewd. This evening is getting better by the second, with more improvements coming from the other town ponies watching me make my slow approach to Princess Twilight’s castle. I can hear their hushed voices, but I can’t make out what they say. To me, it sounds like “sss-shwishissss….”
Utterly incomprehensible.
I have made it to the castle. Such a huge place. I’m surprised it’s just home to Princess Twilight, her dragon assistant named Spike, and a mare named Starlight Glimmer. Sure, her friends arrive for their meetings on…friendship or something, but for the most part, it’s just her and the other two. I don’t see Starlight all that much. Well, I haven’t seen her at all. Actually, I don’t see many ponies that much, either, aside from my time getting groceries.
Am I stalling? I’m stalling. Better knock on the door.
The door feels like I’m knocking on crystal, despite that it looks like wood. Kind of hurts, but oh well. The door opens, revealing Princess Twilight. She yelps upon looking at me, and immediately tries to close the door in a rush.
“Wait!” I put my foot in the open space. Bad mistake, as the door hits my foot with force. Ouch. Nothing broken, but still ouch.
“Oh my goodness, I’m sorry!” Princess Twilight pleads. “I didn’t know your foot was there!”
“It’s okay.” I halfheartedly wave, trying to endure the pain. “It’s my fault.” I recover from my pained tone of voice. “Princess Twilight, I have to explain something to you.”
“There’s no explanation needed.” Twilight shakes her head, “I have to apologize. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s not my business who you…”
“Booping is not what you think it is.”
Twilight ceases her apology and widens her eyes. “Wait…what?” she says. “What do you mean?”
“I think it’s better that I explain it to you inside.” I tell her. It’s a bit strange having this conversation under the watchful eyes of the other ponies of the town. I suppose that, despite living in Ponyville for a few months, I’m still somewhat fascinating to them. I don’t blame them. If any one of them ended up in my world, they would be the talk of the town. Especially Queen Chrysalis.
Princess Twilight fully opens the door, and I step inside. Her castle really is beautiful. Amazing architectural design. Also shiny. Not blindingly shiny, but it does give off some fairly bright reflections in the right light. Luckily, the sun is setting, so there’s no chance of sudden blindness.
Princess Twilight takes me into her study, which already has a nice fire going in the fireplace, giving off a warm and welcoming atmosphere. She gestures for me to sit down. There aren’t any seats around, so I sit on the carpeted floor by the fire place, with a nice comfy pillow under my backside.
“So…” Princess Twilight sits across from me. “Booping….isn’t a euphemism for the act of mating?”
“No.” I say with a chuckle, “I’m sorry that I made you think that. I thought you knew what it was, so I didn’t explain it to you properly. I don’t think Queen Chrysalis is sorry, though. She really wanted you to think booping meant the other thing.”
“I’m surprised you’re friends with her. But, if she’s not causing any trouble, then I guess it’s okay. Let me know if she tells you of anything insidious, okay?”
“Twilight, it’s fine.” I try to assure her, “She’s been a good friend to me.”
“To you, yes, but she was pure evil when I first faced her. I once saw an alternate future where she took over Equestria, and she was STILL evil.”
“Oh.” I pause. I had no idea Ponies have the ability to see into a potential future. One more thing to study. “I suppose that IS pretty bad. But, that world didn’t have me in it, did it?”
“No.” Princess Twilight giggles. “Maybe you’ve reformed her somehow.” she says, but then gets serious. “Still, if you see anything….”
“Don’t worry, I’ll let you know.” I nod, before continuing with “Now, about this booping thing.”
“Right. What is booping, actually?”
“In my world, the act of booping is meant to be a sign of trust…”
“Among your people?”
“No, not for people, but for cats.”
“Cats?” Princess Twilight tilts her head to the side in curiosity.
“Yeah. Cats can be a rather skittish bunch, and there are some methods to let them know that you mean them no harm. Sometimes, you give them food, show affection, like petting them, or you boop them.”
“Really?”
“Really. It works on a lot of cats, but not all of them. That’s why I was surprised that when I tried it on Queen Chrysalis, she responded so positively.”
“But, why would you perform a trust act that is usually reserved for cats?”
“The way Queen Chrysalis moved. The way she growled and slunk around the ground. It reminded me of a big cat, like a panther. I didn’t want her to hurt me, so I did the first thing that came to mind.”
“I see…” Princess Twilight nods in general understanding. “It’s actually kind of sweet that she trusts you so much. When she was posing as my brother’s fiancee, Princess Cadance, she was so cold and uncaring, which was how I figured out that something was wrong.”
“You’ll have to tell me that story, sometime.”
“You could ask her yourself, now that you know.” she smirks. “Now then, if booping isn’t some form of mating, then what is it?”
“It’s simple. I take my finger, and lightly prod your muzzle.”
Princess Twilight quickly shakes her head around at a fast rate of speed. The look on her face is telling me that she cannot believe what she just heard. The only thing the Princess can do, is stare at me for an exorbitantly long time. It’s not hard to understand, though; being told that a method to calm one down is to poke their nose can be quite incredible to hear.
“You…prod the nose?” she finally says. “Is…is that it?”
“Yeah, that’s all there is to it.”
“You don’t…when you boop Chrysalis, you don’t…like…massage her ears? Pet her mane? Rub her belly? None of that?”
“Nope. Just a…” I simulate a boop, “…boop, and that’s it.”
“That can’t seriously be it. No, you have to be doing something extra special. Something that she likes to make her keep coming back.”
“I swear…” I put a hand over my heart, “…that is all I am doing. Nothing special. Just a boop.”
“Wow…” Princess Twilight exhales, “It’s hard to believe that the Queen of the Changelings can be tamed by such a simple act.”
“I don’t know about tamed.” I chuckle, “But it does make her at lot less antagonistic.”
Princess Twilight puts a hoof to her chin; delicately tapping in while humming in deep thought. I don’t know what is going through her mind. If I was telepathic, maybe, but as I watch her eyes dart around the room, while making occasional glances at me and my hands, I’m beginning to think that she’s going to ask…
“Well, now that I know. You think…if you want to…you can boop me?”
There we go. Of course she was going to ask that. After I told her that booping was nothing more than a sign of trust, friendship and comfort, it shouldn’t have been that hard to figure out that that was going to be her next question.
“Um…yeah, sure.” I say. I get closer to her, and she gets closer to me. This is going to go either very well, or very poorly.
Booping Queen Chrysalis was one thing, but now I’m booping a Princess of Equestria. She has connections to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the uncontested rulers of the land. If I mess this up, if she finds it unsatisfactory, this could lead to some very very bad ramifications that I don’t want to know about. What is the punishment for making a Princess unhappy? Death? Life in the dungeon? Death while serving life in the dungeon? The possibilities are endless!
“If you don’t feel comfortable booping me, I understand.” Princess Twilight speaks up, breaking my train of bad thoughts. “I’m not Queen Chrysalis, so I probably won’t be as good.”
I wince at her words. Now I can’t get the meaning of double entendres out of my head. The thing she just said. The way she said it. It sounds less like I’m going to poke her muzzle, and more like…oh my god. If anyone heard us on the other side of the door, I’m sure there would be a lot of questions surging through their heads. I have to stop thinking about this. No, I NEED to stop thinking about this. For the sake of my sanity.
“N-No, it’s fine, Princess. I’ll…um…boop you now.”
Princess Twilight shuts her eyes tightly, as I raise my finger up, getting ready to boop her on the nose. My finger gets closer and closer to her nose, as a bead of sweat makes its way down my cheek.
Boop.
The finger has landed on her nose. It give it a small press. Not as much pressure as I usually give Queen Chrysalis’ muzzle, as I’m not sure how hard Princess Twilight would like…oh, jesus…how HARD? God. No, brain. Stop it! I hate you!
Princess Twilight’s eyes open, crossing them to look at my finger pressed up against her nose. Slowly, I move my finger away, and she watches it detract from her nose, and back to me. I stare, wondering if she liked it or not.
“How was that?” I ask.
“That was…okay.” Princess Twilight says after moments of thought. “Maybe you should try it again.”
I shrug, and boop her on the nose again.
And again.
And again.
Each time I boop her, her face shows a more pleasant expression, like she’s enjoying the sensation. It’s not like Queen Chrysalis’ reactions, where she giggles and sticks her tongue out, but more like she’s sighing out of comfort and relaxation. This is actually pretty good research; seeing how a pony reacts to a boop in comparison to a more otherworldly creature. It’s quite fascinating. Once I am finished, I plan on writing into my handy dandy notebook that I carry around in my back pocket.
When my finger approaches her for another boop, her head swerves around my finger, and nuzzles against my hand, like a needy dog wanting to be pet. My eyes go wide at her action, but my hand, as if on instinct, opens up and allows her cheek to brush against my palm.
Princess Twilight. The Princess of Friendship. Is rubbing her cheek against my hand. And I’m letting it happen. Her sighs of comfort turn into small but horrifyingly noticeable moans. Her head rubs itself all over my hand, as if begging me to pet her. I almost feel like obliging, as there is something rather adorable about this whole thing, if one pardons the strange noises emanating from the alicorn. However, before anything more could be done, the royal horse noises stop, as she jerks away from my hand with wide open eyes, and the exact same expression of confusion and fright as me.
There’s nothing to really say to each other. I just wanted to show her what booping was. She was the one who took it to a weird place. I mean, yeah, it’s great that she didn’t react negatively to the booping, but I wasn’t expecting her to react like…THAT.
But…you know what…
“This is amazing!” both Princess Twilight and I say, as we move away from each other. I take out my notebook, and furiously scribble in my findings when booping her. In the corner of my eye, I see Princess Twilight scribbling with the same kind of ferocity onto a piece of parchment. I’m not going to think too much about it. She’s probably writing it down for research purposes as well.
I am finished with my notes. As odd as the experience was, these were some excellent findings. With Queen Chrysalis, she showed signs of amusement and playfulness. With Princess Twilight, she showed signs of relaxation and…and...I don’t even know what else, just that she really really liked it. I turn to Princess Twilight to see her rolling up the parchment.
“Spike!” Princess Twilight calls out. “Spike! Come here!”
Princess Twilight’s faithful dragon, Spike, comes running into the room like there’s some big emergency going on.
“What is it, Twilight?” Spike looks past her to see me. “Oh, hey.” he gives me a small wave. “What’s he doing here?”
“Nevermind that, Spike!” Princess Twilight tosses the rolled up parchment at him. “Send this to Princess Celestia, immediately!”
“Wait.” I hold my hand up. “What are you…”
“I’m on it!” Spike makes a enthusiastic salute, and uses his dragon breath to make the letter disappear.
“Hold on, what did you just send?” I ask.
“I sent Princess Celestia a letter about our booping!” Princess Twilight says with a wide smile.
“Your booping?!” Spike gasps with disgust, “Ew! What did you two DO in here?!”
“It’s not like that, Spike.” Princess Twilight waves it off, before turning to me. “Show him what booping is.”
Hm, booping a dragon seems odd, but if Princess Twilight wants me to. I reach down to poke Spike on the nose, when he suddenly swats it away.
“Get that finger away from me!” he shouts. “I don’t know where that’s been!”
“It’s been with me and Queen Chrysalis.” Princess Twilight says bluntly.
“Dude!" Spike sticks his tongue out in revulsion, “A Princess AND the Queen of The Changelings?!" He points at me with antagonism, "Have you no shame?!”
“Spike, it’s not…” I try to correct the misunderstanding, but…
“You’re gross!” Spike runs out the door.
I sigh. Well, looks like I found myself in another fine mess, and so soon after clearing up the other one. Now, Spike is the one that thinks booping is some sort of weird thing. Maybe I should just reword it. Poking? No, that won’t work. Maybe if I said “I’m going to boop you on the nose,” instead of “I’m going to boop you,” it won’t lead to any confusion. That could be a fine alternative.
Wait up, Princess Twilight had a letter sent to Princess Celestia about the booping, and I got way off track by all this booping talk again.
“Princess Twilight? What ABOUT the booping did you tell Princess Celestia about?”
“Oh, don’t worry. It specifies the act as well as you have. I made sure not to be vague about it.” she smiles. I sigh in relief. “I talked about how relaxing it was, and how you used it to hopefully reform Queen Chrysalis.”
“I see. Well, that’s good then.”
“I also told her to send my findings to other ponies.”
Wait…
“Other…ponies?”
“The ones that I know would enjoy this kind of treatment.”
“How many are we talking about here?”
“Oh, I’m talking about a lot of ponies. You have no IDEA how many ponies are out there that could use a good booping. I know Applejack gets a lot of stress on the farm. Rarity can get pretty frazzled when working on her dresses. Then there’s A.K Yearling, Ditzy Doo the mailmare, the Great and Powerful Trixie can also get kind of antsy on some days…”
“Twilight, I don’t know a lot of those ponies!”
“Don’t worry, you will soon enough. They’ll love you, and your booping skills!”
“Skills?! Twilight, I was fine with showing you what booping was, and now you’re asking me to boop all of Equestria, too?!”
“Not all of Equestria, just the ones I know will benefit from you.”
“But, my studies! I need to learn more about this world and the creatures that inhabit it!”
“And you will!” Princess Twilight starts to push me out the door. “You’ll learn first hand about us, and you’ll start as soon as possible!” Princess Twilight gets me all the way into the hallway, and closes the door with a quick “Good night!” and a slam.
I’m all alone in this hallway. The nice walls and various sculptures seem so cold and distant. Which is what I would be saying if I wanted to be dramatic. Also, I’m not really alone in the hallway, because Spike is here, too, and he doesn’t look happy to see me.
“Hey, Spike.”
Suddenly, the little dragon jumps up and latches onto my shirt collar. Wow, he’s fast! It’s a bit scary, I have to say. I wonder if he’d be open to talking to me about dragons and their habits and culture. Probably not right now, though. He’s mad.
“You listen to me…” he growls, “If you ever boop Rarity, I will burn your house down.”
I roll my eyes at his threat. It’s a bit of an overreaction, if I do say myself. It could be funny if I booped him on the nose right now, and show him the what for. But my extremely limited knowledge of dragons has taught me that they have sharp teeth. Spike is really mad, and he might try to bite my finger off if I tried to boop him.
“Come on, Spike. You’re overreacting. Booping is…”
“I know what booping is!”
“Ummm…you do?” I raise an eyebrow. It’s hard to believe him if he’s this angry. “I don’t think that you do. Let me explain…”
“No need!” Spike lets go of me and jumps onto the floor. He walks backwards, doing that thing where he points at his eyes, and then points back at me. “I’ll be watching you. If you disobey me…you know the penalty.”
“Spike…” Too late. He’s already run off further into the castle. I could call out to him; the walls can cause a loud enough echo.
However, it could be funnier to lead him along and get back at him for the threat later. We’ll see how I feel later down the line, if I run into this Rarity and do what Spike doesn’t want me to do. I don’t even know if I actually WANT to do it. I got things to do. My schedule has always been to look at the wildlife, and boop Queen Chrysalis, and now those plans have been flung out the window.
I mean, I could try to get my research done in the morning, assuming that these ponies show up in the afternoon. I know Queen Chrysalis arrives around the late afternoon, so any research can conceivably be done before she arrives. I just have to make sure to tidy up the house before she shows up, while also doing my desired research.
Then, there’s the issue of these ponies. Would they actually want this? To be booped by a total stranger. Well...yeah, there’s the whole human thing, and I’m sure some of them would be curious, but who else did Twilight want that letter sent to?
Hmm...Rarity, huh? I’ve heard of her, and I think I’ve seen her around town during my errands. White, purple hair, has diamonds as a mark. Guess the little guy has a bit of a crush on her. Wait, what am I guessing for? He threatened to burn my house down! I like my house!
Oh, well. I guess I should go back…um…there’s another pony in front of me.
Heliotrope coat, purple mane with an aquamarine stripe, persian blue eyes. Ah, this must be Starlight Glimmer. Either that, or a pony that snuck in and is trying to rob the place.
“Are you Starlight Glimmer?” I ask.
“I sure am.” she says with a grin, “And you’re the human who likes to boop ponies.”
“Oh my god…” I facepalm, “…look, here’s the thing…”
“Library. Five minutes.”
“Excuse me?” I lean down further to her. “What did you say?”
“Library. Five minutes. You’re going to show me all about…”
“Okay, I’ve had enough of this bit.”
Boop.
I prod Starlight Glimmer’s nose, effectively shutting her up. She looks at my finger pressed up against her muzzle in a shocked fashion. I can’t get through to anypony with words, so I might as well take action. Once I remove my finger, she has no idea what to say.
“THAT’S what booping is.” I say, annoyed.
I walk away from her and exit through the front door.
I don’t stop, even when I hear her say “Hey, I liked that t-“ before I shut the door.
I just want to go home and get a good night’s sleep. I’ll deal with the ramifications of this day at a later time.
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This is hilariously sliding towards disaster.
I am loving this story. Keep up the good work!
um, okay, right this could get weird
I like it... A lot :)
Can't wait for more
7521762
in all fairness he did this to himself
"Comparative boopening of the pony subspecies" is not a thing that would survive having to go through a thesis defense, I think.
Damn. That's even worse than regular lavender unicorn syndrome. What does heliotrope even look like? I believe it's a kind of semi-precious gem, but I've never actually seen one.
7521736 and thats how Equestria welcomed there new human booping overlord....
This is very intriguing, i wonder if luna's gonna show up on his dream for him to boop her.
Mmmm.. Boops all around.
A second chapter! The Booping has doubled!
7521811 I don't know. I can see it going very well if our intrepid hero ever made it back to his world and presented his findings to the President.
President: "Son, you were meant to go to this world, and study its inhabitants. Why, may I ask, did I get a five hundred page long dissertation on...*reads closer*...booping, and you running around poking its inhabitants on the nose?"
Hero: "FOR SCIENCE!!!"
President: "To the hague with you!"
Oh gosh, this is hilarious. XD
Oh my. Twilight sent a letter to Celestia about the wonders of booping ponies on the nose?! Looks like this human's life in Equestria has taken a very weird and interesting turn now.
I am now curious on how booping a gryphon would go.
7521899
Incoming booping Nighmtare moon into Luna :D
7519497
I wasn't actually disagreeing with you, just looking at it from a semi-realistic viewpoint. I get the joke. Random thought.
I shall add this to the Tracking list. For Science!
7521968
My point was more that even if you're being "realistic" about it, the humor comes from the fact that it's an entirely true statement, but it also doesn't actually tell you anything. It's not something that only a mind-controlled individual could say, so it has no proof value in either direction. Therefore the face-palm - that's the kind of thing Twilight "For Science!" Sparkle really should've picked up on.
Eh, now I have explained it enough that it's not funny anymore anyway. Whatevs.
Again, why do ponies think 'boop' equals sex? I know that's the joke but are they slightly brain dead about how many euphimisms of sex that actually makes sense while 'boop' is just a silly word for poking someone's nose?
This, this is too funny.
7522022 There's no telling the sorts of upbringing they would have in this instance regarding the word 'boop'.
7522048 That is true...also nice to see your not dead on this site Lep
7521736 Yup. Very, very close.
It won't quite reach it though just like limits in calculus though.
A refreshing dose of humor on a monday, Thank you for sharing!
I'm sure that soon enough he'll be booping all the royalty in the land.
"Celestia give me bits"
"No"
One boop later
"OK!"
Bless this fan fic, i want more
Hopefully there's more
*sits in a nearby chair, awaiting this story to continue and picks up a cup of tea* Well done, ol' chap!
Beautiful!
I think you mean your.
7522152
Celestia give me Equestria!
No
*Boop*
And that is how the humans took over Equestria
This is actually like..
Great..
Like so funny and great, its just good, i love it.
ANOTHER!
''Sir! Boop machine gun loaded and ready to fire!''
''Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes!''
*Millions of pones charging, all lined up*
''FIIIIIIRRRREEEEE!!!!!!''
I'm seriously enjoying this. This is a gem of a fic. Please continue it
7522152 And after that first one, it'll be:
"Celestia give me bits"
"No"
"No boops for you then"
"OK!"
Wow I can't wait to see what happens next keep up the good work update more
7520287
7522409
Thank you both for the catches. I've been combing over the fics for errors before I publish them, but even then, a couple of errors still make it through. Thanks.
7522212 Don't worry. Best love bug will remain a player in the story. She won't be in every chapter, but she will still be integral to the plot.
s2.quickmeme.com/img/2c/2c814ce579c3c4d69e9ec0a7987de0dc7268cf8da1f2e3d681b8e8809507eed0.jpg
7522639 Then immediate disappointment follows.
I would really like to 'boop' all of my friends. ALL of them. I'm sure they will love to be booped. God I love double entendres.
Your story has reached the top of the featured list on 8/29/16.
https://postimg.org/image/mai0n1bt7/
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bwahaha, that was great! more please!
This is ridiculous. This story is so good. I hate how goofy stuff like this gets me so well because it goes against my desire for character and seriousness. Its not to say its not well written its just that its so simple and while sitting down and analyzing would give me all the sufficient answers to my thought it would take away the enjoyment one would get from just enjoying the story.
Well... ok then.
Welp Chapter 2 encouraged me to post this
Hehehehe, I am so glad there's more to this, this is an awesome story and I would love to see this Booping go so far!
Nice job!
7522926
Hahahaah XD That was hilaroious! 
noice!
Wait for it
Wait for it
THATS WHAT SHE SAID
I am sorry
I'm a pervert and this makes me laugh
booping makes me laugh :D
Ish. too.
KAWAII
yas
the boops are realz
7522926 hahaha I love that video I wish there were more like it!
I was planing on reply to several coments with the intention of getting a few cheap laughs out of a few others and giving witty relies. But I had other things to do and in the end I'm not going to.
Well I almost busted my sides reading this chapter.
Can't wait for more Booping shinanagins!
-BFBL