• Published 28th Aug 2016
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The Boopening - MaxBeezy



I get caught booping Queen Chrysalis.

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Booping Princess Celestia

So, I’ve learned something new today, thus far.

Cows in Equestria can not only talk, but they aren’t used for meat. I feel bad now, for eating them back on Earth. Normally, in my line of work, I would merely watch the animal to see their habits, but now I can just walk up to them and ask them myself.

“So, you don’t have four different stomach compartments?” I ask a cow named Daisy Jo, who speaks to me in an accent that sounds distinctly Canadian.

“You have to pardon me with the big talk, mister.” she replies in a polite manner. “I’m not as smart as you, dontcha know.”

“Sorry.” I rub the back of my head in embarrassment. She chuckles at my mistake, but not maliciously. This Daisy Jo is a real sweetheart. “When you eat your food and swallow, does it stay down, or does it come back up?”

“It stays down there, dearie. Nothing comes back up, unless we’re sick.” Daisy Jo turns to another cow nearby, named Bessie, “Does your food come back up when you eat?”

“Not that I’m aware of!” Bessie replies.

“See? Nothing comes up. Why do ya ask?”

“There are cows where I come from, but they’re really not like you gals. Except for the appearance.”

“Do they bring their food back up?”

“Yes. There was a common misconception that they had four stomachs, and…” I remember who I’m talking to. “They would bring their food back up, and continue eating it to break it down more, before properly digesting it.”

“Oh, heavens! That sounds a bit gross, dontcha know?”

“A little bit.” I chuckle.

“Do the cows where you come from talk?”

“Not at all. They make a few noises, but can’t hold a conversation like you. Where I come from, cows are mainly used for milk and…” I pause. I’m not going to tell them that their kind is slaughtered in my world. That would horrify them! “Actually, just for milking.”

“Just like us!” Daisy Jo says happily.

“Hey, if you gals aren’t busy, do you mind if I watch you graze for a while? I just want to take some notes down for extra comparisons.”

“Go right ahead, sweetie. We girls are gonna be here for a while.”

“Great. Thanks so much. Have a good day.” I wave goodbye to her, and walk a distance to some nearby bushes, where there is a nice bit of shade to sit and take notes.

A day has passed between the night Twilight sent that letter to Princess Celestia and today. Surprisingly, yesterday was all but uneventful. I stayed indoors, out of expectation that a pony was going to come knocking and ask to be booped. I wasn’t that disappointed that no one showed up, but it did make me a little upset that I never got to go outside for the day. To be fair, though, I did like the quiet, and it gave me time to watch more quality Equestrian programming on the television.

Equestia’s television programs and films are not unlike those from my world, except for the obvious difference that their programs have ponies as the actors. Equestria has their superhero films, their romantic comedies, their mindless action epics, and their silly horror films where character do impossibly stupid decisions. Those are the best to watch. Then again, they’re also the best to watch with company. It’s not entirely great to watch a horror movie by yourself if the intention is to goof off and make fun of it. Having someone else next to you that loves to do the same thing is ideal.

I don’t really want to think about this too much, as it’s eating into my note taking time. Daisy Jo and her herd of cows are happily grazing along the field; eating up flowers and hay provided by the farmer ponies nearby. I have to make sure not to stay out too long, though. Queen Chrysalis will be arriving soon for our appointment.

You know, the weather is really nice, today. Not too hot, not too cold. It’s that perfect temperature that makes me want to stay here for hours on end. I don’t anything can spoil the calm and serene mood I’m in, right now.

RUSTLE RUSTLE

Hm, the bushes behind me are rustling. Must be a squirrel who has found some nuts or something. No big deal. It happens. Now, back to…

RUSTLE RUSTLE

The bushes are rustling even more. Now, it sounds like something has popped out behind me. I know this, because I can hear breathing, and the breath is pushing my shirt against my back. Slowly, I turn around to see who this mystery guest is.

It’s a while alicorn. She’s wearing a nice golden crown. She also has long hair that looks like it’s alive, simulating something akin to a rainbow river.

Um…is this Princess Celestia?

“Uhhhhhh….hi?” I say with caution.

“Good morning.” she says in a friendly tone. If nothing else, she seems nice.

“Are you Princess Celestia?”

“Yes, I am. It’s nice to meet you.” she smiles. This would be a pleasant meeting, if not for the fact that most of her is hidden away inside some bushes. “Would you mind if I lay down next to you?”

“No…I don’t….think so…” I reply slowly.

Princess Celestia fully emerges from the bushes, revealing her grand and illustrious figure. She’s tall; taller than any of the other ponies in Ponyville. She’s pretty much as tall as I am, and second only to Queen Chrysalis. I can’t imagine how tall she’d be if she stood on her back legs. Her stature complements her royal looks, showing a sense of regalia and strength.

I’m impressed. Still…she came out of those bushes not seconds ago. If she flew down and landed before me, I’d be bowing before her in an instant. The bush emergence is also present in her endlessly flowing hair, with leaves and sticks protruding out of her otherwise gorgeous mane.

Before I can open my mouth to tell her that there are sticks and leaves in her hair, she lays down next to me with a smile.

A silence between us ensues. She isn’t asking about my day, or my research, or what I am doing here, she’s just staring at me with curled lips, and a wiggling rump.

Wait, hold on. Wiggling rump?

“Princess Celestia?”

“Yes?”

“May I ask what you’re doing here?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Not….entirely?” I say in the form of a question. “I think I can take a guess. Do you…want to hang out?”

“In a sense.” Princess Celestia giggles, “I received Twilight’s letter the other night, and…”

“Oh…” it makes sense now, “You want me to boop you.”

“Yes. That would be preferable.”

“You realize that…”

“Booping is touching my muzzle, yes I know.” Princess Celestia laughs heartedly. “Twilight made sure to make that point clear. She told me all about the misunderstanding between you two. I apologize for her naiveté.”

“No, no apologies necessary.” I wave it off, “It’s kind of funny, in retrospect.”

“She also mentions you are friends with Queen Chrysalis. I extend my congratulations. It’s nice that she was able to find a friend.”

“Yes, well, she’s been a great friend these past few months.” I raise a hand up as she’s about to speak. I assume she’s going to talk about Queen Chrysalis’ misdeeds. “But, I know that she did some things before we met, and like I told Twilight, if there’s anything I notice, I’ll inform you.”

“There’s no need for worry.” Princess Celestia giggles again, “Twilight has always been…worried…about impending attacks, but Queen Chrysalis hasn’t attacked the kingdom for well over a year now, nor had there been any reports of her armies doing any harm. I always figured that she realized the error of her ways, or retreated back into her home.”

“So…you don’t see her as a threat anymore?”

“Unless she gives me reason to think so. Has she been nice to you?”

“She’s been really nice to me recently.”

“More than usual?” Princess Celestia queries with curiosity.

“Yeah. I mean, she’s been relatively friendly for the most part, but she’s started to apologize for being forgetful, or being generally…well…sweet.”

“Sweet?” Celestia thinks. It feels like quite some time is passing by during her moment of reflection. A smile inches across her face as she then nods. “I see.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” she shakes her head dismissively. “Now then…about my booping?”

“Right.” I nod. I position myself, facing Princess Celestia, who is looking at me with an expectant grin. That wiggling rump is getting me a little worried, though. “Princess Celestia? Why is your rump shaking around?”

“Huh?” she looks back at her wriggling rump. “Oh, I’m just excited, is all. Twilight really sold your booping as something fun. Are you…disturbed by my excitement?”

“No. It’s just…” I draw another parallel to cats. “The way your body is moving, it’s like you’re going to pounce me, much like a cat would do.”

“No, no, no.” Princess Celestia shakes her head, laughing. “I’m not going to pounce you. That would be very unlike me.”

“Okay. Just making sure.” I smile. “Alright, here goes.”

I raise my hand up, and form it into a pointed gesture. Princess Celestia looks at my hand with an excited grin, and her rump sways side to side even faster. I’m still not convinced that she won’t pounce me, but I’ve delayed this long enough. I swallow my words and bring my finger forward.

Boop.

My finger has landed on Princess Celestia’s nose.

Her eyes cross, much like Princess Twilight’s did, looking at my finger against her muzzle. When I remove my finger away, she stares at it in disappointment, but then smiles again when I bring it back and prod her muzzle once more.

“This is nice.” Princess Celestia closes her eyes in comfort. “Keep going until I tell you to stop.”

She likes it. That’s good. It’s nice that I’m going three for three on the list of pleased customers of the booping station.

I keep booping Princess Celestia on the nose. Each time I do it, she relaxes even further. Light giggles escape from her mouth, but not as lively and as animated as Queen Chrysalis. It gets even more low-key with further boops. Actually, it almost looks like she’s getting tired. Is she bored?

“Do you want me to stop?” I ask.

“No. Keep going.” she replies in a tired voice, “I like it…”

I almost feel like stopping, but if she still wants me to continue, then I guess I should keep on going.

I continue to boop Princess Celestia, and it gets to the point where she yawns, like she’s going to fall asleep. Seriously, should I stop? No, I think I’ll keep going. If she tells me to stop, then I’ll stop. So, I keep booping her. Her swaying rump gets less excited, and more still. Guess my booping is more relaxing to her than both Princess Twilight and Queen Chrysalis combined.

After about thirty boops, Princess Celestia’s wings begin to unfurl. Wow, they’re beautiful. The feathers look so soft and comfortable. Maybe after I’m done booping, I can ask if I could touch her wings for myse-ummm….they’re wrapping around me.

What’s happening?

Princess Celestia lets out another yawn, and gets closer to me with her forelegs reaching out for me like I’m a pillow! No, no, get away! I’m not a pillow! I’m not…

ARGH! SHE’S ON TOP OF ME! PRINCESS CELESTIA IS ON TOP OF ME!!!!

The weight of Princess Celestia isn’t horrible, but it is enough to pin me to the ground below. Her vice grip around my body with both her forelegs and her wings are more alarming than her body weight. I can barely move. Only my left arm is free. Her neck is pressed against my neck, making my voice strained to talk.

“Ack! Celestia! You’re…you’re on me! What’s…ack…going on?”

Snore…..

Um….is Princess Celestia…sleeping?

Snore…

She is! Princess Celestia is actually sleeping on me! I’ve become a pillow! A human pillow! I can barely move, I can barely breathe. I’m literally trapped under the weight of royalty, and there is no way out, as far as I can tell.

“The cows! The cows will help!” I look to where the cows are. Oh, wait. The cows are gone. “Dammit.” I have to get out from underneath her, but how? I put my free hand against Princess Celestia’s side and I lightly push her from side to side. “Hey…um…Princess? It’s time to wake up.” No response, just small snores. I push a little bit harder. “Please, wake up?” Still nothing. “Princess Celestia.” I say firmly, “I must implore that yo-arck!”

Princess Celestia’s head moves to the left, and her neck covers my face.

Crap. Now I can’t breathe.

Her soft skin and coat are suffocating me, and it’s not fun at all. I squirm and struggle, trying desperately to get her to move. Eventually, she moves, and all the air returns to my lungs. I have to get out of here, and fast.

Oh, wait. My notebook!

My right arm is now the one that is free, while the left has been trapped by Princess Celestia’s position change. I grab the pen next to the notebook, and start writing. It’s much harder to write while trapped under the weight of a Princess.

“Princess Celestia, when booped, becomes so relaxed, that she falls asleep. Note to self; if done again, make sure to boop her someplace more comfortable.”

Now that I’m done with notes, I should concern myself with waking Princess Celestia up. Maybe I should shake her a few more times. This would be a lot easier if I had both hands instead of just one. I shake her around. It’s not working. I shake her around, only harder. Still not work-ack! Her grip is tighter!

Princess Celestia moves her head again, and now my left side is once again freed, and my right is out of commission.

I need to..oh, Queen Chrysalis! She’s arrived, and she’s looking at me with concern, and a little amusement. Don’t try to hide your amusement, Chrissy, I can see it on your face! Still, I’m grateful she’s here.

“Chrysalis!” I smile in happiness at her appearance, “Thank god you’re here!”

“Ummm….it’s not that I’m not happy to see you, but God is currently on top of you. Why are you thanking her for my being here?”

“It’s a figure of speech. Now, I’m kind of having trouble breathing, and her grip is too strong for me to handle.”

“Yes, I can see that.” Queen Chrysalis smiles, “What in Equestria caused her to…”

“OH MY!” Another voice screams out.

I turn my head to see another mare has stumbled upon this situation. She looks familiar. White coat. Purple mane. Diamond mark.

“Rarity?” I say. This catches her attention.

“Oh, it’s the human!” Rarity says in worry.

“Actually, my name is…”

“What is Queen Chrysalis doing here?!” Rarity interrupts, pointing at Queen Chrysalis, before realizing… “And what is Princess Celestia doing on top of you?” She then gasps, “Did you two conspire against her?! Is she dead?!”

“No, Rarity! She’s not dead!” I struggle to say, as Princess Celestia’s grip has gotten tighter. “She’s asleep! She’s asleep because…ack…I booped her!” Rarity’s mouth is about to open, no doubt to demand what booping is. “It’s prodding someone’s nose!”

“It’s a sign of trust and comfort.” Queen Chrysalis finishes the explanation for me. “I’m here, because he regularly helps with my stress with his booping. I mean Equestria no harm, anymore.”

“Oh…well…” Rarity considers this, but is realizing she has little time to make a decision. “If you’re not attacking, I can only assume you’re here to help the poor dear and the good Princess.” Rarity walks closer, and the two come to me. “What can we do to help?”

“I’ve been trying to get Princess Celestia off. My booping made her too relaxed, and now she’s sleeping.”

“We have to find a way to push her off.” Queen Chrysalis nods to Rarity. “She’s strong, so we have to work together on this.”

“Right. For Equestria.”

“Okay, it’s not that dire.” Queen Chrysalis rolls her eyes. She places her hooves on Princess Celestia’s side, as does Rarity. “Okay, ready? Push!”

Queen Chrysalis and Rarity push with all their might. I try to lend a helping hand. Unfortunately, even with the combined might of these two mares, Princess Celestia still isn’t budging. They try more times, each effort stronger than the last. They keep pushing until….uh-oh.

Princess Celestia has moved her neck onto my face, and stops moving any further.

Oh crap. Crap, crap, crap! I can’t breathe!

“Sweet Celestia!” I can hear Rarity gasp, “Celestia is unintentionally killing him!”

I shake and struggle to get Princess Celestia to move, but the tight grip is preventing me from making any progress with her. Oh no! Is this the end for me? Is this how I go? To be suffocated by a Princess? Is this how I was meant to go out? I always thought I’d have a more dignified death. Maybe something like…saving the world….or…I don’t know…saving the world. I said that already, didn’t I? I can see my life flash before my eyes.

Huh, my life was pretty uneventful, all things considered.

“CELESTIA!!! EQUESTRIA IS UNDER ATTACK!!!!” Queen Chrysalis shouts at the top of her lungs. “TIREK IS INVADING AND EATING ALL THE CAKES!!!”

“WHAT?! CAKES?!” Princess Celestia immediately lets go of me and stands up. “YOU FIEND!!!” Princess Celestia unleashes a battle cry and starts shooting magic at the sky in a machine gun like blast. She fires onwards for such a long time, that the cast of that movie Predator, who spent a minute firing their guns in the jungle, would think that she’s being excessive.

By the time she is done, I have regained my normal breathing habits, and am now looking at her in fright. I have to make notes not to anger her in any way, shape, or form.

“What?” Princess Celestia looks around for this Tirek. I don’t know who that guy is, but if it’s enough for Princess Celestia to go full Schwarzenegger, then he must be a bad guy. “There’s no Tirek.” She then sees Queen Chrysalis and Rarity, and looks at them, surprised. “Oh, Queen Chrysalis…and Rarity. What are you…” she looks down to see me looking up at her. “Oh, my. Did I…”

“You fell asleep on me.” I say.

“I am so sorry!” Princess Celestia backs away, allowing me to stand and pick up my notebook. “Please, forgive me! I guess your booping was a bit…relaxing.”

“That’s putting it mildly.” I chuckle, stretching my back and cracking my neck. “You fell asleep on me, and gripped my body like a pillow.”

“Are you injured?”

“Nothing a few stretches can’t fix. I was more worried about my air supply.”

“This is embarrassing.” Princess Celestia shakes her head. “Allow me to extend my deepest apologies.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t get hurt, so…”

Princess Celestia nods with a smile. She then looks at Queen Chrysalis, and smirks at her with a bit of deviance, which is rather odd, I must say. “So…this is what he did to tame you?”

“W-what?” Queen Chrysalis’ eyes dart around the area. “What are you talking about?”

“I must say. I’m surprised to see that such a simple action was able to turn you to the ways of friendship. I guess the booping was a very…liberating experience for you.”

“I-Um…silence!” Queen Chrysalis scoffs. “It’s merely delaying my world domination plan! I will rule this world with an iron hoof!” She raises her muzzle up in defiance, but I can see a blush on her cheeks. Awww…Queen Chrysalis…

“You keep telling yourself that, darling.” Princess Celestia chuckles. “Anyway, I must be off. I realize that I have twigs and leaves in my mane, and must take them out.”

“I’ll help!” Rarity jumps in. “I have some wonderful ideas for that mane that I’m sure you’ll love.”

“Well, my afternoon schedule has been filled up.” Princess Celestia smiles. “Good day to you both. Queen Chrysalis, you’ve made a wonderful companion.” She laughs and trots away with Rarity.

“Ooohhh…that Celestia.” Queen Chrysalis seethes. “Sometimes, I do wish I actually had a plan to take over Equestria.”

“So, you were bluffing.” I walk to her and smirk.

“Of course I was bluffing! I have no plans, but I can’t let her know that! She sees me as weak! I’ll show her! I’ll…”

“Hey…hey…” I place my hand on her shoulder. It’s been a while since I have seen her angry. It worries me when I do. “She’s just playing around…I think…”

Queen Chrysalis looks at me. We stare for a bit, but her frown then turns to an amused smirk. She chortles and shakes her head. Her foreleg then pushed my chest in playful fashion, and I chuckle along with her.

“I guess I’m a bit stressed.”

“Well, that’s why you have me.”

“Are you sure you want to recommence the booping? After all, you just had a rather taxing experience.”

“I’ll be fine. I don’t have to worry about you sleeping on top of me.”

“Can you even imagine if I did that? You’d be done with me after the first boop!”

We laugh together as we walk back to my house. Queen Chrysalis’ ears perk up, as if realizing something. She looks at me while we walk.

“Hold on. Princess Celestia knows of your booping?”

“Yes. I told Princess Twilight about it, and she sent a letter out to Princess Celestia. I guess she wanted to test it out before sending out a mass letter to anypony that wants it.”

“Wait, wait, wait…a mass letter?”

“Princess Twilight wants her to send the letter to certain ponies that could benefit from the booping.”

“I certainly hope you charge for it.”

“I never thought about it.” I think. “Fine then, you’ll be my first customer. Five bits for five boops.”

“Oh, Tartarus no!” Queen Chrysalis laughs out loud. “We’re friends! If you do the average amount of boops, then that means I owe you five hundred bits!”

“Okay, I’ll do a discount…um…” I think some more. “How about…you watch a scary movie with me tonight, and stay for dinner?”

Queen Chrysalis stops in her tracks. I turn to look at her with a look of surprise and a little bit of shock. Did something get her spooked? I look around the area to see if there was something around that could be frightening, but I see nothing.

“You okay?” I ask.

“Huh?” Queen Chrysalis breaks out of her little funk. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine.” She goes back to her happy mood, and we continue our walk. “A scary movie, huh? Fine then.” she snorts in amusement, “But, I get first pick.”

“You better pick a good one. Actually, the worse the better. I plan on making jokes as we watch.”

“Oh, you want a BAD horror movie to make fun of, huh? Well, I have a few ideas!”

“You’re on.”