My Little One Shots

by Dashea Rayne

Hoof to the Head

Hoof to the Head

“Attention!” a raspy voice barked out so loudly that several of the Pegasus ponies almost flattened their ears. Seeing this, taking it all in stride, Rainbow Dash trotted up and down before them, making sure that all were standing with their hooves placed properly, heads held high and wings tucked back.

After a couple more turns, she belted out, “Today, you become cadets of the Wonderbolts. Today, you will unlearn everything you have learned on what it means to be a Wonderbolt, then relearn, properly, what it exactly means to be a Wonderbolt. Today, you begin that lesson by learning how to listen and to properly take commands. To know when to follow them, when to question them and when to disregard them, which none of you should ever do, as none of you are even twenty percent as cool as I am. Do I hear a yes ma’am?”

Several Pegasus ponies affirmed this and starting to trot back and forth, the cerulean mare hollered, “I can’t hear you!”

Louder this time, nearly all of the cadets yelled, “Yes ma’am!”

A quick flap of her wings and Rainbow Dash alighted before a golden yellow Pegasus with a Cutie Mark of a red lightning bolt. Glaring at him, she screamed, “You, cadet. Twice now you have failed to sound off like you have a reason to sound off. Why is this?”

“Ma’am,” the Pegasus replied, looking forward and not at her. “I do not feel learning how to listen is an important lesson. I already know how to listen. I also know how to take an order. Just as I do not know anything about the Wonderbolts, but am willing to learn. Something I do not feel can be learned from a lesson in listening. I feel that we should move onto a different lesson. Ma’am.”

Rainbow Dash, remembering what Spitfire had told her, glared at the Pegasus and recalling his name was Thunderclap, took a step back and gave him a friendly look before replying, “So, you believe that listening isn’t important. How would you learn anything if you didn’t listen,” and, unable to actually believe she was saying it, she furthered her point by explaining, “A pony who doesn’t listen is just like the pony who fails to pay attention to his or her surroundings. Sooner or later, they are going to crash and burn,” thinking as she did that she sounded like Twilight, which made her think that maybe she was hanging around the Princess of Friendship too much.

A cocky look crossing Thunderclap’s face, he immediately shot back, “The Pegasus who catches flies with only part of the pinion can accomplish anything. Ma’am.”

“What the hay?!” the cerulean Pegasus thought, thinking that she had heard the quote somewhere. Unable to place it, recovering herself, not showing that she’d been thrown off her stride, she countered with, “Listening and being able to take and follow commands is one of the first steps in becoming a Wonderbolt. Just as knowing which commands to follow, which orders to ignore, and which directions to question. You cannot just skip steps and do whatever and hope that everything turns out all right in the end. If you do it that way, you’re just going to end up with something that is ineffective and can be easily taken apart.”

“I didn’t sign-up for lessons in listening, ma’am,” Thunderclap neighed out. “If I wanted that, I could have stayed home and had my mom harangue me about how I fail to pay attention. So, are you going to show me something different? Or do I have to put in a request to be transferred to a different battalion, ma’am?”

Unable to believe the brass on this one, Rainbow Dash wanted to fly into his stupid face and put him in his place. Instead she took a deep breath and further thinking of what Spitfire taught her, she adopted a stern look. Barking out, “Thunderclap. You have failed to live up to what it means to be a Wonderbolt cadet. However, I am willing to go easy on you, this time. Step forward, cadet. I’m going to show you a very secret tradition very few learn on their first day.”

The cocky look never leaving his face, Thunderclap glanced at the other cadets and nickered, “That’s how you get ahead. You show them who is worthy of being in charge,” as he stepped out of line and placed himself a couple inches from Rainbow Dash.

“Observe closely, cadets,” the cerulean mare stated and before Thunderclap could blink, Rainbow Dash slapped him upside the head with her front left hoof, bellowing out, “Hoof to the head,” as she did so.

Thunderclap, stumbling slightly, blinked, shook his head and whinnied, “What the…You clopped me in the head!”

A nod and the cerulean Pegasus snapped out, “You are lucky. Few cadets learn of the secret technique of keeping a Wonderbolt cadet inline,” and turning, she started trotting away, preparing to continue her drill.

Behind her, Thunderclap shook his head and nickered angrily, “That was entirely unfair. I wasn’t ready. Why don’t you try that again, Rainbow Crash?”

Faster than any of the cadets could follow her, their drill instructor whipped around and planted her front left hoof again upside Thunderclap’s head, uttering “Hoof to the head,” as she did so.

Thunderclap, now looking dizzy and having some trouble focusing, grinned and patting the cloud in a feeble manner, whimpered out, “Mind if I lay down for a moment, ma’am?” before trying to use his wing to salute and promptly falling over, his back leg twitching somewhat as a rivet of drool escaped past his lips.

“Now, if we can continue,” Rainbow Dash barked out and preparing for the next part of her lesson, she was stopped, this time by a white and sky blue Pegasus named Dewy Star, who stepped forward, saluted and stated, “Ma’am. I do not think Thunderclap is wholly wrong. I think today we should learn something else, besides just listening and the ways to take orders. Ma’am.”

From on the ground Thunderclap made a moaning noise, as if to say this wasn’t a good idea. Agreeing with him, the cerulean drill instructor replied, “Perhaps you weren’t listening when I was explaining how skipping steps could be wrong? Or perhaps you didn’t understand? This is why you need lessons in how to listen.”

“Many apologies, ma’am,” Dewy Star replied, “But I understand several things. I understand that listening is just as important as observing, ma’am. I understand that if you go off and do something hotheaded, like challenging your teacher, it will only lead you to pain and trouble, ma’am. And, I understand that you should always get in the first shot,” and spinning about, she attempted to pop Rainbow Dash in the head with one of her rear hooves.

The feeble attack missing, the cerulean Pegasus didn’t even twitch a wing. She’d been expecting it, having watched as Dewy Star’s body give all the tell-tale signs she was about to do such a stupid thing and glaring at the cadet she calmly stated, “You missed. You to shall learn the same honoured technique as Thunderclap.”

“You know, you really don’t have to,” the female Pegasus replied nervously whilst backing up and looking wildly about.

Before any of the cadets could blink, the cerulean mare launched her right hoof forward and clopped the Dewy Star upside the head, neighing out, “Hoof to the head,” as she did so.

The white and blue Pegasus dropping to the cloud, her instructor didn’t even blink and instead began trotting back and forth before the remaining cadets. While she did this, Rainbow Dash, belted out, “Can any of you sorry excuses for cadets tell me what proper lesson should be learned before we return to the intended lesson?”

“Neither Dewy Star nor Thunderclap could hit you, ma’am” a Pegasus on the end replied. “They attacked individually. So we should attack as a group. Get her.”

A smile crossing her face, Rainbow Dash had been hoping for a scuffle and working quickly as the remaining cadets launched themselves toward her, she began repeating, “Hoof to the head,” as she dropped one cadet after another. Moments later, all the cadets lay on the cloud, moaning or unconscious and looking at the one who had started the group attack, she grinned and stated, “That was your plan. ‘Get her’.”

Behind her, someone cleared their throat and whirling around, Rainbow Dash found herself facing Spitfire. Immediately saluting her superior, she listened as the gold Pegasus said, “New cadets?” looked at the fallen class and commented, “Told you hoof to the head would help,” before chuckling and flying off.

The smile never leaving her face, the cerulean mare waited a moment till the captain was gone before spinning around and facing the new cadets. Looking at them, taking note of the ones who were already trying to stand back up, she belted out, “Right, on your hooves. Now! I want five hundred laps. Afterward, we have a busy day ahead of us. Including learning how to listen, take commands, when to question those instructions and when to ignore them.”