The African wildlife has started to grow furious with the new changelings presence. Chrysalis has been feeling the same thing too.
So on one day, Chrysalis and five of the most dangerous african animals will meet together and finally put an end to the war.
However, things don't turn out so normal as one would think...
(Criticism is welcome!)
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That actually made me chuckle. I like it, it was strange, and funny.
My only criticism is that there are a few spelling errors.
Either way, this is something I haven't seen before. So good job on that.
7461047 7461078
Thank you both! I'll make sure to correct these errors in a later story.
This sentence is technically correct, but it's pretty awkward.
I like this better:
Next:
little typo there. "the the".
each animal taking its time. And you don't have to mention 'the animals' again here, since they're the only plural subject. You could just say 'they'
the changeling.
It's better to describe the look than to just say it was angry, unless the description of the look includes an emotional word, which can happen sometimes, like 'a sickening grimace'... but that's probably just going to be confusing now that I think about it.
You switched back to past tense. The first switch was historical into modern time, but this one doesn't really have anything like that around it. And then you switch back.
Switching tenses can be confusing.
fearful. Still confusing though. Maybe you could've put "felt fear like never before".
backs
Aaand I finished reading. It was pretty good random humor.
Near the start, I was starting to hope for something similar to the Chronicles of Narnia, with the intelligent animals and with the lion ruling over everyone, but this was an... unexpected direction. Definitely not bad at all for a first story at all. Thumbs up.
7461500 Thank you for the help! I'll be sure to correct my errors in my next story.
Your story is delightfully random and strange. The only bit of criticism I have is that your spelling and grammar were off at times. You should probably read your stories over an extra time or two before publishing them, or you could get an editor to help you with that. Keep up the good work!
7461715 Thank you for the helpful feedback!
7463943 No problem, I'm glad I could be of help.
Ok that was a good one, most comedy relies on the unexpected, and her pulling out a minigun certainly qualifies. what really sold it was using the full designation instead of just the contemporary name, it increases the effect.
7472033 Thanks for the detailing!