You don't need to know who I am, for now.
Equestria Olympics. The best flyer. She has the competition in the bag, or so she thought. In the end does she actually realise that not only she lost the competition, but she lost something she would never trade for anything in the world.
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Interesting so far, I'm looking forward to where this is going.
8258118
Thanks for the comment! I'll be sure to update this whenever I can to finish.
So none of the pegasi in the audience would think to grab a pony that they can visibly see is not moving and in serious danger, and they wait until after she hits the ground to check on her. Great.
8259455
Remember that when her routine started, she also fell into the ground, and at the last moment picked her up. Not everyone would see she got hit, and some ponies were already alerted but since the arena is big and fall time is quick, they didn't manage to catch her
8259522
The way you described it makes it seem like they didn't even try to catch her more than that they didn't make it to her before she fell.
8259537
Thanks for the insight, I'll edit it when I can
8259541
You're welcome.
8259366
No problem, I will track the story, and wait - take your time
Nice work so far, however, if I may - I would suggest a few things for the future:
1. Try omitting, some of the 'tell tags,' for example:
Pasta? she wondered. Looks more like some weird chum, she debated
I would leave either 'she wondered' or 'she debated' but not both - two tags just seem redundant in this context.
Also, constructions like 'stubs stabbed' should generally be avoided.
2. Try to eliminate repeating some of the word combinations, especially 'she did this' and 'she did that.' You should try not to overuse those in the same paragraph, for example:
Suddenly, a familiar nurse Dash had seen wandering around the hospital, checking in on patients, stepped inside the room, with a trolley filled with trays and glasses. Dash grunted, and pretended to be sleeping. She felt the pain in her back and particularly where the stubs stabbed her. She could barely turn in the bed, as she was incredibly uncomfortable. She was getting a dose of morphine every 48 hours as the pain was less severe, but she still felt heavily intoxicated at times; taking in no morphine in her life followed by constant doses didn't do well in her immune system.
A lot of 'shes' there, you could fix that by rewriting to something like this:
Suddenly, a familiar nurse Dash had seen wandering around the hospital, checking in on patients, stepped inside the room, with a trolley filled with trays and glasses. Dash grunted, and pretended to be sleeping, but with the pain in her back - particularly where the stubs were - every turn she made, was causing her a great discomfort. As the pain was less severe, she was getting a dose of morphine every 48 hours, but still felt heavily intoxicated at times; taking in no morphine in her life followed by constant doses didn't do well in her immune system.
The above is just a quick and dirty example - but I think, you know what I mean
3. If you aren't already - try using Grammarly, for basic spell checking:
http://grammarly.com
Of course, the decision is up too you
8262538
Thanks so much, I'll fix stuff like this in the future.