I'm a brony and my name is Jared. That is all you need to know
I am a normal teenager who also like my little pony friendship is magic. one night while surfing different fan fiction websites I come across a mysterious link that teleports me into the world of equestria where i try to piece together what happened to me and who was behind the link
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This fic feels rather rushed... and everything seems to be going a little too fast.
787639The mark of a true first timer
787665
That and the total lack of grammar in the description.
I tend to find such errors as bad omens, then I read the story, and my predictions are usually right...
I'll just have to see how this ends up...
people treat the land of Equestria as their own personal fleshlight. A place to fulfill their fantasy amidst a grinning scenery of ponies who wouldn't harm a hair on their body even if they themselves aren't privy to it's laws.
This story will be no such exception.
787820 Thankfully some of us don't treat it like that.
787862
the 1%
787883 true
Yeah... "Rushed" pretty much sums it up. The first chapter is actually halfway decent, prose-wise, if a bit cliche and short on description. Second chapter is pretty much a grab bag of heavy-handed dialogue and bad characterization.
In my opinion, not worth the read. But it could've been worse. Not bad enough to merit a thumbs down.
thanks for the feedback everyone. I know this is not the best fiction ever, far from it, but Im going to take all of the negative feedback and use it to make the next chapters and future stories better. This is my first time writing a fanfiction and I'm still new to the process.
788040
I've heard several say that a self-insert should only be attempted if one is well known enough in these parts. However, many tend not to listen, and I see where that can possess a serious problem.
My best story that I have written has warranted 45 likes and 69 favorites in two chapters in three...maybe four days. Since, by well-known, I mean one that has either gotten many views and favorites and watchers, or even one that has been featured once or twice. So I don't attempt it.
I suggest that, the next time you write a story, get an editor to help you out. And a link on a fan-fiction site that sends one to Equestria? Even if it does go on questioning believability with the average HiE story (I have written two, but both are video game crossovers. The first being Samus Aran, the second being John Marston) having some strange way of getting one there.
In my case, my story Ridley in Ponyville describes Ridley and Samus getting sent to Equestria after being impacted by some strange orb of white light. With that kind of story, it's hard to think of something else better considering warps and such are common in the Metroid franchise. My second story, and also my newest, Welcome to Equestria, Friend, tells how John Marston is stopped by Nigel West Dickens saying he found something, it hits them before they can react, and they end up in Equestria. Considering it's the opposite of the former franchise in terms of timezones (I believe Metroid takes place somewhere in the 23rd century, based on what I have heard. Red Dead Redemption takes place in 1911.), so said concept is the most credible excuse. But, a link on a website that sends one into another dimension? A bit...odd...
But, listen to what I say: It's always nice (But not necessarily a necessity) to have an editor on board, and, if it's an HiE-type fic, make sure it has a plausible way one would get stuck in Equestria.