Controller624
Joined 6th Dec, 2012 ·
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I think you need a bit more info for the description.
I like how this story is a glimpse at an already established relationship, including the parts which seem mundane, like discussing setting up a guest bed for a visitor. It feels authentic in that this slice of life is uneventful. Just an hour shared between two long-time lovers.
One things to work on would be the way dialogue is written. I found myself confused as to who was speaking a few times, because both Twilight and Anons' lines were written in the same paragraph. The rule of thumb is that each time someone different speaks, you start a new line.
Pretty good for a second story. I look forward to seeing what else you share with us :)
This was shit
8437696
I'm sorry it wasn't your cup of tea. Could you explain further?
8437822
Well, it's anthro
Aww, that's so cute. You did pretty good.
8437864
well you have your taste and I have mine. it's nice to have some values, but do try to be open minded.
8438017
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
8438967
you're very welcome
Damn shipping.
8439194
Is it not a favorite of yours?
8437864 Its hardly even mentioned that is Anthro and what the hell were you expecting from a story with an anthro tag?
This was good. Cute and fun to read. Well done
8452825
Thank you very much! I'm gland you liked it and found it unique.
Love it. 9/10
Too many writing mistakes for me to really get into it, unfortunately.
More please