Fact 26 - 50
Twilight looked up from the book for the first time since she began reading it aloud. She scratched at the side of her head before facing the rest of her friends, who all had the same bewildered expression as she had.
“That…” Rainbow Dash began earnestly. “That was pretty dumb, Twilight. None of these so called ‘draconequi’ facts seemed all that helpful. Or even interesting, really.”
“I would have to agree with Rainbow Dash on this one,” Rarity added, holding a timid hoof in the air. “Perhaps it’s just another joke of Discord’s? He does like his jokes.”
Twilight gave her friend a nod. “Truthfully, this entire time I was waiting for some big joke to reveal itself, but so far this book reads like any other one. Unless we’re just not getting whatever joke Discord’s trying to make here.”
“Uh… girls?” Applejack asked by the castle’s wide windows. “What was that ‘draconequi fact’ that involved black clouds in the sky? Because we got some of them.”
The other five mares in the room rushed over to the window to stand beside Applejack. In the sky outside were over a dozen pitch-black clouds, each one looking much nastier than the last. They silently drifted across the sky ominously, blacking out large sections of land with shadow.
Rarity chuckled uneasily. “Coincidence perhaps?”
Twilight shook her head. “I doubt it. If Discord’s book is even a tiny bit true, then that means he’s up to no good again.”
“So we should go stop him, then?” Applejack asked.
After a moment of thought, Twilight replied, “If this was the first warning sign in the book, then maybe there’re be more we could learn about. It couldn’t hurt to continue on a little further, could it?”
So they did.
***
26. Fool a draconequus once—shame on you. Fool a draconequus twice—shame on them. Fool them a third time? Well, that is “technically” how the first Equestria came to an end…
27. A draconequus once took a mare to court over defamation of character charges. The mare in question had accused the draconequus of letting something “silent but deadly” out in a small enclosed space. The mare later went completely bankrupt from lawyer fees.
The draconequus totally did it, too.
28. A pegasus once split a five-minute cab ride with a draconequus in order to save on bits. Derpy Hooves hasn’t been the same since.
29. To share deep and dark secrets with draconequi is a good way of getting them killed. Once a juicy secret has been inserted inside of a draconequus, it forms a tiny black hole that will expand and expand until the draconequus is devoured by it whole.
The only known cure to this predicament is by yelling the shared secret as loudly and flamboyantly as possible in the middle of town. Draconequi don’t “enjoy” spilling ponies’ secrets. It’s simply a matter of life and death.
30. A team of draconequi once opened up an amusement park called “Disco-land!” that operated for only a single day. Major complaints included: unfinished rollercoaster tracks; cotton candy made out of eyebrows; complete lack of whimsy; and a “Fun House” ride that took an entire two-and-a-half years to walk through.
Five children were conceived inside said “Fun House” by the time their parents escaped. They have since become known as the “Fun House Five”.
The “Fun House Five” have promised never to have fun again.
31. A bank check from a notorious draconequus once bounced so hard it landed directly on the moon. That same check now resides safely behind a display case inside of Princess Luna’s personal study.
32. Most draconequi aren’t truthfully as thin as they appear; they just suck in their guts a bit. This fad began immediately after “Tumbleweed the Terrible” made light of a draconequus' protruding love handles. And, as most draconequi would go on to agree, “Love shouldn’t actually exist anywhere on a draconequi—even if it is just a little bit of extra baby fat”.
33. Draconequi have abnormally small packages…
34. …delivered to them every Wednesday and Thursday.
35. Draconequi are very resourceful creatures. If they cannot find anything to sit on within a room, they will simply snap a pony to act as their seat instead. Most ponies are less than amused by this.
36. If a draconequus finishes a story with the phrase “true story”, there is usually a ninety-one percent chance that it was false. True story.
***
In mid-read, Twilight looked up from her book for a moment to sneeze. She then wiped at her nose with a tissue.
***
37. Bless you.
38. Never pull on a draconequus' finger, especially when it is offered to you. More often than not, the draconequus will “replace” said finger with another personal appendage most ponies would rather never make contact with.
39. You can always tell when a draconequus is lying when they use complete and full sentences; i.e. every time they speak.
40. The greatest prank a draconequus ever pulled was convincing Equestria that they didn’t exist at all. Five minutes later, they then revealed themselves all over again because no one was paying any attention to them.
41. A draconequus once ate itself whole to get out of a boring dinner party. The following morning, their toilet had absolutely no idea what was going on.
42. Draconequi love stealing and hoarding ponies’ fridges. To this day, no one knows why.
43. Draconequi have a lengthy list of “Best Pony Plots” in all of Equestria. Spots 1 and 2 currently belong to Princess Celestia’s. It’s just that big.
44. A draconequus once spotted a crying child on the street. When asked what the matter was, the child replied, “My house was destroyed by a storm last night and now I have nowhere to live.” Wishing to help the poor child, the draconequus did what any good creature would do. He destroyed the house next to the child’s and watched as another small child exited from the rubble. The draconequus then happily explained, “Look! Now you have someone with the same hobbies as you!”
45. Draconequi rarely play instruments. Rather, they play ponies. Usually like fiddles.
46. You can tell when draconequi are really up to no good when castles start to randomly groan and creak.
47. It was a draconequus that let the dogs out. He’s very sorry about that.
48. A waiter at a restaurant once served a draconequus that complained about having soup in their fly. The waiter went cross-eyed on the spot.
49. Draconequi have only one known weakness: death.
50. To think, it was only sixty-nine years ago that a draconequus became so fed up with Equestria altogether that they moved to the human world to live there permanently. They are currently seeking a career in politics.
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Is that draconequi now called Donald Trump?
Does anyone of them know Captain Jean-Luc Picard?
This must be a "This sentence is false" paradox, right?
Alternative fact: Books written by a draconequi can read your mind.
I guess something's going to happen in the next chapter, right?
Nice song reference.
hoarding
7154051
42b. The Icebox Horde is the reason why the Frozen North got that way. But you didn't read that from me.
7153681
Actually, probably yes. Donald Trump is currently 69 years old...
Uhh...
{Insert Illuminati Joke}
i.imgur.com/himZD0M.gif
45:
With a small loan of a million bits...
This should be singular. Also the other times you did the same thing. If you're having trouble, try replacing 'draconequus' with 'dog' in the sentence. If it feels natural to use 'dog', use 'draconequus'. If it feels natural to use 'dogs', use 'draconequi'.
i.imgur.com/5T4BzPH.gif
I died.
7153681
So I'm not the only one that immediately thought of him.
I was creeped out by 29.
Fact: Any pencil a pony uses is considered food to draconequi, but bananas and cucumbers are considered pencils by them.
They still eat them though.
7153681 First thing in my mind.
The circus 5 Family is a representation of the Jackson 5
Who's the politician? Trump?
7156238 Most definitely, it said in the book: "69 years ago"
Number 43 took the spot here.
Fact 41 threw me into such a giggle fit my family came in to check if I was alright!
This is simply excellent, this should be an ongoing fic that everyone contributes to
"28. A pegasus once split a five-minute cab ride with a draconequus in order to save on bits. Derpy Hooves hasn’t been the same since."
I shouldn't laugh at that but I can't help it.
28: Derpy, noooo!
Number 50 explains so much!
"28. A pegasus once split a five-minute cab ride with a draconequus in order to save on bits. Derpy Hooves hasn’t been the same since."
"50. To think, it was only sixty-nine years ago that a draconequus became so fed up with Equestria altogether that they moved to the human world to live there permanently. They are currently seeking a career in politics."
By science, everything makes sense now!
Also, the one about best plots is really funny
41. A draconequus once ate itself whole to get out of a boring dinner party. The following morning, their toilet had absolutely no idea what was going on.
28. I feel so sorry for her
44 is the best so far. XD (in my opinion, at least)
42. There's something very, surreally, wrong with stealing fridges. Or having more than one fridge.
Reminded me of "Historias de cronopios y de famas" by Julio Cortazar (and of numerous predecessors and imitations).
#50: Well, that puts a new perspective on reality!!
7164681 Change Obama's eyes and give him a long fang and I can see it.
Considering what else is on this list, that makes a scary amount of sense.
My first thought was, "Well, don't spill it on your pants, then."
The comedic timing of this writing is spot on!
I died of laughter at #48 only to be resurected to die again at #49, then I was resurected for a 2nd time only to die for a final time at #50. True story.
I bet the Draconequus in #50 is Bernie Sanders. Hes up to no good.
Loved 36, 37, 43, and 44.
69! I have a very dirty mind.
#50 was about either Richard Nixon or Ted Cruz. Fifty bucks.
Had too much cake? xD
My brain stalled while reading this one.
7635525 I say Trump
No, not Derpy!!!
And, also, what?
Inception paradox, you decide if it's true.
How the hell did the book know that?
One of the world's greatest mysteries is solved, no unto the next one...
Because why not?
I sadly spent two minutes staring at this.
So that's who let the dogs out. Mystery solved.
43. Draconequi have a lengthy list of “Best Pony Plots” in all of Equestria. Spots 1 and 2 currently belong to Princess Celestia’s. It’s just that big.
I had to read it twice to even understand what it meant. Then again a third time to start dying. Rip.
Lol. Let me guess, Donald Trump?