Chapter Three
Chapter Three
Ten Years Ago
First person
I pressed a button on the holo-panel and admired the way the doorway before me disappeared, only to see to see a large walk-wall. It was like a chasm on the Upper Cut, allowing one to see some of the many floors of the ship. If they were against the Looking-Glass, and one to see directly out to space when looking out. And, as per "Captains orders" I was at the top again.
And the view was unbelievable.
The sun of this system, in full glory, the giant orange thermonuclear reaction was quite warming with just the thought of being so close. I stared in awe at the small blue and green planet (that looked like a dot) at the size comparison. A soft hand caressed my back as I heard Jessica whisper in my ear, "Sorry we can't enjoy this in a few weeks." She laid her head against my shoulder, looking out with me.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"We have to take back what's ours."
"Then why are we here?"
She looked at me calmly, and I at her inquisitively. "We have to take the life out of this star, to begin. You know what needs to be done. No more Type three's, okay? I know you got attached to some of them on the Salvation."
Today
First person
I was almost to the tree I wanted cut, probably no more than a mile away from the native village. A big oak that was roughly forty feet high with Spanish moss hanging from its limbs. It was an absolute moster. I stared at it for what felt like hours, before another tree caught my attention. A much smaller mahogany tree was gleefully soaking the rays of the morning sun.
It was then I decided mahogany looked much better as a table, so I got to work. I only hope the residents don't mind a little racket.
So it turns out they did mind the racket. I had to chop as quickly as I could, I could hear commotion from the town from the tree and thats saying something. I must've struck a cord, because as soon as I finished chopping the tree I heard some coming to investigate. I jumped up climbed into the enarest tree, and activated my watch's cloaking ability, giving me camouflage that was malfunctioning. Turning what was once beautiful invisibility into a literal shadow. I'm sure if they saw me, they'ed only see a mass of black, so it was a good thing I was hiding on a larger branch of a nearby tree that had lots of cover on it.
I noticed thelocals that had been sent were in golden armor, mostly male and seemed to be quite official. I gulped. Now was not the time to be found, not with my tree right there, and my future table. Please dont take my tree. Please dont take my tree. I watched them walk around and clear the area. They were speaking, but too soft for me to hear, and my translator only picked up a few words like "lumber" and "Jack". The rest was lost in translation. They eyed the tree suspicouslyand stood around, listening hard for maybe and hour before giving up and returning to the town. At least I have my tree. I jumped down just as they left earshot, and wrapped a rope around my tree. I tried pulling it, hoping my strength on this planet to be a bit more than I thought- only to be dissapointed. Looks like I'll have to come back tonight with my ship.
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7833366 short chapter out. real life as been unforgiving. I'm sorry, to be honest. I wanted to do more, but I'm not sure what to do. I have an idea for another story, but I'm not sure how I' going to pull it off. If/when I d, I'll be sure to tell everyone
IT LIVES!!!
7985217 somewhat, real life has hit hard and I'll try to keep it alive
Did not expect the sci-fi twist there.
7985305 I'm glad it caught you off guard lol
something there is missing a space.
Sweet chapter dude or girl whichever hum
Well this was a pleasant surprise, good chapter.
7985247
Holy shit, I gave up on this one. Good to see it's still alive!
And I wish you best luck with whatever RL throws at you.
"Hoped", maybe? The rest is told in past tense.
Missing comma or "and" plus typo.
That's what I caught.
As for the story, that sci-fi twist came out of nowhere, and I'm unsure I appreciate that... I mean, if he has universal translator (albeit imperfect), why didn't he bother making contact? And if he has transport, why didn't he find a less populated area, since he tries to stay under the radar? And why would they waste a perfectly good habitable world? There are loads of other stars to harvest - if I understood their intentions right.
I understand that the answer is probably "because then there wouldn't be a story", but I still l feel like it breaks some kind of internal logic of the story.
I honestly feel it would be more interesting if he was what he appeared to be in the second chapter - just a displaced dude, armed only with his wits and trusty axe... and also reflexes and strength of a deathworlder.
7985828 thanks for catching those typoes! I'll fix them when I get the chance to later!
Thank you for your comment as well, as for your concerns: his ship isn't in the best of shape (you'll see) as for stealing the life from the star- trust me you'll see! The main reason is fuel. They need fuel to jump and power certain weapons.. I'm sorry if the story has taken a turn you don't like, I'm trying to keep it true to your last sentence, but the vision I have has some technology I think would help show where he came from, to where he is now. like the translator-horribly broken. Cloak is also starting to go, that's why in the first chapter it was a shadowy figure and didn't have many defining characteristics
7986049
Well, that's what bothers me - why use a main sequence G-type star with a habitable planet? If humanity is that developed, they could probably have used literally any other, and avoid all those problems with indigenous population.
Unless the phrase "take back what's ours" implies they are going to invade instead, akin to "Project Lazarus".
As for the story, well, in the end you call the shots. I can only provide an opinion, and hope you have something good in store. =)
7986064 in the next chapter you'll find out: what she means by "take back what's ours", as well as what happened to get him on the planet. You'll also find out why they need the star in the first place (as well as Lumberjacks thoughts on it) the next chapter will mostly take place ten years ago, with a little bit extra. Might even find out why he hasn't left everfree
Next time wait until you actually have a good chapter done. I know there's the whole quality > quantity thing, but 600 words is basically a page and a bit. I'd rather this came back from the dead with some actual substance. What change would writing a bit more and waiting a few days do? The chapter would be more appreciated and the small additional period wouldn't be noticeable. Try to at least keep it above 1-2k in the future. Otherwise it's like having 3 minutes of adverts before and after a 30 second TV program.
Seriously, your readers would appreciate you more for it. And personally, I never pick up stories with lots of small chapters unless it fits around a gimmick that makes that understandable.
I do not like the scifi twist. I liked it as just a lumber jack living his life.
This new info just begs the question, Why? Everything he has done or will do will now be scrutinized. Especially since past chapters seem to now look stupid if he is from a super advanced human race with a space ship and a universal translator.
7989145 you will see. Plus story was based off of sci-fi
7991582
I like the sci-fi twist I want to see which way you'll take this.
I miiight be rushing you but when's the next chapter?
this is a great story! Can't wait for more!
I like.
It's been over a year since the last update, when are you going to bring it back?
~~Come with me, and you'll see, a fic dead beyond human comprehension.~~
Fucking F man, I wish you'd update.
Just visiting some old stories, what hfy I'd this based off of?
11299591
I oringially based it off "humans dont make good pets", but added a spin to it.
Im still considering updating this, but i have another story in mind i actually wanted to start.
11299964
Looking forward to it, does it have a name?
11300246
Not yet - but it is supposed to be a slow burn romance, with action and adventure, involving a human from a cyberpunk-esque world.