Shadows

by Midnight Gypsy

Chapter 1

I was mad, no saying that 'I was mad' was the biggest understatement of the decade, that I've made, I was ferrous... At myself, cause I let my fear control me when my parents needed me most, I failed and now their died.

"I swear..." I muttered under my breath.

"W-what?" Said one of the foal protection workers next to me.

We were almost to ponyville train station.

"I swear I'm never going to stand down in the face of danger again, and I'm going to protect those around me, and no one will sway me different." I spoke up, loud and clear "I swear it on my life."

Right before either of them could answer, there was two loud screams and an ear-piercing roar, from the direction of the Everfree forest. We all froze. I narrowed my eyes and growled, I whirled around and seen an Ursa Minor looming over two petrified pegasi.

"Oh, Tartarus no!!" I yelled

I spread my wings wide open and with a single downward flap I shot from my spot like a bolt. Racing straight at the big bad Ursa. I was almost there when I started to pull back, my front right hoof and twisting my body to add ever more force behind the blow and struck it right in between its eyes. The Ursa Minor howled out in pain, as I dived backward. Pulling up at the last second and landed in a low crouch, with my wings flared, as I stood in a protective stance, everyone stared at me with pure shock, because I not only punched the Ursa, but my front right hoof was glowing like a bracelet, not only that my flanks were glowing as well, but I don't pay attention to that as I, Shadowing Spectrum glare down the fearsome Ursa Minor. Until the Ursa let out a small whimper and turned around with its tail tucked in between its legs as it right back into the depths of the Everfree. Then, that's when I myself relaxed and then I turned around to address the two ponies I came to protect from the dreaded Ursa Minor.

"Are you two okay?"

"Yes, we are thanks to you." Answered the mare

And that's when the glowing went away to revile my cutie mark on my flanks and on my front right wrist was the oath I took upon myself in gray, so it stood out against my black coat, and my cutie mark is a knight shield, with a death blade that has a pair of arched white wings.

"Wow!!" Exclaimed the filly standing next to the mare "You are so awesome!!"

"Thanks"

"Anyway, Ms. Shadowing Spectrum we need to leave now or we're going to miss the train to Canterlot." One of the foul protection workers said

"Whatever."

"Why are you going to Canterlot?" Asked the mare

"They're dropping me off at the orphanage," I said shrugging my shoulders not particularly carrying. As I started walking to the train station again.

"You know what! Why don't we just fly there." Said the second worker said, "All three of us are pegasi after all."

"Whatever." Was all I said before we left.

---

"Oh, thank goodness" breathed out one of the two workers. "Just imagine how angry the boss would have been if we missed the train again!"

"Indeed, thank you Ms. Shadowing Spectrum."

"Like I care," I grumbled

Which only earned a groan from the two adults, while I stared out the train window, remembering how I ended up in this situation, to begin with, the last happy day in my life (or so I thought at least) that I remember...

FLASH BACK

We just got back home from the cinema, we were watching the new Daring Do movie. We were playing/roughhousing, so in general, I was having a great time. Until there was a loud...

"Bang! Bang! Bang!" Someone was Banging on the door, my parents hide me in one of the many cubbies, I could see everything but no pony could see me.(to be honest, it happened so fast)

Whoever was pounding on the door finally busted the door down, and was stepping into revile a white Pegasus, with a blood red mane, and his eyes are a bright blue, that had a menacing look to them.

And it wasn't just his eyes, but everything about him was menacing,(a lot like my uncle, will before he and his squadron of warrior bolts were killed.) and on top of that he also sported a pair of wing-blades.

I was shocked and stunned with fear, and he slowly crept towards my parents, with his wings wide open, and with a wide creepy clown-like grin. I was terrified, to simply put it.

But my parents tried their hardest to put up a brave front to protect me, but I knew they were afraid to hurt me themselves and the neighbors, because we're a family of the finest warriors, but I never faced anything like this before, but I had the unique abilities the could have saved them.

End of Flash Back

...The two workers were shaking me, with worried looks on their faces. Then I noticed the moisture under my eyes and that I was quivering.

I quickly whipped my eyes and steeled my nerves. Then the mare of the two workers asked...

"Are you okay?"

"Yay, I'm fine. Why would I not be?"

"You were crying and not to mention you were also shaking." The stallion adds his two bits.

"So what, I said that I was fine and that is that."

They both groaned. After that, they just backed off and left me alone, until the train pulled into the Canterlot train station.

"It's time to get going." Said the male worker.

"Whatever."

"Can we get a newspaper first?" Asked the female worker while pointing to a very crowded corner where the newspaper stand was usually at.

"Um? Sure, why not?"

We ended up having to weave in and out of the crowd, in the end, we got a newspaper and right on the front page was something quite surprising.

'Killer clown on the loose and is killing orphans!!!'

"Oh cool, does this mean I'm not going to the orphanage?"

"Oh you're going, and that's final!!" They both shouted

---

To Be Continued.

Comments

[Fabian Corcair]

Wow!? That just happen. How did you improve... that much?!

[Midnight Gypsy]

7603782 I like to think that it was high school but other than that I don't know

[Midnight Gypsy]

7603782 so do you see anything I could try to do better? So far

[Fabian Corcair]

7817131

I was ferrous

Yeah, and this makes me wanna oxidize

You could make the minor say " hey, what did you do that for?

"I'm... sorry? I thought you were attacking..."

I was just out for a walk"

"But the roaring"

"I was just yawning at the great morning we have today "

I

[Midnight Gypsy]

7607318 I meant an actual Ursa Major and it can't talk in this story.

[Fabian Corcair]

It's an adult, majors are just adult versions of the minors,and like real bears, which pelts so thick that t a they don't back down so easily. And plus, that escalated quickly. You immediately start off with a full blown boss. And how big is an ursa major? imagine the ursa minor standing in front of twilight. His fat body streches horizontally somewhat bigger than a 1 story building. Then, go about... let just say 20% bigger. That is almost as big as an ursa major's purple saber tooth head. If you want the full body, you'll have to stack up three spikezillas atop of each other, so three times the size. I really doubt rainbow dash with a sonic rainboom could even come close to any real damage to the thing. Just Its skin will stop her in her tracks.

You need a struggle in the fight, even what twilight did wasn't fighting, and yet she struggled more than shadow did to defeat only an ursa minor.

Struggling is what makes a fighting good in most stories

[Midnight Gypsy]

7607937 your advice is always good, to a point that when I realize that you're right and it makes me feel stupid.

[Midnight Gypsy]

7607937 I finally found out how to somewhat get pictures from my (thing?) anyway here it is cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/hvqk-1475349438-348454-full

[Midnight Gypsy]

7607937 hello I added more the story and would like it if took a look.

[Fabian Corcair]

I was ferrous...

This provoked my iron

"Oh, hell no!!"

There's no hell or religion that believes in hell in the mlp universe, there's tartarus instead."

I spread my wings wide open and with a single downward flap I shot from my spot like a bolt. Racing straight at the big bad Ursa

.
I see so many errors, find them all. I'll give you one, big is a dead word.

And that's when the glowing went away to revile my cutie

I feel bad for the cutie mark, glowing is such a harsh critic.

[Fabian Corcair]

7607996
I often have that 'I feel stupid' effect on people even though I never considered myself a nerd

[Midnight Gypsy]

7817220 you lost me on the last two and what about the second part?

[Fabian Corcair]

7817357 Sorry, that wasn't the whole incorrect part of the paragraph.

I spread my wings wide open and with a single downward flap I shot from my spot like a bolt. Racing straight at the big bad Ursa. I was almost there when I started to pull back, my front right hoof and twisting my body to add ever more force behind the blow and struck it right in between its eyes.

So many, errors. I'm gonna let you figure.

Don't use the word hell, it makes no sense.

[Fabian Corcair]

Just find all the mistakes inside the quote from your story.

[Midnight Gypsy]

7817375 how many words does the story have from your point of view?

[Fabian Corcair]

Reveal not revile!

[Fabian Corcair]

Well not will

[Fabian Corcair]

7817357 Okay, you've improved in story telling skills since the last time. However, the original part of the story is still a giant mess, but the added story is a heck lot better. So here's the deal, since you've become a better writer, you should read the Intro until you reach the scene transition, that's where the original part of the story ends and the added one begins. Then, you must find all the mistakes in the story itself. That's pretty much it.

[Midnight Gypsy]

7817411 what?

[Fabian Corcair]

7817505 Did you reread the story yet? What would you say about it now?

[Midnight Gypsy]

7819064 no I haven't reread it yet. I was planning to tomorrow with Christmas and all going on. But form what I looked at your right I do need to go through it again.