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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A touching story. Don't like the first person point of view though, otherwise not bad. Saw some typo's miss spelled words and such. At one point you used the words hands instead of hooves I held her hand as we entered The Stable diner. I was proud that I had the prettiest mare with me.
The clop part was a bit clumsy, but nice. I liked how you took it slow to add a bit of tenderness to the moment.
The characters could have used more depth and personality.
Also, as a reader, I would have liked to know what they looked like. Was he tall or short, young or old, fat or thin. Same thing for Charming. What color was she? What was her cutie mark? What did they do for a living?
6859772 I do understand that actually. I have had them in my head for so long that I more forgot to do descriptions than anything else. I am going to fix that somehow even if it is just including pictures of them.
6859772 Check the cover art and you can see their pictures.
6874036 I see your cover art. I didn't realize that she was a unicorn, I guess I will haft to reread the story to see where I missed it.
So, now that the story is complete, is this the end of their tale? Or are you planning to revisit them latter?
6876648 Thanks for catching that. Need to change her picture right away.
This was pretty good. You should write more emotional stories -- you have a talent for this.