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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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With the first song I would have gone with avenged sevenfold- bat country
Looks like Celestia is trying to find some incriminating evidence to have an excuse for her planned assassinations.
It seems Celestia is trying to get away with murdering 7 fillies by gathering and or planting evidence.
Hahaha Celestia is dooming herself!
IF she left good enough alone she would only need to handle a reform of her country, but thanks to Celestia fearing this prophesy she will make a enemy out of the alicorne of war instead of having her ath her side during the reform, and start the war., forcing Winter to become war to protect those she love and her country that Celestia once again forced upon her.
Ironi ath its finest.
And Rose taking up the mantle of war,, sounds interesting. Finaly someone who can put presure on Celestia and forcing her to adopt some new tinking. Accepting winter as war would remove the dragon/ human problem to.
7068193
My paranioa sense is tingling.
Celestia's assasins are lead by Winter's mom, and given the religious/class/gender tensions between Arcadia and Equestria I'm not sure she'd risk attacking Winter.
Getting her to flee to Arcadia scared for her life however... There was a possible Checkov's gun a while ago, humans turned ponies are kill on site if their nature is revealed because the Dragons are so scared of humans that they'll burn entire cities to kill the ex-human in it.
#ArcadiaBurns
jeez dude, I love that your putting out more then a chapter a day but don't burn yourself out. I really do love this story as its pretty cool to see a human pony transfer end up like this, as most of the time it ends up being a retelling of mlp with little changes or huge what ifs that make no sense.
Aaaaanyways Keep up the most awesomeness of awesome 999% cooler story.
7069990 I don't get burnt out that easily man but thanks for worrying. And I am glad you Really enjoying this thing from my face.
Mood for when the great escape happens.
Alright, this is as far as I go. Sadly, I'll have to drop this story at this point. Know that I did enjoy it up to this point, but there are reasons why I'll stop reading, and here's why:
Your story falls within what I call the "Prodigy Light Novel" category, which I do enjoy reading. There are a ton of them out there, notable ones being Overlord, Re:Monster or Slime(I forgot the full name). They all follow one person who got thrown into another dimension/world and get a new body out of it. They then proceed to use their knowledge from their previous live as well as their newly gained powers to become OP as fuck and generally own everything, be it through skill, luck or both.
These stories are usually badly translated, but still readable and definitely enjoyable. You even managed to get this feel down, of a poorly translated story. Not because your English is bad(there are quite a few errors though(get a proofreader(If you didn't get one later on))), more because how jumpy it all feels. Your writing style seems to be more a collection of random thoughts that fall together to create a story. (This is similar to Re:Monster btw, since Re:Monster is basically the protags diary.) It can become quite a strain when exposed to for a large amount of time.
Now, from your editors notes I can glean that you churn these chapters out quite quickly, to the point where I believe you favor quantity over quality, and it shows. The chapters feel unpolished to the point where it seems like you're adding things as you go, which leads to being overwhelmed, which leads to creating plot holes and confusing writing.
I do have to say that I found this story a lot more entertaining in the beginning, where the jokes were on point. That being said, it quickly devolved into a non-stop barrage of sex jokes. Which brings me to another point, I think you'd benefit greatly from re-writing your story's description, as it is promising something which just isn't your story, like, at all. i expected a human turned pony somehow doing something wrong and ending up in prison with Spitfire as his/her guard. What I got was a human being transformed into a sex crazed filly(that apparently has sex with minors a lot in this story, since the age of consent is twelve, and they are ten), which then slowly turned into said prodigy story.
Overall I believe you'd greatly benefit from an editor/proofreader for your story. (Again, I don't know if you got one in the later chapters.) Once again, I'm not leaving this story because it's bad. Even barring all of it's flaws it is quite the enjoyable read, but since this seems to go down the generic prodigy road, without delivering something new and interesting which I haven't yet seen being done, this is where I bail.
I hope you continue with writing your story and that you get some more of that attention that this story clearly deserves. If you ever would like to talk about some stuff, feel free to shoot me a message, be it advice, comic relief or my favourite noodle soup recipe, I'm glad to share.
Shine on, fellow FimFic writer!
I swear to God she is a true bard and not only that I can't wait when she realized that she could and by the sound of the guitar by using her wings it's going to be hilarious.
I mean... My heart agrees, but my brain knows better than to think that. If that were the case, then all current and past world lead-- ...ah
Still, wearing your heart on your sleeve as a ruler is definitely not a good idea, especially if you're competing with other parties or nations who all have some grudge or another against you