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The Conversion Bureau: UNITY

This story is a small one off story about Luna looking through some documents left behind from the United Nations. Detailing about a project that occurred before Equestria's arrival to Earth.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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Da Bunnana King

Da Bunnana King #1 · Jun 7th, 2012 · · ·

Not bad but the grammar is nearly killing me, but it looks good story wise so far, so keep it up, also when a new character speaks create a new paragraph and indent, this also goes along with any paragraph. Also never start a sentence with an and, but it should look something like this.

I walking into the room and sat down opposite the man.

"Hello," he said, "How are you doing?"

"Good, how are you?" I asked him,

"Good." he replied.

Also if you want to improve your grammar then hit up this GDoc because it has some good guides on grammar and how to write fanfic.
Link to the GDoc
Hope this helps you, but I also look forward to the next chapter.

balom

balom #2 · Jun 7th, 2012 · · ·

Wait, you mean this is Alpha Centauri crossover. If humanity returns Celestia will be terrified. You should make a sequel with transcended humanity returning to it's homeworld after a few centuries.

WesFox13