Daring Do and the Doppelganger's Deception

Daring Do travels off to a distant land where she hopes to uncover a city lost beneath the desert sands, but in doing so runs into a foe more dangerous than she could ever imagine, that foe being none other than Daring Do herself.

(Note: As I was a brony only a couple of weeks when I wrote this there are many errors with names, locals, and such. I apologize)

Chapters (7)

Chapter 1: How Daring was arrested, and how much trouble it put her in. · 5th Jun 2012 · 2,595 words
2,595
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Chapter 2: How Daring made her treasure map, and how she escaped the cops (again). · 5th Jun 2012 · 2,083 words
2,083
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Chapter 3: How Daring crossed the desert, and how she joined a tribe. · 5th Jun 2012 · 1,968 words
1,968
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Chapter 4: How Daring closed in on the city, and what she found in the desert. · 5th Jun 2012 · 1,911 words
1,911
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Chapter 5: How Daring discovered lots of loot, and how she failed to notice she was being followed. · 5th Jun 2012 · 2,988 words
2,988
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Chapter 6:How Daring found the island, and solved the riddle. · 25th Sep 2012 · 1,415 words
1,415
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Chapter 7: Daring’s good(?) name is cleared and she gets into a cat fight(or is that pony fight?) · 25th Sep 2012 · 1,396 words
1,396
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Comments ( 3 )

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abandoned2123

abandoned2123 #1 · Jun 6th, 2012 · · · Chapter 1: How Daring was arrested, and how much trouble it put her in. ·

Good concept and good writing, but I would recommend working on your descriptions and dialogue. As is, the characters feel somewhat wooden with the blunt way that they're speaking. Try to pepper the narrative with some imagery involving their mannerisms and subtle actions. That will allow for them to breathe and seem less mechanical.