• Member Since 26th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 25th, 2019

Ice of Spade


All in the name of fun!

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Since christmas or should i say hearths warming eve is coming i decided to make a short little story about the joy of this time of the year.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

Hello, I came here just out of pure curiosity. I must say, this story has surely nice intentions behind it. And I'd say it would be even able to carry out the warm and friendly atmosphere of Hearth's Warming, if it wasn't for a few issues.

Main issue - missing spaces.

Apple Bloom,Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle lost the best snowpony contest,their happiness was unbreakable,because

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle lost the best snowpony contest, their happiness was unbreakable, because

Which one is easier to read? The latter? That's because of the space that folloes after comma (,) or full stop (.) Is that clear? :pinkiesmile:

Second, there was not much of direct speech, but still;

"Remember my words,for there might be a truth among them.",
"Remember.".

It should be:

"Remember my words, for there might be a truth among them."
"Remember."

direct speech is normal, stand-alone sentence. There is no need for commas or full stops after it.

Third, too long sentences.

Coloratura is facing technical problems with the microphones and the audience is growing impatient and Gilda is dealing with the fact that she tries to bring back their winter traditions but no griffon seems to care.

Again, compare with this:

Coloratura is facing technical problems with the microphones and the audience is growing impatient. Gilda wants to bring back griifon winter traditions, but no griffon seems to care.

I just split them a little. This helps the reader to not to get confused or lost.

If anything wasn't clear, don't be afraid to ask.
Good luck with upcoming stories!
-Ever :twilightsmile:

Thanks for pointing this out.This was an early writing and well,i didn't quite had a good grasp on the proper structure of the text and well my punctuation could use a little more work.

I do try to fix this little problems i have.

Also,thank you for reading and sharing your opinion on this,my work barely gets any attention.

7731317 You're welcome.
Well, wouldn't promoting and adding the story to some groups help?

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