Part 10: Family
It didn't take long for the attentive Applejack to cover each of Tiara's hooves in a fine coat of fragrant smelling cream, and the pink filly immediately felt the cooling effect on her skin.
"There we go, It should dry pretty quickly, just in time for you to get to school. But for now, I suppose I better carry you downstairs. We want to give the stuff chance to sink in." Applejack pondered, as she lifted Diamond up for the third time that day.
Tiara was unused to being transported in such a manner. She started to feel a little embarrassed at being so reliant on somepony else. True, she had been waited on hoof for most of her life, but the likes of Randolph had never done such personal tasks for her, or been so touchy-feely...
Still, it was better than her mother's usual tactic of tugging her by the mane and tail, and the fact that Applejack seemed to take such great care and pleasure in fulfilling these tasks softened the blows to her ego considerably.
As they approached the stairs together, Tiara continued to glance around at her less-than-elegant surroundings. Wherever she turned, there were rickety fixtures, peeling walls and damp ceilings. Every step Applejack took seemed to creak, and her equine load began to genuinely worry about falling through the rotting planks, onto the ground floor.
There were also pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Diamond squinted at a few while they descended, but barely recognised anypony. The Apple clan was a large and varied one, and she knew that every year there was a big reunion of the family where they reminisced, played games, exchanged apple recipes. Her Dad had told her all about it, and at the time she could remember sneering at the whole idea and saying "Those mud ponies can drown in their own filth for all I care, I've got a pool!"
Forgetting she was an Earth pony herself. Hypocrisy? What's that?
This callous remark had been met with a giggle from her mother. "That's my girl!" she could remember Spoiled stating, proudly. Filthy frowned at the impudence though, and then spent the next few hours lecturing his daughter on exactly how much the Rich's owed to the Apples, and why it was wrong to make fun of them just because they were less well off.
Tiara had rolled her eyes at his sermonizing, in the same way she had dismissed Granny Smith's tale at Family Appreciation Day. Even insulting Applejack's grandmother in the process. Her father very rarely got involved in her discipline, but when he had heard what his child had called one of his oldest friends in class that day, he was absolutely mortified.
In one of his few incidences of taking the initiative away from his wife, he punished his daughter by forcing her to wear a pair of bunny ears, and participate in a recreation of the ancient zap apple ceremony. Tiara still didn't understand to this day the bizarre rules of this venerable ritual, but they seemed to work. All over the town, ponies queued for hours to get a taste of this local delicacy.
Despite her rudeness at the time , the Apples had been kind enough to offer Tiara a crate of the popular food for her coerced involvement in the reenactment of the ceremony , but as prideful and as stubborn as she was, she'd refused point blank. Her mother had given her more kind words on her return "You did the right thing, sweetie, who knows what kind of muck those rednecks put in that swill. We have all the imported spreads from Canterlot that you'll ever need" she'd said back then.
Not to mention, reassuring Diamond that she'd never have to go back to 'that disgusting hovel' ever again, and having serious words with Filthy about their progeny taking part in such an undignified activity. "What would have happened if a paparazzo had taken a picture? I'd never be able to show my face at the ladies bridge club ever again!!" she'd screeched.
And, as usual, Spoiled had got her way. Filthy's half-hearted attempts to socialise his daughter with everyday ponies came to naught. It just wasn't worth the aggro, and all the sleepless nights that would follow. Diamond never went back to Sweet Acres ever again, save for now. And the time Babs Seed came to town...
Speak of the... There was the Manehattanite now, staring back at her from an image on the wall amongst all the others. Tiara recognised that arrogant smirk and short red mane anywhere, but what she didn't spot before, that she noticed now, were her eyes.
Was it her imagination, or did they look, Kind of sad?
No matter. She doubted they'd cross paths again, which was fine with Diamond. It was yet another shameful chapter in the pink filly's history she'd rather forget.
From misusing her power of influence over Babs to make her pick on her cousin, to the acrimonious circumstances of their last meeting where the Manehattanite had inexplicably changed her attitude and threatened to tell her mother about their misdeeds (causing Tiara to fall into some mud in surprise that anypony would think Spoiled would actually care) it was another reminder of the kind of pony she was...
And hopefully, would never be ever again.
As wrapped up in her thoughts as she was, she failed to see Applejack reach the bottom of the stairs, turn left and go into the dining room where the rest of the orange mare's family were hard at work. Not kicking trees, but demolishing plates full of scrambled eggs.
Tiara returned to reality just in time to see a grinning Apple Bloom motioning at the seat next to her, while Granny Smith stopped eating for a minute to give the pink filly a welcoming nod and Big Mac kept right on with his meal, a neutral expression on his face.
Applejack moved over to the table, and deposited Diamond on an empty chair by Bloom. The farm filly immediately saw the fresh bandage on her new friend, and with a hint of worry asked her "Are you alright, now?"
Tiara knew that her roommate wasn't just asking about her injured leg. "Well, my hooves feel better, though I'll have to wear this thing for a while. As for everything else, don't worry, you won't be catching me tearing the place apart again. I'm going to try to talk about my feelings more now. Your sister is a great listener, by the way."
Bloom smiled broadly at this compliment to the sibling she idolised. "She is, isn't she? I don't know what I'd do without her..." She began, before the farm filly ended the sentence abruptly, to cast a wary glance at Big Mac who'd recently had a few jealousy issues regarding the achievements of the orange mare.
Seeing her big brother continue shoveling down his breakfast unabated, Bloom continued. "Yeah, she does everything for me. Gives me great advice. Sing me songs. Kisses me goodnight. And she's one of the six heroines of Equestria! Sometimes I have to pinch myself that I'm not living in a dream, that I could be related to somepony so awesome!!"
Tiara may once have thought all this was hyperbole from a doting little sister, but the way Applejack had made her laugh upstairs, a happy, snide-free laugh, and had seen to her wounds with more tenderness than her own mother could ever muster made the pink filly wonder just how much she'd been missing out on.
"B-but songs and kisses goodnight?!" stammered Diamond, seeking to reassure herself. "Aren't you a bit old for that sort of thing?"
Bloom responded to the question with the look of somepony who was trying to understand another language, before she burst into a fit of giggling. Slightly phased by this unusual reaction, Tiara was caught by surprise when Granny Smith replied in the farm filly's absence. Her sharp old ears had been listening to the conversation from the start, and the elderly pony felt she had something of substance to add.
"You ain't ever too old to sing to and kiss your loved ones." She told her new house guest, in her cracked but clear voice. "You young un's these days might think you're too cool and hip to show affection for those you're closest to, but they'll come a day when you'll have to say goodbye to them, and you might just regret not showing them more love when they were around, just to keep up a reputation among ponies who shouldn't matter a lick to you, if they find such important things demeaning."
Diamond wasn't sure if the veteran was directly addressing her or making a more general point, but she nodded back at Granny Smith anyway, just to be civil.
"You like that, did you? Well, there's a lot more where that came from, and if you're willing to listen, I'm willing to tell you. I didn't have chance to say hello last night, on account of the fact you just wouldn't wake up. Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres, Miss Tiara. We're happy for you to stay as long as you like. Just remember though, that all guests must put in at least 10 hour shifts each day for their bed and board. You better start learning how to buck those trees lickety-split..." the matriarch of the Apples announced stiffly.
Diamond's mouth was the size of a small cave. She was about to launch herself into the most vocal of protests. How she wasn't trained. How it was unfair for a child to work such long hours. How her injured foot precluded her from any strenuous work...
But it took was one little chuckle from Granny to set off a chain reaction of laughs from everypony else at the table, save for Mac, who just smiled in an subtle way. Tiara's incoming tirade died before it left her mouth, and the only reaction from the pink filly was a lopsided, sheepish grin.
They'd got her. again.
Those darn Apples.
Dark horses, one and all.
After the fun at Tiara's expense had faded, Applejack finally seemed to notice her new charge's empty plate. "So, what do you want for breakfast, sugarcube? I'm afraid we've got nothing fancy here, just eggs as you can see, and a few other bits and pieces if you're lucky. Any requests?"
Diamond carefully considered her options. She wasn't very fond of eggs, no matter how they were prepared. She'd always found they played havoc with her digestive system, which wasn't the most comfortable experience around.
Even being given the choice of what to eat was a novelty in itself, usually she'd ended up with the blandest of cereals picked out by her mother, under the guise that she should 'maintain her figure' so she could be shown off at various functions to VIPs.
A bit much too expect from such a young filly, but considering the amount of control Spoiled had in every other aspect of her life, perhaps no great surprise.
So, presented with such a unique opportunity, Tiara racked her brains to think of a) Something the Apples might actually have and b) Something she might actually enjoy, as opposed to pieces of cardboard with milk.
What to do, what to do...
Suddenly, it was perfectly clear what she was going to ask for.
She'd been wondering what it had tasted like for a while now.
She'd been cutting off her muzzle to spite her face for too long.
And, now her mother wasn't around to stop her, It was time to see if the hype was justified.
"Could I have... some zap apple jam on toast, please?" She plaintively requested.
All of a sudden, the Apples were a stir. They didn't know what they expected their new house guest was going to ask for, but it certainly wasn't anything like THAT.
It was Applejack who responded first. "I don't know about that, sugarcube. Hey, Big Mac, do we have any left over from this year's crop? I seem to recall it going pretty quickly..."
The red stallion finished off his mouthful, wiped his lips and looked directly at Diamond Tiara. "Yup" he matter-of-factly stated.
Part 10. Hope you liked... What else is there to say?
Comment if you want. I'm always happy to hear from my readers... 
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HOW?! HOW DO YOU KEEP MAKING ME FEEL THE FEELZ?!
Love the chapter!
Great chapter!!!
Not entirely bad. You know how to describe emotions. Reading that brings up some unpleasant memories too.
However, there are still quite a few issues:
That's pushing it quite a bit. I get the leaky window and the rickety fixtures. Even though they have a successful apple business, it is to expect that they run low on money a few times during the year, especially if the harvest is not going well. So they don't always have enough money to do renovations. That's to expect. And the whitewashed walls..... Well, you took quite a bit of artistic freedom here, because we've already seen in the show that their walls aren't whitewashed. But in and of itself, whitewashed walls aren't a bad thing.
But dirty ceilings? This is pushing it. You make the Apples look like they are unable to clean up their house here, which is quite insulting.
And here we have a continuity issue. When Diamond Tiara was jumping around being dressed up as a bunny with the others, the cooking of the zap apple jam was already finished and they only let them jump for fun. Also, she wasn't wearing a full bunny costume, unlike Applebloom before, just the ears.
You should do better research if you directly refer to events that we have seen in an episode or official comic issue.
And about this:
Diamond Tiara has shown already that she knows there's a better alternative out there, by taking interest in the way Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle live. It may be new to her to live in a farmhouse (and I said that it's okay that she misses her luxury a little, which you seemed to have overread), but she generally knows already how life can be better.
It's not completely alien to her anymore. What we have seen in "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" showed that quite well.
No, definitely not. This is something where all children think the same way.
You underestimate (and insult) the intelligence of children if you think that they would be hesitant to leave abusive parents or feeling bad about leaving them.
This is what I mean with "cliched", you think that children are too dumb to realize when their parents mistreat them and that they will love them unconditionally anyway, no matter how hard they get beaten up and abused.
This is a worrisome depiction of children here and, novel or not, the proper research is always important for a story like that.
You don't have to have the experience of having been abused as a child to write something like this, but you can always do research and you should, for the sake of a story's quality.
Strangely, later on, you suddenly portray Diamond Tiara realistic again, when she suddenly doesn't miss her parents at all anymore and gives in to all her rage and despair by ripping up the clothes her mother bought her and by removing her from the family photo.
You not only have a problem with portraying Diamond Tiara realistically as abused child, you also seem to have problems with writing her consistently, because her tear-filled reaction when she had to leave and this other, sudden reaction are two completely different characterizations of her that contradict each other.
There are cliches like this and there are cliches like that. Some cliches are good and can enhance a story's quality if done right, some cliches are bad and should better be avoided.
Here, the dramatic in your story when Diamond Tiara has to leave her home and when she's later getting sad again on the farm, has a very articifial and sappy feeling, when we see Diamond Tiara getting sad over something she should actually be relieved about.
6698649
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Seeing as it changes nothing in the overall scheme of my story, I'm more than happy to change the former to 'peeling'. As for the latter, I'm going to put that up to over-exaggeration on the part of DT. A different character perspective, and all that.
Sorry for hinting the Apples were lax in their cleaning duties, though. I had no idea you were so close to them. Send them my apologies.
I doubt DT was having much 'fun'... It was meant as a punishment, not as a source of recreation. But if it means that much to you, I'll change it to 'reenactment'. As for the costume part... Easily changed too. But hardly worth worrying too much over... I haven't watched the episode for years, so a few errors are expected.
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As for the rest of the stuff you mentioned about the 'reality' of my story, I'm just going to say discovering that picture in her possessions caused a trigger in her that made her to impulsively reassess her relationship with her mother, and subsequently flip out. Her emotions will be topsy-turvy all throughout this fic, as befits a child forced to deal with so much so young. You may disagree, and come back with an argument about how wrong I am on a multitude of levels, but it's the route I'm taking with my story... So, yeah.
To be honest, I get the impression you went into this fic in the first place with the mindset that you were going to dislike it, based on the description alone, and my dislike of the conclusion to Aftermath. This makes it very hard for me to take your criticism seriously, so if you're going to find my work so easy to upset you, I suggest you look elsewhere. I'm sure there are lots of other stories on this site where what you're looking for... Or, here's an idea... Write one yourself.
I think Aftermath ended far too abruptly and failed to fulfill it's potential, you don't.
You think my story is artificial and stuffed full of literature cliches, I don't.
Isn't it GREAT we have the freedom to disagree?
Thanks for the comment. I'll expect more soon...
6698752
Makes sense, but that's something you could work out a little better, though. You could mention some cobwebs on the ceiling or in the corners, which Diamond Tiara sees and gives her impression the ceiling and corners are dirty.
People who live on the countryside are more prone to not remove cobwebs in order to letting the spiders have some place to live, as opposed to people living in the big city or rich people like Diamond Tiara's family who are alienated to nature, so that's something that Diamond Tiara would describe as "dirty", without it coming across insulting to the Apples.
Does it matter how close I am to them? Actually, aside from Applebloom, I'm not more close to them than any other brony.
For being aware of it that an insulting portrayal of characters isn't okay it doesn't need a close bond to those characters.
I see there is more that you forgot.
The whole thing actually went that way that Granny Smith asked the fillies around who wants to jump now, without referring to Diamond Tiara specifically, then she and her dad came around and her dad demanded from her to participate as punishment.
For the other fillies participating it was fun and that's the way Granny has intended it to be, she didn't know that Diamond Tiara would be forced to participate.
Fair enough.
It doesn't explain, however, why she was crying when leaving her house because of having to leave her parents, which includes her abusive mother that she actually hates, too.
I went into this story with the expectation that it is going to be a very sappy and unrealistic "Spoiled Rich suddenly becomes a good mother and starts to really love her daughter because reasons" kind of story as an answer to RarityEQM's story, after you criticized the realism in RarityEQM's story, especially the realistic end, and so far, I see my worries confirmed, as I can already see that you're going into to this direction.
If you mean by "potential" that "Aftermath" should have had a heel face turn of Diamond Tiara's mother in the end, where she suddenly, magically becomes a good mother, then I can assure you that this would have ruined the story and made it bad, because that's just not how things happen. Abusive mothers don't change.
But RarityEQM already explained that very well on her own. I have nothing to add to that.
So, if you go with your story in this direction, I can most certainly say that it won't live up to "Aftermath" (or any story that cares about realistic portrayals of social issues) in regards to realism, because you portrayed such a touchy subject in a completely unrealistic way.
6698864 I can see I'm going to have to write a more concise write-up of what I didn't like about the end of Aftermath. Strap yourself in, Batman.
You want a cliche? Setting fire to the house. One big soap opera style event, and all of a sudden... Almost everything is resolved. THAT'S a cliche.
Blame everything on the drink, which they avoid doing on the show (for obvious reasons). THAT'S an easy get out clause for emotionally shallow individuals... It's ALL the fault of alcohol. BOO TO THE WINE MAKERS!!
As for complaining that DT should hate her mother in my fic... how about the author of Aftermath talking about DT's 'unconditional love' for Spoiled in the penultimate chapter of the story? That appears to be something you've conveniently missed out of your glowing praise.
I don't know where you got this impression that I wanted Spoiled to do a 'Heel Face Turn' (A fellow troper... HURRAY!!). My complaints all along have been about how abruptly the ending came about, when I thought the original story could have been at least double in size... Maybe my own personal disappointment was showing in my critique, hence my comment about 'wasted potential'. I don't see how that phrase translates to 'Let's turn her mother into Marcia Brady', but meh... Draw your own conclusion.
I won't tell you what I have planned for the denouement... But, sufficed to say, it's a LONG way off. Judging by how much I'm enjoying writing this, there may even be a sequel. So, plenty more 'inconsistent characterisation' and 'poorly researched real life scenarios' to enjoy. Buckle up, Sparky!!
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As for the other things you mentioned... Maybe I'll change them, maybe I won't. I dare say if you went through Aftermath with a fine tooth comb... You'd find plenty of stuff to nit-pick there too (Like, the incorrect spelling of Epilogue in the final chapter, for one).
But I guess, because you already consider it a shining paragon of storytelling, you won't subject it to the same level of scrutiny as my little tale. Which is fine... But it does come across as being a little unfair. Oh well...
Thanks again for your interest!
6698952
That's the kind of answer that I expected now. And it confirmed what I was suspecting already:
You started to write this story as a piece to directly rival "Aftermath", because you got pissed over its realism and think that's wrong, in a "I'm going to make it better!" way, I'm fully convinced of this now. I was already suspecting this with how harshly you ripped her story apart and with how you portrayed it like an objectively bad story, just because it was realistic, not a heartwarming, kitschy fairy tale type of story, just to start writing an own story about Diamond Tiara's abuse shortly after you said that about "Aftermath".
And when I started to criticize you as harshly as you criticized RarityEQM at the end, you suddenly started to complain. I was expecting that to happen too. Looks like you can't accept for yourself what you deliver to others.
However, unlike you, I was not complaining about your story, I gave you serious, objective advice on how to make your story better, which you dismissed, and you only assumed that I was doing that to complain it into the ground.
Seems like you're not very interested in receiving feedback to improve. Well, so be it then.
6699093 Pssst.
No, I didn't.
Again, incorrect... But I've already covered that.
Look back at what I wrote, I objected to the ending... NOTHING else.
You could be more inaccurate, but it would take some effort.
Your 'criticism' seems to be derived from your self-entitled position as unofficial spokesman for anyone who dare criticise any aspect of Aftermath, not to help me 'improve' as an author. Plus, you make wild claims about my reasons for writing this story... NONE of which are true. So, excuse me for not listening too hard to what you've got to say.
And, I don't think you're an any better author than me. I've actually read a few examples of your work before I replied to this post... And found it poorly paced and very bland... But do you see me reeling off a litany of reasons as to 'how you can improve'? No, because I have better things to do with my life.
Besides, I think your real agenda is, as I said, attacking my so-called resolution that Aftermath should have had a more sunny ending... Which is a fantasy that only exists in your head. I've already given my reasons for the last part of that fic not being to my taste, so go and read them properly, before replying again. Stop making things up to suit your wafer-thin argument.
I'm pretty sure at this stage it's not feedback, especially when half your points are false assumptions. Please come back when you have something more interesting to say... Instead of rehashing the same points, and conjuring up non-existent ones from thin air.
Ciao.
6699174
Fact remains, you called the end of "Aftermath" bad because it weren't going where you wanted it to go, and not because of objective flaws the story actually has.
Disappointed over it that the story isn't longer? Well, bad luck. It's not your story. It's how RarityEQM wants to have it and so it's good how it is.
You should criticize stories again once you have learned to respect an author's personal wishes and ideas for his story.
6699220 See? Now you've changed your argument... Which loses you ALL credibility. And as a reader, if I have an opinion that I didn't like the ending, or I think the story could have been longer, then damn right I'm going to state it.
By the same token... I'm the author of this story... So, by your definition, does that mean I can do what I want with it, and ignore all other viewpoints? Thanks for the opportunity, sweetie... That's EXACTLY what I intend to do with your half-baked vitriol about the supposed inaccuracies in my work, along with your blatant lies about my reasons for writing it.
Pot calling the kettle black, much?
See you soon.
6699240
There is a difference between objective (constructive) criticism and subjective complaining.
The latter is what you did under "Aftermath". The former is what I offered you, but you refuse to accept the offer.
You just showed that you don't understand this difference.
Feel free to do so as you wish. In the end, it's not me who throws away valuable advice and feedback that would make the story better.
6699272 Yeah, that's a GREAT idea... Dismiss all other viable concerns as 'whiny complaining'... Then, you never have take anyone else's opinions seriously ever again. BRILLIANT!!
And now that your original arguments have collapsed like a stack of Jenga, you've trying to stultify free speech on Fimfiction. NEWSFLASH: This isn't communist China, and if you look at the comments under Aftermath, a lot of others agreed with me too.
Are you going to start hassling them as well... Picking holes in their stories... Making up falsehoods about their intentions when writing their fics... Deliberately misunderstanding their opinions, to carry on a pointless argument?
Didn't think so.
And as much as I've enjoyed all this personal attention so early on a Saturday morning, perhaps it's about time you gave it a rest. You're going round in circles, and not really getting either of us very far.
If you want to read the rest, fine.
If you don't, then fine.
Just please maintain a consistent view when replying, or at least say SOMETHING of substance that hasn't been quoted already.
Otherwise, what's the point in wasting the energy typing it out?
6699306
You just said that your complaints under "Aftermath" were viable. While they consisted of nothing more than being whiny about it that the story didn't meet your taste.
6699388 Just because I put my comments in a certain way, doesn't mean the content of them is any less 'viable'.
To dismiss them like that shows a lack of imagination on your part, as well as a built-in hostility to anyone who DARES challenge your precious point of view.
And I'd rather be 'funny' than someone who's only way of winning an argument is to make stuff up about the other person, is repetitive to the point of numbness in their responses and tries to dish out unrequested authoring advice, despite being a pretty mediocre writer themselves.
Till next time now.
6699423
As I said, there is a difference between constructive criticism and subjective complaining. "I would have liked it so much more if the story would have been continued, why didn't you make it longer, this story is bad because it ends too soon!" is no constructive criticism, it is merely you stating that you would have liked it if the story would be longer.
But, again, it is not your story, and as long as you don't have any constructive things to say, you better don't say anything.
You're dismissing constructive criticism and advice I give you and you show no will to clean up the flaws of your story and to improve it.
I don't think there will be a next time.
6699513
Shall I tell you, the exact moment when I KNEW we weren't going to be friends, and I would treat the majority of your follow-up posts with the scorn they deserved?
Your first comment of the day.
That has to be one of the most ****ish, backhanded things to say to a person about their story. I would have rather you said it sucked monkey nuts, than THAT. Not only are you in no position to offer 'constructive criticism' about any aspect of my work considering your own average output, you choose to be a **** about it. Which is fine... Just don't expect to be taken seriously about anything, even if you ARE trying to help (Which I sincerely doubt).
Let's take a look at your other sins, shall we?
*You're a liar. You say I hated Aftermath because I wanted a happy ending, whereas I've stated in my previous posts on a consistent basis, I disliked the abruptness of it... NOTHING else.
You also claim I only wrote this story in retaliation to my loathing for Aftermath... An assumption which is completely laughable. Almost 20k words, because of a grudge against a random fanfiction?! I have two words to say to that... GET. REAL.
*You're an egomaniac. Apparently my story can only be 'saved' if I follow your exact blueprint for it by rewriting parts. This isn't going to happen... As I've repeatedly said, if you want a version of this fic that suits your sensibilities WRITE IT YOURSELF. I'll be the judge of what direction MY story goes in, thank you very much.
*You're a hypocrite. Apparently, you can whinge as much as you like on my comments page... But OH NO, the minute I dare to make a few comments on one of your favourite stories that you disagree with, the Thought Police need to come and arrest me. It's a fair cop, guv.
*You're a complete waste of time... You've spouted the same meaningless nonsense, only using different words to describe it, all evening... And what have you accomplished? Making yourself look silly, that's what. Hope you're proud of yourself...
So, well done all round. A complete combination of fibbing, narcissism, hypocrisy and idiocy.
Impressive stats.
I can but hope. But I suspect this to be yet another false dawn.
See you later.
6699602
Okay, now it shows that you are just a troll. I did say it's not entirely bad, which means, there are bad things about it, but there are also good things about it. That's the meaning of my statement. Everything else are your assumptions, of which I don't know where they suddenly come from.
Well, what gives..... Anyway, your reactions here show that you are very good in giving out completely subjective criticism, but that you can't handle it if someone gives you objective advice and feedback and that you deem any sort of advice as insult, instead as an opportunity to improve your story.
With that childish attitude, don't expect any more feedback from me. I rather deliver that to authors who actually want to improve.
6699627 I knew you'd come back... Another false statement in an evening littered with them from you.
What I stated weren't assumptions... They were FACTS. You can choose to accept them, or not. I really don't care.
And 'not entirely bad' is still one of the most ****ish you can say, regardless of it's intent. It's like saying 'The novel I read was rubbish, but I liked the front cover'.
Strange how 'not bad' sounds fine... But 'not entirely bad' makes you come across as a complete ****. Funny how language works, huh? If you'd put it in a slightly different way, perhaps I'd be more open to talking to you.
As it is, let me be blunt. I do not value your advice. I do not want your advice. I would be quite happy if I never spoke to you again... But alas, I have this nasty habit of not being able to give the other person the last word that I inherited from my dad... So I guess I'm stuck with you for now.
Onto the next post...
Take it in, Diamond; you've heard more from Big Mac this morning than you're likely to hear for the rest of the week!
Very very nice chapter, I enjoyed it! Good show friend, good show!
loving how this is going, its so sweet I can't help but smile.
Keep it up!
I think this story is well written and I enjoyed every single chapter of it. Nice to see how Diamond finally gets a loving family and I hope she will be able to spend more time with her father without spoiled b...rich's influence.
This is possibly the funniest thing I've thought about all morning.
6738265
I feel this story could severely benefit from a great deal of clean up and reformatting, but I don't even care because I'm being thoroughly entertained - which is the primary function of a story, not to be textually perfect. More people need to think this way, am I right?
6738543 I completely agree. Language is a tool. As long as it is getting the point across people should not complain.
Now when people decide to write "Crash Blossoms", that is something that heeds to be corrected.
Something I never got was why people cared so much about grammar. I have searched extensively for a standard and have yet to find one.
Take for instance this...should there be spaces around the periods or not? I still don't know.
Any way, I'm liking this story... Injustice hope this keeps the light contrasting tone and does not go too dark.
LOL! She accidently asked for the one thing they would probably be out of. Besides cider, of course.
.....And for any who are still arguing over whether DT loves or hates her mother.... You guys must have really stable or really bad homes. Take it from me, you can love and hate your mother at the same time. Love her, for the times she's kind and seems to understand. Love her because she's the only mother you know and have. Love her because she's your mother and you shouldn't hate her. Love her because you have to, or else you can't live with it.
And hate her for every word, sentence, look, and action that hurt you and made you feel worthless. Hate her because no matter what you do she will never understand. Hate her for all the times you realize what you could have had, could have done, if it weren't for her. Hate her for controlling you without even saying a word.
Hate yourself for feeling this way at all.
That's what DT is going through. And the author does a damn good job of showing the fact that DT wants to love her mother, even though she's realizing just how awful a creature she is.
Liking it so far. I would've saved that for the last chapter you've published, except that I misread the meaning of
...in a funny way that I thought I'd share.
"I can't believe you're being such a big bully! Just for that, I'm gonna have my grandparents adopt one of your parents! See how you like that!"
Then I realized "bully" was being used as a verb and had a laugh at myself.
6836667 I made the exact same mistake. Now that you pointed that out, I'm laughing, too!
"You ain't ever too old to sing to and kiss your loved ones." She told her new house guest, in her cracked but clear voice. "You young un's these days might think you're too cool and hip to show affection for those you're closest to, but they'll come a day when you'll have to say goodbye to them... And you might just regret not showing them more love when they were around, just to keep up a reputation among ponies who shouldn't matter a lick to you, if they find such important things demeaning."
This line made me very emotional because as I am reading this, it is coming up to the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death, so this really hits home.
6913369 I hope it was a good emotional response. May your grandma rest in peace.
6913369 Oops, I've just been looking through some of my old replies, and I really don't like the way I worded this one. Of course it was 'a good emotional response' you had while reading the chapter.
What I was trying to say was: I hope what Granny Smith said bought back all the wonderful memories you have of your grandma. Apologies if there was any confusion... Sometimes words can be misinterpreted if the writer isn't very careful...
I just started reading this story and I am loving it! Like the majority of the brony fandom, I did not like Diamond Tiara, but my opinion of her changed after that fateful episode (you know the one ;D). Since then, I have looked for stories that showed the newly reformed DT and how she is making amends for her past bratty ways. You are doing an excellent job writing this story and showing DT's reflecting on her past thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
I like that you incorporate the episodes in your chapters to show what may have happened after an event involving DT AND her point-of-view from that episode, and yet put your own spin on what could have occurred. The "Family Appreciation Day" event is a great example of this. The one time Filthy Rich actually does good parenting by disciplining DT for her rude behaviors towards Granny Smith may have been the last. Because of Spoiled's incessant griping and arguing, Filthy stopped trying to be an active parent just to get some peace and quiet. I hope that insert about Babs Seed will mean she will appear in a later chapter. I wonder if she's going to give DT a hard time or will embrace her as her cousin Apple Bloom has?
If you haven't done so in another chapter, are you going to include any comic references in your story? The FIM Friends Forever Issue # 16 could be another event that DT can look back on and realize that she wronged Prancy Drew by leaving her behind to win the race. I'd also like to see how Prancy Drew would react to the new DT.
I will be reading more of this story! You've definitely got a new follower :D
My OC shall find spoiled, and he will break her. The way diamond had been treated will not be tolerated.
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Just, don’t go overboard, Kay?