• Member Since 9th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen Dec 10th, 2023

Outcasts-Redeemer


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My own story inspired by Oh AJ... by johnjoseco.

Every individual has their own way to cope with grief, some worship a higher power, others drink until they can't think, some may even do tasks and jobs that they feel obligated to do in remembrance. This is the story of what the Apple family does in their times of grief.

Please support the official release at http://johnjoseco.deviantart.com/art/Oh-AJ-256221211

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 2 )

Not bad, but you could use more commas! That can actually increase a lot of the impact with each description and emotion the story is trying to capture! For example:

With a loud clank the final dish was placed on the dining table.

One comma can make a difference.

With a loud clank the final dish was placed on the dining table.

However, your descriptions are excellent!

But, like all of her offspring and their offspring after them, she was stubborn and refused to accept defeat.

This right here is a nice description, and your story is filled with these! Always remember to use colorful and detailed descriptions!

Basically, I liked it!

God damnit the feels:raritycry::fluttercry:

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