Chapter 98 - The state of my reality.
The surroundings were haunting and cold, nothing but a thick forest and an endless fog limiting my perception of the world around me, except for a strange light that glimmered bright enough above me to catch my curiosity. With not much to do, I decided to walk to the direction of the light. Where I am? Why did I end up here? Those were questions that haunted me every second.
Every step I made, I could hear the weeping of a girl more clearly. It was soft, with a glimpse of fear and hopelessness. Eventually, I reached a little pond in the middle of this colorless forest, and in front of said pond, there was the girl I heard before. She was kneeling on the ground and looking at her own reflection. Lost. Moody. Doubtful.
“Hey there.” I said tenderly.
She quickly tried to dry her tears with her sleeves. When she turned around, the pretty face of a nerdy kind of girl with big glasses captivated my eyes. Hesitating, she said, “Hi.”
“What are you doing here?”
She answered, “I’m lost... And you?”
“You could say that I’m lost as well. How did you arrive here?”
“I ran away again from the one who scares me the most now.”
“…Want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know who you are to talk about it…” She said with understandable doubt.
“I understand, I’ll be on my way.”
“…Wait… It’s about a girl I admire from school. She is so smart… I wish she was my friend and only my friend… I wish I did have friends... And you? How did you get here?”
“…I don’t know. My memory is as deep as this fog. I feel like I was pulled here for some reason.”
“If you want to find your way home, walk that way, to north. There you’ll find a road to the town. Go north… always go north in this realm.”
“In this realm? You said you were lost! How do you know that way will get me out of here?”
“Because I’m lost, but not in the sense of placement, but self.”
“Then I’ll leave you on your quest of self-reflection. If I get lost, do me a favor and look for me after you hear my screams of despair.”
She laughed rather innocently and said. “That I’ll do!” I walked to the direction she recommended me, but before I could leave the pond, she said, “Wait, before you go, can I ask you something?”
“Why, sure. Ask.”
“Have you ever hated somebody?”
“Myself.”
Her expression became perplexed when hearing my brusque answer. “That was unexpected! Why!?”
“Well, it’s a long explanation.”
“Will you make me company and tell me? I don’t want to go just yet. The voice told me so.”
“What voice?”
“The star that shines bright above us.”
She pointed out to a shining star that I didn’t notice before. It’s bright was like the beam of light that a lighthouse shoots on the horizon for the sailors to find their way to the coast. Fascinated, and yet scared, I couldn’t stop admiring the beauty of said star.
“Will you stay with me a little longer?”
“I… I suppose I can do that.” I focused my gaze on her eyes. “But only if you promise me to show me the way out yourself!”
“You have a deal, friend! Come, here is a log. Sit with me.” She sat down and patted repeatedly the spot now reserved for me.
“I’m not your friend.” I joined her on the log. “We are two complete strangers in the middle of nowhere while gazing upon the lonely star. It almost feels supreme up there. Shining all alone…”
“Yeah… and what you said is true, but strangers become friends eventually if there is an interest.”
“You may be right. So…” After a moment of hesitation, I began to explain her my answer. “Have you ever made something that you were proud of, only for someone else to come and do a far better job than you?”
“Recently, yes. So many times she has took away things that I thought were meant for me.”
“Who?”
“My… twin, sort of…”
“Why do you think is that?”
“Because she gave them to me, but I came to accept that those blessings were just lent. I didn’t win them, but I was so blind and desperate to have friends that praised my achievements that I took any opportunity that was presented to me and have but a taste of what it felt to be… loved.”
“You said you didn’t have friends.”
Curiously, and a bit lost, she responded, “I did say that? Well, I have friends in reality.”
Great, I stumbled with a loony.
“Why you want friends?”
“Why anyone wouldn’t want friends? Family is one thing, they will always be there… at least mine is always there. I don’t know what I would do without them… and I don’t know about yours.”
“My family is… special, I guess…? It’s dysfunctional, but I love them, even when they drive me insane sometimes.”
“Do they remind you every day to wash your dishes and clean your room?”
“My mother wants me to marry now and my dad wants me to have a job while I keep studying. And my sister has… let’s say she is a special one, but that doesn’t stop me of loving her… She even manages to get better scores at school than me.” I said with an air of pride.
“Mine is very normal, and so friendly with everyone. I admire my mommy the most but my daddy and my B.B.B.F.F. aren’t that behind.”
“Your what!?”
“Big Brother Best Friend Forever!” She smiled rather widely, and obnoxiously for my tastes. “I also have a dog… I wish he could talk and have a friend every day in my home.”
“Yeah… Because that is what we need in the world. Long nicknames and talking dogs.”
“Hee-hee-hee! He said something similar to me the first time he heard it!”
“Heh, I don’t doubt it! …What were we talking about?”
“About friends. And your reason of self-hate.”
“Ah, yes!”
“Yeah… So …Why do you hate yourself?”
“It’s not that I hate myself in the sense of despise. Sometimes I do rash things without thinking well the possible outcome of my choice. And I tend to choose the wrong decision, but I always continue that choice until I do what I need to do, or the circumstances break me and force me to reconsider my approach.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad. Experimentation requires repetition and failure until you get right the variables to do something right. The wheel has evolved many iterations across the ages and they still research what size it is needed for new inventions that need it.”
“Yes, but that is in a controlled environment. Sure, accidents happen but in society is a very different danger. There are times when you say something that could screw up not only you, but the people around you for a while, perhaps your whole lifetime.”
“There are many tragic accidents that have occurred in the name of science… perhaps what we consider real danger is in the point of view of each individual.”
“I just know that I’m very fortunate for not having to face such harsh consequences so far. I hope I never inherit such burden of loses in the name of anything. Mine are minor problems, worthy of a whiny teenager like me… I once… There was this girl that I liked a lot. I wanted to be someone who could be of her liking, and for a time, it happened. But I had to sacrifice my own self to the point of nearly becoming someone else. Somebody who wasn’t me. My friends supported me as best as they could, but eventually we got separated… Or perhaps I was the one who wanted to run away from everything at that time. One day, I became more relentless, more honest… more stupid. I couldn’t stop. I can’t stop trying to prove that I can do things right as well… but I sometimes do it for the pettiest of reasons, and I fear I only cause more problems to others instead of just me… That’s why I hate myself, for my own pride… I’m aware of it, and yet, I do nothing to correct it…”
It seemed like an eternity the moment we stayed quiet looking at the pond. She began to whistle a little song, from time to time mumbling, ‘We shine like rainbows… woh-oh-oh’. Then, she broke the silence.
“I have been trying to change myself to become the friend that these nice girls want me to become. They are so kind, and I try so hard to blend with them. It seems to work, most of the time… But when I analyze the reason why I am their friend in the first place, all starts to crumble for me. I want to be like the one who made my new friends a reality. I keep trying and trying to fulfill their expectations but I simply cannot grasp what I lack… Or perhaps I know what I lack, but I’m too afraid to get it. My babysitter once said that not all changes are bad, some bring joy and good fortune… But what if this change makes me a different person? A worse version of me? What if I become the friend they want me to become, but lose my own identity in the process? Would that be worth all of this doubt, trouble, and emotional turbulence I’m feeling now? I don’t know…”
“What is what you truly lack?”
She sighed heavily and weakly responded, “Courage… Courage to speak my real insecurities to them… It’s strange, you know? I’m opening my heart to a complete stranger instead of facing my problems with them. I’m such a loser. My faithful assistant says that I must not lose hope!”
“You have an assistant?”
“Yes, my dog!”
She is really crazy.
“He must be really talented to be able to talk.”
“You would love him. He’s the best dog ever and is very attentive and patient. Magic made him the ideal partner… I’m really such a loser. My only friend is my dear, irreplaceable puppy…”
“We both are losers, then. No matter if you aspire something with all your heart, no matter how talented and wealthy you are, if you can’t make things rights with what you have and be happy with the outcome, you lose in the end, and nothing that other people say will make the difference. It’s like a competition, there are winners and losers. In an ideal world, everybody is a winner, but in the real world, if someone says that, they are so blinded in my point of view. Do you really think that casting aside your individuality will give you happiness? Is only when you struggle when you get to know the true meaning of happiness. We slowly learning from our mistakes is a good thing.”
“It’s painful to get what you want sincerely and without shortcuts.”
“And that’s why we are losers… We always think about the wrong outcomes, the wrong scenarios. We never try to see the good side. People who can think in the good side of things are happy and we thinking negatively is bad in a certain way, but it makes us humans and I’m okay with it… For now.”
“If we go back home… could we be friends?”
“…I don’t see the harm on it.”
“Then perhaps… I can emulate the same mistakes that you do and learn from them with my own pain. Perhaps I could learn what is to be hated by someone else if earn their hate, or yours… If that is okay with-!”
“No… No! It’s not okay! Don’t make the same mistakes as me… If they end up hating me, it doesn’t mean that they must hate you as well! Just because I do wrongs doesn’t mean that you must follow my example! Learn from my mistakes!”
“But-!”
I put my finger on her cold but soft lips to shut her up. “Use logic here. If you see that I’m screwing up with horrible results, find another way, a better way, to do things right. And if you find a way, tell me, and we can grow together. That’s the key of a friendship. Sharing joys, grief, and knowledge. Friendship is opening your heart to someone you want to share the best moments of your life beyond family!”
“That sounds more like a romance.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit! Not all friendships end up like the soap operas that appear on cheap TV channels! Male and female friendships can be real if a simple camaraderie exist in the first place.”
“I see…”
“We should go home. My ass hurts and this log isn’t comfortable at all.”
“Could you please watch your language? You are talking with a girl here!”
“Chivalry is overrated in this age. You always get friendzoned in the end and the only one at fault is the guy itself for being a stupid self-appointed victim. Let’s go home and I’ll treat you a chocolate.”
“Okay, I’ll guide us out of here! I’m expecting that chocolate! Follow me now, my lost kitty!”
“I’m not a kitty!!!” I hissed.
It didn’t take us that much to reach a road in the middle of nowhere. The path lead to three directions, and she explained each. “If you go to the left, to the east, you’ll reach the forest entrance and you’ll get lost again if you reenter it. The same will happen if you go back to the south, the forest is vast and mysterious.”
“How do you know that?”
“I… just know… Trust me, this place is of my own creation…” That last sentence wasn’t warm as the voice she had during our time together. It felt… cold. Like the whisper of Death. “If you go right, to the west, you’ll reach a grove. It’s beautiful there. Hmm, perhaps I’ll make a quick visit before I go home.” She said with a normal tone again, much to my relief.
“You better come with me, it’s dangerous to go alone in the night.”
“I’ll be fine, besides, dawn will come soon! I’ll meet you again in the town to the north. My new home is there.”
“Ok, I’ll be on my way there.”
“Then… you will treat me that chocolate, right?”
“If I find you, yes. I don’t break promises.”
“Great, I’ll meet you behind of the school… someday, somewhere. So don’t forget about me.”
“What’s your name?”
“Twilight.”
“Nitpick. The name is Nitpick.”
“Okay, so we’ll see each other again, right?”
“Yes. Don’t take too long there.”
We marched to our points of interest without further troubles. I could see the town just ahead after walking like fifteen minutes. I could see the settlement from below this little hill that was part of the road. The public lights were still lit, and the hens would soon sing their song of awakening. But I couldn’t continue my journey. It was dark on the road behind me. My conscience told me that I couldn’t leave her alone. It felt wrong. And I rushed back, I ran and ran and followed the path she took. I could see a small haven at the end of the road and I sprinted faster than ever.
Suddenly, the earth trembled with fury. My body felt treacherous as I couldn’t move at my own will. The star on the sky glimmered with a tint of black and its light blinded me violently. My screams of despair could be heard across the globe.
…. ….
…. ….
I gasped abruptly as my eyes opened instantaneously. I was breathing heavily, and sweat began to pour through my skin. When I focused on my surroundings, I could only see the beautiful arctic eyes of Bon Bon, shining with sheer will and love for life in the dark.
“Are you okay?” She asked while removing my sweat with a towel.
“Yeah… I had a dream. A weird one.”
“I had a dream too, but a pleasant one. Anyway, get up and help me clean the living room. It’s time to earn the food you ate last night. Cover your eyes for a bit, I’m gonna turn on the lights. Ready?”
“Yeah.”
My eyes didn’t struggle and adjusted quickly to the light during this strange morning of autumn. I lazily pulled my back from the floor and sat on it, my hands soon found themselves scratching my hair and stomach with slight comfort. I exhaled a yawn so deep and clumsy that I almost laid back to the floor again, wishing to shut my eyes a while longer.
But I managed to stay sit, and I looked through the window of this alien home and noticed that it was dark still, the wind whistling with its subtle presence outside. I have never sleep this good before. I couldn’t deny it, sleeping on the floor was way more comfortable than I expected.
But…
“What time is it?” I mumbled while checking my phone. “FIVE WITH FORTY IN THE MORNING!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?
“I let you sleep ten minutes more than me, and that’s generous! You should be grateful! Here!” She threw me a broom. “Help me clean this mess!”
I looked around and only said, “But this place look spotless!!”
“You must be blind, or very conformist with your cleaning standards. Sweep the hallway outside and I’ll clean here then!”
“Don’t you think I’m your… uh…”
My sight soon dawned on the gorgeous woman’s body, her beautiful figure captivated me for a seemingly long moment, then I focused on her face. If it wasn’t for the fact that Bon Bon was in reality an insufferable and manipulative bitch, I could imagine myself becoming infatuated with her at one point. She has many physical traits I like for women; a figure that looked like a carefully crafted hourglass, a long and fairly curly hair, and firm-looking and slender muscles, product of what it seemed to be endless hours of diet and fitness. But, besides all that, there was something that bewitched me the most from her.
Those ever-changing arctic eyes she possessed, now they were prideful, mighty… and bossy.
And I am just… I just exist.
I stood up and sighed in defeat, fulfilling her commands. After all, she gave me free dinner last night. Thankfully, there wasn’t a lot of dust and I had the necessary cleaning tools at my disposal to leave spotless my designated area. My experience in the competition as a janitor helped immensely to do the task quicker.
I went inside the bathroom after my short task was over. My stomach growled rather funny as walked to my destination, hunger weakening me a bit. Luckily, I put the cookies I bought from Mrs. Flour in my school’s backpack in case that something weird happened during my visit to Bon Bon’s house. I didn’t expect to sleep in her home, and she definitely didn’t imagine this could happen either, but at least now I will have those as breakfast on the school.
Buy some milk on the way there is a must… and a chocolate… Why a chocolate? I mean, I love them but… I’ll buy a chocolate.
As I washed my face thoroughly, I couldn’t help myself but recall my little talk with Bon Bon during the night. Such cold and vengeful aura came from her with sheer obsession when I indirectly mentioned Shimmer, and it makes me believe that Sunset must have done some terrible acts beyond the ordinary to win her complete despise… but it also made her look tired, and lonely. Her voice was weak, not even her snarky tone could hide that fact from me. When I mentioned Lyra, she became aware that she was doing something wrong.
Wrong… Wrong? Why that word resonated so much in my head now?
The dream I had, I can’t remember it clearly. I just recall that I abandoned someone into the darkness. It felt wrong… Bah. I washed again my face, drying it with tissue paper, and decided to leave such meaningless thoughts behind. It was just a dream.
Just a dream.
I got out of the bathroom while arranging my clothes and taking my long shirt from the stand near the door. I must be thankful that the hallway of this house felt colder than the living room or I would have sweat horribly and be forced to rush back home and take a bath. Once I was ready, I joined back with Bon Bon and…
An inner rage fiercely burned through my blood vessels and made my skin steam. It wasn’t the fact that she was lazing around that angered me, nor that she was looking at the TV with an undeniably lustful pose worthy of a beach calendar photo. On the table, besides a glass filled with what seemed to be almond milk with some ice cubes, there was a cup of cookies. A cup of strangely familiar cookies that I know were bought recently. Her hands reached one and slowly guided it to her mouth, pissing me off immensely.
“Bon Bon… it may be an obvious question but, what are you doing?”
“Watching the movie again. The part where Kukrilin dies is hilariously tragic. I can’t believe this is the eleventh time he dies in the canon timeline but they still manage to make it a bit sad. The voice actress of Code Name Eighteen has improved dramatically on her performance over the years. But as always, this is Kokun Ball, no matter if it is normal, C, NT, or the coming Hyper series, the mighty Shen-Wong will comes from the magic balls and revive them all to deliver the happy ending to Drakoon and friends.”
“I see… And what exactly are you drinking now?”
“Almond milk. I had to put some ice cubes in it since I forgot to put the milk on the fridge last night.”
“And those cookies?”
“Oh… I see. No wonder I could feel your anger all of the sudden.” She casually scratched her left leg with her right feet, not changing her position or turning her head towards me, like if she was mocking me on purpose. “Mrs. Flour’s cookies are one of my favorites sweets in town, even Grandma likes them. When you went away to the bathroom to smell my towel, I perc-!”
“I DIDN’T SMELL YOUR TOWEL, YOU STUPID LITTLE BRAT!!”
“Tee-hee-hee! Anyway, I perceived a deliciously familiar aroma coming from your backpack since yesterday, and imagine my surprise when I found those cookies inside. Hahaha, I’m sorry but I couldn’t resist the urge and took them for breakfast. I can share them with you if you want! Just come here and say ‘Ah’ and I’ll feed you, my faithful dog!” She said with a mix of seduction and ridicule as she sat on the floor. “Come here!” She whistled two times while showing me a cookie. “Come for the prize, boy! Come for the prize for cleaning your spot! What? No want prize?” She tossed the cookie on the air, it landed on her mouth and she ate it whole. “Suit yourself!” And then, she retook her beach posture and looked back to the TV.
This demon, this Cookie Robber, this bitch stole my cookies, my investment, MY BREAKFAST! This beautiful woman…
…is obnoxiously unbearable.
…. ….
Bon Bon and I were walking together to the school with thirty minutes of anticipation. She acted… very charming after devouring my cookies with me while watching the final part of the movie. She even ended up feeding me once and that was embarrassing. Stealthy brat. When we finished our short-lived breakfast, she took a quick shower and rushed to her room to put her usual white attire and boots while bringing her backpack with her. This time, however, she wore underneath her attire a long sleeved shirt to cover her arms, the bearable cold weather finally taking effect on her body.
She then made a quick, real breakfast for the two us; two fruit milkshakes with some kind of powders from Nipponese brands and a piece of bread for each. She also made me two sickeningly adorable looking rice balls for school lunch. I protested at first, but she blatantly told me with true facts that it was free food and I should be grateful about it. Now it seems that she knows how to shut me up as well.
This bitch… bossy…
Her breakfast tasted like vegan crap, but at the same time, I had tasted that flavor before with some of Gilda’s recommended shakes. Now that I think about it… Gilda’s taste great, and have good side effects on the long run, but every time that Bon Bon offered me to make my shakes in the past, they turned to be the most horribly tasting drink I have ever had… only to make me feel a bit more productive days later. Could it be that she has secretly been putting weird ingredients on my foods and drinks to make me more resilient to stress?
HA! I don’t think that she could be that thoughtful!
“You know…” She said a little reflective all of the sudden. “I had a weird but pleasing dream last night.”
“Yeah, we told each other that a little while ago…”
“I know… Just for sheer curiosity, did you dream about a girl by any chance?”
“Yes.”
“What a coincidence! In my dream-!”
“I don’t want to hear-!”
“I was in this pretty spot where light and darkness intertwined, a grey grove of balance! And I was there, sitting in a rock, and I simply had the urge to meditate! Then, from the darkness, a slender figure walked to me! She asked me about what it was to hate someone!”
“And what did you tell her?”
“About the wisdom of morality, of course! I can’t remember why I was in that grove in the first place but only that part with the girl was the clearest to me! Still, it’s a muddy memory but I… You know, during our night’s conversation, I thought for a second that perhaps I really crossed the line too far, but now I believe my conscience tells me that I did the right thing through that dream!”
“Great, you truly are insufferable.”
“Tee-hee-hee! To tell you the truth, I have never experienced such kind of dream before! What did you dream about?”
“Don’t want to talk about it.”
“Come on, don’t be shy! We slept together and if that isn’t a proof of trust, I don’t know what it is!”
My eyes twitched. “We didn’t sleep together!” I said in hiss. “Our bodies were too far away!”
“We were in the same living room, on the same floor, sharing the cold night of reflection and honesty! Perhaps we should share the same bed one day!”
“Shut up, you stupid, bitchy, unbelievably annoying and unbearable piece of shit!”
“Was it a perverted dream? It MUST have been a perverted dream!!!” She teased me.
“No, Sunset Two-Point-Oh!”
She glared daggers at me with murderous intent. “That was uncalled for, you stupid cultureless asshole!”
“Yeah, right. Besides, this was just another weird dream and it’s not worth your time. At least this wasn’t like the previous ones that were the same.” I halted for a moment. “The same…”
“What’s wrong?” She stood quiet with me. “In Nippon and some parts of the Middle East, frequent dreams are regarded as visions of a possible future.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this…” I said with a tint of bitterness. “Ever since I enrolled to CHS, the Grim Reaper always chases me in these sporadic dreams when something alarms my survival instincts to dangerous levels. Curiously, they got worse in the night before I met Sunset… and Pinkamena.”
“Pie can have that effect on sane people.” She said almost sternly.
“It’s always the same. I keep running from him, from Death. Sometimes it’s in the sea, sometimes it’s in a dessert, in a mountain surrounded by ice and old bones and battered swords and shields… but recently it was on a forest, and I dreamed of that forest today yet again! But when I come to a certain point where there is a tree, Death disappears. But this time Death wasn’t there, and the three couldn’t be seen as well… I don’t know… That girl you dreamed about must have been the same one as I saw. Perhaps I’m going crazy. My dreams may represent how I feel right now; confused, out of place and insane.”
“I don’t think so.” She was assertive in her comment. “When Sunset arrived to this world, her magic has slowly disturbed our reality in many…” She looked at me rather embarrassed. “What am I talking about? We already concluded that Magic doesn’t exist! Perhaps both of us are crazy and that’s why we dreamed almost the same thing!”
"Wait... We said that magic didn't exist, correct?"
"Yes."
"What if the magic really existed? What if what you say it's true? What if Sunset's presence affect us in some ways? What would happen to us?"
"...Even I don't know. But if magic really existed... I would try to get rid of the source by any means necessary. Things that don't belong in our world only brings doom to humanity." She continued to walk to the school with a shade of uncertainty. “Come, or we’ll be late for classes, My Captain!”
“Sure…”
We surprisingly reduced our speed and enjoyed the fresh morning of this little town of ours. Ponyville’s leafs painted in red the ground, the wind, my vision. The breeze brought the cold I felt before with elegance. I could see some fellow students in the front gardens of the school, tired faces that wished to stay at home and sleep more in this pleasant weather. But strangely enough, even when Bon Bon woke me up early to make some cleaning, and considering that we slept some four or five hours at most, I didn’t feel tired now. And she… her reddish cheeks looked pretty on that sudden stoic face of hers.
“Good morning, Bittersweet!” A pleasing voice greeted from behind us.
“Sunset.” I responded casually as I looked at her in the eye.
She waved friendly at me and then focused her whole attention to my partner. “Hi, Bon Bon!”
“Sunset.” Bon responded casually as well.
“You two sounded almost identical." She said a bit surprised. "Did you cross paths along the way?”
“Sort of.” Bon Bon said without any kind of resentment towards her. “Did you have a nice night?”
“The girls and I had a slumber party and it was the best sleep over ever! That victory of the Wondercolts really improved our spirits! But we had to wake up early to accompany Twilight to go home, you know what I mean, Bon Bon!”
“Of course. Where is our Twilight?”
“With Applejack and company in the library! We said our goodbyes while she, uh, took her bus! Yes! Her bus back home! You know what I’m talking about Bon Bon.” Sunset winked super sugary. “As for me, I rushed back home quickly for Pinkie’s laptop. I just fixed her OS system’s bug. Never install vaporware games… They aren’t good.”
“Agree.” I said.
“I see…” Bon Bon expressed dryly.
“Well, I hope you are ready for another productive day of study and teamwork on CHS, you two!” She said it so brightly that it was almost as blinding as staring at the sun. “We have so much to practice! So much to improve! I almost feel I will Pony-Up in any minute!”
“Pony what!? Nevermind. Your endless source of energy and cheerfulness is inspiring. You are going to burn my eyes with your brightness turned to maximum, Sunset Shimmer!”
She laughed very vigorously and charmingly, a pinkish color appearing on her cheeks. “I’ll see you later, guys!” And she walked away inside.
“I’m surprised that you didn’t throw daggers at her, Bon Bon.”
“It’s because I’m too at peace in this morning to even develop a slight dislike to her today, Sweet. Even Sunset is in high spirits. Call it mercy for one day.”
“Don’t call me Sweet. Only selected friendships can call me like that.”
“Then I’m pleased to be an exception. See you at lunch, Lyra is inside already.”
“Yeah, later… This was weird.”
I waited a few moments before going inside, the fresh air was too pleasing to ignore. The hallways were filled with a healthy population of students already. Considering the hour, more will come in a few minutes. I felt a firm and friendly grip on my shoulder and when I turned to my right I saw that it was none other than Thunderbass. By the looks of it, he awoke with a vibrant mood today.
“Good morning, pal!”
“Hey, morning.”
“See you later at lunch!”
"Excuse me?"
He just patted my shoulder and continued his path ahead. I could feel several pair of eyes looking at me.
“Did you see that?” A girl whispered.
“The rumors are true!” Said another.
Why do they suck so much at dissimulating? It was a problem in day one and it still annoys me strongly today.
They didn’t stop spreading ridiculous mumbles of me and Thunderbass being pals as I walked to my locker to do some cleaning. Dancer, being my agent regarding school socialite, texted me saying if I just did the impossible and befriended one of the most hard-to-get friendships on the school, and to my surprise, and annoyance, I responded that we just had some little things in common. She was sending praises to my feat of strength. Annoying, even for her. Lightbulb was more welcomingly casual about it, expressing only slight surprise.
But it got worse just after I did my quick fix on my locker and walked to my classroom.
“Good morning, my friend! I hope you have a nice day!”
My teeth felt like they were about to crumble from my forced smile. “Good morning, Soarin.” I managed to say normally.
“Gotta go! See you later at lunch!”
As he left my field of vision, a different outcome happened. Very different. Dangerous-to-my-health different. Spitfire was just a few meters away in front of me and gave me the most resentful glare I ever felt from her. Oh my truth of the universe, I really felt threatened. I put a straight face when I passed her to continue my road to my classroom. When I was in a safe place… I breathed freely and calmed my agony while lying on the wall of the staircase.
I hate sweating because of uneasiness!!
It’s not like Soarin or Thunderbass hadn’t talk to me before in public. And it isn’t like they were hard people to approach to, at least for me. Soarin talked nicely to anyone, and Thunderbass was always in his little group of popular rocker friends beside Mystery Mint… Oh, that girl is gorgeous. No, no, no. Fickle feelings, go away… But… I can’t deny that we had a moment of camaraderie yesterday in the fields of the school.
Perhaps… we can become… Ah, that’s total bullshit.
“Good morning, Bittersweet.” A soft and elegant voice welcomed me back to reality. “Are you feeling well today?”
“Melody, good morning. No, I’m just being stared again by gossiping voices for becoming pals with Thunderbass.”
“You must get used to it. That’s normal around here now, but I know you will manage!”
“Eh!? Melody, I don’t think that people thought that I was charming enough to talk to him casually! I’m not charming and their gazes are uncomfortable!”
“You have charm of a different kind, my good friend.”
“Wow, my lucky day. I’m now friends with the most talented violoncellist of the state.”
“If I didn’t know that you are a bit cynic like me, I would be offended by now.” She giggled. Cutely, I might add. “I’ll see you later at lunch.”
“Yeah…”
My sigh couldn’t have been more profound when she went away from me. People are being too friendly with me here. It felt unnatural.
You really wanted for me to become their friend, Bon Bon. Perhaps it was pointless to defy her now. Perhaps she already won and I’m just delaying the inevitable… But I don’t want Shimmer to suffer because Bon Bon wants it to. I want to see her smile and be mighty as the first day I saw her. But if I tell her what is going on… will she believe me? I don’t mind telling her about the prank that I did to the other Twilight since I don’t seek her approval anymore. Perhaps I seek her forgiveness, which is more important for me.
But If I tell this and eventually the news spread… What will happen to her? Will Thunderbass and company despise her as Bon Bon said? Was this part of her scheming? Was it worth the try? I mean, every time I try to do something, it's all a winning step for her. Defeated by such pessimistic thoughts, I got inside the classroom and put my head on the desk, trying to forget about it. I could hear Sunset’s voice again explaining to her friends and classmates the way to solve today’s homework. I could hear Midnight joining the conversation… and I just ignored them and took a nap before the teacher arrived.
I felt strangely cold when my friend took her seat in front of me… Cold, and lonely.
…. ….
When breakfast time arrived, I couldn’t wait to go to my spot. I needed to be alone for a while. Rearrange my thoughts. Be poetic about anything. It was a little fresh still and my time alone in the back gardens was secure because of that fact. I happily walked with my lunch and beverage in hand when horror and impossibility smitten my eyes. It was clean…
IT WAS CLEAN!
My little spot where it was the only safe haven from ants and those obnoxious people of CHS was expanded! I thought I just lost a screw and I tried to grab the floor and feel the grass and mud. But it was no fantasy, and the finish was real. A generous quantity of clean concrete masterfully placed to sit and shun little insects away was there instead of my precious grass and dirt!
Who did such monstrosity!?
“Oh, you actually came here! Let’s have lunch together, Nit-Nit!”
“Lyra! Look! Something terrible has happened! There is concrete in my spot!” I said almost whining.
“Of course there is now a real floor there! You like it?”
“NOU! Where is my grass and filth?”
“Oh, you’ll get used to it! Thank goodness Principal Celestia allowed me to do this!”
“WHAT!? You did THIS!?”
“Of course not, silly! At least, not on my own! You see, my uncle gave us a visit recently to patch a wall on my garage! When he finished the task with my dad, they spoke about their younger days and talked about this little spot they patched behind the school to eat! It reminded me so much of you! So much, that I asked my uncle if he could do me a certain favor!” She extended her hands in the direction of the concrete in fanfare. “And TA-DAH! A one hour miracle from an experienced cement mason!”
“You-!”
“No need to thank me! Now we can all eat together here during nice days! I told Bon Bon, Soarin, Tav-Tav, Thunderbass and Twi-Twi about it! Twi-Twi said that she will join us from time to time but the rest were kind of excited with the idea of having a special place to eat at together, with you as our no-nonsense leader of course!” She expressed with a tone of playfulness while saluting at me.
“But-!”
“I’m sure you will enjoy our-!”
“Lyra, you monster! The reason I come to this little shit hole is to be away from people and think of crappy poems and existential nonsense at peace!”
“Oh, yeah! Thunderbass told me a bit of it last night during a Stalpy Live Messenger conversation! He memorized your bit of the poem and I loved what I heard!”
“He told you WHAT!?”
“Don’t worry! He and I won’t share this with outsiders! I’ll tell you a secret of mine now that I know one of yours!” She whispered to my ear. “I sometimes fantasize that I have hooves instead of hands!” When I could see her face again, that wide grin with small and excited irises filled me with many emotions I couldn’t describe.
“Yeah… I will take the secret to the grave!”
“Great! If you talk… I’ll kill you! … …Pfff, wahahahaha! Your face! It’s so easy to tease you that I feel bad now!”
“Lyra, are you there?” Thunderbass’ voice was heard nearby.
“Over here!”
From the corner of the wall, the people that Lyra mentioned minus Midnight arrived with lunch at hand. We sat and ate together, and they joked together, laughed together, cheered together, and I was just there, a silent observer surrounded by bright and socially successful teenagers. They didn’t bother me like Shimmer and company did during the first few days of classes, instead, they just included me in the conversation when it seemed fitting. They didn’t consider me an extra, like if they knew I was apathetic sometimes and accepted me that way.
Bon Bon had the most sincere expressions I have ever witnessed from her so far, Thunderbass was lively and a little more talkative than before, Soarin couldn’t stop grinning with joy as he shared some very innocent jokes that almost made me chuckle, Melody could actually get angry when talking about mainstream music, and Lyra was the usual happy girl I knew since day one, only more energetic. There was only one thing I could think in the company of such generous and almost angelical people, minus Bon Bon, of course…
GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SPOT!!!
…. ….
I was left exhausted when they leaved me alone and rushed back to the school to complete their appointments of the competition before break ended. Quick practice in the band room, the dance lessons, just to name a few of their responsibilities. Mine were already planned with Shimmer so I didn’t need to rush my morning. If my mind could be read, I would be unbearable and despised to all of them. I’m always thinking of stupid nonsenses that summons on me the cruel jokes of the Truth of the Universe, Lady Luck, and other imaginary deities that haunt my heresy for their amusement.
I don’t mind their company, in a certain way, is very welcoming. But I want to be alone sometimes.
At least, I had my little chocolate that I bought in my favorite dispenser for dessert. This beautiful tablet of chocolate, The Chocolate of Spirit, will give me a pleasant sensation in my mouth and grant me a sweet moment of peace.
As I was about to open the package, I felt… cold.
“Great! You are still here!”
When I looked at her, I almost didn’t recognized her at all. She had the same messy and nerdy hair, the same glasses, the same outfit, the same cellphone, and the same dog hanging on her backpack looking at me. But something was different.
Ominously different.
Her posture was no longer weak and feminine, instead, she was firmly standing in both feet, prideful and confident. An assertive smile was decorated on her face while her hands were firmly resting on her waist. She would look fantastic with her obvious newfound strength of will if it wasn’t for a stressful detail. Her eyes were darker. Strangely looking, strong willed dark purple eyes.
They were strong, but not the kind I liked much.
“Midnight…”
“What’s wrong, Nitty? You look like you are uncomfortable there.”
“Sort of.”
“Wuh! Is that a chocolate? Can I have a bit of it?”
Damn it!
“I suppose.”
She meticulously unfolded the aluminum covering the bar and took a little bit. After she enjoyed the first piece, she opened wider her mouth and ripped a good of chunk of my now forsaken candy. Said chunk was trapped between her pretty white teeth, her grin more pronounced now. She got close to me very slowly.
“What.. the hell… are you doing?”
She didn’t respond, instead, she diminished the distance and grazed the chocolate near my mouth. I was tempted to actually bite the chocolate and take a chunk with me. I had playfully done it before with Gilda and we always ended up buying more. The first time she saw my little sis last year, she ended up buying five bars for us… Mother was insufferable that day.
But this?
Midnight… Twilight was acting strange beyond recognition. And I decided to push the whole chunk into her mouth. She looked pissed off and disappointed when I did that, and she started crunching the sweet really fast.
“You were supposed to take a bite.”
“I rather you enjoy it for me, thank you very much.” I said as calmly as I could.
“What’s wrong? I thought you liked a more teasing approach like with your friends of Crystal Prep!”
“But that is a mutual, unspoken agreement! They and I know when and how to do it! We have a year of knowing each other by now! You just came here and did it in a very unexpected manner!”
“Oh, I see… Then…” She took a piece of the chocolate and tried to put it in my mouth. “Say ‘Ah’!”
“Ah.” The chocolate was successfully delivered to my mouth. It was short lived.
“Better?”
“No. You are acting weird. What the hell happened to you?”
“Why are you saying that? It’s me, Midnight! Your friend! I haven’t changed one bit! Right, my Faithful Assistant!?” Spike barked in response. “I just woke up with a MARVELOUS, pleasant mood!”
“You look too different… Sagacious, even!”
“Me? Ohohoho! You must had a bad night of sleep! That always put you hard to get! You understand? Hard because you are always so hard to approach to!”
“Leave the crappy jokes to Blueblood, please.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t good. I’ll come up with something better, you’ll see!”
“Did you… made a truce with your cousin?”
“You could say that. I talked with her on my own! I did it! I did my first step with her! When I told Sunset that we became… closer, she almost reached a friendship ecstasy! The girls rushed to Sugarcube Corner to celebrate my growth and we had cupcakes as dessert! It was somewhat regretful that my… cousin, had to leave, but, you know! Stuff happen! Am I right or am I right, Spike?” The dog happily barked with his tail moving vigorously.
“You fixed your problem with her in just a single talk? Wow, good job! Wait… What about the mess up-”
Midnight quickly silenced my mouth with her hand. Then she put Spike a little far away from us. “Shh! Not here!” She whispered. “These walls are treacherous!”
“You told her that I did that, right?”
“Ah… Yes… I did tell her, just a secret talk. Nobody of the girls know! She learned the lesson so there is no need to tell her again! It will be our little secret! We don’t want to cause more problems so it would be better if we don’t say anything from now on.”
“Some suspect that she wasn’t you.”
“As I said, don’t worry! I have it all under control!”
“Why are we whispering still?”
“We always whisper in silly talks like this one, remember?”
“…Are you lying to me?”
“Of course not, trust me!”
“...”
“In the middle of the fields of Sweet Apple Acres! The wind dancing with our hairs, the star shining brightly upon the trees! Two young girls united their hearts to mend their wounds and find forgiveness!”
“Hey, leave the crappy poems to me!”
“I won’t, for I am a lost soul who is finally finding her way back to the light! In a deep forest I found myself in my dreams, then I stayed asleep on a grey heaven of uncertainty, and one day I will finally claim the paradise beyond the mountains!”
“Wait… did you dream about a forest last night?”
“Ah, no? When I was looking at the stars and thinking about everything I experienced so far, I felt lost. But suddenly I saw a certain star with a beautiful and pale light and I had a kind of revelation… I felt very confident afterwards, I found my courage and spoke my unconformities, my complains, my frustrations, all of it, all of it I told to Princess Twilight. Then, I felt a freedom that I have never experienced before!”
“…I see.”
“You know… I just want to say… thank you, for being my friend.”
“Of course, we are friends.”
“I couldn’t ask more of you… And I’ll watch you, and I’ll study you, and I’ll learn from your mistakes…”
I feel I have heard that before.
“Just don’t make the same stupid things I do.”
“I’ll find another way, a better way, and I will tell you about it.”
I just feel that I have lived this moment somewhere.
“Thanks.”
“No, thank you. For not forgetting about me. Come on, Spike! Let’s leave our friend to rest and find the girls! Thanks for the chocolate! Somehow it felt right to eat it with you!”
“Yeah… I’ll be in the classroom in a second.”
I was living a moment in my life where I didn’t know what was happening in my surroundings. The limits I put to approach my persona were gone, erased by someone. Once, I tried to blend in to be the ideal friend for my first fantasy at love. Now, I’m forced to blend with these people that had come to trust me through a planned lie. Perhaps, it wasn’t my lie, but I ended up accepting it. And it became my lie as well. I tried to make things right… but they didn’t believe me.
And I somehow knew that I would regret it if I sever my bonds with them now.
They say that we live in the darkness when people caught in the net of uncertainty try to repent of their faults. What is the must hurtful thing that could happen when you try your best to right your wrongs? That the victims tell you that it was all well and forgiven. I didn’t do terrible acts to them, it’s just that those little kind of things pierce my soul and made me feel guilty. Even now I’m feeling guilty of playing a prank on Twilight’s cousin.
We laughed a bit from that act but Gilda was right… In the end, it wasn’t worth pranking her. What was I thinking?
An opera tune rang from my phone. I checked the message with a bit of curiosity.
-Reem: My beloved friend, I can feel your anguish. If you truly feel that terrible, we should apologize.
-Nitpick: Twilight says that she already talked to her. Everything is ok.
-Reem: Even if that fact is correct, a direct approach would be far better than a tertiary party talking for us. Take your time, and when you are ready, apologize. Call me, if you do not want to do it alone.
-Nitpick: Say hi to the guys.
-Reem: We were actually talking about you… We miss you as our classmate, my beloved. We will see you again in the afternoon. (=♥_∩=)ﾌ
I couldn’t wait for that. Being surrounded by my own kind would be great. I can’t stand too much bright from the socially successful people. It may be the dream made a reality to some, have them as friends, but they take away too much of my energy. I don’t even know their birthdays, their most profound emotional problems, and I haven’t helped them in something meaningful.
Or perhaps Sunset was right. There was no need to make friendships that selective and limiting. Perhaps I was wrong, for even Twilight made a friendlier approach to her cousin than I could ever manage to do. Perhaps I was naïve, and I was just creating more troubles than needed for the people around me. Perhaps I was never that good to being with and I just delayed the true potential of the students. After all, every time I argued with Shimmer, it was always for something petty reason. Maybe I am the troublemaker.
Maybe I am forcing myself too hard to satisfy my own ego and I was the one using everyone around me in reality. It could be that I'm just befriending these people for the sake of hiding from my own mistakes. Perhaps my friendship with Twilight was just an illusion planned by her... Perhaps I was just a simple tool, because in the end, she was always three steps ahead of me. She knew what I was going to do and foresaw my choices… Bon Bon… I don’t know what you were planning for me in your end game... I don’t know what Shimmer did to you to earn your hate. I’m unaware of the goals you have for the school's population. But you have managed to make me the most miserable teenager of all CHS through your actions.
I have never felt so redundant, pathetic, insecure and useless in my life.
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His time in the wringer isn't over yet.... not by a long shot.
That is the price Nitpick has to pay for siding with someone like Bon-Bon.
If he wants a happy ending, he's going to have to earn it first!
Well,fuck.
8123614
You really like to see him suffer.
8126233
Your encouragement, and all the readers who keep following my fic, are the reasons that I keep going with this. Thanks for your words.
8141081
Life is a crappy when you try to over-think things, and such lessons are hard to learn.
8150280
Yeah, but like I said, in the end I'm still hopeful he'll get out of this story with a good ending.
Una buena cantidad de personas opinan lo mismo, sea verdad o no.