Buggy and the Beast
I Wish You’d Stay
The evening hours in Beet Salad’s apartment building were normally fairly quiet and dull, but while Nectarine continued to tap quietly on his friend’s door, a certain sense of tension began to extend through the hallway.
“He probably just went to work early,” explained Nectarine to his looming cousin, who was one step behind him in a relaxed pose that was anything but.
“You’ve got a key,” prompted Sergeant Roquefort. “You could just drop in and check on him. I promise, I’ll stay in the hallway,” he added with a roll of his eyes. “There’s going to be plenty of time to search it tomorrow morning after Princess Luna signs the warrant.”
“Judge turned you down?” asked Nectarine before pulling his spare key out and unlocking the deadbolts.
“Twice,” grumbled Roquefort. “Without a missing pony report, I’m stuck. Sultry Breeze is missing, but he won’t even listen. It’s like somepony got to the judge first.”
The heavy deadbolt locks on Beet Salad’s apartment door gave a sharp click and the door swung open, but not very far. A bedraggled Beet Salad stood in the narrow doorway, looking as if he had gone seven rounds in the boxing ring with an aggressive lime sherbert, leaving him covered in drying green goo with bruises and a very distinctive bite mark on one ear.
“Holy horseapples, Beets,” breathed Nectarine after soaking in the scene. “You got laid!”
“No,” said Beets, although he offered no further explanation other than a deep sigh.
“Well, can I come in?” asked Nectarine. “I know we’re a little early, but I can snag a muffin while you take your shower. You want one too, cuz?” he ventured over his shoulder at the looming Royal Guard.
“Errr…” Roquefort seemed conflicted between running to get reinforcements in order to fend off an attacking changeling army or breaking down the partially-open door in order to rescue the goo-covered hostage, who was just standing there and blinking with the most peculiarly happy look on his greenish face.
“They’re gone. The muffins, I mean,” said Beets. “We ate them between… Look, I really need to take my shower before work. Why don’t you—”
The smaller form of a considerably more goo-covered pegasus mare slipped up to the door and planted a wet kiss on Beets’ cheek. “Hey, lovercolt. I got the shower warmed up. Hiya, Nek.” Sultry added a sticky kiss to the lips for the significantly stunned batpony and made as if to kiss Roquefort too, if the guard had not immediately backwinged up so fast he slammed into the wall on the other side of the hallway. “We’ve got time for a quickie, if you’re up for it.”
“Sure,” volunteered Nectarine, only to back down at Beet Salad’s volcanic glare.
“Shower only,” said Beets. “Nek, why don’t you and your cousin go grab breakfast while you’re waiting. I’ll be right out after I get cleaned up.”
“Unless he isn’t,” added Sultry before closing the door and turning the deadbolts.
* ♥ *
It was a remarkably quiet evening at work, so incredibly normal and ordinary in fact that Beet Salad almost expected some massive cosmic karma backlash like an attacking dragon or a meteor to come dumping on his head. Despite the anticipation, he felt as if he had lost some enormous weight in his belly, leaving him free to almost glide across the docks on his patrol. There were an extraordinary number of days in his Port Authority leave balance which he had never actually spent on any extracurricular activities. The first steps in making a family of his own by taking a mare out to an amusement park or a concert before now would have been painful, but now he wished Sulty Breeze were actually a pony instead of a changeling so she could stay in town and go places with him. Maybe even stay with him on a permanent basis, even though it would cost ten bits more a month in rent from Missus Spitonoikokýris.
It could never happen. There were too many ponies who suspected her of being a changeling and knew of her ties to him. Ponies were a deeply suspicious lot under the skin. There were still families who would not consider dating between tribes to be anything but socially unacceptable, let alone dating outside of their species. Ever since the wedding invasion, changelings had picked up some weird reputation of being superbugs, able to infiltrate even the highest security installations with the intent of causing chaos and destruction. It might have even had some basis in truth, as the admitted behavior of two changelings in Baltimare would be a fairly small sample set to compare against the rest of her hive. Plus, Sultry was admittedly odd to start with. It just could never happen between them. But he still considered it.
Needless to say, his normal thought-filled evening walk through the Port Authority grounds was filled with far more than the usual number of thoughts.
Lunch, however, left Beet Salad with a happy thoughtful smile as he unpacked the food out of the large paper sack and distributed two plastic cups full of mango slices labelled ‘BatBug’ and ‘BatStud’ to his two companions, even though Nectarine wanted to claim them both. Roquefort eyed the fruit suspiciously while chewing on his hay sandwich. “How do I know they aren’t full of some changeling drug to keep me from searching your apartment tomorrow morning?”
Beet Salad checked his watch. “You mean this morning, Sergeant Roquefort? Two things. First, I packed those myself.”
“Wow, Beets,” said Nectarine around a mouthful of mangos. “I had no idea you were a gourmet cook.”
“Second,” continued Beets with a little more force, “Sultry’s already gone.”
“What!” Half-chewed bits of Roquefort’s hay sandwich splattered out across the outdoor picnic table before he rose up into the air to sprint back to Beet Salad’s apartment.
“She’s been gone for hours,” called out Beets. “She was only there long enough to recover, and now that she’s feeling back to her regular self, she’s gone back home.”
The Night Guard paused almost out of sight before flapping back rather cautiously and settling back down at his seat. “You’re sure?”
“Positive.” Beets picked up a cherry tomato out of his salad and regarded it with a certain reluctance before popping it into his mouth. “She was just going to flush the remainders of her cocoon and leave after I was gone. She’s had a couple hours to vanish into the city, so you’ll never find her now.”
Roquefort’s eyes narrowed and he glared at Beets. “How do I know you’re not really the changeling and the real Beet Salad isn’t all cocooned up back at the apartment?”
Beets lit his horn with the changeling detection spell and tried to look as smug as possible. Under the pale greenish light, the kiss on Nectarine’s lips fairly glowed a neon green, as well as a few spats and splatters of random green across Roquefort’s dark grey coat, but neither of the glows explained the way both of their jaws dropped while they looked back at him.
Or at least it did not explain it until Beets took a look at himself.
Even if he had been dunked in a vat of fluorescent green paint, Beet Salad could not have emitted a more continuous and radiant green glow across every bit of coat and hoof, and he suspected a mirror would reveal the same about his head and horn. What was worse, the green glow of changeling magic from his coat shimmered in a beautiful soft iridescent diffraction pattern that most fashion models would give anything to have applied to their own coats.
“Dang.” Nectarine pursed his lips and gave a low whistle. “And I thought I had some wild weekends.”
“Waitaminute, wait just one minute!” demanded Sergeant Roquefort while he crouched down into a combat pose. “You’re not really Beet Salad. You’re a changeling!”
Beets turned off his magic and looked over at Nectarine, who appeared to be a little disconcerted at the concept of a male changeling, as well as a look of consideration which Beets knew was going to end in a clever pickup line. Not giving Nectarine enough time to finish his inevitable pass, Beets promptly asked, “Prejudiced much, Sergeant Roquefort? Didn’t Nek sneak a griffon hooker into your barracks for you a week before graduation?”
“No, that was Peach Blossom,” said Nectarine, waving a hoof while still concentrating on his next words.
“He’s not the one who got caught on a rooftop with Ambassador Goodfeather’s twin daughters and a weathervane, was he?” asked Beets.
“No, that was… me, actually.” Nectarine grimaced and looked away. “Darn it, Beets. I’m trying to think.”
“About sex.”
“Well.” Nectarine looked back up at Beets and waggled an eyebrow. “Yeah. So?”
Beets nodded towards Sergeant Roquefort, who was still in his combat crouch, waiting for the ‘changeling’ to move. “Do you mind calling off your cousin?”
“Sure.” Nectarine waved a hoof at Roquefort, who was still as tense as a coiled spring. “Relax, Rocco. It’s Beets.”
“How can you be certain?” asked the guard while not relaxing his attentive stance one bit.
“If he was a changeling, would he be stupid enough to cast a changeling detection spell on himself?” pointed out Nectarine. “Beets has never been the brightest bulb in the package.”
“True,” admitted Roquefort, relaxing somewhat and nodding.
“Hey!” objected Beet Salad.
“After all,” continued Nectarine, “he was jello wrestling with his sexy roommate all weekend and he still never managed to score. Obviously a sign of low intelligence or a really poor education despite all of my best efforts.”
“Certainly,” agreed Roquefort, relaxing some more and seeming to enjoy Beet Salad’s discomfort far more than a serving officer of the Royal Guard should. “Unless changelings have sex in some weird fashion. Did she stick her tongue in your ear?”
“No!” snapped Beets, although both of his ears flattened against his head in reflex.
“Tell me you at least got to preen her wings,” said Nectarine. “All weekend and not even second base would disqualify you from stallionhood, even if she was covered in green goop.”
“I…” Beets hesitated, and Roquefort pounced.
“I think that’s a yes,” he said with a smirk. “There’s hope for your friend yet, Nek.”
“We were showering in the tub and she needed help putting her wing conditioner in,” said Beets rather stiffly.
“Ooo, wingsies,” cooed Nectarine. “That’s an awfully small bathtub you’ve got, Beets. You two practically had to be stacked on top of each other.”
“The two of you covered in soap. Nibbling on her wings,” prompted Roquefort. “And you expect us to believe you didn’t have sex with her?”
Beets simply bit his bottom lip and tried his best not to look guilty. It failed.
“Whoa,” said Nectarine with a huge grin. “So you did get sex?”
“It depends on what you define as sex,” hissed Beets, his ears almost a bright cherry red.
* ♥ *
Beet Salad was very glad for a long walk by himself for the rest of the evening, enjoying the cool morning breeze without his bothersome friend trying to find out very personal and embarrassing details about his last few hours with Sultry. He should have been more depressed at having her out of his life for good, but Beets suspected the changeling had been a little more selective about which emotions to consume yesterday than she used for the rest of her victims. He could even think about his parents and his little brother without crushing pressure on his chest any more, which was far more progress with his mental issues than the psychologist had ever made. Actually, even admitting he had issues was a step further along the path towards recovery than he had thought he would ever go, and that path now stretched ahead of him as a place he no longer feared to tread.
It was all a matter of letting go.
He had let go of his little brother after all these years, and in doing so, he found he could even let go of the only female who had ever seen under his skin to the pony underneath and not been disgusted at the sight. If he was fired from his job for his experiences, he could get another job. The Royal Guard only had orders to observe suspected changelings, so the low probability of him being thrown into prison for nursing an injured changeling back to health did not bother him at all. There were going to be difficult times ahead, but Beets had proven he was able to handle them by himself.
With a little help from his friends.
“Why so glum, chum?” asked Nectarine while strolling along beside Beets on his way back to his empty apartment. “Your snugglebug may be gone, but you still have me.”
“Joy,” said Beets with a roll his eyes. “I’ve known you for years and all it has gotten me was those used condoms in the trash when I was in San Franciscolt for my work seminar. I should have known better than to let you housesit. Sultry was in my life for about a week, and she totally remodeled my whole apartment.”
“With as much green goop as the two of you rolled in, you’re probably going to have to tear out the carpet and start over again,” said Nectarine. “If it ‘bugs’ you that much, I’ll help you ‘lay’ new carpet.”
“Thanks.” Beets walked in relative silence for a while, picked up a morning newspaper and a few donuts, and only opened his mouth again when they reached his apartment door. “Look, Nek. Why don’t you go home. I’m going to clean up a little before your cousin gets back here with his warrant. Stars willing, you can drop by tonight and I’ll tell you all about it.”
“You cleaned up the apartment after I used it during your trip to San Franciscolt,” pointed out Nectarine. “I left it a horrible mess.”
“But of course it’s not your fault two of your ex’s dropped by while you were entertaining,” continued Beets.
“I shouldn’t have tried for a threesome,” said Nectarine with a sigh. “No more. Two is my limit. I’m older and wiser now.”
“It was less than six months ago,” pointed out Beets. “And just last month you were telling me about the triplets.”
“Two,” insisted Nectarine when they stopped outside the apartment door. “No more triplets. Unless they’re really hot. Or changelings.”
Beets chuckled before getting out his key. “I don’t think you have to worry about that, Nek. The only changelings in town are far away by now.”
He unlocked the door and let it swing open into the well-lit, but not as empty as he expected apartment. In his living room was a kerchief-wearing ‘pegasus’ shoving a shampooer across a large green stain on Beet Salad’s carpet, and seeming somewhat frazzled when she looked up in their direction.
“Hi, honey,” said Sultry Breeze with a weak grin. “You’re home early.”
Did you ever have one of those days when nothing went just quite the way you expected?
(Oh, and before anybody asks, Roquefort is still going to go ask Princess Luna for the warrant this morning because he has a scheduled meeting, and you *don't* blow off an appointment with Luna, even if the reason you made the appointment isn't that important any more. Or so you thought.)
I bet the steam cleaner is a Hoover? Get it? Hoov... never mind.
6990087
Aaah, that pun sucks.
Roq opened up a bit after he was told the changeling is away. Soooooooooooo the night guard was ...wrestling with Lulu, while this happened, or why the heck does Roq hates changelings that much?
6990124 The way I like it, is that the day guard failed to alert the night guard and nobody bothered to wake Luna, or just didn't have the necessary coffee to do so.
:O
6990081 Only days that end in 'y'...
This is one of those stories I just can't get enough of, despite the rapid updates. Well done Georgie-boy.
Yup. Fruit, every day.
I'm so very pleased with the rate of updates on this fic. SO much faster than the general rate here on this site (I totally understand why it is so of course) and it fills me with joy to finally have a story I can read as it updates rather than wait for it to finish and then binge read the entire thing. IF it even finishes.
// Sphex
AAAHHHH!! The end is near! We're all doomed! No more chapters after tomorrow!!!
Hot chitinous bug secks, me gusta.
6990222 what are you talking about is it almost over
Love this story, I can't believe you updated so much this couple of days. Usually authors tend to post one chapter per month. It's a good read and always look forward the next chapter.
Was there ever any doubt?
It really is nice to see how much Beets has healed. And Luna's involvement may not be a bad thing. Heck, she's the princess most likely to be well-disposed towards changelings based on her interactions with them during the wedding.
6990363 It is great to see a story updated so much, but I have read that this was already finished when the first chapter was uploaded. Those stories tend to be really cared for.
6990087
Speaking from experience, Hoovers & Oreks are not that great with the really bad stains. And frat houses are a NIGHTMARE to clean! *Shudders* .... Though now I do want to see if that shampooer was a Hoofer.
6990081 ABSOLUTELY had those days
6990302
I believe Georg said it would be 20 chapters. I'll be very happy if I'm way low.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this story! So sad that after tomorrow it will be all over though. Don't find cute, good quality fics like this that update this often!
Ironic that Sultry helped Beet's let go, but now she can't let go of him herself.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm gonna be sad when this fic ends. Elated that it has an end, but still sad.
That being said, Georg, you are a wonderful author who can really make the characters jump off the page. Thank you for this fic.
6990112 that song now reminds me of that stupid reunion commercial.
Aaaaawwww she still there. I am very interested to see how this turns out. It would be hilarious if Luna showed up with Roquefort and she heard everything from Idiosyncrasy already. can you say trol Luna.
6990813 No comment (yet).
6990801 The hard part is wrestling them back onto the page. While waiting, most of them hang out in my back yard and scare the neighbors.
6990765 Maybe she's a little more like a tick than she would like to admit. Maybe if he can find a match...
6990660 I've got fifty-one others out there, some of which are good.
6990609 The advantage of waiting until you're done before publishing is you *know* how long it is.
6990408 The old 50's and 60's style Kirby vacuums can pull nails out of carpet. The Rug Doctor we used to rent from the store was a lot like that, only with soapy water.
6990404 Waiting is the hardest part. Last year I had a March Madness where I had enough socked away to publish a chapter in something every day of the month, and I did. Plus one.
6990373 She has to respect a bug who can not only thump her sister, but also has a similar color scheme.
6990222 Repaint! The end is neigh!
6990204 One must admit that is low-hanging fruit.
6990200 Can't get enough of? Check out the beginning of Chapter 20.
6990128 I have *seriously* thought about doing a story about how the Royal Sisters sleep so soundly during their off-cycle that they take turns pranking each other by parking their sleeping bodies out in public with signs painted on them, or hanging by a tail from a tree, or with tic-tac-toe games chalked on them while laying in the middle of the Canterlot Daycare, etc...
6990896 This story makes my soul smile
Oh gee, I wonder why Sultry is still here.
Good to see Sultry making a stand; it's looking like she's going to end up just fine. Even Roquefort was warming up to the idea, if still a bit weirded out.
6990896
Well then I totally need to check out some of the others! :D
well, it takes two to tango...
they gonna dance into the night, dodging cops and lulu.
...that or wielding Molotovs!
6990081 Success.
You have avoided the huge ship.
6991137
There's a simple solution to this.
Beets has +100k in his bank account now.
Go down, pull out a months rent at a REALLY nice condo, rent it (cold hard bits, no paper trail should appear for at least 3 weeks at the absolute worst) for a month, give Sultry a snack to tide her over til the morning, and have Roque over for the warrant. (She'll be there for a day, tops.)
It'd go something like this:
Roque's reaction from 0:08 to 0:13:
Maximum Level Trolling right here.
I just realized I've liked this entire story from the start, but I didn't give it a like. What's wrong with me?
Though, considering its me, the question should be "What's right with me?"
After all that? Really? Sheesh, man
You go, girl!
And they were both left behind because they were too weak for the invasion
Rightfully so. I honestly have no idea who's supposed to be who, from that
Aww
Yup. Gotta agree there. Farly sure she was offering... all the damn time
...eh?
Yeah... looks like the damage wasn't limited to just the cocoon's corner as I said
I don't think you could handle three changelings, Nek. The Doc couldn't handle more than one, and boy, did he get freaky
Oh, look who didn't leave after all
Remarks and corrections:
> with an aggressive lime sherbert
"lime [sherbet]"
Oh thank you for making her stay! He needs a wonderful Changeling mare in his life!
heh, who's hooked now?
6991352 I read the book.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b5/Bookcover_-_how_to_avoid_huge_ships.jpg
This makes perfect sense to me. We've already seen how much of a cleaning-bug Sultry's been in the rest of the story, so she couldn't leave Beets' apartment with changeling goo all over the floor.
6990896
That's the whole problem Georg; He's already found a match for himself.