• Published 19th Aug 2016
  • 6,601 Views, 315 Comments

The Undesirables - DEI Caboose

Princess Luna assembles a team of Equestria's most undesirable inhabitants in order to deal with the problems too dangerous to risk the lives of the Elements of Harmony.

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4. The Tired Agent


“I'm telling the truth!”

“Lyra, The Princess of Friendship is not going out with a royal guard! You're reading too many tabloids.”

“I didn't read it anywhere! Twilight told Minuette who told Lemon Hearts who told Twinkleshine who-”

“And who told you?”

“Rainbow Dash.”

Bon Bon suppressed a laugh, not having the heart to tell Lyra that Rainbow Dash was most likely pulling her leg again for the sole purpose of spreading gossip just to embarrass her friend Twilight Sparkle as much as she possibly could. Bon Bon just elected to keep her mouth shut for the time being, if only because Lyra was smiling for the first time in a long time.

She wished she could make her smile more.

“Lyra,” Bon Bon interrupted whatever it was Lyra had decided to ramble on about, decided to find out the answer to a question that plagued her. “Lyra… How's your search been going? Did you… Did you find a venue?”

Lyra’s neck twitched and her face turned blank, but as quickly as it had changed her dismissive smile returned full force. “Not yet, but I'm getting there! I'm still waiting for loads of ponies to get back to me from all over Equestria! One of them is sure to say yes!”

Bon Bon smiled, but she had known Lyra more than long enough to see the cracks in her facade, to see the glimmer of fear shining in her eyes. Lyra was unsure, but she was putting on a brave face for Bon Bon’s sake, who wasn't going to push the subject anymore if only to reassure Lyra that the situation was salvageable. Her betrothed had been optimistic in her search for a venue to perform her cherished lyre music, time would tell however how fruitful those efforts would prove.

How many years had it been now? The agency had been shuttered some time ago and ‘Bon Bon’ had emerged from its ashes. A new mare with a new job and a new home. Candy making had started off as tedious work, a simple cover to further blend in with her new pony neighbors. In time however Bon Bon had made the role her own, her inherent love of the confectionary treats resurfacing after being dampened by the agency for so long.

Lyra was a part of the equation she hadn't anticipated for.

Not that Bon Bon was complaining of course.

Turning a corner, Bon Bon and Lyra waltzed in unison into the centre square of Ponyville. Lights shined out from windows and street lamps blazed above, a necessity given the lateness of the hour. The moon was full and risen high in the sky, somehow emitting a warming glow that prompted the two ponies to draw closer together than they already were.

Looking down towards the shorter mare leaning on her right side, Bon Bon could not help but reminisce, couldn't help but reflect upon how lucky she had been. She'd been with the agency her whole life, straight out of school and rocketed past all expectations. Then on account of a prison break in Tartarus in which a multitude of dark creatures escaped confinement, Princess Celestia, for all intents and purposes their director-in-chief, shut them down almost immediately. Some fellow agents theorized that Celestia wanted to snuff out any possible public backlash by disavowing all activities the agency had undertaken.

Bon Bon however, or ‘Agent Sweetie Drops’ as she was once known had a different theory. She knew Celestia too well for her to believe that she would willingly abandon her agents for the sake of good publicity. Celestia would not have gone to the trouble of arranging new identities and cover stories for them if that was the case. She cared about her agents just as she did all her citizens, and Bon Bon would forever be grateful for that.

She would have never found her Lyra otherwise.

“Bon Bon?” Spoke Lyra’s voice at Bon Bon’s side, who prodded her several times upon finding her staring into space. Bon Bon looked to Lyra quizzically, though Lyra’s gesturing hoof quickly revealed her intentions.

“Oh, here,” Bon Bon replied with a quick laugh, reaching into the pocket of her saddlebag and handing Lyra the keys to their home; or more specifically Bon Bon’s home where Lyra also happened to live. After Lyra had graduated from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorn’s she had moved on down to Ponyville to begin her own journey in life. After she met the also recently arrived and newly christened Bon Bon it wasn't long before the two ended up renting together above Bon Bon’s Candy Shop, originally out of necessity but now purely out of want.

Though their money woes may have an impact on that eventually. Bon Bon was in strict competition with the more ‘esteemed’ Sugarcube Corner on a daily basis, the difficulty only increasing once Pinkie Pie had become a full time employee. Plus, if Lyra was unable to perform she would be faced with the far worse fate of obscurity on top of poverty.

But that was a problem for another time.

Bon Bon would not allow for these thoughts to ruin yet another one of her nights. She and Lyra were going to enjoy themselves, no bureaucracy, finances or fears of the future would plague her tonight!

Lyra pushed in the unlocked door to the confectionary, the sweet sugary scents within meeting their noses in an instant. As the door swung in fully, the bell above rang out five times, in a sequence unlike any it had rung out before.

Bon Bon froze where she stood.

Noticing that she had left her side, Lyra turned back to Bon Bon with her brow raised, her head tilting in turn as she caught sight of Bon Bon’s stoic stare, a stark contrast to her previous smile. “Something wrong, Bon Bon?” Lyra asked promptly, approaching the other mare with an open hoof.

Bon Bon grasped it in her own before it could meet her, her frown upturning high. “It's nothing,” Bon Bon replied assured. “Just had a quick thought is all. Tell you what, you head on upstairs, make yourself comfortable. I've just got to cover up the candy, don't want it going stale overnight!”

Smirking at the idea, Lyra pulled Bon Bon along by her hoof until she was at the door behind the shop counter, which led to the stairs up to their bedroom. Letting the hoof go, Lyra backed up the stairs but smiled at Bon Bon the entire way. “Don't take too long, Agent,” Lyra giggled out as she disappeared from view, leaving the cream coloured mare alone in the darkened room.

Her smirk turned sour.

Bon Bon looked towards the bell, glaring intently with boiling anger. She recognised that chime, only a selected few would, a select few who now possessed new lives and identities. She cautiously walked towards it, swiftly grabbing a broom as she approached. Looking out the door, Bon Bon sighed with relief upon seeing nopony in the vicinity. She held the broom high, dinging the bell once again. One of the agency's practices was to hide messages inside tampered bells so if Bon Bon was correct…

A note dropped out and Bon Bon jumped back with her broom held in defence. She kept her hoof firmly grasped upon the bristles as she prodded the note about, reflecting on an incident in which an agent who had been expecting to find a note on extraction details instead found himself with a face full of knockout dust. Once she deemed it relatively safe, Bon Bon flicked the note open with a single hoof, her other refusing to release the broom for a second.

Basement was all it read. Bon Bon growled.

This was meant to be over with; she was done with the agency, done with the excitement and the commitment. She had a life here in Ponyville. She had role to play, friends to greet and a fiancé to attend to. Whatever was waiting for her in the basement was going to compromise that in some way or another and Bon Bon could not allow for that to happen. She had too much to lose.

Checking for the hidden blade concealed within the broom, Bon Bon walked off in the direction of the stairs, growling once again upon finding that the usually locked door to the cellar was opened by a crack, shining a beam of light onto the dusty bricks and wood below. Bon Bon creaked the door open further, flicking on the stairs light as she entered through the door and shut it behind her to deter Lyra from entering should she become curious as to where her betrothed had gotten.

Her hooves creaked against the wooden steps as she placed one in front of the other, carrying herself down the stairs until she met the solid concrete ground. Bon Bon whipped her head about to spot something, anything of relevance but it was too dark to see, everything was clouded in shadow, the only current source of light being the glow of the moon from a tiny window at the back of the room.

Bon Bon reached for a string that hung above; a switch for another lightbulb. But she was unable to pull it as she yanked her hoof back and held the broom out to her front when something shimmered in the dark. Something was flowing in the air, like a curtain in the wind or cloth on a washing line. Bon Bon said nothing, instead holding her stance firm and preparing herself for whatever it was that was lying in waiting.

Something about all this was familiar to Bon Bon however, the way the… Mane? That was it! It was a mane! And there was only one pony alive whose mane moved like that, or at least, only one pony whose mane moved like that who would even bother to approach Bon Bon in the first place.

Refusing to take the bait however, Bon Bon relied on an old strategy utilised by the agents of the agency. If this was the pony Bon Bon thought it was, this would confirm it beyond any doubt.

“How was the flight in from Canterlot?” Bon Bon spoke into the dark, eagerly but timidly awaiting a response.

A soft grumble was all she was met with in response.

Bon Bon snorted, holding the broom high once more while at the same time reaching for the light switch. She repeated the code phrase again, hoping that this time she would hear the desired predetermined response. “I said, how was the flight in from Canterlot?”

This time all she heard was some babbling.

Bon Bon deepened her stance, ready to pounce the second she flicked on the light. Princess Celestia, the pony she had hoped this was would've known the response to the phrase. This pony had said nothing so as far as Bon Bon was concerned they were an intruder in her home. She yanked on the light and rushed forward with a yell, proceeding to almost fall flat on her face as she was met with a exasperating sight.

Princess Luna asleep on her haunches, drooling onto the floor and mumbling in her sleep.

Bon Bon’s shock lasted as long as her patience, which crumbled in an instant as she let out an angry roar. “Princess Luna!” Bon Bon said with a shout, battering the sleeping Princess on the head with the broom.

Luna jumped up in a daze. “Gah! Tia! It wasn't me! They were my… Doughnuts… Oh.”

Oh is right!” Bon Bon seethed out, pushing her muzzle up against Luna’s. “Mind telling me just what you're doing sleeping in my basement, Princess?”

Pulling back, Luna wiped her muzzle clean and held her neck high in a regal stance, dismissing her previous and quite frankly embarrassingly deplorable demeanour, cursing herself that she could be so careless as to fall asleep on such an outing of importance. “Yes well, We- I apologise for the abruptness of my arrival, you see I thought it best I talk to you alone which is why I utilised one of your old spy methods to gather your attention. I may have misjudged my arrival time however... Still, now that you are here we-”

“Nope, leave. Don't care what you want, I'm saying no.”

Luna could not help but nervously chuckle, not at all anticipating that Bon Bon would react so… Promptly to her presence. Luna was not about to give up however. “Can I not just voice myself first? I haven't even told you why I've come yet.”

Bon Bon would not hear it. “Since when has a Princess turning up somewhere unannounced ever been about something positive?” she grumbled out with conviction in her words.

Luna was adamant however. “I assure you, everything I have to say is something you would want to hear. Should you disagree with me I'll happily leave you in peace but only after I've explained myself, is that agreeable?”

Reluctant as she was, Bon Bon had to admit that was a fair deal, if only because it would be the quickest way to get the Princess out of her mane. That didn't mean she had to be happy about it however. “You realise that if you weren't a Princess I would've kicked you out the door by now right?” Bon Bon said with a hint of a frown.

Luna responded in kind. “I would expect nothing less from the agency's star candidate, Ms. Drops.”

Bon Bon winced, the old name stirring forgotten memories, she didn't interrupt the Princess however, despite how much it irked her.

Luna was not ignorant however, spotting the minute changes in Bon Bon’s expression. She adjusted her approach in response. “Though you go by ‘Bon Bon’ now, am I correct?” Luna continued, assured in herself. “How is life as a civilian?”

Bon Bon knew this routine well, exchanging small talk before moving onto the controversial point. She never did like that method, she always saw it as preparing to incite disaster. “Look, Princess,” Bon Bon said with a snort. “Please get to the point, we both know that you're not here for small talk.”

Her smile did not dip however and Luna remained still with a firm and stoic expression. “On the contrary, I believe it is essential that we get to know each other better. I would not consider it fair of me to ask of you what I will if I had not taken into consideration your life as a whole.” Seeing Bon Bon’s glare return at her words, Luna could only sigh in resignation. “But if that is what you wish, I will, how do you say? ‘Cut to the chase.’”

Turning away slightly, Luna peered out of a window on the other side of the room, the glow of her moon passing into view. She swiftly turned back to Bon Bon, her smile gone and her features tightened. “I have come before you today due to your exceptional reputation in your previous field of employment. Your service to Equestria is highly commendable, in fact it was my sister who first brought you to my attention when she was briefing me on your agency after I returned from my banishment.”

Resting upon her haunches, Luna released an exhale while Bon Bon remainded where she stood. “Curious towards your abilities, I decided to select you as a candidate for a little… Project of mine I am currently undertaking.”

Bon Bon suspected why Luna was here from the second she knew it was her, but now she had just confirmed her purpose. She wanted Bon Bon to go back into the field. “I am done with the agency,” Bon Bon stated with conviction, the only reasoning she needed was waiting two stories above her.

“I must insist I continue,” Luna calmly replied. “It would be idiotic of me to request your participation and not offer anything in return, I may be able to provide an incentive for you yet. But we'll discuss that soon, first I must clarify myself.”

Bon Bon was not happy, she didn't want to listen and she didn't intend to agree with anything Luna had to offer her. Yet it wasn't like she could force her away so Bon Bon sat herself upon the cold hard ground and laid her chin in her hoof, waiting for the inevitable moment that this was finally over.

Pleased she now possessed the undivided attention she required, even if it was essentially a captive audience, Luna looked her companion in the eye and carried on from where she had paused. “This project of mine concerns the protection of Equestria, something you are well versed in I suspect. Your expertise would be greatly valued as would your knowledge of defence. You would make a fine addition to the team.”

“Team?” Bon Bon interrupted with a tilt of her head. “How many? Who?”

Luna looked away, seeming somewhat flustered. “At the moment, one definite though I'm currently looking into several others. Another shows promise, but I am… Unsure about her participation.”

“But you're sure about me?” Bon Bon said with an unsteady glare.

“Oh, absolutely,” Luna responded mischievously.

Suddenly on her hooves, Luna approached the defensive Bon Bon with a warm smile upon her muzzle. “It is more than skill I require, Ms. Bon Bon, I require ponies who actively wish to fight for the betterment of Equestria. I require ponies that when the time comes will not hesitate to do what is necessary for the protection of their friends and everypony else. I believe you are one such pony, Bon Bon, and I assure you your contribution would be met with grand rewards.

This speech sounded familiar, mainly because Sweetie Drops had heard it all before when she was first enlisted into the agency. She already had her grand reward, she didn't need to risk herself for anything more. “While I appreciate the offer, Princess Luna, the answer is still no. It's always going to be no.”

Luna’s smile did not falter. “Are you sure, Bon Bon? There is nothing you want? Nothing you need that could make you happier?”

Bon Bon’s neck twitched, her thoughts drifted back to the nights were she would find Lyra sitting over a pile of rejection letters from theatre managers. “There's nothing I want,” she replied with specific emphasis.

Luna capitalized. “Do take time to think, Bon Bon. I am a Princess after all, I can make whatever you desire come true for forever more. I would only call upon you when required, the rest of your time would be yours to enjoy."

The image of Lyra was overpowering, her saddened expression blinding Bon Bon. She had the Princesses will at her command, Lyra would never have to struggle again, would never have to clamber for any of it again.

A few months from now they were to marry, Bon Bon would finally be able to settle down into the new life she had built for herself permanently. Their current hardships had dampened those optimistic thoughts of paradise however, always reminded Bon Bon of the abyss that laid just beyond their range, but with Princess Luna’s help…

Even if it was just a few jobs, that could do so much for them.

“Nothing big,” Bon Bon weakly proclaimed. “No long expeditions or no-win scenarios. Nothing that's gonna make me question reality or hinges on the destruction of the universe. And absolutely no way are we going to let Lyra find out about this!” If Bon Bon didn't know any better, she would say Luna looked rather triumphant. Bon Bon intended to wipe that smirk off her face with haste. “And you've gotta pay upfront! You're going to secure Lyra the best music venues in all of Canterlot! She's going to play in orchestra’s whose names I can't even pronounce! And the wedding! I want all expenses paid! It's going to be bigger than the royal wedding! Me and Lyra are going to be so in love that the changeling's are going to invade again because we're so in love!”

The smile Luna held grew, she was just happy that she had ‘swayed’ Bon Bon to her side. “Your wish is my command, Bon Bon,” Luna said with a bow. Upon standing upright, Luna looked towards the window again, the moon having disappeared from view. It was time for her to leave. “It appears I've overstayed my welcome, I shall call for you when the time comes but in the meantime I intend to do right by you.”

Bon Bon made the first move, knowing full well that Luna didn't need to use the door to leave. Before the Alicorn could alight her horn however, Bon Bon looked back to her with a blank expression, before a minute smirk broke out across her face. “Say, Princess?” Bon Bon spoke, grasping the retreating Luna’s attention. “How was the flight in from Canterlot?”

Luna smile spoke volumes. “Fair, but I was worried about the weather,” said Luna completing the code. Her horn then sparked to life and she disappeared in a flash of magic, leaving Bon Bon contemplatively standing upon the stairs.

The next day Bon Bon awoke to a frantic Lyra bouncing upon their bed with an opened letter in her mouth, raving on about having been accepted by the Canterlot Colosseum to perform an opening solo performance. Bon Bon met her with an uneasy grin, sharing in her joy with mute appeal.

Author's Note:

Image source

The name's Bon, Bon Bon.

Half the team is introduced now, the story has almost actually begun! Any speculation? Critics?

I need to say though, Thorax has really screwed me over. I had a changeling character planned with a fully realised backstory but Thorax is so awesome that I want to use him too! I don't know what I should do, cute and repentant changeling OC or shoehorned Thorax? Who is going to appear regardless. Thoughts?