Set in an Alt. Universe where the mane 6 have never met each other prior to the launch of the space program. All attributes and elements that happened in the show up to now has still happened and they all have the same consequences, they just came about in different ways.
With an incoming colossal wave of energy spiraling towards Equestria, the Princesses needed a way of studying it before it reached them - as to be able to form adequate protection for their subjects. Princess Twilight suggested that they build a vessel which can gather data and transmit them back before impact. Hours away from collision, the crew of the HMS Endeavour are about to endure an adventure that transcends space and time.
Chapters (3)
Interesting idea. Good introduction with excellent grammar. I would like to see where it goes.
Hm ... you have the start of something potentially interesting here, and your writing is of high quality - the grammar is good, the sentences flow easily and you certainly don't lack for ability to describe things for the purposes of mental imagery.
What does leave me a bit confused are the AU elements so far though, as I don't see a clear purpose for them, or why you introduced them at all - like the different pasts of the Element bearers, for example. From the first chapter you couldn't even tell anything was supposedly different, if not for the story's summary - the gang is still together, everyone has the same jobs/aspirations, everyone has the same background ... why? What's the purpose?
Since the end result is indistinguishable (though granted, sample size has been small thus far) from the show, why introduce the changes at all? A change big enough worth mentioning but small enough to be inconsequential - it sort of feels like "change for the sake of change", rather than there being any actual purpose to it.
Granted, I suppose the slightly different pasts might yet end up playing a role further down in the story, but those are my first impressions so far.
That aside, I'm looking towards what you have planned for the future, and further exploration and explanation as to why the rest of the "mane six" are even in space - Twilight, sure, that's easy to explain and understand. But the rest of them? They have no qualifications or skills that would be useful in a space flight, nor any other qualities that would make them desirable for the project. Why would they want to join the mission in the first place, and what would they hope to accomplish while doing so (And why would Twilight agree to let them on)?
I'm also looking towards learning more about this "energy wave" and its true nature - I mean, it has to be a terribly slow moving thing, if a station orbiting the Moon would have time to analyze it and, if needed, send a warning down to the planet - never mind actually doing anything about it planetside.
Either way, you have me interested so far and the writing is of good quality, so I'm looking towards the next chapter.
6132913
Thank you so much for the comment!
It's incredible cool to have someone spend the time to care and analyze my writing. When I write, I prefer to lean on the side of caution more than trusting everyone to know their stuff about the character. For example, if someone who wasn't into the show were to pick this up, I want them be able to understand things.
But aside from expositional reasons and giving people a sense of who the character is/the story that lead up to the character being this way, this group of 'mane 6' is different from the show's mane 6 in that they never found the Elements of Harmony and that the events of the opening to Season 1 affected them quite differently (which will then go on to explain how they all end up in the space program) Both of these play a pivotal part in the story later on and I'll be introducing elements that play off of these differences. I might have said a little too much since I'm keeping the cards close to my chest when it comes to this story. I've planned out the majority of the arcs and the overall A to B is pretty much set in stone.
Wouldn't want to slip out any spoilers. The story will have a twist in it that will be well worth the wait, I think.
Thank you for the read!
6136107
I'll be looking towards those things being explored then, but I do believe you have your work cut out for you. After all, like the first chapter showed, the "mane six" still seem to have their main occupations - a farmer, a dressmaker, a veterinarian, etc.
Which makes sense, because you would need to go much further back than start of season 1 to alter those, but it does mean you have a bunch of people that, from where I'm looking, seem supremely unqualified to have anything to do with Equestria's first Space Program.
I mean, sure - it's Twilight's program and she can take along whomever she wants, but you will have to do some serious wriggling to convincingly explain how things got to the point where she picked them to be her first companions in space (unless there is a much bigger crew we never actually saw, that means Twilight is probably the only one qualified to operate any of the equipment ... though I guess magic does give her significant multitasking if needed), and how and why they all agreed to do so.
Not saying it's impossible, but you have some serious work ahead of you to make it a smooth ride
I'm also very much looking towards how they dealt with Nightmare/Luna if they never found the Elements (and Discord after that), and how Twilight's alicornization came about without them. I actually like alt histories and the possibilities for worldbuilding they often open up, so I'm looking towards to seeing what you do on all these fronts.
Its been around five years now. This story had a good premise and its sad to see that its dead.