Chapter 3: Cleaning shit on a apple farm
Then a worm popped out of the apple I was enjoying. Kinda of weird thing but I freaking hate worms. You can thank hentai for that weird fear. So I screamed and threw the apple. Apparently I accidently threw the apple at somebody and she yelled "Ow what in tarnation! Apple Bloom did you throw an apple at me?!" Oh crap who did I throw the apple at. Hopefully she's nice and understanding.
Who ever it was Apple Bloom yelled "He did it!" and ran off. Oh dear I hope I didn't get on the wrong hand with anyone. It was a female pony with a cow boy hat on and had a cart of apples with her.
It kinda sucks My Little Pony wasn't about humans because then I'd be set.
The pony looked at me and yelled "Did you throw the apple at me?!"
I said "Sorry there was a worm and," I stopped when I realized there was gonna be a lot of questions.
The pony said "Oh no hard feelings." Wait that's it? No staring no saying er mer gerd what is that. I'm shocked, and happy.
I asked "Hey what's your name?"
She responded "My name is Apple Jack." Oh good Apple Jack she's the owner of the farm. I need to ask her for a job. So I came over to her.
I asked "Hello Apple Jack say, may I have a job on your farm?" I hoped that she would say yes because I was just in love with this farm. If she said no I'm gonna do that backflip cliff ideal. Apple Jack took a gander at me from top to bottom.
Apple Jack said "Well I do have one available job." Yes she has a job for me man I can't wait to start plucking apples. She lead me over to the animal pens. Wait why is she leading me to the animal pens? Apple Jack said “Your job will be cleaning the droppings in the animal pens.” I thought I was gonna smell the scent of apples all day not animal shit.
But I took the job. And the job was not easy. The smell of shit was made me almost faint sometimes, I’m pretty sure my shoes are ruined and oh my gosh now I sound like a perky bitch. Well after I got done I got paid 10 bits. I don’t know if I should be pissed, happy, or meh. Well I knew it wasn’t enough money buy a house or rent a room.
But I took the job. And the job was not easy. The smell of shit was made me almost faint sometimes, I’m pretty sure my shoes are ruined and oh my gosh now I sound like a perky bitch. Well after I got done I got paid 10 bits. I don’t know if I should be pissed, happy, or meh. Well I knew it wasn’t enough money buy a house or rent a room.
So I asked Apple Jack “Hey can I stay overnight at your place?”
She said “Nope, but think you can sleep at Flutter Shy’s place she loves animals.” She told me where to go and I thought FlutterShy what a odd name. Let me guess she’s shy, yeah I don’t think I’m going to like her. I arrive at the house that looked nice and small. I knocked on the door and instead of greeted by a pony a was greeted by this mix of different animals.
He said “Well what are you? Hm very interesting, Flutter Shy is gonna like you.” Ok now I’m starting to think Flutter Shy was evil then I thought do I even remember the episodes I watched. Barley, I forgot most of the characters names and most of the plot. Weird I could only remember it was a show about horses weird. I came in and saw a yellow pegasus drinking tea.
The yellow pony looked at me and said “(gasp) What are you, this is amazing.” Wow she flew around me and looked happy and excited. It was kinda cute.
I then said “Hey I need a place to stay until I’m have enough bits for a house.”
Flutter Shy then said “(gasp) You can talk (squeal)” Okay I had to admit this was freaking adorable. It was great until she said “I have so many questions.” Oh god no more questions! Wait I remembered that Twilight knows everything.
So I said “Twilight knows everything go ask her.” Flutter Shy then flew out of the house. Thank god no more questions. Then that animal thing that I just realized sounded like Q came over.
He said “So what is your name?”
I replied with “My name is Todd.”
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im enjoying this story alot cant wait to see more of it
Oh boy! Another "Brony in Equestria" story! Can't wait! *sarcasm*
6016981 actually Todd the character has only seen 3 episodes.
6016997 Thanks for the honesty
Dude, I'm sorry, but just stop. This story is a prime example of how to make a story as cliché as possible. This is what you call a self-insert, and if you know what's good for you, just cancel it. I hate to be critical, but this concept has been done to death; it cannot work no matter what you do to it. Your OC is Gary Stu #605, your characterization isn't developed at all, and your story itself has no direction; seeing as how there's no reason for "Todd" to be in Equestria other than to live out your self-insert Ponyville fantasy. Just please, either cancel this while you can, or do something absolutely creative no one has ever done before. Your story has already been featured in groups for notorious stories, so if you cancelled it, you would be doing yourself a favor.
yeah I just cancelled it.
Well I just lost the will to write. But thanks for telling me this was crap. Now I need some time to think.
6016886 sorry but its been cancelled
6017209 Thanks.
I know this has already been criticized, but i am actually going to tell you how to keep yourself writing and your story to be actually good.
The stories i make are not the best (far from it), but i do come up with neat concepts. I also think i am the first one to incorporate a doe in a clop-fiction. Always think outside of the box and always completely visualize a unique original concept, or play around and make something unoriginal better by doing something different with it. I like to bring up a list of mlp fan fiction cliches and see if my story includes any of them, and if it does, i start to rewrite.
When you have a visualized concept you can find it will be much more easy and fun to write.
6017335 Thanks man.