56 - A Mixed Package, Part 2
Realizing that Amanda’s statement about pharaohs might just confuse everyone, Simon nominated himself as lead explainer. “Pharaohs were rulers in ancient egypt believed to have the powers of gods.”
“They enslaved whole generations of people to build shrines to them for when they died,” Amanda added, “and they constantly claimed that they were the literal manifestation of the sun. I’m sure some of them even believed it, but--Lyra, I don’t want to insult your faith, especially with what has already happened, but that’s not how the world works. Celestia doesn’t raise the sun, the planet orbits around it and rotates on its axis--”
“Actually,” Simon jumped in, “I’ve seen the sun jump around unnaturally in the sky once or twice, and I’ve read up on the spells needed for moving the sun. I don’t think it’s the same as our sun back on earth.”
"I assure you miss, my aunts do indeed move the sun and moon and have for centuries," Blueblood confirmed.
"I get the feeling she doesn't get the multiverse idea," Floyd piped up.
Simon shot a warning glare at the bat pony.
“...no, that can’t be right,” Amanda insisted faintly. “That can’t be right...”
Lyra held up her hooves. "Let's not go off on a wild speculating spree. Celestia and Luna are not the sun and moon, they just have power over them. They do it with magic, the same way I make this apple float." And over came an apple from the food table.
“...Magic?”
Lyra offered the apple to the frazzled looking Amanda. "Everything's alright. Like I told you before, it's just the natural way of things in this world. Nopony's making deals with things or being mean to get what they have. In fact, mean ponies are usually punished and have their magic taken away."
“...I... they... they...” Amanda’s eyes were vacant even as she absently took the the apple. “It’s... it’s too much. The fire... the rock... they... they... they...”
Simon looked worriedly at the earth pony. He wasn’t sure what she meant by fire and rock, but she seemed to be having a panic attack. “Don’t worry,” he tried awkwardly, “this place isn’t too different from earth when you get used to it.”
“They... they could kill us at any moment... they could kill all of us...”
Simon had to hide a smirk. “No they couldn’t. There are a few things that can deal with alicorns.” Those ‘few things’ included the Nightmare, Tirek, and apparently changeling queens, but he wasn’t going to go into that.
“THAT’S EVEN WORSE!” Amanda snapped. “If there are even worse things than alicorns--” She stood up, apple rolling on the floor, and rushed for the door. “Got to, got to warn everyone, got to get them all to safety--”
Lyra thrust out a hoof, considering grabbing her with magic before stopping herself just in time. "Amanda! Please, everypony's just fine." Physically stopping her felt like exactly the wrong thing to do, so she didn't.
The earth pony whirled, panic fully evident in her eyes. “THERE ARE PONIES THAT CAN MURDER THIS WORLD IN CHARGE AND APPARENTLY THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAN THEM HOW IN GOD’S NAME IS EVERYTHING FINE?!”
Simon blinked slowly, wondering how he could have worded things better.
"Please miss, my aunts want nothing but the best for the ponies of Equestria, even if Luna is a little… weird," Blueblood spoke in an effort to calm her.
“BEST?! WHAT RIGHT DO THEY HAVE TO DECIDE THE BEST?! WHAT IS THE BEST?! WHY ONLY PONIES?! THEY’RE ONE PSYCHOTIC BREAK AWAY FROM DESTROYING EVERYTHING YOU EVER KNEW AND, AND, AND I’VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT, I’VE GOT TO GET OUT--”
Lyra slid from her chair, speaking softly. "They are good and kind ponies. We could meet them, if you want, or we could never see them, if you prefer. They aren't hunting for you, and they don't want to hurt you, or any… one… else, even griffons and diamond dogs and all kinds of creatures."
“Good and kind...” Amanda slumped against the door. “Don’t want to hurt... does it matter? One mistake. One mistake, everything goes boom. One mistake, fire everywhere...”
Simon resolved never to let Amanda know about the story of Nightmare Moon. “Actually, when I said there were things that could take on alicorns, I was hoping you would think of warding objects. There’s something like that in the Crystal… Empire? Crystal City, that keeps all kinds of ‘evil’ things out. So you don’t have to trust in beings you don’t know. Speaking of which, I think learning more about Celestia and Luna might help assuage your worries.”
Amanda turned to Lyra. “How...? How do you live, knowing... knowing what they can do? How do you trust them, knowing what can go wrong?”
"I can't imagine its any different than living under someone who could push a button and vaporize you, only in this case you have benevolent rulers and not a politician." Floyd replied.
Simon scrunched his muzzle. “Another thing you’re not supposed to talk about at friendly gatherings is politics, so let’s not compare leaders. Anyway, if an alicorn did try to attack us, I’d do my best to defend you guys.”
Lyra shook her head. "One moment, let's pretend the alicorns aren't there at all, for sake of argument. I'm walking down the road, a pegasus loses control of themselves, crashes into me the wrong way, bang, dead. Is it likely to happen? Probably not, but it could. Let's not get bogged down in 'what if' and instead focus on where we are right now and how we could make life better."
Simon nodded. Then his eyes widened. “Oh, I never finished my story about the changelings! It’s a nice heartwarming story. I think it might help lighten the mood.”
“Wait...” Amanda shook her head. “I... thought... thrown by...” She swallowed. “...alicorns?”
“Oh, right.” Simon nodded. “Shining Armor and… Cadenza... raised a special shield spell which flung the changelings out of Canterlot. The changelings were invading to find food, so the shield was in defense.”
“Anyway, I found the changelings’ hideout, and I left a note attached to a cute bunny I’d been keeping in a cage and oversaturating with love, literally, as a gift to start our conversations on a good note. I asked all about changelings’ biology and gave them a location to send a message back to, because I know we both desire secrecy. One of them answered back, reserved at first, but after a few messages about biology and tactics and such, I would say this ‘Chrysalis’ and I have become good pen pals.”
"Hmm… How would you like to serve Equestria my fine changeling friend?" Blueblood asked, looking at Simon.
The changeling tilted his head. Oh, he knew what Blueblood was implying, he just hoped turning his head would make it harder to see the flash of rage that came whenever someone threatened what he believed to be a friend of his. “What do you mean?” he asked innocently. “I gave the pedaling carriages to Equestria.”
"Since you’re in contact with the changelings, maybe you could bring up the subject of negotiations?" Blueblood asked. "My aunts have been trying since the wedding but no such luck I'm afraid."
Simon calmed down a bit. “I can try, but I won’t say anything that would endanger her trust. It took me a long time to find out even the most basic things about changelings.”
“This sounds a lot like politics...” Amanda observed. “...what’s the third thing? The third thing we’re not supposed to talk about?”
“Sex!” Simon announced unashamedly. “Or was it money?”
The earth pony giggled weakly. “Well, it looks like we’re breaking all those rules anyway... Who here’s not a virgin?”
Lyra pointed at herself, "I have my Bonnie, but what we do behind closed doors is outside the scope of this circle."
Simon raised his hoof. “Had a wife back home. She was a gem,” he reminisced.
"Never been on as much as a date," Floyd said, shrugging.
"I happen to be saving myself," Blueblood said, holding his head up high.
Amanda held up a hoof, paused, and pointed at Simon. “Wait, does... does it still count if you’re in a new body?”
Simon blinked. “Marriage?”
“No, sex. Like, are you still... I mean, does that mean you’re a virgin again?”
Simon shrugged. “I guess, now that I think about it, this body would be a virgin. I definitely remember having sex though.”
“Huh. Still, I... I mean, I guess we could say we’re all virgins then. Except Lyra.”
"So… you guys wanna be in a movie?" Floyd asked, shifting the topic abruptly as he looked between Amanda and Simon.
Amanda blinked. “I... wha... maybe? I... should think about it...”
Simon tapped a hoof against his chin. “Should I go as myself? Or maybe I could act out a bunch of different pony roles… Oh, and there’s applications for pyrotechnics...” He trailed off, his last statement almost inaudible.
"Well, I’m remaking Night Of The Living Dead and since it was one of the first movies to have an a
African American star, I thought, why not do the same for changelings?"
Simon furrowed his brow. “Night of the Living Dead?” he repeated, muttering. “I’m sure it was something else.” Finally, he shook his head, coming back to reality. “Well, I’m all for it.”
Amanda frowned. “I don’t like horror films. And... wouldn’t making the changelings antagonists in a film go somewhat against the goal of opening negotiations with them?”
"Why do you assume he'd be the antagonist?" Floyd asked, raising her eyebrow.
The earth pony shrugged. “I... don’t know a lot about horror films.”
"Though it’s Simon’s choice in the end," Floyd said, giving the changeling a smile.
Simon smiled back. “I’ve never done acting before, but I’ve… probably done a few things that come pretty close. Should be fun.”
"Yes!" The bat-pony shouted, hoof pumping.
Lyra rubbed behind her head. "Do you have all the things you need to make a movie? I don't really have any of that."
"Oh yeah, Bluey hooked me up," Floyd said nodding, "Pinkie Pie is handling the catering and we got permission to use the Apple farm."
"Huh! Sounds like you have it well in hoof. Color me impressed." Lyra settled back in her seat. "I'm invited to the premiere, right?"
Amanda held up a hoof, paused, then shook her head. “Actually you were stepped on by a dragon. I guess you can take a horror film.”
Simon nearly choked before looking at Lyra in awe. “YOU WERE STEPPED ON BY A DRAGON!?”
“She was indeed,” Amanda confirmed. “Then I kicked it in the eye.”
Simon looked between the mares. “No matter how strong you are, that would be like being run over by a semi! How are you alive!?”
"So you were the ones that delayed lord Puff!" Blueblood accused, pointing a hoof at Amanda.
“Lord Puff?! That thing has a name?!”
Amanda paused.
“Wait. Lord Puff? As in... as in some sort of ruler somewhere?”
Lyra shook her head a little. "It was mostly my fault, and he never gave a name. Is he… alright? Sorry about the kicking thing." She looked quite sheepish about the whole thing.
Simon looked annoyed. “You were stepped on by something more than fifty times your size. I don’t think you should be the one feeling sorry.”
“He... he wouldn’t happen to be a lord in the sense that he’s a tyrannical despot... would he?” Amanda asked with weak smile.
"Of course not," Blueblood rolled his eyes, "He rules over the northern region of the dragon lands and was doing me a personal favor."
“I... I delayed a dragon lord from meeting with the nephew of a sun-juggling pegacorn...”
Simon noticed Amanda’s growing shock. He tried to calm her down again. “Oh, don’t worry. Dragons weren’t one of the things that could defeat alicorns.”
“Oh I’m not worried,” Amanda said very calmly, standing stock still. “I just realized that I’m doomed, that’s all. I’m slated for execution. Do you do beheadings here? No, that’s not friendly, and you have magic. Maybe you just turn people into stone? That’d be nice, I guess. I’d still look pretty in the end.”
Lyra quickly shook her head. "The dragon, er, Puff, doesn't even know who you are. He was staring right at me, looking like he wanted to eat me." She held up a hoof to her chest. "I'm more worried."
Simon nodded at Amanda. “See, everything’s going to be just fine.”
"Lord Puff merely wants an apology, hoof written or in pony." Blueblood clarified.
Simon was about to interject, but stepped down when he realized Amanda should have the final word, even if it probably wasn’t the one he wanted.
“Oh, that’s nice. I guess I should write a will before I become a statue.” Amanda’s smile was growing thinner with every calm word she spoke. “I wonder which princess will do it?”
Lyra made a soft gesture at Amanda. "I'll write the apology, you just don't kick any more dragons and we'll call it even, alright? Everything's alright."
"I doubt my aunts would petrify you, miss." Blueblood stated calmly.
“I attacked a visiting regent. I almost started a war.” Amanda giggled a high-pitched little giggle. “That’s how it works, isn’t it? Oh, and it would be a war between dragons and pegacorns.”
“Eh, it happens.” Simon glanced at Lyra pleadingly. He obviously wasn’t used to dealing with panic.
Lyra held up a hoof. "Amanda, you are a confused pony. You're in my care. Your mistakes are my mistakes. I'll handle it, and no… one would hold you accountable. This has been quite a journey, for all of you."
“I... I really should ask Amour how she faints,” Amanda murmured. “I really really want to be able to faint right now...”
“Fainting during periods of high stress is actually caused by decreased blood flow to the brain, and that in turn can be caused by things like low blood sugar and nervous system problems,” Simon recited.
Lyra tilted her head. "I have a friend that faints all the time, and she has friends, and they faint together like it's some kind of fainting club. It's really something else to see, but we're getting off track here."
“Right.” Simon nodded. “What were we doing again? Telling stories about how our week went?”
“IIIiiIII kicked a dragon lord in the face,” Amanda singsonged, wavering on her hooves.
Lyra looked to Floyd. "What was your greatest challenge of the week?"
"Getting Luna to agree to play the villain in my remake of Dracula," Floyd said, tapping her chin. "She's a very hard mare to negotiate with."
Lyra's brows raised together. "Really? You're serious about making movies… but how did you get Luna to agree to that? I would think she'd be very sensitive about playing villains, even in jest."
“Everyone knows villains make the story,” Amanda managed to say between verses. “Everyone loves a good villain...”
“Right.” Simon tapped his hoof to his chin as he muttered. “But a bad villain could be horrible for your image, and a bad hero isn’t usually as damaging. Then again, there is Arnold, and he did star in some embarrassing roles… I’ll have to think about that.”
"I told her that if ponies love Nightmare Night, they'd love to see their hero in a horror movie," Blueblood said with a big smile.
Lyra nodded a little stiffly at Blueblood. "Well, if you support the idea, I'm sure all considerations have been made." Far be it from her to argue with nobility. "Now, I'd like to hear, nice and simply, how you all feel. Are you better than where you were just a few days ago?"
Simon nodded absentmindedly. “Got myself a pen pal.”
"I got myself a boyfriend!" Floyd said, hugging a blushing Blueblood.
“I got myself a friend, a sense of confidence, and a newfound level of existential terror,” Amanda chirped brightly.
Lyra snickered softly at Amanda. "I'm not sure that's a good thing... but you sound like you're coping." She spread her hooves wide. "I hope everypony feels everypony else is there for them, even for embarrassing things."
“Agreed,” Simon said.
"Yup, but I'm only good during the night. I am nocturnal," Floyd added.
“Ponies, ponies everywhere,” Amanda giggled. “Hoofy colored ponypone...”
Lyra tilted her head a little, but moved to see everyone to the door, just keeping an eye on Amanda. She'd have to walk the poor dear home, still… a success?
Noticing everyone getting up, Simon was careful to not shake or tip his jar of pink goo as he levitated it back into his bag, lest the whole room be covered in flames before the bomb could deactivate.
Blueblood moved over to Lyra, leaning in close. "Tell agent Drops that the bugbear escaped again." He whispered to her before trotting to the door, Floyd in tow.
Lyra swallowed heavily at Blueblood's words, but didn't stray from her task of making sure Amanda got home and nopony else left feeling any more awkward than they had to. "Thanks everypony for coming!"
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First to post! <3
Well I can certainly see Amanda's freak out to some degree. I mean having legitimate godlike figures, one of whom can vaporize an entire planet if they felt like it, could definitely cause one to worry! Granted we already know how nice Luna & Celestia are, but Amanda hasn't had years of prior knowledge about how good of rulers they are. Much less how they treat other races.
This was certainly a fun chapter, and I am really looking forward to seeing Luna play Dracula!
Wait, Lord puff is the one that wants an apology? He stepped on someone else first! He should be apologizing to Lyra.
LOL Amanda was hilarious in this chapter XD, it is like watching the flowers sisters and twilight rolled into one
First thing after reading this I thought, "Whoa man! I didn't know Equestria had a porn industry!"
Then I realized it was supposed to be a topic changer, but jeeze the timing man. it brings up all sorts of hypothetical suppositions.
So... Lord Puff? As in Puff the Magic Dragon? And is the northern dragon region by the sea?
Also, I feel like Lyra needs to set up a general information/Q&A session for the new ponies
One too many hits on the enter button.
6167464 Fixed!
Wait, what?
Am I misinterpreting this, or does Simon really was one step away from blowing everyone up?
Oh PLEASE have Amanda meet the princesses. I like seeing her flip out for silly reasons.
This has to be one of my favorite chapters so far. Also, I finally got a real laptop again, so if you're still wanting more collab chapters I would love to join in again. Or not if you're done with them. That's good too.
ok we have a panic attack and now that danged bugbear escaped agene.
a good chapter.
6167786
6167598
Well, last time he stole a metal tipped quill and hid it under his flank for the whole meeting. Bombs work better for groups if you can duck before everyone else.
I think this is a somewhat reasonable reaction, here.
Not a great reaction, because they never have wiped out anything, even when they went nuts... although I've read stories where they had and I always wondered why no one realizes this makes them absolutely terrifying.
Amanda is my new favorite hum-pony.
6170454 Well, it's not for lack of effort. That whole "night shall last forever" thing would invariably result in genocide as thousands of plants would die out due to lack of sun, ponies would starve, not to mention the whole planet getting a hell of a lot colder due to the lack of heat from the sun. So yeah. . .
Wtf did I just read xD
*Celestia goes mad and attacks the planet*
*turns out the sun's about the size of a tennis ball*
Daymare Sun: FEEL MY WRATH
one pony: "Ow! Ow! Stop hitting me with- ow! Stop it that thing's hot! Ow!"
6167458 That's what I was thinking when I read the dragon's name!