Redemption

Source

Starlight Glimmer comes out of hiding and seeks forgiveness from the ponies she once manipulated.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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garfan

garfan #1 · May 15th, 2015 · · ·

from what I see, there's no real story to your story

Green Akers

Green Akers #2 · May 15th, 2015 · 1 · ·

I think you've got the start of something good here, especially with Starlight's virus-like hypnotic spell. If this story were marked "Incomplete," I would be really interested in seeing where it was going.

As a "Complete" story, however, it doesn't feel satisfying because it leaves a lot of questions unanswered. What sort of spell did Starlight use? Where did she find it? Is there a way to break free from it? Looking into the future, what happens to the village once she re-takes control? Does Starlight stop here, or does she try to spread her influence beyond the village? And what might happen if Twilight and company hear about this and arrive on the scene?

My advice would be to keep going with this story, and see how you might grow the plot from your first chapter. Good luck!

Exiled from Light

Exiled from Light #3 · May 15th, 2015 · · ·

Formatting errors (lack of spaces between dialogue), spelling errors, lack of proper ending - They can all fuck up your day.

Draco Dei

Draco Dei #4 · May 15th, 2015 · · ·

5979161
I didn't notice the grammar problems and such. You may have fixed them?

But the message I quoted applies.

Take a thumbs up for shawing promise...

PS the story title is misleading and not in a good way since the chapter title contradicts it.

AllSpice

AllSpice #5 · May 15th, 2015 · · ·

>> Garfan
Yeah, the plot line was a bit of a challenge for me.

>> Green Akers
Thank you! I'm not particularly great at long stories, so that's probably why I decided to cut it short. But the ending is rather prompt, I'll keep that mind for the future.

>> DEVIL SMILES
Would you mind telling me where the spelling errors were so I can correct them?

>> Draco Dei
To be honest I kind of decided to wing it with this and had planned to write a story about Starlight being forgiven, but then when I wrote something different I just couldn't think of a new title. I dunno, this is one my first stories, so I've learnt that titles and planning are important, even for short stories.

Thanks for your feedback everyone!

Exiled from Light

Exiled from Light #6 · May 16th, 2015 · · ·

5980758 I was wrong about the spelling errors part. Apologies for that. One thing I like you to correct is the separation of spaces between character dialogue. There has to be spaces between dialogues.

Another thing, use the reply button.

00RaiserGundam