Prologue: Marefriends and Books
Dusk found himself trotting home, at a brisk pace, saddlebags full of a new stock of books that werent currently in his library home. While Celestia claimed she owned every book in the Canterlot Library Tower, she didn't have the Daring Do's Adventure series.
The stallion, having just roughly turned 20, found himself still in his home of Canterlot, still under the tutelage of his mentor, Princess Celestia. Why was he still staying under her wing? Well, why wouldn't he? As a student, he still had much to learn, even if spending sleepless nights studying if he found a good book, or staying up late being tested by his marefriend.
Yes. Marefriend. While Dusk had been mainly anti-social, one filly-now-mare had pretty much got into his life, and made it better than one would expect. This young mare preferred the name Cadence over her real name, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. She never spoke of her family, but well, it was a prestige to Dusk. He was coltfriend to the mare that was NIECE to his mentor! And well, it surprised Celestia. The Demi-Goddess had [needed] Dusk as a student to magic, but not once expected him to win the heart of her niece.
Dusk opened the door to his home, having passed a few others on his way, all whom tried to get his attention, but he did not pay full attention. He was trying to get home just before--
"DUSKY~"
That. Next thing he knew, in a tumble of purple and pink, Dusk rolled right into his house, but shifted his weight forward. He ended up standing over his marefriend, Cadence, who tried to surprise him by tackling him into his house... for the 10th time that month.
"Nice try, sweetie. I was expecting that"
Dusk gave a sly grin, and then let a brief kiss touch Cadence's lips, before letting the mare get up by getting off her, to which she stood and dusted herself off.
"Its only your fault for being so fun to tackle" she retorted, giving a giggle and a flip of her pony-tail mane.
Dusk rolled his eyes, as his horn lit up to take the books from his bag, and set them down at his reading table. Only, he stopped, to go ahead and move one to his face.
"Odd. Cadence, come here, look at this. I'm pretty sure I didn't go buy this one..." Dusk said, as he uncovered the large, Equestria History Book, with a golden hard-back cover.
Cadence trotted to Dusk's side at the table, and eyed over the book. "Odd. This is like the one Auntie Tia kept in her room and kept adding to it over the years. Why do you have a copy?" She asked, looking to him with a raised eyebrow.
Dusk only looked back at her, and offered a shrug, looking to the book and opening it.
[You know what happens next.]
"I STILL don't get why she sends me AND you off to Ponyville! Of ALL things! Just because I did some studying into the legend and went to her to tell her!" Dusk said, with a whole hoof motion to it before he just slumped his head against the handle-bar on the chariot he and Cadence were riding to Ponyville, driven by two Pegasi of the royal guard.
Cadence could do no more than offer a hug to Dusk, and a nuzzle into his neck. "C'mon, it won't be that bad. Besides, she DID make you overseer to the Summer Sun Celebration! That has to be a plus. There's nopony else more perfect for the job!"
The lavender stallion could not help but smile, and sat back up to return the hug to Cadence, as well as let their horns cross for a brief moment, a small magical spark between the two conjuring a small magic heart that floated up and disappeared into the air.
"I can always rely on you for encouragement, Cadence. I can guess why Celestia sent you along with me."
Cadence smiled, and pulled away a bit, to stick her tongue out at him.
"That and you can't keep a library as clean as I can. You may organize it, but your cleaning skills are very bad."
This only made Dusk get defensive and playfully swat at Cadence, who only laughed in enjoyment. Suddenly the day didn't seem so damp.
After about an hour, which is how long the flight took, Dusk and Cadence said their thanks to the guards ponies, and then started their trot around town, Dusk having a checklist in his magical grasp. "While here, we may start with finding out... Hmm... Catering." He said, before looking up and seeing a Pink coated mare with a fluffy mane bouncing... BOUNCING in her walk.
She approached, and before either Dusk or Cadence could introduce herself, her body seemed to lift and hover in the air as she gave a loud gasp, and she dashed off, leaving the two perplexed, and both saying "oohh... Kay..."
By the day's end, Dusk and Cadence retreated into the Golden Oaks Library, the temporary residence they had thanks to Celestia. Dusk had quite the adventure that day. He met some interesting ponies as well. Applejack had been the first, a southern mare who lived on a farm, and... had a large family reunion. Good thing Cadence wasn't a Princess just yet or they would need EVEN MORE special treatment from the mare.A Cyan Pegasus named Rainbow Dash, who apparently was weather specialist and CAN clear the skies of Ponyville in 10 seconds flat... and does the worst quick-dry tornadoes yet. Rarity Belle, who just likes to be called Rarity... who seems to be OCD, as Dusk thought of her to be. And then Fluttershy; A timid, cute mare, who apparently adores over Cadence and her seemingly "natural beauty and pure kindness to animals and creatures", as the exact words of the yellow pegasus had been. It got her talking with Cadence for quite a while... until they somehow had walked all the way to the Library, just before sun-down.
Well... they ATTEMPTED to retreat into the library. But once entering, the same Pink mare from earlier that day, had apparently turned the entire library into a large Welcoming party house, with just about everypony from town. At some point, Dusk had made it to the bedroom, where he got privacy as he did two things. He was busy writing his own song, meant for Cadence later in the year or two he planned it to be... and also finalizing his research on the Legend of Nightmare Moon.
NMM, as her initials were, was a corrupt and evil version of Artemis, Celestia's younger sister who apparently got greedy after constantly seeing how everypony appreciated the day rather than the night. And thus the greed and jealousy manifested into being, transforming Luna into Nightmare Moon.
And well, Nightmare had been imprissoned for 1000 years, and that time would be almost up. And yet Dusk didn't know--
"What don't you know, Dusk Shine?~"
"GAH!"
Dusk nearly flipped out of his chair he was sitting in, at the desk in the bedroom to the library. Pinkie Pie somehow hand hung in mid air right in front of him, and landed perfectly on the floor next to him as well, as the other 5 mares were coming in now. Cadence spoke first.
"The party ended an hour ago, Dusk. I've been sitting here talking to the mares while you busy yourself in your study. Didn't Auntie tell you to make some friends?"
As Dusk got to his hooves, he would shake his head, stretching his limbs as he looked at the faces of every mare in the room. He then sighed, and looked downward a bit.
"I've very good reason to be in study. The legend of Nightmare Moon is just too urgent to ignore! We have to be prepared, we don't know when she could come back. And that can be at any moment!"
The reaction was not what he expected. The mares were listening. Cadence stepped up to him, and pressed her muzzle against his neck.
"And you don't think we'd not follow you? If you think she's to return, then we will go after her, and the solutions you found."
Not only would Dusk hug the mare in front of him, it'd get Dawws from most of the mares in the room. Except for Rainbow Dash. She stuck her tongue out and did a "gag" sign with her hoof.
Dusk soon recomposed himself, and looked around "Well the best lead I got is the Elements of Harmony. A powerful unification of 6 elements used to fight off several evils over the years. They're locked away..."
Rarity would speak up, and look to Dusk quizzically. "But where are they locked away at?"
She would not get her answer till much later. After the supposed Summer Sun Celebration, which had all preparations set, Nightmare Moon herself manifested and interrupted the ceremony. It did not take long for the 7 ponies to gather at the entrance to Everfree, Dusk summarizing the events, and THEN answering Rarity's question.
"...Locked away in the Old Castle of the Princesses..."
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5840610 A story can never be considered a mess in its writing. Its grammar yes but its concept? You cannot say its a mess because you don't like it. Her/his story could be a work of art in someones eyes, that is the beauty of writing. My stories aren't exactly popular and I don't get many responses from others but I still enjoy writing.
I don't mind what people say but don't you care how this message could effect someones future writing?
5840835 I like it how you have to prove your point and defend yourself. Common human instinct. I'm not even going to retaliate towards you.
Also one thing your comment on saying; "Actually, I do and don't. The latter because this is the fucking internet, I can say whatever I please" you will get a rude awakening one day.
A lot of things on your reply I do fully agree with but some of your motives I do not.
How do you become ''Roughly 20''?
5841066 Well, nothing's perfect. I did happen to be writing this close to 1 am. A bit Iffy, but I am happy with what I wrote.
In my mind saying "Roughly 20" meant that he must've became 20, but looks or acts a different age.
This needs serious editing and proofreading, and for an alt-history you're doing an awful lot of leaning on readers' knowledge of the show and not actually writing in any meaningful changes. It comes off as lazy, honestly - skipping over all the Mane 6 introductions robs you of a chance to actually characterize Dusk Shine, which you're really lacking at the moment.
5841183 I understand that writing this at such a late (early?) time made that chapter not be as well written as you wanted to but when you refer to the age of somepony and say ''This pony is 20 years old'' it's not referring to their level of maturity but strictly their age, so it should be 20 years old, it would only seem that you should use the term ''roughly'' in front of an age if the age of that pony was uncertain ex: ''he looked roughly 20 years old''.
5841363 Yeah, I can see your point.
5841356 Oh, did I now? I thought the prologue gave the idea, the chapters would give the solid evidence?
Chapter 1 is planned to be a bit more than double the length of the prologue with much more in depth thought. Gonna take a few days.
Sombra doesn't exist? Downvote ur clearly Satan
Edit: And NO SPIKE!!!!!
I will eat your soul!!!
Btw cadance n dusk that's cute....... Overall I like it
5841751
Repeating this post. Also:
There's nothing but wrong in this whole paragraph. Hideously written, skipping everything important to the story, reduce it to a single paragraph and desperately trying to use BIG LETTERS to emphasize certain actions which author was too lazy to write. Leave it out completely or invest in it.
If you didn't want to write the first half of the first episode, you could have just skipped the whole two parter completely instead of creating this atrocity.
You are sort of relying on the reader interpreting things differently with twilight as a stallion and Cadence in place of Spike, but I didn't see a why for the lack of Spike.
Then you bypass all the events leading to NMM's return, have no interaction between her, Dusk, and Cadence, and jump ahead. There were prime opportunities to show off how say, Cadence would react to her aunt being kidnapped.
You have an interesting idea, you just need to let us see it in action. It feels like you're only showing us major differences so far, and it makes things feel a little disjointed.
All the same, I'm interested enough to stick around for another chapter or two, given this is only a prologue.
no shining armor? check
, no Sombra?....i don´t care, Male Twilight.......interessting, Cadance isn´t to sappy because there is no Shining armor??? This is one of the times i want to give an upvote for the story idea itself, i read it later today or tomorrow, then i have a better judgement.
I just have read there is no Spike, so no Spike X Rarity?
hmmm to be honest i didn´t thought Cadance would already take the place of his Marefriend, but well i wasn´t really hoping for any other Mare.
I hope you don´t rush anymore of the story, some of the next scenes you shoud probably really write down, please don´t skip it too.
I guess with Nightmare Moon, you have probably skipped a more important part of the story, or rather this chapter.
While i think Cadance made a different Stallion out of him, i would have thought that he would be a little bit more resistant towards the friends thing or something like that.
I admit, that i had maybe liked it a little bit more, if there would be a romance, that still had to be developed, but this isn´t to important, i guess what i want to ask is, that i would like it if Cadance would not be the solution for any Problem he would encounter on his adventures.
you know what i mean, he don´t like something, Cadance is telling him he should do it, and suddenly he is doing it, while it could work like that, i would like it if there is something he really don´t like, that either another one of his friends have to try to help him, or that he just won´t do it.
You should probably make the chapter longer, if you would not skip to much, this would probably already have around 2.500 words i guess.
5840610 i guess you made it worse than it actually is, it is still early enough for him to make it better.
5842685 You have a few errors in your comment like, "which author" should be "in which the author was too lazy to write this story". And if you have a problem with my comment, you take it up with the author. But overall I agree with you.
And Dusk will have a hell of a time to rule the kingdom.
new chapter please