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This is a distinct improvement over what it was before. It makes more sense, in many ways. Something that I see you can improve on is flow, and sentence structure. To me, it feels a bit choppy, awkward. If you vary the form of your sentence, and add descriptive language, it makes a story come to life.

Let me give you an example. I wish it were possible to do spoilers, because we've got a wall of text incoming.

"I want to make cupcakes of course!" replied Pinkamena. "You see I ran out of the special ingredient, and I need you and the others in order to get some more!" She pulled a lever, and walls sprang out of the ground dividing the four ponies from one another. She then entered Twilight Sparkle's chamber. (This is a new subject, so we have a new paragraph.)

Groggily, the lavender mare blinked at the pink shape in front of her. What was going on?Her mind refused to answer with its usual sharpness, but she could vaguely make out the shape of her friend next to her.

Pinkie Pie smiled gently as she picked up a small hacksaw. Twilight's bleary eyes widened as Pinkie lifted it in front of her face. Pinkie giggled softly, placing the blade against Twilight's horn. It feels cold, Twilight thought dully, staring upward where the saw met the base of her horn.

Then, her world exploded as Pinkie began to move the saw back and forth. Her first instinct was to struggle, but the iron bands on her hooves quickly proved the futility of such a course. Lavender dust drifted down as Twilight's screams of agony filled the air.

Panicking, she desperately tried to send all the magic she could to her horn. Surely, out of her hundreds of spells, at least one of them could get her out of here! It was all to no avail; the saw had worked its own dreadful magic on the maze of nerves inside her horn. For the first time, Twilight Sparkle was truly helpless. All she could do was scream, cry, and plead for mercy.

Such mercy would not come. Finally, the saw ate through the last millimeters of her horn, and it drooped across her eyes. Pinkie laughed as she picked up her horn. "It's just like that time with the poison joke, Twilight! Remember? Twilight Flopple?"

Blood ran down Twilight's face, coating her eyes with sticky gunk. Even so, she could see Pinkie holding the severed horn to a necklace of similar horns. Already, she could feel the icy tendrils of shock running through her body. "You... you're insane," she gasped, before allowing herself to blissfully sink into black unconsciousness.

I think you're doing a good job, and learning well. I can hardly claim to be a master, but I think I'll follow this and see where you take it. Good luck!

605401 Thank you! I appreciate you taking your time to read this and give me advice

Ok so a long delay in the next chapter, any ideas on why she fainted?

pinkie injected her with a posion that took effect when she found true love?

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