Oh no! Pinkie baked them into giant walls of text!

Yea... let's fix that first so I don't have to strain my eyes.

dont mean to be mean but u need to show more details and dont rush ok?

Oh look, YET ANOTHER GODDAMN FUCKING CUPCAKES FIC

I have to say (being blunt for your possible critiquing purposes. I don't even think I spelled that right lol) that the idea of trying to plagiarize Cupcakes, even if inspired by/trying to make a new story similar to the original Cupcakes has gotten a little old in my opinion.
Things you could do in future chapters are include A LOT more into your chapters, considering the second one. But go further than that by explaining in-depth about the way (for example) Twilight was searing in pain and how she fell unconscious, and soon died upon massive blood loss or something. And how exactly did Fluttershy escape the chains that bound her? I think you have potential if you dared to try and rewrite cupcakes this horribly.

However...I do like the fact that Pinkie Pie was murdered by Fluttershy...(Do you know where I'm going with this?)

Its... It's like reading Cupcakes, save that it is devoid of any of Cupcake's redeeming qualities...

It would be an interesting idea if it hadn't been done so much before. Even including the rest of the mane six in the mix, it feels like a simple retread of Cupcakes.

Even in retreading it, you haven't really put enough detail into it. All the details we get on Rarity? She is dissected, and her heart is stabbed. Okay, and what does she feel while this is happening? How does it feel for Twilight to have her horn cut off? Why is she merely fainting, instead of screeching bloody murder? How the crap does Fluttershy get out?

(Fluttershy killing Pinkie Pie: Good.)

(Also, why am I helping to make a Cupcakes remake?)

594580 I agree, Cupcakes was, at least, an original idea. And personaly, I found it rather amusing, at least when I wasn't thinking "Who the hell wrote this thing!?".

As for retreading it, I have some theories:

Firstly, being disected is probably not that fun. I don't think Rarity would have been able to retain logical, coherent thought while that was going on. Her mind probably broke before her body did.

Secondly, I belive that the main theory on unicorn horns is that they have a direct nervous link to the brain, so having your horn cut off would be incredibly painful, to say the least. Like I said before, these levels of pain probably drove her insane ( Do you see what I did there? )

Finaly, you're helping to make a Cupcakes remake because you secretly liked Cupcakes. Lots of people do, they just don't admit it.

594715

Firstly: Sure, but what I'm saying is that all the detail we're given is that A: Rarity's cutie marks are cut off, B: Rarity faints, C: Apparently she wakes up again, but has given up hope, and D: she is dissected. Not a word of how it feels, Shouldn't she be screaming, not fainting? At least during the process of having a chunk of skin taken out of her leg?

Next on the list of problems: "She pulled a lever and walls sprang out of the ground dividing the 4 ponies." Wait, wait, what? Just all of a sudden, WALLS! Okay, I can see Pinkie Pie taking over the Cake's basement. Maybe. But to ask me to believe that Pinkie Pie has the technical know-how to construct insta-walls under a business with nobody noticing? Suspense of Disbelief has failed.

For that matter, how does Pinkie get away with anything with Twilight? I mean, let's take a look at each side's advantages and disadvantages:
Twilight: Cons: temporarily restrained, perhaps a little muddled from being drugged. No, it says that they're all awake by the time Pinkie comes in.
Pros: Magic. By the way, Magic still works when you're restrained, last I checked. So, we have a list of options: teleport out? Maybe she could use magic on the locks and just magic them loose? Or, how about that Unicorn Gatling Gun deal she did with the Changelings? In this situation, Twilight is far from helpless.

Now, let's compare that to Pinkie Pie: Pros: Knife, not restrained. That's it.

And, I do like Cupcakes. It introduced a new aspect of Pinkie's psyche, one that has been invasive enough in the brony fandom to pretty much ensure it an infamy no other fic will ever have. But, the real reason I like Cupcakes is because it inspired The Cupcake Chronicles, the alternate ending that just finished. (It's only 19-20 times as long as Cupcakes itself, with a decent mix of shipping, character development, and closure...)

Also, a couple of lines that I may have read, but my mind erased to protect me from harm: "[Fluttershy] had broken free from her imprisonment by breaking the chains that held her in place. Fluttershy kept her strength a secret from everypony in order to portray an innocent look." I don't care what anyone says, Fluttershy is not Superman. She does not have super strength, and cannot burst steel chains. Basically, if she can do this and was awake the whole time, then why didn't she just burst the chains in the first place and save everyone? I'm assuming some time passed in between everyone fainting and being chained up. Heck, just have her bash Pinkie as soon as her back is turned and call it good; a pony strong enough to burst metal chains doesn't need a knife to kill another pony.

"Fluttershy is not Superman". Oh god, I wish she was. That would be hilarious!
google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://www.profilebrand.com/funny-pictures/category/cartoons/650_superman-destroy.gif&sa=X&ei=LGiyT8LlM-TT0QXDgtHCCQ&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNECdNwMhRfnoU6-VRKyKgZzI4zpww

Ok guys I get what you're saying, I'll go back and edit it. Thanks for the feedback anyways After all, its gonna take practice until I get good!

By the way guys, this story is incomplete. Its not ALL gore. Please come back and have another look when I have more written. I have also edited the second chapter, could somebody who read it before it was edited give me some feedback on the edited version? Thanks!

nice fic!

601702 Thank you! That's the first good comment I've had and I really appreciate it. :) Once again thank you!!

601800 i think it was well written and quite sad at the end and the flutterdash was also good :

601816 Not finished yet! Adding in some Big Mac!

601826 great i'd love to see where this will go!