Displacing the Displaced

by odeeyou

No Monkey Buisness

Author's Note:

Because its just so easy...

“And that’s how I got here.”

Berry Punch looked at the seven foot 500 pound gorilla sitting at her bar. He was surprisingly lucid considering how much he’d had to drink. He was in fact her last patron, the rest having left hours ago.

“I don’t know…” Berry knocked a shot back as she finished locking away the last of her stock on hoof and began to wipe down tables. “Used to be a hairless ape? Sure. Changed into a party costume? Yeah. Punted into this world by a divine being? Okay. Chess game of the Gods? That’s pushing it.”

The now Gorilla Grodd “Just Grodd if you will. I don’t call you Pony Punch do I?” paused in his trying to get every last drop of alcohol from his glass to give her a weak glare. “Hey, I’ve read enough fantasy novels and fan fiction to know what I’m talking about.”

Berry rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh.”

“Okay then Miss Smarty Pants.” Grodd folded his arms in surety. “What Gods do you know of that would do this not for some grandiose plan, but just for the heck of it?”

*Cough* “Discord.” *Cough*

Grodd pointed a meaty finger in her direction before dropping it in grudging acceptance. “Point.” And dropped his head to the bar with a loud- *THUNK*

Berry winced. Said bar top now had a solid layer of gold. Since Grodd had no local currency he transmuted the thing to pay for his drinks. Normally she would object to this, since transmuting gold was bad for the economy. (And kind of illegal) But it was so shiny that she couldn’t help but be pleased. That it made a tidy nest egg had nothing to do with it.

“Come of Groddy. Bar is closing. Time to go.” She smacked him with a wet towel.

“Awww.”

“Pfft- ha-ha! Don’t give me those puppy dog eyes! They look ridiculous on you. Go on. Shoo!” She smacked him a few more times for good measure.

“Why can’t I stay here?” He hugged his empty shot glasses protectively.

“Cause I got a little sister at home to take care of who needs me to make her breakfast before I take her to school. So git.”

“One for the road?” He hugged his glasses even more closely and looked at her pleadingly.

He unfortunately missed the mischievous look in her eyes. “Sure. Most potent stuff in the house.”

“You’re a pal, Berry!”

Trotting back behind the bar, she pulled open a dusty cabinet that looked like it didn’t see much use. Inside it was a bottle of shimmering gold liquid. Pouring a shot, she slit it to the eagerly awaiting paws of Grodd. “One shot of Zecora’s morning elixir.”

He immediately threw back the shot with a sigh of satisfaction.

That is, until the happy buzzing started to disappear. “Hey! I’m sobering!”

Then the hangover kicked in.

*CRASH!*

Berry rolled her eyes in amusement at the theatrics of the gorilla as he moaned and rolled back and forth across the floor in agony.

“Oh, you wretched, evil pony… You tricked me!” He clutched his head and sat up to glare at her.

“Come on Grodd! You asked for it, remember?” She nosed him to the door. “I’ll see you later?”

“Sure.”

With that, the door slammed behind him with an echoing laughter. Leaving him standing in the middle of Ponyville with the hangover from Tartarus as the sun began to creep over the horizon.

“Stupid sun.” He griped as the light seared his eyeballs. Now half blind, he stumbled into town proper in search of lodging.

“MONSTER!”

“RUN AWAY!”

“The horror! THE HORROR!”

Blinking repeatedly, he watched as the ponies panicked and ran about everywhere while screaming. Some of which he recognized. “Oh, come on! I was drinking with you last night and you didn’t have a problem with me then!”

But then, alcohol will do that.

“Hey! You stupid monkey!”

He looked up and glared at the blue and rainbow maned Pegasus.

“How dare you attack my town! I’ll show you!” She flew in a flying kick. “Hiiii-Yah!”

He instinctively threw a fist out-

*POW!*

He looked from his fist to the stumbling and dazed Pegasus in front of him in confusion.

“Hey, ya varmint! Wha’d ya do ta mah friend?”

“You big Meany McMeany!

Two Earth pony mares stood in front of him in aggressive stances. One was a farmer… or a country singer going by the accent. The other was a pink eyesore that made his hangover worse just looking at her.

“She attacked me and flew into my fist! Tell me how smart that was.”

The blue Pegasus came out of her daze and glared at him. “You got lucky, monkey! Won’t happen again!”

“Bring it, you stupid little horsey!” He felt his anger rise. He hated monkey puns.

When she reared up on her hind legs he grabbed her hoof with his telekinesis and started to hit her face with her own hoof.

Power ups were awesome.

*WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!*

“Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Ha-ha-ha- Ooff!”

He fell backward and clutched his head after an orange pair clocked him good. “Hangover… worsening…!”

“STOP!”

A purple Alicorn teleported in between them and glared at everyone for good measure, though she did do a double take when she saw him sitting up. “What is going on?”

The blue Pegasus jumped forward. “This monkey-“

“Gorilla.” Purple Alicorn corrected her.

“Huh?”

“It’s a gorilla, Dash. Not a monkey.”

“Same thing.”

Grodd cracked his knuckles threateningly. “If you have a learning disability, I can fix that for you, stupid little mesohippus.”

“A what?”

The purple Alicorn sighed. “A cave pony.”

“Oh… HEY!”

The orange farmer grabbed the Pegasus by the tail and dragged her back while the purple Alicorn stepped forward. “Look Mister… Gorilla?”

“Grodd.” He relaxed his own stance as they did theirs.

“Mr. Grodd.” She nodded. “I am Twilight Sparkle. That’s Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie.” She motioned to each, as if he really couldn’t tell the difference from their names.

“Howdy.” A tip of the hat had him nodding at Applejack.

“Hey Mister Not a New Pony in Town!” A frenzied wave from Pinkie had him giving a half wave in return when it became apparent she wouldn’t stop until he returned it. So much pink…

“Yeah, whatever.” Rainbow got a confused non cultural rude gesture.

“Were you attacking the town?” Twilight asked him. At lease she asked. That got a lot of points in his book.

“No. I was just leaving the bar.” He pointed to the building 30 feet behind him. “I got in last night. I just walked out to find lodging. Ponies panicked. Rainbow chick attacked me.”

“Twi! Are you really gonna take the words of this monkey over mine?” Dash flew up into her face.

“Considering your tendency to jump to conclusions, the lack of any attack, and the townsponies tendency to panicking at everything? Yes.” Twilight shrugged apologetically.

Dash dropped to the ground with a huff.

Applejack sidled up to her friend. “Dash, we don’t doubt yer heart wuz in th’right place, but ya do have a habbit a’ jumpin the fence.”

“Fine.” Dash jumped back into the air to again invade his personal space. “I say you cheated in the fight though. Using magic like that.”

He snorted. “I don’t use magic.”

“See!” Dash turned to her friends. “He’s lying already! He used telekinesis to grab my hoof and hit me in the face with it!”

Applejack guffawed. “Really?”

“Shut up!”

“Dash, Gorilla’s don’t have magic.” Twilight told her.

“But he did!”

“Yes I did.” He stepped forward. “Rather successfully at that. Fun too.”

Twilight’s jaw fell open. “B- but how?! You can’t form a telekinetic field without magic!”

He chuckled and folded his arms before using said telekinesis to flick an ear on Dash.

“Ouch!”

“Says who?” He floated a nearby basket of apples to his feet. “My abilities are psionic in nature. Pure mental energies. No magic, see? No aura.”

“WOW!” Twilight rushed forward. With a flare from her horn she summoned a parchment and quill and began to circle around him. “I’ve never met a species capable of non-magical telekinesis before!”

“Hold on there, sugar cube.” Applejack pushed her friend back. “Ya can geek out over him AFTER we find out what he’s here fer.”
“Right!” Twilight readied her notes. “So what brings you to Ponyville?”

“Ironically enough, a magical mishap.” He finally stood up and cracked his back.

“But you said-“

“I didn’t say it was caused by me.” He grumbled.

“Oh! Oh! I got a question for Groddy!” Pinkie jumped forward and bounced in front of him with a much too large of a smile for the size of her face. “Do you like parties?”

He blinked. “Sure, I suppose. Small ones in any case.”

“Gasp!” Pinkie leaped up into the air and vanished in a trail of smoke.

“What?”

“Don’t worry none.” Applejack chuckled and grabbed the basket of apples, expertly balancing it on her back. “She’s just planin yer party. If’n there’s no trouble, I gotta open the stall.”

“And I got a nap to catch up on.” Dash glared at him and motioned to her eyes. “I’ll be watching you, Grodd.”

“Don’t watch too closely. I wouldn’t want you to get excited.” He grinned and gave an exaggerated flex of his muscles. To which the Pegasus gagged and glared harder before flying up to the clouds.

That left Twilight, who was grinning and visibly shaking in excitement. “Cultural Studies! I have so many questions for you!”

He winced as his hangover reared its ugly head if only to make the whole thing worse. “If we do this, I’m either going to need coffee or sleep first.”

Twilight nodded in acceptance. “There’s a good coffee place just down the block from here.” She began leading the way. “So…” She readied her parchment. “Where exactly are you from?”

He took a moment to consider this. “Gorilla City, or San Diego depending on the specifics of your question. And you?”

“Canterlot. It’s the city capital on the mountain ridge over there.” She pointed a hoof in the distance to the…

He squinted at the distant city scape. The small white blot was only just visible at this distance though he could see the- “You mean volcano.”

“Huh?” Twilight paused to look up at him in confusion.

“Mountains are typically formed by the shifting of tectonic plates or other large bodied land masses pushing together. That’s why mountains are seen in chains and called a range. That is likely the cause of one or several volcanic eruptions. Is there any history of earthquakes there?”

“None that I can recall.”

“Then it’s likely a long dead and extinct volcano.”

Twilight paused as she assimilated said new found knowledge. “That… I didn’t even KNOW that!” She began to bounce up and down as she grew more excited. “I get to learn a new science! I have to write all of this down! I have to send it to the university so they can do a more thorough geologic survey of the caverns-“

“Whoa! Twilight! Coffee?”

“Right!” She took several deep breaths in order to calm herself down, but couldn’t contain the “Squee!” of excitement as she bounced around the corner.

He paused when he saw the coffee shop. A very familiar coffee shop. A coffee shop with identical construction and similar large green logo on the doors and signs only with a hippocampus instead of a mermaid.

“God damned Starbucks are everywhere.”

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Is this story being written by more then one author?

[Starlight Nova]

6020377 What does the writing in your avatar say?

[odeeyou]

6999998

No. Its all the same author. I just frequently get overwhelmed by plot bunnies so I write a lot of varied stuff really. Its just that I'm a cook and work long and weird hours and recently got promoted which means more responsibility. Yeay. So I don't get a lot of time to type them up. Mostly because my down time is spent reading fan fiction instead of typing it up.