Displacing the Displaced

by odeeyou

Roll With It

This story begins with (like most) a glowy magic portal in the color of your choosing. Though it was slightly odd (only slightly mind you) that the portal was in the ground and not the sky.

Not that such a thing really mattered since it still spat 5 bodies… in one grouped mass into a large pile of bodies on the ground beside it.

“Was it really necessary to bum rush the magic portal all at once?” A muffled female voice from the bottom of the pile questioned.

“Of course it was!” An aggrieved Billy Goat standing on top of the pile replied. “Don’t you read these stories? The magic portal always disappears shortly after someone enters it. If we tried to go one at a time it would have closed leaving everyone else out of what will assuredly be an awesome fantastical adventure!”

Billy’s fur bristled as he looked down at the pile of shifting bodies beneath him. “Man, what a bunch of asses.”

Despite the view, only two of them were in fact asses. The pile shifted, dropping said goat and others to the ground.

“Equestria! Awe yeah! Magical pony adventures!” A Jack Ass with a red mopish mane cheered. That is, until he looked down at himself. “Aw man. Why am I a donkey? I wanted to be a Unicorn.”

“Dude. We talked about this in the forums remember? Humans are not inherently magical. So why would we turn into a magical anything?” An earth pony mare with blond fur and platinum mane smacked him upside the head with a hoof.

Said donkey only pointed an indignant hoof back at her.

She looked down at herself. “I’m a pony?” Then she began to hop around excitedly. “I’m a pony! I’m a pony! I’m a pony!”

“Calm down, Richard Simmons.” Billy chuckled and looked around at his four companions. “How are ya feeling, Jack?”

Jack, the donkey with horn envy snorted and looked back at his friend with a grin. “Just fine, how about you Billy?”

Billy looked down at himself and gave an amused huff. “Son of a Nanny. Equestrian pun strikes again.”

“What the heck kind of donkey am I? I got weird stripes on my legs…” The other Ass with a black mane looked back and forth from him and Jack, doing a quick comparison. “My fur is darker than yours is too.”

Billy gasped and pointed a hoof at him. “You’re a Wild Ass!” He then proceeded to fall over laughing in the grass.

It took a few moments for Clarence to process what he was talking about before the glared up at the sky. “This had better not be because I’m Black!”

The fifth member leapt to his toes. “Yay, I’m a Llama again! Wait…” Pedro ignored the guffaws behind him with an eye roll.

“By your line of reasoning…” Jack twirled a hoof in the air while contemplating. “If humans are not inherently magical why would we have turning into anything through the simple expedient of traveling a portal?”

“Shh!” Pedro stuck his toes to his mouth with a worried glance around. “Plot Hole! Don’t step in it!”

Billy harrumphed in reply. “Well, the simple answer would be that, while humans are not inherently magical, we can still be affected by magic, as is evident by having just traveled a magic portal.”

“Wait!” Jack piped up again. “Surely if humans are not magical you should not have turned into a pony.” He pointed a hoof at the female of the group again.

“Dude!” Pedro pranced in place panicking ponderously on the perils of permanent predicaments. “Keep pointing out plot holes and you’re gonna get retconed!”

Said mare rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. “I guess I should have said MOST humans are not inherently magical. I mean, how often do you see people on Tumblr claiming to be witches?” She looked at Jack. “And don’t call me Shirley.”

The guys nodded and looked to each other in understanding.

“She’s a witch!”

“Burn Her!”

“Buuuurn Heeeerrrr!”

“Quiet! Quiet!” Billy stepped forward as the voice of reason. “What makes you think she is a witch?”

Pedro jumped forward. “Well, she turned me into a newt!”

Billy looked up at him carefully. Not difficult, seeing as Billy was now the shortest of them, and Pedro the tallest. “A newt?”

To which Pedro gave himself a once over as well. “I got better.”

Shirley face hoofed. “Can we not do this right now?”

The others nodded.

“Anyway no, I’m not a witch.” She shuffled nervously. “I’m a medium. It kind of runs in the family.”

She got a lot of blank looks.

“You know. Second sight? Third Eye?” She tried again.

She got more blank looks.

She sighed in resignation. “I see dead ponies.”

The other guys all high hoofed… and toed. “I knew we’d get her to say it.” Clarence laughed.

“Hey! Check out her cutie mark!” Jack pointed, to which they all crowded around. “Third eye!”

“And fourth, if you count the other side of her flanks.” To which Billy pointed.

“Same shape and eye coloration as her normal eyes if you look closely.” Pedro pointed prominently.

There were nods all around.

Shirley glared at all of them. “You can stop staring at my butt now.”

“Ha-ha! Yes!”

A black and red blur shot straight up out of the portal in the color of your choosing.

“I am gonna rule this world!” A red and black Alicorn stallion shouted in glee, completely missing the fact that he’d reached the apex of his air time.

Until he realized he was dropping back down into the portal. “What? Oh SHI-“

The portal promptly vanished with him.

Silence filled the group until it was broken by Jack. “Was that Gary?”

“Well…” Billy looked to where the portal in the color of your choosing used to be. “It was.”

“Good riddance.” Clarence shrugged. “Nothing against him personally, but all of his characters in our Role Plays had a tendency to be annoyingly perfect.”

“Role it, DM!” Pedro pointed at Shirley. “Pedro runs screaming gaily into the town of Ponyville!”

Shirley pulled out a 20 die and looked at it quizzically, wondering just where she pulled it from. “You know you don’t really need to role for those kinds of actions.”

“Should we change your name to something more pony friendly? Shirley is kind of donkey-ish.” Clarence wondered as they made their way toward town. Except Pedro who was doing his best Pinkie impersonation. “Second Sight maybe?”

“Nah.” Shirley waved a hoof negatively. “I’d end up forgetting to respond to it. Besides, I always said my parents were a couple of Asses.”

Comments

[Elric of Melnipony]

I like the basic concept, I was amused by what I read, and I upvoted it... but it could use some proofreading. You have a fair amount of errors, mostly with things like punctuation, but a little polishing could make this a lot better.

[JDunk1971]

I love it! Please keep writing this sort if inspired insanity.