Displacing the Displaced

by odeeyou

The Disembodied Voice

Hello! I am Disembodied Voice.

How I got here is a pretty common tale. You’ve heard it before. Likely too many times.

You know, what with all the people disappearing at the Comic Con in glowing portals after buying cheap and ridiculously realistic replicas of everything you could think of being sold by The Merchant.

Or I should say… mostly.

You see, people are not completely stupid. We’re a bunch of nerds and geeks. We read comics and books and fan fiction and play video games and role play. So we know a convenient plot hole when we see one.

This has resulted in many consequences.

Tightened security for one thing. Lots of scientists and government agents scoping the convention trying to find the cause of said glowing portals is another. Lots and LOTS of more people attending the convention is a third.

The biggest consequence would be the ton of people dressing as The Merchant in order to hock their wares to the gullible noob hoping for a glowing portal.

You’d think they’d cancel the convention?

Yeah, right.

One word.

“Money.”

No more need be said.

And then there’s me.

I’d been to the convention a couple of times before this one. I don’t go in costume though. Attend a giant convention center in an outfit that doesn’t breathe with smelly nerds and geeks in similar stifling costumes?

No thank you. The stench is bad enough without contributing to it. I would rather be in comfortable cloths.

That’s not to say that I don’t have fun. Last time I brought my SLR and pretended to be a fashion photographer, telling various cos players ‘work it!’ while taking pictures.

Lots of hilarious photos.

This year? I brought a toy microphone.

You know the kind. It was ridiculously large and boomed your voice when you spoke into it? Takes four C batteries?

So I went around narrating various cos players as they went around the convention center. It’s a lot of fun when they go along with it.

Which eventually brought us to the Merchant’s.

Merchant’s. As in plural. I mentioned this earlier.

This is also where the vast majority of the people attending the comic con were in attendance. Not to mention all the security personnel and the scientists and the government agents. A byproduct of glowing portal incidents.

Amidst the entire Merchant’s was a Merchant. A Merchant with a lot of really cool realistic replicas of everything you could think of. A Merchant that looked remarkably like The Merchant.

The Merchant was also looking rather disgruntled and glaring at all the other Merchant’s. Every time he got someone at the table, some other Merchant would loudly yell his wares and draw them off.

I was about to walk over there myself. The guy had some awesome looking replicas from that flop of Super Mario Bros movie back in ’93… which I was secretly a fan of…

I walked over to a different vendor instead. While the other guy didn’t have as realistic of goods, they were guaranteed to be a hella lot cheaper.

I even got a cool Key Blade key chain!

That’s when things went sour.

As I walked away, The Merchant with the really cool realistic stuff screamed in apparent frustration. (No one buying anything of apparently awesome quality will do that I guess.)

He grabbed a box from under the table and threw the contents into the crowd yelling. “Someone just take the damn things!”

(Queue slow motion.)

The box of awesome contents flew across the crowd with many geeks and nerds grasping as the cool replicas like the needy little man children they were.

Amidst them were Thor’s Hammer.

Mjolnir.

It was awesome.

It was even more awesome in slow motion!

This thing was everything the Avengers movie prop wished it could be!

It thrummed with a power and realness that other Thor’s Hammer’s didn’t. In fact, I could safely say this was the first Hammer of thrumming Power I’d ever seen!

And wow this slow motion thing is taking a while…

And it was moving right at me!

Also moving in slow motion, I reached out to grab it…

Oh… Shiny!

I could almost FEEL the thrumming power in my hand!

(No dick jokes please.)

Right when I was ass-checked by a fat guy in a Thor Costume.

Who was, evidently NOT worthy, as the Hammer beamed him right in the head… and knocked him over onto a group cosplay of Sailor Moon.

(Those poor, poor girls…)

Meanwhile the nerds and geeks converged on trying to get their free shit…

This left ample room for a glowing portal to appear, where for convenience sake, no one else had already been standing in.

The portal?

Right in the direction of where I was being ass-checked into.

(Keep in mind all of this is still happening in slow motion.)

As I flew through the air, I could see past the grasping nerds…

The Merchant face palmed as government agents closed on him.

I neared the portal…

Grabby nerds and geeks realized what they missed out on in their distraction and looked at me with envy.

(Just as well. If they hadn’t been distracted I probably would have been dog piled.)

I instinctively reached for the glowing portal…

Oh… shiny!

(I was a magpie in another life.)

(STOP JUDGING ME!)

And because I was a bit of a ham… My last words?

“Surprise Motherfucker!”

…Of course, if I knew the portal led to magic pony land I might have had second thoughts about getting flung into it.

Nah!

“And that’s how I came to be who I am.”

‘What?’

“What?”

‘What?’

“What do you mean ‘what?’ I just got done telling you what!”

‘No you didn’t!’

“You mean I didn’t just explain my life’s story to you?”

‘No. You just floated existentially outside my statue quietly before stating ‘And that’s how I came to be who I am.’

“Oh.”

The silence in the garden of Discord’s statue… or petrified state depend on who you asked… hung awkwardly. Which was odd, because if it wasn’t there you wouldn’t think silence could hang at all, being an absence of sound. It did so remarkably well.

“Well, since I don’t want to go through it again, I’ll just summarize. Shit happened, and here I am now.”

‘I understand completely, my friend.’

Though unable to move, Discord did give the air of agreement.

“Anyway, I’m off to Troll the Princesses now.”

‘Have fun!’

I drifted on the metaphysical wind in the direction of the castle.

When I came to this world, I came as a disembodied voice. I have no substance that I can tell. The only way I can react with the world is through narration with a microphone… that technically doesn’t exist. (Discord’s the exception, as usual.)

Magic is weird.

The pony princesses would have turned me to stone along with Discord…

If they had some understanding of how the Elements of Harmony worked.

Which they didn’t.

For Pan’s sake! (God of theatrical criticism, if you were wondering.) They were magical amplifiers! Powerful focus for which to do magic on a stupidly massive scale to achieve whatever your goal! Anyone should be able to see that! How else could they turn Discord to stone AND banish Luna AND heal her?

Then again, those last two things haven’t happened yet so it’s possible they just haven’t figured that out yet. If they knew, then they could simply use the elements to make me corporeal again.

I wasn’t going to say anything.

To be fair, the elements had only been discovered a few short years ago. But even then, Celestia and Luna hadn’t put much effort into figuring out their mechanics. It’s like a microwave. No one cares how it works, so long as it works.

Let’s go Troll a Princess Pony.

Comments

[sasuke2490]

funny moar