Spike was just a normal villager in Everfree Forest, wondering why he was so different from everyone else, and what his purpouse was.One day, he finally receives his fairy, but is given the task of saving Equestria from a great threat. In a race against/through time, Spike must find a way to stop a great evil from taking over Equestria, saving the princess, and discovering his true purpose in life.
This Fanfic will roughly follow the events of LoZ:OoT.
On- Hiatus while I work on a Different project
Chapters (2)
Hey, listen!
Had to. Anyway, think this will be a fun read when you get it rolling. Only thing I can really complain about is the shortness of the chapter, and that's nothing major. Hope you update soon.
28829 As this is only the prologue,the other chapters should be longer, as i plan to do a dungeon a chapter. Thank you for your kind words, and DANGIT NAVI!!!!!
I can't stress enough, show do not tell. Why is the creature evil? Is it a twisted, dark green mass of limbs, mouths, and eyes that darkens the very air around it, chilling the very soul of its beholder... or does it merely have a sign that says "evil" stapled to its forehead?
28990 I purposefuly left out descriptions as I want the "creature's" identity to be a surprise. I shall soon be making some changes to the prologue, as I am both learning as I go, and writing this on the fly. Be patient, as this is my 1st fanfic. I do appreciate your thoughts, however, I want to try and write it in a way that even people who have played the game will be kept guessing.
I'm not that good at describing stuff, but have a review:
The first paragraph is a mess. I don't know the exact grammar for it, but try having a new paragraph when switching who is speaking.
The characters also seem rather plain, and almost look like emotionless puppets. Don't worry though; such things come with experience, and since it's your first fic it should be expected unless you have been studying literacy.
As he looked around, he saw no pony else, shrugged, and continued walking.
That's a nono. Commas are not always treated as thus, but here the first and second commas create an optional, completly informative part that can be ignored. However, if you do that here, the sentence will look like this:
As he looked around, shrugged, and continued walking.
which makes no sense at all. Your grammar doesn't need to be perfect, but I recommend you learn atleast some of this stuff (sorry if I sound rude here).
An example to the previous sentence could be this:
He looked around, and when he saw no pony else, shrugged, and continued walking.
29207 Thank you for the advice. I actually was never that great at writing, but am trying to get better. I am writing this on the fly, so any mistakes brought to my attention are well appreciated.
I don't get all the negativity towards this fic. Yeah the dialogue and action should be in separate paragraphs but I still found it it easy read, then again I've never played any Zelda and yet I still gave it a chance. I'd like to see where this goes, just with minor tweaks but this story isn't that bad, I'd give it a solid 3 1/2 out of 5.
Dude, good luck.
Peace out.
hmm I like it but it could use a little more filling out maybe add some more detail and descriptions to help flush it out a little. I am a huge Zelda fan and would be happy to provide any help or pre-reading you may require if you think it would be helpful.