Chapter III: Rant and Flight
The news that Pinkie Pie and the Cake family would be watching over the lost filly until her family was found worried Nurse Redheart, due to how calm the filly behaved and how Pinkie Pie was so... Pinkie Pie. However, before she could confront the party pony, Pinkie Pie had already checked in with the clerk and made her way to the filly's room. Arriving back at the door to the filly's room, Nurse Redheart cautiously opened the door, as she beheld the sight before her.
"-so much fun at the Sugarcube Corner! That's where I live by the way, with Mr. and Mrs. Cake, and their twins Pound and Pumpkin Cake! Oh you'll so love playing with the twins, I know you would! And when we get there you'll be getting a 'special treat' that I know that you would love-" Pinkie Pie jabbered on, mere inches away from the filly's own face, whose ears were sprayed back as her left eye twitched, showing that she was clearly not enjoying the attention she was receiving.
Spotting Nurse Redheart's entrance, the filly turned her head towards her as she pleaded in her foreign language, distress clear in her voice. While unable to understand what the filly said, Nurse Redheart did know from the filly's expression that she wanted the stream of words being poured into her face to stop.
"Ms. Pie, maybe you should give the young filly some room. I know you're excited, but I don't think the filly is comfortable with you being that close to her right now," Nurse Redheart interjected, interrupting Pinkie's rant to the filly's relief.
"But I wanted to tell her all the fun things we're going to do together when we get home," Pinkie Pie said as she turned her head towards the nurse, her lips pouting.
"I understand your enthusiasm, but don't you know that the filly doesn't understand Equestrian? She only seems to speak in that foreign language of hers."
Gasping in surprise, Pinkie turns her head back to the filly to said "You don't speak Equestrian?! Does that mean you didn't understand what I just told you?!" The filly just sat on the bed, giving Pinkie an annoyed glare after being yelled at point-blank again.
"Now, Ms. Pie, you need to calm down so we can get you to sign the paperwork so that you can take the filly home," Redheart said, at which Pinkie Pie realized that the sooner that was done, the sooner she and the filly could have fun together. This led to her grabbing the filly and rapidly depositing her on her back before bouncing after the nurse as the filly tried to comprehend what had just occurred. Soon, the duo reached the front desk, where Pinkie Pie started happily signing the paperwork as the filly realized where she was.
I can't believe that they would let such a blabbermouth inside a medical facility. I mean, aren't these kinds of places suppose to be quiet? I thought to myself as I learned that I was now in the lobby again, with me being on the pink menace's back somehow. It was amazing that the creature was able to spew so many words out of its mouth without even taking a breath. Didn’t these creatures suffocate when they couldn’t get enough air? Wait, did this species even need to breathe at all?
After testing that question out by holding my own breath, only to find out that this species does need to breathe, I spotted the pink menace busily signing off what appeared to be paperwork. Deciding that now was the time for me to make my escape, I carefully slipped off the creature's back and slowly crept towards the front door before I was blocked by the white coated female. Looking up at it, I saw it shaking its head before pointing at myself, then to the pink menace.
After taking a few moments to figure out what it meant, I exclaimed, "You want me to go with that pink monster‽ Are you insane‽ She needs to be committed, or at least get some therapy of some sort!" Before I could add more to my rant, I felt a nudge at my side. I turned my head to see the pink monster giving me that eerie smile before it began to bounce towards the front door. Looking at the white coated female once more, I only saw it nod its head before pointing at the pink menace again. Releasing a sigh, I saw no other choice but to follow the monster. All the while, I plotted my means of escape.
After stepping out of the building, I kept my eyes on the doors, waiting for them to close fully before looking at the pink monster again. Seeing it keeping its bouncing pace, I finally saw my chance as I instead dashed down the closest alley as fast as I could without tripping. My flight lasted for a good five minutes before my new body finally screamed for a break, as I stopped beside metal containers in some alley to catch my breath before releasing a sigh of relief that I had escaped from the pink menace. Until I suddenly heard a familiar voice ringing out.
As my eyes widen, I turned my head to see the pink monster's face, looking at me with that same eerie smile like this is some grand joke or something. How could it find me so fast? I made certain that I fled when it couldn't see me, I thought to myself, as my mind raced with ideas on how to make my escape again. As desperation took hold of me, I simply went with the most ridiculous action that came to my mind as I pointed a hoof at the other end of the alley as I yelled "Look at that!" Amazingly, the pink monster actually fell for it as it turned her head to find out what I was pointing at, to which I made my escape once more, dashing away out of the alley to go into a different one. I zigzagged in and out of the alleys between the buildings, doing my best to make such a random path that the pink monstrosity wouldn't be able to track me down again, finally coming to a stop in an alleyway far away from the one I left the pink menace in. I hid behind some brown object that I assumed was some kind of box in this world based on its appearance.
After catching my breath, I looked around again, this time not spotting any sign of the pink female. Releasing a gasp of relief, I sank down onto my bottom to rest as I planned out my next step, only for the box to suddenly open with the pink monster's head popping out as it said something in its language in an insane manner. Under normal conditions, a surprise like this would have me reeling in shock, or lashing out instinctively at whatever surprised me, but for the moment, another matter kept my mind busy instead as I tried to comprehend how the creature was able to come out of the box when I did not detect it approaching. Before I could make any sense of that, another thought came to my mind, one that stop it dead in its tracks. That thought was how did it even fit in a box that is smaller than itself?
Pinkie Pie kept her joyful smile on as she watched the filly's eyes glaze over from the illogical realizations that came to her mind as her mouth just gaped at Pinkie. Waiting for a while, the filly's mind refused to come out of its stupor, causing Pinkie to wave a hoof in front of the filly as she said, "Hello? Are you alright?" Seeing no response, Pinkie just assumed that the filly was tired from playing their little game as she picked up the filly with her hooves before placing the filly on her back once more. As she continued heading to Sugarcube Corner, the filly finally broke out of her trance, only to look at her hooves as she remembered the pink pony using her own hooves to pick her up.
Looking around, the filly managed to catch a few sights of other ponies using their hoofs to pick up stuff, or some using whatever objects they had on hoof. Looking at her own hooves, the filly curiously muttered something to herself in response to what she just witnessed.
Turning her head around to look at the filly, Pinkie Pie asked "What was that?" only to receive a scowl from the filly, though that didn't bother Pinkie at all as she just gave the filly a smile before looking forward again, her bounce not losing a single bit of her enthusiasm. Soon the duo reached Sugarcube Corner, as the filly's jaw drop as she took in the sight of the gingerbread style building.
"Who the fuck designed this huge-ass eyesore," I said out loud, beholding a building that stood out like a sore thumb in this quiet hamlet. Compared to the buildings beside it, its design just screamed weird as my mind pondered about who in their right mind would build such a thing.
My pink tormentor cheerfully said something to me, apparently believing that I could understand her joy, to me as it bounced to the front door, opening it before heading inside. Oh god... please don't tell me I'm gonna have to live in this atrocity of a building I thought to myself before I was finally put down by my pink warden. Before me, I saw two more creatures. One was a yellow coated orange maned male that was wearing some kind of outfit, possibly a uniform of some sorts. The other was- whoa! I suddenly had to jump back as the other one, a rather large blue coated female charged me, its forelegs open as if it was about to hug me. I wasn't feeling the desire to be crushed today as I kept my distance from the blue female, despite its attempts to hug me. I didn't think these creatures could be so big as I observed it finally releasing a sigh of defeat. Why was there so much pink in this place?
I heard the blue female say something with a sad face, as I saw disappointment shined from her eyes. The yellow male approached the blue female as it said something in its own language as it rubbed a hoof on the blue female's back to calm it down. Turning its head to me, it asked something else to me, to which I simply stared back at it, not even bothering to say anything as I figured that it was pointless to even try since we obviously wouldn't be able to understand one another, which caused the male to tilt its head in confusion from the lack of an answer.
Thankfully, my pink tormentor seemed to intervene as it said something to the pair which caused them to released gasps of realization. As they looked at me with what appeared to be new-founded understanding, I heard behind me the sounds of youthful giggling. Turning my head around to find the source of the noise, my eyes caught sight of a new horror.
"Oh... no..." I squeaked out, as I saw before me two more creatures, both even smaller than me, in what appeared to be diapers. As the realization that I'm going to be forced to live with this pink menace, in a horrendous looking house with a pair of young infants that appeared to be twins struck me, my body couldn't make any sort of reaction beyond the release of a whimper of sheer terror.
Stats
Page generated in 0.029 seconds
Total duration
1,078 users online
1,753,788 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Pinkie might be a bit much for our hapless hero(ine).
Who in there right mind would think pinkie would be a good pony to take care of a filly that doesn't even know equestrian xD lol
Honesty, to babysit is one think, but to actually let Pinkie Pie take care of a child for an unknown amount of time? Are they insane?
Chapter Three Error:
The word "were" should be "would".
5910912
To be fair, there was a decent chance Pinkie could speak the same language. She is Pinkie, after all.
Wait, they just immediately send her off to the Cakes?
Did they even try to find the parents?
Also, we're several chapters into the story, and (as I feared) I haven't really seen anything to backup the idea that this character has lived in several different hostile realities for years. In fact, he's basically the same type of generic HiE you see in all those other fics, so I'm not even sure why this isn't one.
I know these comments aren't very nice to the story (not harsh either, but still not kind), but it just bothers me to see such interesting ideas not used to their full potential. Where is his paranoia? Where are his inbuilt reflexes and sharp senses? Where is his mature, survivalist attitude? Where is the characterization of someone who has had to fight for survival for years on several worlds? If you are going to have your main character be someone who has such an interesting and tough backstory, then you have to make that show up in the way he talks, thinks, reacts, etc. Otherwise, he might as well be a HiE.
Edit:
Not only that, but his reactions to Pinkie feel really out of place considering his backstory. Considering the unusually peaceful world he's stumbled upon, he should be relieved by the current situation. Instead he's acting like dealing with an overly-hyper pony is the worst thing he could possibly be dealing with on a new world.
6027522 Another plot hole because the adoption process can take a very long time to atleast a year or two.
All though im REALLY enjoying this story
This has me laughing my ass off! Also, what is our confused protagonist's name?
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/254824/1/distorted-fate/chapter-i-rise-and-shine
"Fuck, that hurt!" I yelled out, retracting my right arm as I swung my left arm in pain, before the realization once again struck me.
* couldn't the cursing be more imaginative here? I mean you as much as admitted that main character isn't human (or at least is of a potentially humanoid species with tails and therefore isn't from earth.
My first reaction, like anyone would normally have after realizing that they just suffered some kind of major changes to their body, was to have a bit of a panic attack as my lungs rapidly took in as much air as they can.
* not 'can', 'could'
Furthermore, I took note of the coloration of their coats and manes, judging those terms to be the most appropriate based on how thick the coats where and how much hair the mane had, and noticed that they came in a riot of so many colors that for a moment it rendered myself dizzy from the sheer color overload my brain had to process.
* were, not where
Thus far it's been somewhat interesting, but very cliche. By that I mean the manner in which the character behaved initially and the stereotypical description of Pinkie Pie. Maybe it's me but the constant first person? perspective with regard to the main character make for somewhat dull/bland reading. A number of flaws in writing could be improved upon in this story. One of them is correcting the accidental use of the wrong words (i.e where vs. were). There are also cases of bad word flow (doesn't flow off the tongue). In addition, there are run on sentences in some places (like the one above with where/were swapped). It also feels a bit forced at time.
P.S.
It's a little pointless and bland to use 'male' and 'female' when you seem to imply that he (she) is aware of similar species elsewhere (equine) and therefore mare and stallion ought to be an obvious jump. Or so I would think.
Wait... An exclamation mark and a question mark all in one? HOW?
I'm assuming the protagonist of this story was of antho origin? Perhaps a cat or some canid?
5922916
To quote Ms. Sparkle, "All the ponies in this town are CRAZY!"
6255760
That is an actual punctuation mark. It's called an interrobang. It's rarely used though.
Hm.
It might be a result of the alien pony actually being reasonable and sane, and therefore providing more of a contrast than usual, but Pinkie Pie is even more unbearable than usual, here.
Were I the purple filly, and this clearly insane pink THING made it clear that it was not going to stop chasing and yelling and generally harassing me, EVER, my next step would be to stab her.
A LOT.
Then I'd go back to nurse Redheart, accept whatever punishment was given, but do my best to make it clear that SHE was largely to blame, since she'd sent me off with someone who was clearly not fit to deal with a shy, scared, and confused child.
6027522 You should try Dimension Jumper if your looking for that sorta thing. It gets kinda weird at the newest chapters and the updates are not frequent at all, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
6027522 I agree completely. Also, why do most HIE (Yeah I know this technically isn't one, even though it totally seems like it) seem to have the same character in it? They all act similar and seem to have the same personality. Have you noticed this as well, or is it just me?
That thought was how did it even fit in a box that is smaller than itself?
And so our dashing protagonist experience the blue error screen of death...
6393188 blue screen (of Dash) would be if Dash came, this was Pink screen of death
sorry
6392662 Well, if ponies were originally pets of the precursor to the Q, that sort of thing would be no sweat.
which, of course, would lead to the inevitable logical encounter with Doctor Whooves:
Doctor: "Welcome to the TARDIS! Yes, Yes, it's bigger on the inside, you're very impressed! yada, yada, I've heard it all bef--!"
"
"
"
Applejack: "Pft. Ah gotta dozen o' these things in mah cellar for storin' all mah apples. Ya want impressive? Now tha' Sombra fella was as bad as they came, but he did have a wickedly cool twist to his castle. Ya should see what 'e did in th' foyer. Must be pert near 500' high on the inside, n' what with that double-sided stairway goin up ta th' roof. Ain't nottin' like watchin' hundreds o' slinkies goin' both ways up n down them stairs at th' same time!"
Doctor: "..."
Applejack: "Wait...is...this...was this...a Type 40!?"
Doctor: "Whu--?
Applejack: "Hey! Yur dimensional stablizer's nearly burned out! Yur chameleon circuit's need overhaulin'. N dija know yur parking break's rusted shut? Landsakes! It's a wonder this thang ken fly at all!"
Doctor: "
Applejack: "HEY! APPLEBLOOM! You n' yer friends wanna earn yer cutie marks in TARDIS fixin'? Here's one that need ya'll to have a go at! And be sure ta bring tha' Tesla coil! This old boy needs a new console column!"
Doctor "
I wonder if Pinkie knows that we call her this.
6599959
Someone needs to make this a story.
I gotta admit. I absolutely hate it when I see a fic give Pinkie the ability to pop out of anything like this. Also, who in their right mind would give care of a strange, timid filly to pinkie pie?
Well, regardless. Otherwise great start and I see a lot of potential in this fic. Looking forward to reading the rest.
6742165 she was given that in the show so you can't complain about that at all.
Am I evil that i enjoyed the girls fight against futility?
Could someone please tell me if Pinkie will temper her oblivious Ness down a bit?
Also, is it just me or does Mrs. Cake behave a little too much like Pinkie? I'd expect a bit more restraint towards an unknown and scared child from a mother of two.
I want to like this story, but I'm not a fan of this kind of Pinkies characterisation.
Other than that I have to agree with TheArchive, the protagonist doesn't feel like an experience interdimensional traveller just ydt. Will that be expanded on in later chapters?
And thus is the end of our poor protagonist's journey as
heshe dies from the horrible realization of having to live with the Pink Menace for Celestia knows how long. Then there's the chances of adoption. Oh howhorriblefantastic that would be! OH NO!However, I must know why there is no "tragedy" tag for this fic... wait. The protagonist DOESN'T[i/] die? Well, you still might want to add one. It won't be long until she does die... just give it time.
6757860 Yes. Horribly evil, and you are amazing for it.
7013043
Hah. That last part stuck to me. It reminded me of years back:
(que flashback ripples)
I'M GETTING A BABY BROTHER?!?
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
*end flashback*
7523596 I was the opposite because when I was told that I was getting a little brother I just said "about damn time" I was 5 at this point of my life (Thanks Dad for teaching me how to swear by the time I was 3)
Babies aren't that bad. Toddlers, toddlers you gotta look out for.
7841578
They're both awful.
>>Seeking Dusk
But thats what makes this perfict!
Why are the question mark and exclamation mark mashed together?
8837756
It's called the Interrobang (no joke) and it is basically a mixture of query and interjection, as after a rhetorical question. It can also be used as both the explanation mark and the question mark. This answer is provided by www.dictionary.com/browse/interrobang. Apparently it was something used in the late 1960's to the early 1970's.
6379301
It's because HiE writers all have this little thing called "A Lack of Imagination"
9280668
Ouch
6027522
.
Realize this is late seeing the date, but just saw it and needed to say. Criticism is good. All writers need it to get better. What I don't like, and I'm sure the author doesn't like, is a page of complaints that ignore the story and logic
step 1: Get unknown child to hospital to check for illness, injury, or shock. Check
step 2: Contact authorities with likeness of child. Don't know if Ponyville has a guard presence
step 3: Since hospitals aren't suited for keeping children long term and step 2 takes time, find a foster family or trusted volunteer family to care for them short term. My only complaint was that Applejack or Fluttershy may have provided better location and personality for a lost, scared foal. Otherwise, I think a household with two community-known parents and a national hero is passable.
Well, reflexes and sharp senses come in part from genetics and mostly years of honing and shaping one's body as it matures. He's probably mourning them as he would have lost most, if not all, of that work when he was transmuted into a juvenile from an unknown race.
Mostly stewing in frustration at how helpless he is at the moment. Otherwise, he has reacted as most survivalist who had survived several worlds would react. Is it colorful? Stay away. Is it loud? Stay away. Is it bigger than you? Definitely avoid if possible. You stuck under the power of a new species with bizarre abilities? Stay quiet to avoid drawing attention for as long as possible while you look for an opportunity, then run and hide.
The problem is the comment isn't complaining that this MC isn't a survivor. It's complaining that the MC isn't 007, MacGyver, or Batman. All of which are Hollywood's unrealistic renditions of survivalists. Fun? Yes. But unrealistic.
Firstly, Pinkie would be any survivalist's nightmare. The biggest thing about survival is attention to detail as missing any slight change in the surroundings could mean death. So when you are used to watching every shadow, corner, or medium bush for death, having a loud, yammering, colorful bundle of energy demanding your attention at all times would be stressful.
Secondly, he has absolutely no reason to think this place is peaceful. You know it, I know it, author knows it. Not the MC. He has only been here long enough to be captured by random pony and taken to what shares similarity to a hospital. That tells him that there is civilization, but civilization doesn't equal safe and the language barrier keeps him in the dark at the moment. As far as MC knows, the Nurse may have said 'Well you're perfectly healthy. Wait here while I find a new home for you, dear. Enjoy the meal.' or 'Well you're up to snuff. Wait here while I get the paper work to process you for the mines, factory, and/or child militia. Enjoy your soylent green.'
oh, i can't help but think of THIS scene:
9690801
Maybe they have better personality, but Pinkie has better living conditions