Distorted Fate

by Silvak

Chapter VII: Crusaders

Phew, time passes by when you're doing nothing or trying to avoid little twin ponies of mass chaos. Well, not really. Time dragged on for what seemed like forever, especially when the twins' eyes were following me around. After the second day in this world passed, I was thinking that maybe babies here weren't so bad, but the third day shot that idea down fast. It was the first truly boring day, with the pink pony having to attend to what appeared to be her job. I guess she was taking time off for me to help me out at first. However, things took a turn for the worse in the afternoon. The twins’ parents had to go out for a while for some errand, leaving the pink pony to watch the twins, but the moment the parents stepped out, things fell apart. Who knew that the horned baby could levitate so much at such an age, or the fact that the winged one could walk on the ceiling! After that sight, I decided to hide under the pink pony's bed until the parents returned.

After that day, the next two passed by pleasantly in comparison, with the pink pony able to spare some time to help me learn some words, and even the parents sparing a minute or two to help. Apparently they didn't mind a child that just sat around, practicing words and not causing any trouble. I supposed they already had enough on their plates with the twins. However, that made me wonder why they even agreed to take care of me in the first place. Thankfully, I finally learned about the races of ponies in this world on the fifth day, learning about earth ponies, pegasi, and my new race, unicorns. However, after that, the pink pony primarily taught me about the words for colors and baked goods, making me want to go back to that mutant pony.

Oddly though, after learning about all the baked goods they make in this bakery... house... whatever you call those two things together, along with the basic colors, I finally learned that my caretaker's name was Pinkie Pie. Though, when I first figured out what she was trying to tell me, I had to do a double take, and admittedly a second one shortly after that. I couldn't believe that someone was named after a color and a baked good, or that some parent would lack the creativity to not include her color in her name. Though her name reminded me that I needed a new one, since I doubted my old name would translate over well. Hopefully, I would get to name myself, because I'm not really looking forward to Miss Pie naming me. Thankfully, the sixth and seventh day turned out to be slow days for the bakery, giving all three ponies time to teach me some more useful words as well as keep the twin monsters away from me.

---

It was the morning of the eighth day. I was sitting in a booth by myself, simply observing Pinkie Pie and the twins’ parents commence with their work as I shuffled through the stack of pictures of words that I have learned, and when I say shuffle I mean drag one of them across the table or pick them up via their corners with my teeth. Seven days had past and I had yet to master using my hooves beyond tossing stuff at others to get them to focus. At least I was able to master ninety words in the mean time, allowing them to finally be able to communicate to me in a way, even though it was only through the simplest of sentences. At least I still had the opportunity to curse at Pinkie in my own language whenever she tried something inane with me.

Suddenly, after hearing the front door open to signal the arrival of more customers, I heard a trio of young voices ringing out, drawing my attention. Before my eyes, I saw a trio of fillies (I'm glad I learned that word recently) around my age as they approached the register manned by Pinkie to order some food. Though, based on Pinkie's reaction to the trio, I guessed that they knew each other more than the regulars that came through, which perked my curiosity even more. The fillies were composed with each member of the three pony races, with the unicorn filly having a light grey coat and purple curled mane, the pegasus filly with an orange coat and a short purple mane, and an earth pony with a yellow coat, a red mane and an oversized pink bow in her mane. After placing their orders, they turned around and spotted me, which gave me a view of their eyes widening with surprise.

Despite my mental prayer of them choosing to pass me by, they instead chose to come over to my booth. Standing at the edge of my booth, they gave me a smile as the yellow filly said something, pointing a hoof at herself before she pointed it at the other two, appearing to be introducing themselves to me. Sadly, even though I had improved my vocabulary, whatever the yellow filly said to me went over my head, as I just gave them a blank stare that caused two of them to tilt their heads, though the orange filly seemed more annoyed by my reaction.

Choosing to avert a possible confrontation, I said "I speak bad, sorry," which only caused them all to tilt their heads in confusion, though the orange filly didn't look like she was mad at me anymore.

Spotting my dilemma, Pinkie shouted out to the girls, drawing their attention. As I silently thank Pinkie for her timely rescue, the three fillies let out gasps of surprise before they suddenly started to crowd me.

At first they were all talking at the same time, bombarding me with what I assumed to be questions of some sort. Since they didn't quite grasp the concept of a language barrier, I simply folded my ears back as I stared them down, until they finally got the picture and stopped with their pointless questioning. Unfortunately, instead of backing off and leaving me to my affairs, they huddled together as they whispered among themselves, which I found a bit amusing since it was pointless to hide things from me when I couldn't understand them. However, before they came up with a plan that would most likely fail horribly, Pinkie finally took a moment to walk over to the trio.

As Pinkie approached the trio, she explained something to them, for after she was done, they all released exclamations in unison, hopefully realizing their mistake. As I observed their reactions with an amused expression, the unicorn filly said something to Pinkie as the other two nodded, only for Pinkie to sigh as she answered their question, causing them to show their disappointment as well. Suddenly, Pinkie's face cheered up as she appeared to propose something to the trio. That instantly raised turned their moods to an excited one.

Smiling at each other with wide eyes after whatever Pinkie told them, they clapped their front right hooves together as they yelled something at the top of their lungs, causing me to cover my ears with my hooves as they rang in pain from that deafening outburst as I mouthed off several obscenities in my own language. Damn, didn't know that those fillies can be so darn loud. I hope my eardrums haven't popped or anything from the sheer volume. As the ringing in my ears lessened, I caught sight of the trio slipping into the seat across from my own. Sighing, I spotted the yellow filly grabbing the stack I had before me, as she lifted up a picture for all to see.

Before the light grey filly could say anything, I promptly said "House," causing the trio to do a double take. Releasing a sigh, I pointed to a separate stack that I had on the far end of the table, figuring that if they want to help, I might as well make sure they're being useful. As they released a half-hearted giggle, the orange filly reached over to the second stack, grabbing it with her hooves as she unknowingly taunted me with the fact that I have yet mastered the use of my own. Holding up a new picture, they began to tell me what it was called.

---

Note to self: fillies aren't good at teaching others when they lack consensus. At the first word, the fillies said it at different speeds, the orange one saying it in a rapid impatient manner, the light grey one saying it in a slow manner while the yellow one was said it in a regular manner. This quickly resulted in them arguing against one another on how fast they should say the word, all the while I simply sat in my seat with a bemused expression. While I should have been doing my best to stop the argument, given that I spent the last five days either sitting around and learning words, practicing grasping with my hoof, or hiding from the twins, this was a golden opportunity for me to see something amusing for once.

Sadly, Pinkie soon intervened as she bought them their order, breaking up the fight and informing them that the yellow filly's way of pronouncing the word was my preferred one, which cause all three of them to eye me as I simply shrugged. After that, we finally got down to some word learning, though every time I got a word down, they went to look at their rears with an expectant look, only to be end up with some kind of disappointment that only caused me to tilt my head in confusion. After the tenth word, the fillies finally called it quits as they shuffled out of their seat. They were about to take their leave as they turned to wave goodbye when the yellow filly gasped as she caught sight of something.

The earth pony filly exclaimed, causing the other two to stare as well, as I was finally able to trace their gazes to my rear, causing me to raise an eyebrow in confusion. Spotting my confusion, the fillies just gasped in unison, until the light grey one broke it by asked a few questions, which caused me to just reply with my trademark stare, causing her to blush in embarrassment when she remembered that I couldn't understand them. Wondering what was so important about my rear, I let my eyes drift to the other ponies in the bakery, where I saw that they all had some kind of strange tattoo on their rears.

How did I not notice that they all have these weird tattoos on their asses. Oh, wait... cause I don't make it a habit to look at folk's asses in the first place, I thought to myself before letting my eyes drift to the fillies rears, seeing that they were lacking the tattoos. Without turning my head, I quickly glanced at my own rear, to see that I lacked a tattoo as well. It then suddenly dawned on me that the fillies were earlier checking their rears for these tattoos, yet the reason they constantly checked after each word still escaped me.

The orange filly proposed something to the other two, who answered back with excited nods before they all turned to me and waved goodbye, which I returned before seeing them dash off excitedly. Based on how their mood so quickly turned from disappointment to excitement, I judged that the next time I saw them might not end so well for me. Sighing, I simply shrugged as I continued to learn how weird this possibly irradiated world could be.

Comments

[Mattgenesis]

Good chapter, keep it up.

I'll be waiting for the next chapter forward.

Greetings.

[Pinklestia]

Well, considering his past, his talent will be probably be some kind of explorer.

[AetherToast]

5923083
Reasonable enough assessment.

[Maxes Altho]

Chapter VII: Crusaders

Well...
cdn.meme.am/instances/60033364.jpg

Post-chaoter thoughts: shit didn't get anywhere near as real as I thought it would!

[StormyVenture]

5935374
I concur, although you never know. No reason that a cutie mark must be based on past experience/talents, etc though.

[Greatazuredragon]

Based on how their mood so quickly turned from disappointment to excitement, I judged that the next time I saw them might not end so well for me.

He has no idea. CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS RECRUITERS! YAY!

[redsopine]

Ok bout to read this chapter and all i can say is awww buck when will my torment end in response to the main character meeting the cmc lol

[redsopine]

6393361 all of ponyville screams* ahhhh run away the crusaders are crusading

[The oracle]

And the CMC arrive. What shit will we get into next? I don't know. Let's find out.

[Admiral Q Ponyform]

I saw the title and I'm like OH NO

[jwizard]

I'm sorry, but I can't read this story.

It's not that it's terrible; far from it, I actually like the premise.

It's just that the odd grammar and run-on sentences make it a chore to read.

You need to invest in a pre-reader or something. I have the story in my Read It Later shelf; I may try again at some point. Right now, I really don't feel like trying to slog through a grammar minefield.

[Snazzy Jovial Wyrm]

I think this pic may be appropriate for our protagonist's response to the world of Equestria:

i.redditmedia.com/t4js2n3hurL-9lz-PypxH2rX_JZkSIek68YNeyrT6ZY.jpg?w=320&s=af9bf0cd0b687cf3addbf81ed03dcf10

[Titan Commander Sebaste]

At least she's learning the language, though, what is her base language?

[Legoliam1235]

6909350 more like this
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/c9/c0/b4/c9c0b40ee946270534c909a8ad7a5135.jpg

[ABronyAnonymous]

6886580 Eh, it's not that bad. Almost stream-of-consciousness like in its delivery.

[FOXTrot2]

I'm still waiting for them to realise she is an interdimentional traveler.
however I still wonder what she was before being ponified, since she apparently had a tail begore.

[Luckyfanisaac]

That instantly raised turned their moods to an excited one.

while the yellow one was said it in a regular manner.

only to be end up with some kind of disappointment that only caused