Chapter I: Rise and Shine
Some people like to have the sun shining in their eyes as they wake up. Others don't. I'm one of the latter kind of folk, as I groaned when the rays of the sunrise struck my eyelids. Mumbling to myself in irritation, I went to rub my eyes with my hands, only to feel something hard against them. Opening my eyes a crack, I went to take a look at whatever was wrong with my hands, only to receive the sight of them not being there. Instead, I end up staring at a pair of dark purple hooves. Blinking stupidly at the sight, my eyes finally widened as what I saw finally registered in my mind. Tapping the two hooves together, I finally realized that my hands had turn into these things before me. This can't be real, I thought to myself before shaking my head and thinking that this was just some twisted dream, or a nightmare, perhaps, and that any moment I would wake up and laugh it off for its pure silliness.
As funny as it seemed to me to have hooves, and possibly facing a total species change, I enjoyed being like this in a dream as much as I would like it in reality. I preferred to just escape this dream, and I never had the knack for lucid dreaming. So, like any folk knows, causing injury to oneself is always a good way to jolt out of the dream. Holding my right “hoof” high above my left arm, I brought it down with as much force as I could.
...
"Fuck, that hurt!" I yelled out, retracting my right arm as I swung my left arm in pain, before the realization once again struck me. "That... hurt... but that means..." I said to myself, as my brain put two and two together. You're not supposed to feel pain in a dream, but here I was, with my left arm, if it is an arm, hurting from my self-inflicted injury. My first reaction, like anyone would normally have after realizing that they just suffered some kind of major changes to their body, was to have a bit of a panic attack as my lungs rapidly took in as much air as they can. However, I soon realized that it was rather pointless to have a panic attack, since it wouldn't do me any good, so I started to take control of my breathing, calming myself down.
Okay... so this is all real, no point at dwelling on that for now. What I really need to do is figure out what happened to cause this... change, as well as figure out just how much I changed... might as well do the latter first, I thought to myself, as I began to inspect myself. Looking upon myself, I saw that my shape had changed drastically, noting that my body structure had changed from a bipedal to a quadrupedal based on the fact that what appeared to be my now rear legs were of similar length to my forelegs. Looking behind my legs, I spotted that I still had a tail, except it's more hair and less bone and flesh then it was before, but at least I still had a tail, cause losing my digits was bad enough already.
Judging it was time to finally observe my surroundings, I swing my head around as I took full view of wherever I am. Before me, I saw what appeared to be a simple forest, with small wildlife roaming about, appearing to be nonthreatening, for now. Resolving that it was time for me to try to get moving instead of just laying here in the grass, I planted my hooves on the ground as I slowly lifted myself off it, starting with my rear before the rest went up in the air. Now I faced a new issue; figuring out how to walk with four legs instead of two.
Letting out a sigh, I gingerly took a step with my right foreleg, before feeling my rear left leg being stretched out, leading to me to move that next. It was slow going at first, with me occasionally faceplanting into the dirt every time I got impatient and tried to speed up my pace. Eventually, I spotted a small pond, which I approached as quickly as I could without getting more dirt up my nose. Taking a look at the clear water, I could make out the face of a dark purple furred creature that either had hair or possibly a mane of a silver color with dark blue streaks running through it in some places. There were dark purple ears poking out, turning this way and that at every sound I heard, as well as a matching dark purple horn sticking right out of that blue streaked silver mess on top of my head. But what really caught my attention was my eyes. They had silver pupils, but the real eye catcher was how huge they were. Rarely had I seen creatures with eyes this big, but there I was, one such creature myself as I stared at my own reflection.
"Well... now I have giant..." I started to say, before noting that my voice sounded oddly feminine to my ears. As I see my eyes widening in my reflection, I look down below myself to take stock of what's below. Seeing what I have feared, I return to look at my reflection as I grunted to myself. "Typical, it figures that something like this was gonna happen to me," I said to myself as I reminisced the memories of the various crap that I had been through. Letting out a sigh, I simply decided to move on, wanting to see if there is anything else to wherever I am beside this forest.
It took a few hours, which involved the onset of hunger and the discovery that my diet had shifted to that of a herbivore based on the structure of my teeth, to lead to my first try at grass- which, by the way, isn't nearly as bad as some people would think. That, or my species change made it much more palatable to my taste buds. I finally reached the outskirts of the forest, only to spot the first signs of civilization. Sighing in relief that I wasn’t stranded in some world devoid of sapient life, I made my way towards what appeared to be some village or town, unable to tell which since I couldn't fairly compare this place without seeing more population centers of this world. Though I was throwing all caution to the wind, based on how unusually peaceful the forest was compared to previous worlds and dimensions that I was forced to visit, I judged that this world must be much more friendly compared to some other worlds. All in all, even with all the extreme bodily changes I suffered, it seemed to me that this would be a good trade off if I could face the possibility of living the rest of my life peacefully.
As I was lost in my thoughts, I finally started to enter the town proper, before, for the third time that day, I made a startling revelation. Stopping in my tracks, I began to take note of all the creatures around, which, while thankfully appearing to be of the same species as whatever I was currently, all stood a full head above me. Furthermore, I took note of the coloration of their coats and manes, judging those terms to be the most appropriate based on how thick the coats where and how much hair the mane had, and noticed that they came in a riot of so many colors that for a moment it rendered myself dizzy from the sheer color overload my brain had to process. Moments later, after adjusting my eyes, I began to ponder why this species had so much color variation compared to the species of other worlds, as well as why I was so much shorter compared to the rest of them before I caught the sound of playful laughter to my ears, turning my head towards the source of the noise.
Before my eyes were a few of the creatures playing among themselves that had the same height level as I had. Based on how they were acting, as well as the height difference, they appeared to be children, which lead me to a startling conclusion. "I'm... I'm a child?!" I blurted out, as I began to ignore the creatures around me as I comprehend my current predicament. I'm stuck... in a foreign body... where I'm now female... and I'm a child to boot! I thought to myself. Sitting down on my rear, I remembered the memories of my old childhood, and shivered at the thoughts of having to go through something similar to that once more, much less puberty again, which brought up another shiver. Taking in several breathes, I simply stood up again and resumed my walk, wanting to inspect more of the town before I made any plans as I shoved the revelation of a second childhood to the depths of my mind.
Exploring the town, I was able to behold the sights and wonders of this mysterious and colorful place. Observing the species that surround me more closely, I learned that there were three distinct races to the species, ones with horns like mine that appeared to be able to levitate objects in some kind of aura that also surrounded their horns, which seemed to be a possible cause for the levitation, which I took note of in the hopes that I could learn, thinking that it would help offset the loss of my hands. The second race lacked a horn, instead having wings on their backs that enabled them to fly, which confounds me due to their wings being too small to generate enough lift to enable flight, hence causing me to wonder if there was a secondary ability that confers this race the ability of flight. The third race bared no horns nor wings, and as of yet displayed no special abilities that my eyes could observe. However, I did note that this third race, and sometimes the winged race, carried goods via gripping them with their mouths if they were not using these odd bags they wear on their backs. I shivered at the thought of carrying things around in my mouth, choosing to make learning how to use my horn to levitate objects a high priority.
Suddenly, I felt something tapping on my shoulder, causing me to jump and turn around in shock. All the while I entered a crouching position, my ears flayed against the back of my skull, appearing to be ready to take action as ingrained instincts took over for the moment. Years of roaming hostile worlds and dimensions would certainly ingrain these instincts into anyone, assuming they survived the trials of such places first. Before me stood an adult member of the species, which appeared to have concern on its face due to my reaction. Thankfully, despite being a species that I have seen no similar analogs to, their faces seemed to bare similar expressions to other sapient lifeforms that I had met in the past. Blinking for a moment, I assumed a more relax pose based on what I had observed so far as I tilted my head at the species as I wondered what it wanted.
Keeping its look of concern, the creature before me finally spoke, upon which I made yet another startling revelation. As words left the creature's mouth, I could not understand a single one of them. While I've been to many worlds and dimensions that certainly would have species that would have differing languages from one another, the method of travel that I normally had to take normally confer the means to understand these differing languages. This lead me to two cold hard facts. One, whatever brought me to this world or dimension wasn't my usual method of travel. Hence I had no idea of figuring the means of leaving this place if necessary, leaving me utterly trapped in this world as a result. Second, and currently more important, I had no damn way to talk to these creatures.
As these facts processed in my mind, I just simply stared at the creature with wide-eyed pupils, causing it to prod me once more before saying something again in its language. Unfortunately, instead of thinking this through like I normally would, all these shocking events finally ground the gears in my head to a halt, as I just responded, "I am utterly screwed." As my luck would have it, the creature didn't understood a thing I said, and simply started calling out to the rest of its species in concern, causing them to gather around the two of us, thereby trapping me for whatever fate has laid in store for me. With how things have been going so far for me today, I wouldn't be surprised if things just kept getting worse.
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Huh. This is pretty good so far. And I still have two more chapters to go!
I would change "surprise" to "surprised".
There are some minor spelling and grammar errors but other than that, nicely done.
Splayed?
Other then that, it was interesting...
Needs some editing but good so far.
If this isn't HiE, then what is it? He/she mentioned having a tail before, but also hands. Were they a monkey before? Such confuse.
I agree with hiwani, what exactly was he before he became a little filly? I had assumed from the story summary that he was human.
Eh, I see what you did there.
If you have no idea what I'm saying. > "Rise and shine, Mister Freeman, rise and . . . shine" ~ G-man, Half-Life 2
Waaaait a moment... wut? What was he?!?
I like the premise here, and it's one I certainly don't see very often. What I'm worried about, and have already seen signs of, is that the characterization of the main character won't feel like it fits what they've supposedly been through. Like a few other stories I've seen with this basic idea, I notice the characters don't actually act like someone who has years of experience going to different dimensions and worlds. For example:
You expect the reader to just accept the idea that he is someone who travels to different worlds and dimensions (many of which were apparently hostile), yet you don't actually show him react in a way that would back that up. In this case, a random civilian sneaks up on him after just casually walking up to him. How can we accept that he has all these "years of experience" when literally the next thing that happens is someone sneaking up on him without actually attempting to do so?
It's not a big issue right now, but I'm just a bit worried because I'm afraid this will just be another story that isn't able to match the characterization to the back story of that character, which is what I often see happen.
What's with this myth that you can't feel pain in a dream? I can confirm that that is not true. You don't remember the pain upon waking up, but if you get hurt in a dream you can actually feel pain. You remember the fact that you felt pain upon waking up, but not the sensation itself. I just know that getting stabbed in the kidney hurts like a bitch when dreaming.
6037835 Well, since it is a myth, some people will believe it until proven otherwise or correctly informed. For my case, I never actually experienced pain in my dreams, and I did have a fair share of rather weird dreams where I gotten injured, maybe I'm lucky, or maybe something is just wrong with my head. Second, you're assuming dream experiences should be the same for all creatures, rather than the possibility that other creatures dream differently or their dream experiences are different from what humans would normally experience in their dreams. As the story description says that the main character is not a human, then you shouldn't follow human conventions in regards to the character.
Filly, not colt. My mistake.
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It's actually rather unlikely to feel pain in a (lucid) dream, and in most cases it is a respose to outside stimulus (your body actually feeling, if not pain, discomfort). It's very unlikely that hitting yourself in a lucid dream will actually cause you pain, since we subconsciously avoid pain. Hitting yourself, in a dream, with the intention of proving that it's a dream and thus you won't feel pain? You weren't even expecting to feel pain, and it's unlikely you will.
And thus the presence of (realistic) pain when hitting yourself is circumstantial evidence towards this being real. Now when she starts reading, then she'll have pretty conclusive evidence.
5987521 EXACTLY!! We have spotted a plot hole my dear friend
She's suffering from fuchsia shock.
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It's a huge plot hole because the author does not expand on what the character was in the first place. Was he/she human? Was he/she Equestrian Girl/Guy?
Just read the first chapter. Looks good so far. You have my interest.
6190635
By the fact that the author stated that the original form constituted having a flesh and blood tail, it is easy to reason that his/her original form was not that of a human. Also, the author takes pains to state, and I quote,
Also, a plot hole is defined as:
As this is CHAPTER ONE, I'm guessing, though no one can be sure of this, that there is more to this story, and that all will be explained.
Should you have already come to this conclusion, I apologize for any frustration this may have caused.
As to you, Silvak, I look forward to seeing what you do with story, and I will continue to the next chapter.
You're afraid of boy puberty? Well its gonna get a lot worse… lol!
Other than the gender-change and cursing, this looks to be very interesting.
Not a problem for me, still will deffinitely read through, but i found this story falsely listed in a human to pony subfolder of transformation group. May want to correct that.
And I'm really curious to what this fellow used to be.
Oh, by the way
One, nice way to say it, no need to point, eh, hooves, but still enough that it leaves no doubt.
Two: Wacky tense, wacky tense all the way
Yeah, that, sums it all up pretty well .
An interesting first chapter.
While the writing is stilted and repetitive in places, and the tenses change here and there, the ideas and themes behind this story merit my attention and gives a sense of it's potential.
Onwards to the next chapter!
"Like biological jet engines in their butts."
6821033 ...Conserning thought...
But possible nonetheless...?
6821033
6827355
i.imgur.com/CIMoH14.png
You have my attention! An interesting start to the chapter...
Aha! One of my favorite sub-genres: language barrier. Continuing onward with great anticipation.
"Rise and shine, Mister Freeman. ... Wake up and... smell the ashes..."
-Gman (Half Life 2)
That was the first thing I thought of upon reading the chapter title.
6460893 Are you kidding that's what makes it so interesting
7320874
Same
'bore neither', instead of 'bared no'.
Corrections offered without malice.
Well not for me I can feel all intensities of pain in my dreams (unless I wake up from the adrenalin).
You know what happens when I die in a dream ? I'm stuck in an infinite nothingness until I wake up few moments later with an existential crisis.
8169665
Ever seen Edge of Tomorrow?
At least she knows the one truth of all fiction, it can always get worse
What a wonderful start to a fantabulous day~
Didn't start out small with the pain, huh?
You messed up. Sorry dude.
8169665
oh, you made me think of the crazy "mlp time loops" collab.
for a complex reason, time is repeating, AND dimensions are overlapping...
for the lucky ones, death simply means starting over, "groundhog day" style. for the unlucky ones,..limbo until the next reset, i think. which can be years...
Reads a bit clinically but otherwise a good start.
I wish those paragraphs weren't so big.
6259964
To expand upon this I think the main character is actually genderless, I came to this conclusion due to the main characters reaction towards being turned into a female. since the author stated that this is not a "HIE" story, I can only assume that the main character has no gender.
Or at least any that could be compared to that of a human. Also agreed the main character is clearly not human.
I just started this story and my first impression is that while it is quite a unique premise at least to me, I believe that the story needs a little bit more of show don't tell. Rather than tell us Thay are this "experienced" world and or dimension traveling interloper you should show that through their actions, reactions, and interactions Instead of dumping exposition on to the reader.
But other than that I like where this is going I liked it that you skipped the whole "I've been turned into a pony so I'm going to freak out and make a complete idiot of myself." Cliche I see so often in these stories. So for that you've got me invested, and I'm looking forward to reading chapter 2.