8:48 AM
Outside the London Conversion Bureau
"Please, listen to me! Humanity isn't something you can just throw away! You have to fight for it!"
Everyone ignored the sole remaining protestor. His friends had been carted away hours ago, and he remained only because his 'shouting voice' was about the same as most people's whispers. They all just shuffled past him futility trying to block the doors.
"Please..." The 16 year old kid whimpered. "Don't give up hope yet..."
Everyone continued to ignore him. Some even failed to notice him at all.
"Please...!" The kid -Harvey by name- knew there was only one way he was going to turn this around.
He took a big breath.
"HEEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP!!!"
Sitting at his desk, Commander Khan, leader of the Elite Beat Agents, watched the kid scream on his monitor.
He nodded to himself and stood up, dramatically pointing his finger at the screen.
"Agents are... GO!!"
Harvey's tears stopped abruptly when he heard the sound of music.
Looking up, he saw a hot air balloon with three cheerleaders inside.
The three leaped out nimbly, landing next to Harvey. The leader of the three smirked, and patted the kid on the back.
Then the three got ready to dance.
Mission: Pony-pocalypse? Don't give up hope!
The beat hit Harvey like a truck, and straightening out the slouch in his back. That's right, I can't give up yet! I have to remind everyone how wonderful it is to be human!
The pony employes inside the Conversion Bureau were surprised to hear spontaneous music break out amongst the humans. Sure, they knew it happened to ponies, but humans had neither the magic nor the happy attitude for that. Right?
A light-bulb metaphorically flashed over Hervey's head. I got it!
Are you ready? 3, 2, 1... GO!
You're insecure? Don't know what for. You're turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or~
A dash to fetch chalk and some tennis balls later, and he'd set up a series of Four Square games along the edge of the side walk.
"A game or two to pass the time?" He offered. The people in line, slightly bored, took him up on his offer. Soon the sidewalk was full of people nimbly hitting tennis balls back down and towards their opponents.
Seeing the good cheer he had brought about, Harvey asked (at a normal volume even) "Pity you won't be able to do this without fingers, huh?"
You don't kno-o-ow~ You don't know you're beautiful!
"Hey, this looks fun!"
"Can we join in?"
Ponies were joining in the Four Square game, playing perfectly well despite not having fingers.
Ack! How are they doing that? How?
So c-come on. You got it wrong.
Gee, thanks.
I don't know why, you're being shy; and turn away when I look into your eye-eye-eyes
A cracked light-bulb metaphorically flashed over Hervey's head. I got it!
With a speed born of musical accompaniment, Harvey dashed out of sight of the crowd; returning before verse 2 was complete, pulling a hot-dog stand behind him. In addition to its namesake, the wheeled stall was offering hamburgers and bacon sandwiches. A banner over the stand read "Free meat! Last chance before herbivore-hood!"
Plenty of the members of the line happily accepted the offered food, munching until they came face-to-face with the pony workers who had nauseous looks on their muzzles. Heavily embarrassed, the humans bowed out and went home.
Yes! Harvey cheered, fists in the air and eyes screwed tight. This is working!
You don't kno-o-ow! You don't know you're beautiful!
"Excuse me?" A girls voice asked. "Is it okay if I take the rest of this?"
Harvey nodded, eyes still shut. Then startled, he opened them to find a pony sweep the rest of the animal products into a cloth sack.
"Thanks; I'll be sure to give this a proper burial." She told him with a stern look in her eyes that would brook no argument.
"But.... but!" He squeezed out, but she was gone already. The line of people continued on as before.
Noooo! Harvey despaired.
The Elite Beat Agents looked at the dissolving situation with annoyance. Each of the three readjusted their stances, synced their inner beat, and shoot their pom-poms with vigor. It was time to bring their A-game.
Baby you light up my world like nobody else!
Over Harvey's head, his light-bulb finally shattered apart, leaving only a light the brightness of a flare. I GOT IT!
With the speed only music could provide, Harvey dashed into the building next to the Bureau. A moment later he dashed right back out, the deed to the building tucked under one elbow and a banner in the other arm. A quick run with a ladder had the message "LAST CHANCE INTERNET" plastered over the entrance.
If only you saw what I can see, you'll understand why I want you so desperately
It was a well known fact that (for the time being, at least) the majority of Conversion volunteers were made of three groups: hospital patients, young girls (restrained by their parents most of the time) and (surprisingly) young men. Young men who spend long hours back and forth on the internet arguing the strangest things, like how fast a Rainboom really was, and who was Best Pony.
The kind of men who, now that they thought about it, really couldn't live without internet access. Awkwardly shuffling off, they disappeared from view, often dragging their protesting friends with them. Soon, the line-up was looking pretty bare, and other formally enthusiastic volunteers found themselves reluctant to stay after so many had ditched.
That's what makes you beautiful!
The pony shaking hands at the door suddenly found herself with her hooves unoccupied. "What... just happened?"
Mission complete!
Xlestia felt like tearing her mane out.
Any idiot knew there were four fundamental forces in the universe. Gravity, Magnetism, Magic and Music. (The new-foals had tried to explain about 'nuclear' forces, but that sounded like a lot of hogwash to her.)
She had made the mistaken assumption that just because humans knew nothing about Magic, they wouldn't know anything about the power of Music. Stupid of her, in hindsight.
Ponies had been using Music for spontaneous music since the invention of rhythm. Humans seemed to use it for... cheer-leading? Was that the right phrase? Rather than use it on themselves for a spontaneous song and dance routine, they practiced the routine beforehand and used the excess Music to 'buff' someone else up to solve their problems.
Which led her back to mane tearing - this agency... the Elite Beat Agency? They were frustrating her efforts at every turn! Sick patients with no hope but Conversion? Making them better was literally a song and dance away! Bad weather? The EBA cheered the 'Air Force' into clearing up a cyclone with fighter planes... somehow.
It was only a matter of time before they moved on the Barrier, and it was entirely possible that they could gather enough Music to actually break it down.
Think. You know Music. You and your ponies have dealt with it for centuries. How do you defeat a Music user?
Xlestia smacked herself in her face with her hoof. No duh.
8:58 PM
The patch of land nearest Equestria but outside the Barrier
The stage was set - literally, a giant stage, worthy of a stadium, was ready for the dance-off between her little ponies and the Elite Beat Agents. She and her ponies had worked hard to build this so quickly, but it was done. The crowd could be seen for miles around - an equal mix of humans and ponies. Soon her musical difficulties would all be over...
But first, Xlestia had to start the show. Flying down from above, she settled into her announcers podium, above and to the right of the dance stage.
"People of both races; today we gather to witness the first dance-off between our two civilizations." Her opening was pretty standard stuff, no surprises there.
"On the side of the ponies, we have-" some mares I threw together at the last minute "-the Mane Six!"
She didn't get why so many of the audience members looked confused at the three pegasi and three earth ponies that entered stage right. Nopony else was using that name, were they? It wasn't like she'd checked thoroughly... no matter...
"And representing the human race, the Elite Beat Agents!"
Rather than enter like normal people, all nine agents dropped down from a jet plane that flew overhead. The six pony dancers frowned, clearly unhappy at being upstaged.
Mission: Dance off! Give it the best you've got!
Out of nowhere, a tune started up, independent of the equipment already set up. It was a cheerful upbeat song; no doubt practiced by the agents beforehand. Obnoxious, but what she had expected.
Are you ready?
Yes, she was.
3, 2, 1... GO!
And on cue, the ridiculously large 'boulder' stage prop she had prepared earlier dropped on the EBA like the stone it resembled, crushing them underneath.
...silence...
How do you defeat a Music user? Well, it is very hard to dance when you're dead.
Xlestia looked out at the crowd, and frowned at what she saw there. The humans beginning to cry was expected, but her ponies looked like they were unsure how to react. Obviously, this was a great victory! Now Conversion could continue unopposed!
"E... B... A..."
Maybe she should say something?
"E... B... A... E... B... A..."
What, though? 'I think this makes it our victory?' 'Don't worry, they died quickly?' Gah! Think of something remotely appropriate to say!
"E.B.A.! E.B.A.! E.B.A.!"
Wait, what was that sound?
"E.B.A.! E.B.A.! E.B.A.!"
Why were the humans chanting the name of the now-defunct agency?! More importantly, why were her ponies joining in? When had the spotlight left her?
"E.B.A.! E.B.A.! E.B.A.!"
Xlestia abruptly realized that as the chanting grew in volume and fever, it was becoming a beat. She took a step forwards, planning to do something to stop this before she lost control of the situation, but her rear knees had locked up.
"E.B.A.! E.B.A.! E.B.A.!"
What magic was this?
The chanting abruptly stopped as a guitar riff boomed over the audience.
You got the Touch!
No... her joints had locked because what she had tried to do wasn't dancing. This was the power of Music.
Pony feathers.
You got the power....
The boulder prop suddenly cracked right down the middle, blue light spilling from the opening.
YEAH!
The stone burst apart into a million pieces, the EBA jumping out as though they had been hiding under the boulder rather than squashed by it. Are you ready? they cried, dramatically posing. Ready to move with the beat.
As one, the EBA started clapping loudly, which the crowd happily copied. Xlestia tried to walk down to them from her platform, but her legs would only move with the rhythm.
3, 2, 1, GO!
After all is said and done; You've never walked, you've never run; You're a winner!
Deciding to go with what she knew best, Xlestia shot various explosive spells at the EBA. Music intervened, though, causing the spells to miss or be dodged while dancing. Instead of dead agents, she ended up causing colorful fireworks.
Timed perfectly to the beat. Of course they were. The crowd cheered at the display.
You're at your best when when the goin' gets rough; You've been put to the test, but it's never enough!
Dancing awkwardly to the song (she really didn't want to draw on more Music in this situation than could be helped) got her down to the left of the dance stage, where the pony dancers she'd picked for the sole purpose of luring the EBA here were... dancing?!
"What are you doing?!" She hissed, as loudly as the Music would let her.
The six ponies gave her a confused look. "This is a dance-off, right?" The bright pink pegasi asked.
"No! It was a thinly-veiled excuse so I could get them in one place and crush them!" Xlestia spat.
You got the heart; You got the motion! You know that when things get too tough; You got the touch!
She knew that was information she really should have kept to herself, but in-between her plans falling around her ears and the ridiculous amounts of Music in the air (which she had facilitated, to add insult to injury) she found herself unable to care.
It was a mistake, she knew, when the eyes of her dancers grew both wide and watery. They made several incoherent noises, obviously not able to put their feelings into words.
Then they collectively turned tail on her and trotted over to the agents, adding the four-legged dance moves of ponies to the ridiculous flailing the humans were doing with their arms.
When all hell's breakin' loose; You'll be riding the eye of the storm!
She was riding the eye of the storm alright. She was fine, watching as everything around her was destroyed in the cyclone of Music.
Wait - was the crowd glowing blue all of a sudden?
You're fightin' fire with fire; You know you got the touch!
It... it was! Xlestia had never even thought about gathering this absurd quantity of Music in one place - this was easily enough to get the whole world dancing! She was chocking on Rhythm, drowning in the rifts of the guitar! She could see huge streams of pure Music feeding into the crowd from elsewhere... no! Nonononononon -
You got the touch; You got the power!
The final bars of the song completed, the huge mass of Music surged forward into the Barrier. Images of Notes and strobe lights superimposed themselves over the surface as Magic and Music contested for dominance.
Then, like a curtain lowering, the Barrier dissolved from the top down.
Xlestia curled up in despair as the crowd cheered loud enough to rival Luna at her loudest.
Mission complete!
Commander Khan sat up once more from his desk, twisting around to face the returning agents.
With a thumbs up, Khan roared
"YEAH!"
World Seven - Good friends dance together
I did not see those coming.
Yay for Music defeating Xelestia the same way the campaign was! *magic blast of Musical POWAAAAH*
I love this. Good luck for the other Worlds.
Oh, I can't imagine the M6's expressions... Xelestia's too!
What show or game is this?
5805200 One NDS game called "Elite Beat Agents"
I know because I had one copy before.
can someone sic a dragon on them? [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=39j5v8jlndM#t=169]
Good.
For a future world... can I suggest the Starcraft universe for pooor Xelestia?
No, 'cuz between Amon The Fallen Xel'naga, the Zerg Swarm, the Protoss (and their r*ping of the laws of phisics via psionic abilities) and the heavvy firepower of the Terrans...
Alternatively, Gensokyo.
Didn't see this coming, but I enjoyed it none the less.
FEEL THE BEAT!!
Maybe some Magicka?
I think Gaia from Final Fantasy 9 would be interesting. It's got a crap ton of magic, multiple races and it's already survived a conversion attempt.
5805224
I doubt we'll see an SC one, since it'll probably end up similar to the WH40k one- they're such an insignificant blip on the radar, they get overrun by a random zerg brood before any other civilization notices them.
Touhou would be fun though.
dan vs the conversion bureau
Contemplating the sort of "Won't work" stories, one with some more dark overtones would be if Equestria arrived on Tremors earth and wound up discovering that the Graboids are actually Thumavores who devour magic to power their life cycle. This is why the eggs tended to lay dormant for centuries, because it took that long to gather enough magic to wake in earth. However with Equestrias arrival, suddenly their all waking up, and all looking toward Equestria. And while the barrier would vaporize individual graboids, that magic eating aspect means that in large numbers, some will get through. And some will very rapidly become overwhealming numbers.
I was thinking of this being explained by Twilight to Burt Gummer who she hopes she can convince to help her plan to save the world, which involves draining all of the world magic into a storage mechanism while reverse converting all the ponies so they can survive without magic. Then hunting down the graboids.
5805224
With everything else that had been going wrong lately there were certainly larger concerns to be had, but as Xlestia eyed the orange and green figure before her, there was one thought at the forefront of her mind: How did the humans have an alicorn, and how had they managed to make it look so ugly?
The Queen of Blades raised an eyebrow.
"Wait, I said that out loud? You don't even have a horn, so you're not really a..." Xlestia mumbled out, glancing back at the two bug-ish ponies – She'd call them changelings, but Xlestia was pretty sure that changelings didn't have those big meaty antennae with stingers on the ends... They have no leverage, what are those things even FOR? – that had approached from the rear when this thing showed up.
The biologically armored whatever-it-was began moving towards her.
"How are you even here? Why are you here, everyone else evacuated when I told them about the barrier!" Or tried to evacuate, anyways, Xlestia had given as much atmospheric interference as she could muster behind the scenes to try and interfere with any escape, not that she would admit that in front of this magically overcharged whatever-it-was. Hopefully, the 'human' leaning forwards to whisper would be amendable to a diplomatic solution rather than starting a fight that would leave her and the barrier significantly weakened-
"Base Race."
This is awful and I apologize for nothing.
Personally, not a fan of the chosen music.
However that does not mean the message didn't properly blast through my screen.
This is exactly what I would think would happen if the Elite Beat Agents start dancing.
5805675
Of course, they say physics is to math as sex is to masturbation.
5805658 ... how many Touhou characters can r*pe Xelestia's plans by only EXISTING, in your humble opinion?
In mine, Yukari Yakumo and Cirno are at the start of the line...
anyone thinking the prototype world, simply adapt and conquer
5805200
I do link to Wiki pages at the bottom - thats the hyperlink on "World Seven".
While I freely admit that first song would work well in Elite Beat Agents, if it came down to the world being destroyed or being saved by One Direction... I'd have to think about it. The Touch was an excellent choice, though.
Overall, I loved this chapter. Evil being defeated by the power of music is something that works amazingly well in both universes.
5806513
Nearly every stage 6/EX boss (+ the PCs), imo. And they'd all be pretty hilarious to see in action.
Like Nue: "WHERE ARE ALL THESE CHANGELINGS COMING FROM?"
Or Raiko: *Elite Beat musics starts playing via rythm powers* "NOT THIS AGAIN!"
And of course, Utsuho:
5805658
More likely, it'd be "We're here to save you, by turning you into ponies!"
"Can ponies fight the Zerg or Protoss?"
"Uh... maybe?"
"Here, you're now a mission commander, here's a list of missions. Complete the campaign and we'll consider it."
5806513
All of them, there's next to no actual humans involved in the entire series.
SCP Containment Breach?
Heeeeell yeeesssss. Thank you so much for writing this chapter. Most hilarious thing I've read in a while. Oh, man, it was perfect. Love the EBA.
Here's a quick one. On an Earth-like world, a particulary brilliant Human manages to reverse-engineer & modify the conversion potion so the subject remains Human but gains magic, effectively turning all of Humanity into witches & wizards.
5817655
Unless your brilliant human turns humanity into unicorn-hybrids, it won't work that way. Lots of races in FiM have magic, but only three can cast spells: Unicorns, Alicorns (being part unicorn) and Changelings (so that they can impersonate unicorns). All other races are one or two trick ponies. ()
Discord isn't a race (he's the personification of infighting, not a 'creature' as such) and Tirek's trick was to steal magic, including unicorn magic.
Basically, giving Humanity magic would (in my opinion) give us a magical ability, but almost certainly not the ability to cast spells.
5820061
I always thought of the horn on a Unicorn/Alicorn/Changeling as a magical conductor similar to a magic wand, & as such its effects could possibly be replicated by such a device but ponies have just never thought to invent such a thing.
But even without going down that route, or giving Humans something like magical superpowers, I can imagine Xlestia's propaganda about Humans might be an obstacle to them living in Equestria even if they were to become physically capable.
Would the ponies in your story give Humans a chance to live alongside them, especially if one of the first things they do is to start rebuilding their culture?
Pretty please do either Castlevania or Megaman Zero.
5820302
"Would the ponies in your story..."
I'm walking a line between the story I want to write (all ponies are as nice as canon, including Celestia) and the story I committed to write (A TCB-based fic, so Celestia minimum needs to be OOC and/or evil).
So, whats going to happen "In my story" changes a lot from plot bunny to plot bunny.
5820344
Never played either game, sorry!
5821555
One thing that appears to remain consistent however is that Xlestia wants to convert Humanity because she's convinced it will be an improvement & that they'd all be much happier as ponies under her rule. Since the potion isn't depicted as outright brainwashing as it is some other versions of the TCB, I think this this reasoning is, (at least in part) flawed.
Sure, some Humans would embrace the sunshine & rainbows that life as a pony in Xlestia's Equestria apparently is as evidenced by the Mane 6 (And presumably all the other ponies too) being in character, but I believe that there would be many other humans to which becoming a pony would merely be a hiccup in their life plans & goals & would set about rebuilding what they have lost. Xlestia probably wouldn't like this at all, especially if the converted Humans started rebuilding their culture & rediscovering their scientific advancements, which could have the potential of threatening her control of Equestria or the Ponies within it.
But what would she do? Forbid the converted Humans from doing such things? The things that actually make them happy? Surely at least some of them would start to smell a rat if she was to do such a thing as forbidding scientific research & advancement, thus denying doctors, scientists, etc the opportunity to do what they're best at, their 'special talent' if you will, & though her explanation would probably be 'I know best' which would be enough for the ponies, I can't see that cutting it with the converted Humans.
5821883
...
To be honest, this is probably more to do with how 'badly' I'm writing TBC then anything else. The quality of characterization is supposed to be consistent (all good or all bad, not one villain with her foils...) and ponification is also supposed to be more heavy-hearted then I'm making it out to be.
I did have an idea for a humorous chapter where Xlestia succeeded in subjugating Earth, only to find that all the political problems from before her takeover are now her problems. (The middle east is still a contested war-ground, there isn't enough food to go around, silly ponies mixing magic and religion in ways they really shouldn't be mixed, and so on.)
I thought it in bad taste at the time...
5822079
Heh. You're probably right, even though I think that's probably exactly what would happen should she try to take over a world like ours.
And I didn't mean to get too heavy-handed. Part of the appeal of this story is seeing how badly the concept of conversion crashes & burns when set against various fictional realities, even apart from my belief that it fails against the basic mindset of Humanity.
With that in mind, back to the suggestions. How about Ghostbusters? The definition of 'Magic' could be also 'supernatural' right? And the guys are all about using science to deal with the supernatural, particulary of the world-threatening variety like the Barrier.
5822173
WARNING: Universe has encountered a critical error (Happiness singularity) and must be shut down.
Reboot in safe mode Y/N?
The Dresden Files versus the Conversion Bureau. I'd like to see how Celestia would fare against the Swords of the Cross, as well as the metric fuckton of magical beings and magical energy that Earth (and Nevernever) contain. Alternatively...
TAKE THAT!
Phoenix Wright vs the Conversion Bureau. The multiverse's greatest defense ttorney would make one hell of a case for Earth's survival, as well as a few choice OBJECTIONS! He also could call upon his contacts from Marvel vs Capcom 3, which would screw Princess Assbutt over big time. And even if he didn't have the likes of Captain America at his back, he'd have Turnabout mode. Did I mention that this guy also laid the smackdown on motherfucking Galactus?
5817655 Uh, I kind of did that.... here. Got decent reviews for it, considering I don't really have anything big.
As for the story, this one was pretty funny... No, I don't care that I read them out of order =P
S Rank
5826595
Thirty-six weeks later, I finally remember that someone who actually knows The Dresden Files did a cross with TCB. Find here, sorry it took so long.
Mission Complete!