• Published 24th Feb 2015
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The Conversion Bureau: Worlds Where It Wouldn’t Work - Sora2455



Worlds where The Conversion Bureau would fall flat on its face.

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World Six - Mobius

Xlestia trotted into Token Minion's office in a huff. "Token! Do you know where Twilight and her friends are?"

Token looked at her monarch with confusion. "You don't know? They went off to go make friends with the locals hours ago."

Xlestia's head snapped back in alarm. "I did remember to tell them what horrible monsters humans are, right?"

"Oh, you did." Token confirmed. "They went to make friends with the other races."

Xlestia blinked. "Other races?"


A tree bent over nearly sideways as two blurs passed at near mach one - one rainbow and one blue.

"Uh-oh, those are hills ahead!" Rainbow Dash yelled with exaggerated concern. "Looks like those spindly legs of yours ain't gonna cut it for long!"

"Aww, the multicolored horse is worried about me?" Sonic the Hedgehog called back. "Don't be, I can out-race you running backwards!"

Rainbow's eyes narrowed. "Oh, it is SO ON!"

The two stopped throwing jabs at each other then. After all, it's hard to hear someone yelling when traveling faster than their words.

-BOOM!-


Twilight Sparkle was just about ready to hurl an eraser at the blackboard she was working on. Her new friend was undoubtedly a genius, but come on!

"Listen, Tails." She implored. "Chaos is the complete antithesis of civilization! It's losing everything you take for granted, breakdowns in communication, friends turning on each other!" She tapped the part of the board where Tails had written it. "It can't be necessary for life!"

"Actually," Miles 'Tails' Prower corrected gently "I think you're talking about discord. That's a very specific mix of Chaos and Order - the society is in chaos, but the individual people are internally orderly - just not getting along. Perfect Order is just as deadly to life as Perfect Chaos is."

Twilight squinted at their pooled knowledge of metaphysical concepts. Ooohhh... she saw her problem. With an eraser and a bit of chalk, she established Order/Chaos as separate from Harmony/Discord.

"Right, life just.... stops without anything random happening." Twilight puzzled out. Now that she thought about it, the happiest pony she knew was also the most chaotic.

"Now you're getting it!" Tails agreed.


" - and it's like none of them ever appreciates what I do here!" Knuckles the Echidna growled out. "'Oh Knuckles, why do you have to stay on Angel Island all the time, nothing bad will happen if you leave!' Don't they get how stupidly powerful the Master Emerald is?"

Applejack nodded sympathetically. "Ah know the feelin'. 'Applejack, it ain't apple-buck season. Why are ya tending to ya trees all tha time?' Sometimes, ah wonder if anypony realizes how hard it is to maintain acres of apple trees with two and a bit workers, ya know what ah mean?"

Knuckles raised his cup of apple juice. "Cheers, then: to those who do the hard jobs."

Applejack tapped her cup to his, and drank deeply.

The two looked out at the view as Angel Island began to drift over the edge of Green Hill Zone.

Applejack gave a smile at her new Echidna friend. "We could have a party up here, if ya want."

Knuckles shook his head gently. "Thanks, but I'd just fret about someone stealing the Emerald while everyone was up here. Small groups are fine."

Applejack shrugged. "Suit yourself, partner."


" - and then that guard back there must have the worst headache or something, 'cause he wouldn't stop clutching his head the whole time I was there! And that boss dude of yours must be diabetic, 'cause he threw out all my cupcakes when he thought I wasn't watching, but then - "

Without breaking stride, Shadow the Hedgehog opened his G.U.N. headquarters locker, retrieved a pair of earplugs, inserted them and closed the door to the locker. Pinkie Pie pretended not to notice as she kept up her stream of words. She'd have him befriended before he knew it!

Her giggles were interrupted by the Red Alert klaxon.


Cream the Rabbit and Fluttershy didn't have much of a conversation going. After all, they were having too much fun playing with the Chao to really do more than giggle.

Silently, various animal-themed Eggbots surrounded the Chao fountain.


Rarity tried not to stumble over her own hooves. She had intended to go make new friends with everypony else, but her gem-seeking spell had gone off and almost dragged her into this ravine. This had to be a whopper of a gemstone cluster!

Finally, the pulling sensation in her horn ebbed. This was it!

Telekinetically grabbing a flat rock, Rarity dug. It should be... there!

The jewel was indeed impressive: nearly the size of her head, a vibrant green, and precisely cut (which would mean that someone buried it, pity...)

Of course, her inspection was ruined when hands wrapped around the gemstone and made off with it.

Rarity blinked in surprise. "What...?"

"Sorry dear, but I absolutely must have this Emerald. You understand, right? Gems are a girls best friend!" Rouge the Bat called, flying up with the gem in hand.

"Thief!" Rarity cried, galloping after her.

"Oh, as if it belongs to you either."

"I was going to make it the centerpiece of a beautiful work of art, for all to see!"

"Good thing I stole it, then!" Rouge called, flying as fast as Rarity could gallop. "Leaving these gems in public never ends well!"

"Come back here!"

Neither pony nor bat noticed the robot shaped like a certain famous hedgehog until it was too late.


Xlestia nervously rubbed her face. She'd completely dropped the ball on her scrying: intelligent races other than humanity would completely wreck her propaganda. She could hardly convince her little ponies about the evils of humanity if they had friends to stand up for them! She needed to rebuild her strategy, fast!

Suddenly, she heard a loud whine that a more tech-savvy individual might have recognized as a megaphone being switched on. At the same time, a rectangular section of the Barrier suddenly had a human face plastered over it.

The face spoke with a voice almost as loud as the Canterlot Royal Voice. "Greetings, fair citizens of Equestria! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Doctor Ivo Robotnik, but you can call me Dr. Eggman."

Xlestia flew up in front of the image. "What do you want?" She demanded angrily.

The bald, glasses-wearing scientist grinned. "Actually, I wanted to complement you, dear Celestia!"

Xlestia narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

"After all, I've been trying to conquer this mud-ball for years, and I still haven't hit on a fool-proof plan! But you, my dear... an unstoppable wall of doom, avoidable only by assimilation? Genius!" Eggman's glasses glinted dangerously. "Why, after conquering this kingdom of yours, I might even copy your trick!"

Xlestia's ears swiveled as far back as they would go. "You will not rule this kingdom!"

"Oh, but I will." Eggman taunted. "Your pitiful ponies can't stop my robot armies!"

Xlestia looked beyond the Barrier. As far as she could see, the Barrier was indeed surrounded by robots of all descriptions. She even saw what looked like Eggman's personal craft, projecting his image onto the magical surface.

"You know that this Barrier cannot be penetrated by technology of any kind?" She asked, quite snobbishly.

Eggman raised his hand to his forehead, sounding faint. "'Oh no, woe is me! For I am completely helpless!'" His fake despair melted away to a maniacal grin. "Or rather, that's what I would say, if I wasn't a complete genius."

The Egg Mobile's bottom panel opened up, revealing the barrel of a laser cannon, which pointed itself straight at the Barrier. Around the muzzle of the ray gun were arranged seven large, perfectly-cut gems that could be considered identical if they weren't all different colors.

"Chaos Annihilator!" Eggman named his weapon. "FIRE!"

The Chaos Annihilator fired a beam of pure yellow Chaos Energy, which smashed into the Barrier. The magical sphere rippled from the point of impact, then broke apart into hundreds of giant shards, which fell. Xlestia's eyes grew to the approximate size of softballs.

"All Eggman forces, advance! Bring the ponies to their knees!" Eggman cried in triumph.

No. Nonononono - NO! Her plan was falling to pieces! Her eyes suddenly refocused on the Egg Mobile. HIM.

A quick teleport, and she was staring Eggman directly in the eyes. "Any last words, Human?" Xlestia threatened, horn already charging a spell.

If Eggman was surprised, he didn't show it. "As it happens my dear, yes. NOW!"

Much like a child trapping a bug under a cup, two Badniks dropped a glass chamber over the top of Xlestia, breaking her concentration. The bottom of the chamber glowed white, and a ring of energy began to move upwards around the alicorn.

Eggman gave a deep belly laugh. "Oh, ho ho ho ho! I've won, my dear!"

Xlestia tried to teleport out, but the energy ring was interfering with her magic. "WHAT IS THIS?"

"That is a Roboticizer. It was originally invented to save the terminally ill, but I saw its true potential."

The ring had moved all the way up her legs and was moving over her torso now. Xlestia saw that her legs had turned to metal when the ring passed over them. Xlestia felt a deep, primal fear as her biological body became mechanical.

"You wish to turn the whole world into ponies? Not before I turn you all into robots!"

When the energy began converting her head into steel, Xlestia finally screamed in terror. Then the wave passed, and Mecha Xlestia switched her optics back on.

"How do you feel, my dear?" Eggman grinned.

"Reprogramming complete. Ready to serve, Doctor!"


Sonic, Tails and Knuckles were arguing back and forth while Twilight, Rainbow and Applejack tried not to panic as the six rode the TORNADO mark 7 over the ocean to Equestria.

"You can't reach any of them?!" Knuckles cried.

"Nope. Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Fluttershy are officially MIA." Tails confirmed. "I can't contact Shadow or Cream either. G.U.N. is running around like a chicken trying to mobilize their forces to stop Eggman setting Equestria up as the next Eggmanland."

"This is bad. This is really bad!" Twilight fretted. "Ponies can put up a fight when they have to, but they'll fail completely when facing an army of specialized killing machines!"

Sonic put an arm around her neck and rubbed her head. "Don't you worry. Beating up Eggbots is kinda a national pastime around here. Freeing your home won't be a problem!"

Over the remains of Equestria, a grey-toned sphere materialized from the top down.

Sonic glared at the new development. "I said, it won't be a problem!"

Tails hmmm'd. "Twilight, can you make sense of this?" He asked, showing her the TORNADO's scan results.

Twilight looked closely at the computer screen, curiosity overriding her panic somewhat. "It looks like Eggman somehow managed to invert the original Barrier. How on earth did he do that?"

"So, what, it kills anything that isn't a robot now?" Rainbow asked.

"Anything that tries to enter, yes. Given that Eggman himself isn't a robot and inside the Barrier we can assume that this Barrier doesn't kill organics that are already inside."

"Well, the Chaos Emeralds are all inside; and if Eggman's captured your friends, then we're down to three Harmony Emeralds." Knuckles reasoned. "I don't think we're breaking this dome anytime soon."

"They're called the Elements of Harmony, Sugercube." Applejack corrected.

"Hey, do you think a Sonic Rainboom might - "

"No, Rainbow." Twilight shot down.

"Hey Tails old buddy, if I go really, really fast, would I - "

"The Barrier would still get you Sonic, not matter what speed you were going."

Sonic threw his hands up in the air. "Well if it can't be solved with super-speed, it can't be solved!"

Tails ignored the melodrama as he looked over the scan results. "Twilight, do you know a handy Teleport spell?"


The six (sans biplane, because Twilight had been too tired to teleport it in after 9 consecutive teleports, and Tails hadn't finished its autopilot yet) approached ponyville at the Twilight's (the slowest team member) galloping speed.

Knuckles skidded to a halt as he noticed bipedal dome-headed robots marching though the town. "SWATBots!"

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's smash 'em!" Rainbow cried, only to have Applejack grab her tail when she tried to put actions to words.

"Actually, that is the best idea, Dashie." Sonic agreed, causing the farm pony to let go of Rainbow in surprise.

"Don't call me Dashie!" Rainbow yelled as she and the hedgehog charged the robots.

Twilight watched the two speedsters rush off with her mouth open. "Huh?"

Tails raised the blaster he'd taken from the TORNADO and started shooting at the SWATBots. "Eggman might be a scientific genius, but he sucks at logistics. His mass-produced robots can't hold up to a decent fighter, and he never makes than one of his actually threatening robots."

Knuckles shuddered at the thought of fighting two Mecha Knuckles at once; or heaven forbid two Metal Sonics.

Twilight managed to get over her shock enough to aid Tails in fire support while Applejack and Knuckles went for a more physical approach. True to Tail's word, the SWATBots almost always went down in one hit, and were terrible shots besides. It only took a half-hour to clear Ponyville of all the robot invaders (to the aggravation of Rainbow, who wanted to do it in ten seconds).

During that half-hour though, it became obvious that the original residents of Ponyville were nowhere to be seen.

"Anythin'?" Applejack asked Tails, who was examining the data core of one of the SWATBots.

"It looks like Eggman's up to his old Roboticizer tricks." Tails commented, searching though the robot's log files. "The SWATBots had orders to move everypony here up to Canterlot, so I think he's setting up a Conversion Factory there."

"Robot what now?" Rainbow asked.

"Roboticizer." Sonic corrected. "It's this really nasty device Eggman uses to turn people into robots. It also makes them loyal to him, so if you see a robo-pony, be ready to defend yourself."

"Stupid Eggman." Knuckles growled. "It isn't enough that he takes our freedom, he needs to take our bodies and minds? I want to smash his face in more than usual."

"Uh, yeah.... mind and body alteration, very bad... ha ha ha..." Twilight gave a strained laugh.

Rainbow flew down so she could see over Tail's shoulder. "Anything about our friends in there?"

Tails searched. "Actually, there is! Oh no... sorry, it look like he already Roboticized them..."

"Tell me that's ah reversible process." Applejack begged.

Sonic nodded. "It is, but you need the original Roboticizer that changed them in the first place."

"And it looks like Eggman's keeping your friends in the far reaches of Equestria, and the Roboticizer in his stronghold in Canterlot." Tails added.

Twilight mulled over the issue. "We need to stop Eggman from converting anypony else, but we'll probably need the Elements to combat any magical tricks he's stolen while he's been here..."

"Well, it looks like Eggman is keeping your friends with a Chaos Emerald empowered guardian each, so if we defeat your friends first, we'll also have three Chaos Emeralds in addition to your Elements." Tails contributed.

Knuckles cracked his... knuckles. "Well, why don't we split up?"


"Friend of yours?" Rainbow quipped to Sonic as she chased down Shadow Droid, dodging the Chaos spears he sent back at her.

"Some of the time." Sonic admitted. "Most of the time he's just a pain in the - ack!" He let out a manly squeak as he suddenly noticed Creepy Pie clinging to his back. Her pink-painted metal muzzle opened wide, showing rows of high-speed razor blades for teeth.

"NOPE!" Sonic cried, punching the roboticized pony right between the optics.


"Oh man." Tails groaned. "I haven't had to use Shield Bots in ages."

"Just be glad you have access to shields at all!" Twilight snapped, trying to keep her own magical shield up as she ran.

Turbo Rouge continued to make fly-by attacks with her claws while Rari-robot harassed the two with energy bolts from her horn.


"Why do we have to fight the cute ones?" Knuckles grumbled, gliding though the air.

"Luck o' the draw, partner." Applejack answered, trying to lasso Chrome Cream out of the air to stop her launching Chao drones at them.

The fact that she was doing so from Knuckles's back was probably the main source of his foul mood. She wasn't a light pony, dangit!

Noticing Flutter Drone fly alongside the two, Applejack taunted her transformed friend. "What'cha gonna do, Stare us down?!"

Applejack didn't find it so funny when Flutter Drone's optics fired laser beams at her.


The three pairs meet back up where they had agreed to: just outside of Canterlot. Each was carrying a sack with the disabled forms of their roboticized friends inside.

"Now what?" Rainbow asked.

"Now he go introduce Eggman's face to my shoes, find the last four Chaos Emeralds, and get your friends De-Roboticized." Sonic answered with trademark cockiness.

"Maybe not in that order, Sonic." Tails admonished.

"How about not at all?" Twilight asked hauntingly.

Knuckles eyed the purple unicorn. "What prompted that?"

"Huh?" Twilight asked, confused. "I didn't say anything!"

"Over here, morons."

The six looked up the path to Canterlot, and jumped back in surprise. Standing there were two familiar silhouettes, filled in with the wrong materials.

"Metal Sonic." Sonic growled, bending over like a runner waiting for the 'go' signal.

"Correct. And I'm Metal Twilight." The self-identified robot replied. Metal Twilight looked visually like a cross between Metal Sonic and Twilight - a metal body in the shape of the copied pony, red-on-black optics, a jet thruster though 'her' torso. Her paint job was a darker shade of Twilight's purple.

"HUH?!" Twilight eloquently reacted.

"Yeah, Eggman sometimes builds robot copies of people. Don't take it personally." Sonic reassured her.

"Hey! Why her and not me?!" Rainbow cried, offended she didn't get her own evil robot doppelganger.

"Oh, I am more than a mere copy." Metal Twilight corrected. "I have downloaded every book in Equestria into my databanks. With special attention payed to spellbooks..."

"A magic using robot?" Sonic scoffed. "That'd be the day."

Metal Twilight gave a cruel smirk. "Lets start with an old favorite, shall we? Want-it need-it."

Suddenly, Metal Sonic was absolutely the most wonderful object in the universe. Everyone present knew that all their problems would be solved if only they could get their hands on him, so long as no-one else had him.

Reflexively, Metal Sonic fired up his jet engine and ran away from the six organics as they charged him with all speed.

"NO, IDIOT! KILL THEM AS THEY COME TOWARDS YOU!" Metal Twilight yelled at the retreating robot. 'She' fired up its own jet engine, and started flying after the procession, firing off high-power energy beams as it did.


"Tails?" Sonic gasped. "When we trash Eggman this time, make sure we destroy all his research on magic, okay? I never want to have to do that again."

"What happened?" Applejack groaned. "We was chasin' the blue robot like he was the last apple on earth, then we all came to our senses!"

"Ah, well..." Twilight gulped down air. "I realized the best way to keep Metal Sonic all to myself was if no one else wanted him, so I cancelled the spell."

"Oh, so that was you undoing her magic. Thanks for that." Knuckles breathed. "Being a pot-plant was not fun."


Eggman scowled. Really? He went and conquered some backwater magical kingdom, and the infernal hedgehog still showed his face?! How had he even gotten inside the reverse-Barrier?

Bah! Well, he had planed for this anyway. Metal Sonic and Metal Twilight had bought him time, and now he was almost ready for his final improvement to the Barrier. All he had to do was keep that hedgehog away from the controls!

"You fools!" He cried, safe for the moment in his Egg Mobile. "You may have rescued your friends... but aren't you forgetting somepony?"

The three organic ponies (the other three still awaiting de-roboticization) gasped as the bottom of the Egg Mobile opened up and released Mecha Xlestia.

"No.... Princess, he got you?" Twilight asked, so shocked she didn't even notice Eggman leave.

"Really my faithful student, what did you expect? Being a robot is nowhere near as scary as you think. You even get to keep your magic. Stop resisting, and join us, your friends!" The robot alicorn spoke with the calm reassurance she was famous for when flesh.

Sonic rested his hand on Twilight's shoulder and gave a comforting squeeze. "Yeah, it might not be so bad. The original robotizer was a medical machine, wasn't it? But, there's just one little problem..." He withdrew the yellow Chaos Emerald from.... somewhere.... and tossed it up and down in his palm. "The day I take orders from Eggman is the day I hang up my running shoes forever!"

Mecha Xlestia gave a little giggle. "You think you can stop me with half of the Elements of Harmony and three Chaos Emeralds?" The front panel on her torso opened up, showing just where the other four Emeralds had ended up.

The other members of the band were severely disheartened at that sight, but not Sonic.

"Heh. You think we need more than that?" Sonic taunted. "Come on guys, lets run circles around her."

"But the Elements are useless when used by themselves!" Twilight despaired.

"Who said anything about using them by themselves?" Sonic grinned, tossing an Emerald to Tails and Knuckles.

"No!" Mecha Xlestia denied. "The powers of Harmony and Chaos are incompatible! You cannot!"

"Didn't we already have this discussion?" Tails muttered.

"The Emeralds wouldn't be very chaotic if they always did what you expect." Sonic pointed out as the Yellow, Blue and Red Emeralds started glowing.

Catching on, Twilight finished his thought for him. "And the Elements wouldn't be very harmonious if they couldn't work with others!" At those words, the Elements of Magic, Honesty and Loyalty glowed just as brightly as the Emeralds.

The light became blinding as the six performed the metaphysical equivalent of mixing nitro and glycerine. When it cleared, the ponies, fox, echidna and hedgehog were floating off the ground, engulfed in a light corresponding to their choice of gem - Sonic was blue, Tails yellow, Knuckles red, Applejack orange, Rainbow also red, and Twilight magenta.

"Custard and tart apple pie." Applejack breathed, her mane and tail moving about in the 'wind currents' of energy playing over her form.

"First time in a super form?" Knuckles asked.

"Yeeaaah." Twilight confirmed, drawing the word out.

"Oh man, you guys are gonna have fun." Sonic grinned.

Xlestia, who had been backing up as the powerful energies reacted to each other, regained her nerve. With a brief glow of her horn, a cloak of solar fire enveloped her chassis.

Without further talking, the six friends charged forward, forming a cone of energy that smashed Mecha Xlestia into the ground, completely ignoring the sheath of plasma around her.

"Ughhh...." She vocalized, trying to realign her gyroscopes.

"Now guys! Do a whirlwind!" Rainbow cried.

The six dashed around Mecha Xlestia, forming the tornado that both Rainbow and Sonic had as part of their repertoire, flinging gold-plated steel sky-high and extinguishing her fire.

"And for our final trick..." Twilight announced.

"Chaos - " Sonic started.

"RAINBOW!" They six finished together, the Element's party trick enhanced as the six participants actually led the light-show to its target, streams of golden Chaos intertwined with the magic of Friendship.

The merged energy overloaded Mecha Xlestia's sensors, and forced her OS into emergency shutdown.


Xlestia opened her eyes again and tried to run a self-diagnostic, before remembering that the sensation in her head was actually pain. A quick glance downward revealed that she was inside the Roboticizer and once more flesh-and-blood.

"Are you okay, Princess?" Twilight fretted for her mentor.

Xlestia blinked a couple times to remind herself of the sensation. "If I remember correctly, Eggman should be mixing the reverse-Barrier with his World Roboticizer about now. You should go stop him."

Sonic, arms full with all seven Chaos Emeralds, stopped juggling them. "Whoops! She's right, we'll de-roboticize your home town after, Eggman beating comes first!"

"But-!"

"Go, Twilight." Xlestia reassured her. "I'll be fine."

Twilight didn't quite look like she believed her princess, but she nodded and dashed off with her freshly de-roboticized friends to go and halt the workings of a madman.

Xlestia watched them go, conjuring paper, quill and ink as she did so.

My most faithful student Twilight Sparkle,

Today I learned that the happiness brought by forcibly making everyone alike is a lie, and goes away when the conversion is reverted. I need to think of a better plan for global happiness next time.

Yours sincerely,
Princess Celestia

Xlestia looked over her hastily-written letter. Putting her thoughts to paper had helped solidify them in her mind.

She then burned the letter with ordinary fire. She didn't want anyone to actually read it, after all.

Then, she stretched her wings, wondering if there would be anything left of Eggman when she joined in. She had accounts to settle with the man, after all.


World Six - Where friendship forms fast

Author's Note:

Before anyone claims that Eggman couldn't pull this off, I would like to direct you to the time he figured out that Sonic had plot armor, and built a device to remove it.